PHYLLIS STARED AT the computer screen. Dressed in capri pajama bottoms and a short-sleeved tee, she would normally be in bed right now, and in fact she had been. She and Hayes had turned out the lights at eleven, but as he drifted into a soft snore, she had lain there wide awake, depressed by her thoughts. It had been this way every night for a week.
Nights were definitely the worst.
Almost every other part of the day was filled with activity. In the mornings she hopped from cooking breakfast to a battle with at least one son about what he’d wear to school, to a battle with the youngest about lying, since he liked to say he’d washed his face when he hadn’t, to last-minute searches for homework. Once the boys were off to school, she was busy with Ella, playing with the little girl as she toddled from one thing to the next, reading to her, taking her for walks in the stroller.
At Ella’s naptime, Phyllis was still moving, exercising on the elliptical machine in the basement, cleaning the house, doing laundry, starting dinner. When the boys returned, there was nonstop action until they said good night, and even then Phyllis couldn’t rest until the kitchen was in the order she liked. She ran a mop across the floor almost every evening.
That was life as usual and she loved it, but she also loved two other distinct times of day—her early morning quiet time and the nighttime climb into bed, when all the voices and commotion and responsibilities were suddenly silenced. That was when she could think on the day and lull herself to sleep with thank-yous to God for small victories and blessings.
But these last seven mornings and evenings had been different. Now when the alarm buzzed at five thirty, she wondered why she’d set it. The internal push to get up, the desire to snag precious moments with God, had waned. Instead she felt a sluggishness that asked why she was sacrificing sleep for the sake of a few prayers, prayers that for years had featured Hayes at the top of the list. Prayers that had yielded nothing but disappointment. Better to sleep than to drown in the quiet of the morning, pondering disappointment. Which is what the nights had also been about.
Tonight a single thought kept circling in her head: that the two relationships she valued most—God and Hayes—were the two causing her the greatest heartache. It was nothing new with Hayes. But in the past, the joy in her relationship with God would offset the pain with Hayes. Now she couldn’t find her way to that joy with the Lord. What joy was there in knowing He could change Hayes’s heart but had chosen instead to let it grow harder? Now she had no joy in either relationship, and the reality of it saddened her.
She thought about Cyd and Dana, too, how even her relationship with them was feeling strained. She knew why. They wanted to draw her out, see how she was feeling. But she didn’t want to share her true thoughts. They wouldn’t understand that she didn’t want to be encouraged, that she was through with getting her hopes up. Had she gone to the meeting tonight, it would have been more of the same. She loved them like sisters, but on this one she would have to go it alone.
Well, almost alone. There was Rod. When her mind glimpsed him, a pinpoint of light shone through her thoughts. He was the one person in her life who could help, though not directly. She wouldn’t discuss her marital problems with him. He could simply be an oasis, someone who could take her mind off her troubles, be a friend during one of the most difficult times of her life.
That was why she got out of bed, to travel to her oasis. She had gone down to the office, stopping first in the kitchen to get the note with Rod’s e-mail address from her purse. She was in the office chair now, at the family’s desktop computer.
Phyllis clicked open the e-mail window, clicked the New Message button, input Rod’s e-mail address, and paused at the subject line. What to say? She typed Hello, then backspaced to delete it. She cocked her head. Maybe Hi. Or Hey. The message needed to come across just right, like it wasn’t a big deal. Just a quick hello to let him know she was thinking about him—though she wouldn’t say she was thinking about him. That would be too much, like she was up late at night with him on her mind—which she was—but she couldn’t let him know that. They were friends. Nothing more.
She sighed at all her mental maneuverings and typed hello again, this time with a lowercase h. Somehow that made the difference.
She tabbed to the body of the e-mail and lingered there, too, trying lines, deleting them. Finally she was staring at these words:
Good evening, Rod,
Or maybe it’s “Good morning,” depending on when you get this.
I didn’t have anything earth-shattering to say. Just hello. Hope all
is well.
Sincerely,
Phyllis
It didn’t say much, but it said a lot. He’d know she cared about staying in touch. She proofed it once more and clicked Send. It was on its way.
There was no way Phyllis could go to bed now, too much nervous energy. She opened Internet Explorer and watched her home page unfold the headlines of the day. She skimmed through a couple of stories, then followed the link to the fitness page and perused exercise and nutrition tips. By the time she’d finished an article on the healthiest fish to eat, it was past midnight and she knew the only reason she was up was to see a message pop in from Rod—and he’d probably been asleep for hours. She hung around cyberspace another few minutes, finally turning off the computer at twelve thirty.
The next morning she awoke with a start at six, but instead of heading to a comfy chair for quiet time, she headed straight for the office. Anticipation fluttered as she turned on the computer and waited for it to power up. When the screen allowed, she opened the e-mail program and watched as the new message indicator lit up: Receiving 1 of 3 messages.
Message one appeared, an ad about pay-per-view movies from her cable company. She sighed and waited for message two.
Why is this computer so slow?
Stacy Summers with the subject line Happy Thursday! Stacy often sent short messages like Hope you’re having a blessed week! or Thinking about you. Hope all is well!
Phyllis bypassed it and waited for the third. When it downloaded, she felt a thud of disappointment. Spam about Viagra.
Over the next two hours, she made breakfast and hustled the boys through their morning routine, taking a minute here and there to dip into the office and check the computer. Middle school started earlier than elementary, so when he could, Hayes would drop Cole off on his way to work. Phyllis and Hayes had been moving past one another all morning, and when she saw that he was about ready to leave, she called from the bottom of the stairs, “Cole, come on. Dad’s ready to go.”
Phyllis made sure Cole’s coat was where he could find it and doubled back into the office again. Hayes was on the desktop computer.
Her heart rate sped up. “What are you doing?”
Hayes looked over his shoulder, hand on the mouse. “Checking e-mail.”
“Why aren’t you using your laptop?”
“My laptop is packed up. I just needed to find out if my meeting got rescheduled.” He glanced at her again. “You need to use it? I’ll only be a minute.”
A minute was all it took for an e-mail from Rod to download. She could see it now. All this time waiting for him to reply, and it would come right this moment.
Phyllis heard Sean calling and left the office reluctantly to see what he needed. Ella was calling as well from her high chair. Five minutes later she heard Hayes open the front door and call Cole again—relief. She didn’t know how Hayes would react if he saw a message for Phyllis from a man he’d never heard of. But she guessed he’d certainly ask about it. She preferred to keep her friendship with Rod to herself.
Phyllis grew more and more antsy as the day wore on. Why hadn’t Rod responded? He’d probably seen the message last night and spent the day debating whether to respond. Maybe he thought she was contacting him too much. Maybe he decided they shouldn’t be friends after all. Maybe he’d ignore her and hope she went away. The maybes were driving her crazy.
By bedtime, she was chastising herself for anticipating his reply all day, but as she lay tucked under the covers, she fought the urge to check one last time—and gave up. She had to see.
She tiptoed down the darkened staircase and into the office. She’d left the computer on, and when she jiggled the mouse, the glow from the screen brought a soft light into the office. She brought up the e-mail and saw Receiving 1 message. She’d been through this all day and told herself it was just another marketing ad. Still, she couldn’t help moving forward in her chair.
She blinked when she saw it. Rod Clarke appeared on the screen. The subject line read Re: hello. A double click brought his words into view.
Hey Phyl,
Just got your message. Work was hectic today and after school I had to drive the girls to my parents’ house because I’m leaving town in the morning for a science teachers’ conference. (Good thing the girls had no school tomorrow anyway.) Maybe we can catch up after I get back in town.
Rod
P.S. I’ll wave at you when my plane lands. You’re not too far from Chicago, are you?
Phyllis read the message three times. Was he coming to the Midwest? Tomorrow? Her heart beat out a rhythm she’d never felt as thoughts flew through her head, all of them featuring her in Chicago this weekend. How could he come so close and she not see him? Well, it wasn’t close close, but close enough, much closer than the East Coast. Even if they could only spend an hour together, it would be worth it. She could talk to her new friend, get her mind off her problems for a while, laugh a little. She felt better just thinking about it.
She tapped out a response in the adrenaline of the moment, hoping he was still near the computer.
You’re going to Chicago tomorrow? Are you free for dinner Saturday night? I could meet you up there.
She sent it, and he must have been on the computer still, because to her delight she had a reply within minutes.
Phyllis, I was just kidding about it not being too far. That’s a long drive, isn’t it? And would your husband be down with that? Seems like a lot just to go to dinner. But if it works out, I guess it could be a nice break after hearing sessions on “Exploring the Electromagnetic Spectrum” and “Infectious Diseases and Bioterrorism.” lol Call me Saturday if you’re able to make it and we’ll figure out where to meet. I’m staying at the Embassy Suites downtown.
Phyllis formulated a plan that minute. She didn’t care if Hayes would be down with it or not. She’d tell him she needed some time to herself to think through this last week and a half and get her head together. That was actually the case. And a Chicago trip wouldn’t seem extreme. Hayes knew she thought nothing of road trips, didn’t mind driving even when they traveled as a family. As she thought about it, most of her time would be spent alone. She had a four-and-a-half-hour drive each way, plus she’d have time overnight to put this season of her life in perspective. It could be quite fruitful. In the middle of it all, she’d have dinner. With Rod.
Just so happened that that was the only part of the weekend that truly excited her.