The sirens, the paramedics running in, I am pressing on her chest, breathing in her mouth, and listening for her heartbeat. Nothing. I press again, and breathe in her mouth at the count of fifteen.
“Come on Mama Pearl breathe please. God, don't take her away from me please.” I plead. The police come and pull me by the arms.
“Son, let them help your grandmother. Come on son.”
Janae is crying, Unc is shaking uncontrollably, my murderer is holding her husband begging God to let her live. She is not moving, and I am begging for her to live. My woman is holding me and I am sobbing. The defibrillator goes off and they yell clear. Memories of Grace lying on the floor, foam coming out of her mouth, her eyes wide open,and nothing worked.
Mama Pearl’s foot kicks, her fingers wiggle small motions, she coughs, her eyes looks at me.
“She alive let's get her out of here.”
Fear is choking me again, life is handing me a plate of shit to digest my grandmother will die. I feel like a zombie walking to the car. The key in the ignition, the radio playing, Mama, and I hear Janae sobbing. I think of the first time she hugged me and how I let my anger disrespect her and now grief is wishing those few moments were filled with love. I wish this moment wasn't fucking happening all over again on the same day. I am begging God to let her live. To allow her to breathe and live a few more years and let me get to know her more. To hug her a few more times and not lose another person I love. I park next to my murderer, and step out we walk towards the door. My chest is pounding, the day in Cali is rather cool. The scent of antiseptic, and floor wax. A large woman with scrubs sits at the desk, scrolling through her phone, thick fake eyelashes that look like spiders sitting on her eye. I tap the table and she looks up.
“Yes, How can I help you?”
“My grandmother Pearl Piccoult was just brought in I am grandson.”
She looked in the screen and typed her name.
“She is in surgery you will have to wait with the rest of your family. They have a room in the back. Walk down the hall and turn to the left. “
“Thanks.”
I hold Janae’s hand and we walk down the hall.
“She is going to be okay, Brick. I believe it in my heart.”
I stop in the middle of the hall and pull her into my arms and hug her.
“I can't lose her right now she just came into my life.God, don't take her away from me , please.”
She lets me cry some more, kisses every tear away. I take a deep breath, let her fingertips wipe away the remaining tears. I push the door open my Unc is sitting in the corner, my murderer and husband are sitting close together.
“Come on in and sit Nephew. This seems so unreal she was fine this evening.”
“What are the doctors saying?”
“She had a massive heart attack and she needed triple bypass surgery.”
“Do they think she will make it?”
“Yeah.”
My murderer sucked her teeth and yelled.
“Not likely. She doesn't listen , eat the right foods, or take her medications properly so this was bound to happen.”
“ For real Gloria don't bring your negativity in this room. My mama is on an operating table and you bringing up shit like you perfect. You will not disrespect her like you’ve been doing all your life.”
“Fuck you, because ...”
I interject and throw my hands up.
“Are you both serious right now arguing over nothing? I refuse to let ya’ll do this. Whether you like it or not we are a family. Right now cease with all the hate and drama. Mama Pearl needs our prayers, us loving one another, fuck the problems and situations it is irrelevant. “
Unc lowers his head and Gloria sniffles. I sit next to Janae and hold her hand. The room is quiet, Fox News is bashing Obama Care, and we just sit in silence. The clocks hand moves slower and slower. The sound of the speaker and the waiting game is exhausting. I stand up and stretch.
“I need some air, hit me on the cell if you hear anything.”
“Me too, plus I can't breathe in this environment and the tension is way too thick in here.” Unc said.
Gloria took out her pill box, popped the box open and pour the pills in her hand. She rolls her eyes at Unc, shoots a glance at me and then smiles. Her eyes were slanted like mine. She was my mother no matter how many times I said murderer and killer. Janae was balled up like a kitten ,resting her eyes , and Gloria’s husband stood to stretch.
“Hun, I’m stepping out with the fellas.”
We walk towards the door, and the doctors pull it open. Unc and her husband follows we walk through the emergency exit, Carl pulls out a cigarette and lights it up. He takes two puffs and blows it in the air.
“God, keep Mama Pearl alive. She saved our marriage on many of occasions your grandmother is a good woman.”
“I know.”
“Jensen your mother isn't a easy woman and I just want you to know your family. We ain't perfect by far but you're apart of us. Come over, shoot the shit with me, barbecue, and get know your brother and sister.
Unc chuckles.
“Carl will barbecue every damn thing in the house. Yo, Brick he cool I don't he he put up with my sister but he good peoples.”
“Love, prayer, and Mama Pearl ministering to my soul. Gloria is your Mom but that attitude is a blip. “
“You made her talk to me didn’t you.”
He tossed the cigarette in the can and leaned against the rail.
“No and Yes. The one thing in this world I value is family and I believe in working it out and your mother believes in running. She wants to know you but she so use to running. She wasn't going to run from you.”
“Thanks, we talked and it’s coming together.”
“Good. Listen I'm taking the kiddos fishing and you come if you like.”
Unc asked, “Shit, I'm coming so I can have some of that barbecue fish and corn and taters.”
“Man, Thomas I'm a country boy from Texas grilling is in my blood.”
“Yeah I know, Bruh but how the hell do you grill mash potatoes and string beans. Use a stove, bruh.”
Thomas looked in the sky.
“I can't lose my Mama and I'm scared cause God knows I'll come back to L.A. And take care of her.”
“Gentleman, can we pray?” Carl asked
We took hands in the middle of the parking lot we pray for Big Mama and for our family. Gloria walks out and she stands in between me, her husband, and her brother, She takes my hand, and she does something that shocks me.
“Come talk to me, please?”
“What’s up?”
“I want to say, “I love you, son.”
“Don't say what you don't mean.”
“Remember the day you were in the restaurant sitting next to your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“For two hours I stood outside watching you and I thought my son. How can I not love him, he is a spitting image of me, and every chance I realize I am a jack ass.”
“I've always loved you.”
“Mama Pearl is going to pull through. She is a fighter and one tough lady.”
“In there you said not likely.”
“I'm scared of losing her and it was why I harped on her so hard about eating right, taking her medicine, and resting. She is a good mother and I was the bad daughter. I just want to say sorry and make it up to her.”
She lay on my chest and I held my mother. She sobbed and every second I connect to her. She looks up at me and sniffles.
“I like Janae she is sweet and good for you . I see you took my advice about being nice to her.”
“Yes, I did. Carl seems like a cool dude.”
“He is a great husband and father. I'm his number one pain in the ass.”
“Janae too but I love her. Do you think you and Unc could get along?Let the past go I mean if I can do it so can you. “
She looks over at her brother and smiles.
“I don't know.”
“You don't have nothing to lose and a relationship with your brother dude loves you. You gain a son who is willing to start fresh. You want to hug your brother.”
“I do.”
“So hug him.”
“You're too damn bossy remember I'm the mother and your the son.”
I've waited my entire life to hear those words from my mother. To stand surrounded around family, feel welcome and not a guest. Janae is standing by the door and I motion her to come here. She walks towards me and I kiss her lips. My heartbeat and the very reason this all came together.
“Are you alright, beautiful.”
“Worried about Mama Pearl.”
“Me too.”
My mother walks towards Thomas and taps him on the shoulder. His shoulders are tense and guard up. She wraps her arms around his waist and she said,
“I love you, brother.”
“You know ain't no love loss here. It's all I've been trying to tell you, sis. Love you too.”
We all walk back to the room, we watch the news , drink coffee, take naps in shifts. The door opens and I study there face and the small Indian doctor with a short bob, a little make-up, and squeaky voice leads the pact.
“Your mother made it by the grace of God. Her vitals are stable, she will need months of rest, rehabilitation,adhering to medications and diet. She made it this time and she should count her blessings. She ask for a Brick.”
I stand up and take off my hat.
“I'm her grandson.”
“She wants you to come in and see her. I will give you ten minutes and that’s it, young man.”
I walk down the hall, the door is marked recovery and the nurse is taking her vitals. The machine is beeping, her skin looks pale, her blood pressure is stable, heart rate good, and she is breathing . Her gown is open and her incision is down her chest. I kiss her on the forehead, and hold her hand.
“I...stay...alive ...for...you.”
“Mama Pearl, thank you.”
“I want to spend more days with you, seeing my family as one. I ask God to let me stay because I need you to know how much I love you.”
I lightly squeeze her hand.
“I love you too.”
“Gloria needs you.”
“Okay.”
“Forgive and love her as your...”
She gasps for air and the nurse puts the mask on.
“I forgave her and we are good, Mama. Just get better, please. We all here as a family.”
“She needs to keep this on. Gloria, you have to be a good girl I want you around. The cuff squeezed her arm,the beeping of the machine,
“Mama Gloria fed me everyday for free when I was homeless and strung out on drugs. Took me in and gave me a place to stay. I promise to get my life right and go to nursing school. She is in good hands. I have her twelve hours a day and put Tootsie on next.”
“Thank you so much I appreciate you.”
“She speaks so highly of you.”
“Wow, she is the amazing one.”
“Keep Steve Harvey on for her.”
“She loves that man.”
We both chuckle.
“She said Marjorie don't deserve him.”
Mama Pearls eyes are close, and she is sleeping.
“Let the rest of the family come in before the doctors boot ya’ll out of here. My name is Gladys the way.”
“Thanks again for taking care of my grandma.”
All of us took turns visiting her and kissing her cheek.