SERVING THE INNARDS SINCE 1282
NEW NORUMBEGA — Even while the citizens of the capital gather in the streets to watch the funeral procession for the late Duke Telliol-Bornwythe, the Imperial Council has met to discuss who shall take his place as Regent to His Imperial Majesty, the Stub.
The new Regent will rule the nation in the Emperor’s name until the Stub, now almost a year and a half old, is of an age to take up the scepter himself. All Norumbegans of noble birth and noble creation are eligible to vote for one of the nominees.
There are, at present, two leading candidates for the position of Regent. The late Regent’s own party, the Norumbegan Social Club, has put forward Lord Rafe “Chigger” Dainsplint as their representative.
“It would be a great honor to serve,” says Dainsplint, “and all that.” His lordship, in a conversation this morning, pledged to return his party to the values that it has held as sacred for centuries: “Frequent galas, some heels-ups, chortling. We all need to worry about less, not more. It’s your duty to celebrate. Put on your red slippers, get into waltz position, and think of the Empire.”
Lord Dainsplint’s call to celebration is in stark contrast to the announcement of the late Regent last night that the Empire was considering war on two fronts: a war of defense against the Mannequin Resistance and an invasion of Thusser territory on Earth. It appears Lord Dainsplint would reverse this policy and shelve the assault on Thusser positions. “Old Norumbega?” says Dainsplint. “People can hardly remember what the place was like. I wasn’t born yet. Wasn’t it dark? I seem to remember my mother saying it was dark.”
The Norumbegan Social Club is currently the favored party in the Imperial Council. If Lord Dainsplint is elected, it is expected that the Social Club will hold a seven to four majority in the council chamber.
The other leading candidate for the Regency will be the Earl of Munderplast, president of the opposition Melancholy Party. In an interview this morning, he pledged to continue his party’s commitment to mourning all that is lost and shattered, to weeping among the ruins. “There is plenty in this terrible time to lament about,” says the earl. “Plenty ghastly and full fell. At our height, in the days of the first Empress Qui, no automaton would have dared raise his hand against his master. In those years, we had never even heard of the Thusser Horde. Doleful, doleful days these are.”
The election of one of the candidates will be held on Tuesday the 36th, the day before the annual Fest of St. Diancecht.
The Court has already begun planning the Inauguration Ball. Speaking recently at a press conference, the Dancemaster General has proclaimed
OUTER THROATS — Word has reached the capital that the Mannequin Resistance may be making significant gains in their march on New Norumbega. Emergency telegrams received this morning reveal that several fortresses, estates, and townships in the Upper Gut have been taken by automaton forces.
The first telegram arrived shortly after 6:00 A.M. this morning from the parish of Windham-on-Gag, located low in one of the Outer Throats. ”OVERWHELMED BY FORCE OF MANNS,“ reads the telegram. ”ALL HANDS IMPRISONED. GENERAL MALARK SENDS GREETINGS.”
It appears that the automaton army must have originated in Three-Gut, most likely at the mannequin fortress of Pflundt. Late last night they apparently forced their way from Three-Gut into Bronson’s Gullet by way of a hiatal hernia, pausing there to fight and defeat a small force of knights in the region before continuing toward St. Eustace and the Duchy of Burnborough. It is estimated that they could reach New Norumbega within two or three days.
In the absence of a regent, no precautions are being taken to repel the invaders.