Zyan
While Ava was out on her date, Zyan sat at home where he tried—and failed—to not think about what he didn't want to think about.
With a resigned sigh, he lay back on his couch and closed his eyes. Maybe the memories would go away if he dealt with them head-on.
The problem was, up until this point, he hadn't realized he still wasn't over his ex-husband. Which was stupid of him. They'd been together for over 200 years, and the nature of their divorce had been complicated and painful, without any malice. He should've known it'd take far longer to move on. If it could happen at all.
But they were never meant to last. Carter's mother had always been sure to remind them of that every chance she'd got. Just like he and Carter had always denied it. Turned out she'd been right all along. At least about that, though not much else. She'd never agreed with their relationship, had always told Carter how stupid he'd been for turning his 'fling' immortal, even if it'd meant saving an innocent young life.
*~*~*
It was hard to grasp it. Impossible to grasp it. He was immortal. He'd literally been made immortal. Without his consent. And now as he looked into Carter's face, the man who had single-handedly ruined his life and taken his free will, he couldn't even begin to sort through his emotions. He was angry. Frustrated. Desperate. He wanted a better explanation than, "I saw you dying and couldn't help it."
It wasn't good enough. He'd outlive the entire earth's population, all his friends, and everyone on his island—how was he supposed to come to terms with that?
Two days after his death and revival, Zyan had enough of the romantic excuses and ran out on Carter. Out in the dark, between the trees, Zyan fell to his knees and hyperventilated until he felt like he was suffocating. Tears streamed down his face, though he didn't even know why. It was too much; everything was too much.
His sobbing and coughing must've made it easy for Carter to find him. He sat down beside Zyan, careful to let him have enough space not to feel crowded. And he said nothing.
Zyan calmed down eventually, enough for Carter to feel like he could speak up and be listened to. "I didn't know this would happen. I'm sorry. I just—I just didn't want to lose you, and I thought it would only rid you of the illness. It…it was an accident."
Through Carter's limited vocabulary and thick accent, Zyan needed a moment to piece together what Carter was telling him. And it made him angry. "Why are you lying to me?"
"I'm not!"
"Then why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Because I didn't want to upset you further! You were already so angry, and I thought that telling you your fate was decided by carelessness would make you snap and tell me to get lost."
"You're saying my immortality stems from you underestimating your abilities?"
Carter nodded, his expression one of defeat. "My mother is the only one I know that is like me. And she never tried to bring someone back from the brink of death, but she's healed people many times and not once did it affect them like this. I thought helping you would be no different. I'm no Diwata! How was I to know this would happen? I just couldn't sit by and watch you die!"
Zyan pressed his lips together and let the words settle into his mind.
Carter sat by and said nothing.
Eventually, they returned to their temporary hideout.
*~*~*
A year passed, and Zyan still had to find it in his heart to forgive completely. Every chance he got, he'd throw Hawai'ian insults in Carter's face, knowing Carter wouldn't understand, and thus, couldn't defend himself. But he couldn't leave Carter, not when he had nowhere else to go and no one to turn to. And even if he did, he wasn't sure he wanted to leave. The way Carter looked at him when Zyan spat his accusations—there was no judgment, no anger. He just took it.
They returned to Zyan's home island in the mid-1800s. It was overwhelming how familiar, yet different, it was. There were a lot more people, a lot more sugar plantations, and a whole new language to learn. And when they stood at the place where Zyan's home used to be, where he'd died and been brought back to life, he finally found the courage to jump over his shadow and apologize.
"Minaz already," Carter said.
Zyan huffed a laugh. "Catch kin, no can take back," he confirmed.
*~*~*
They still talked about it decades later. How Carter had been alone with his mother for almost 150 years and risked his heart and future when he'd pushed aside his doubts to give them a shot at figuring out what they could be. And how a disease had torn apart all hope. How it was the reason he'd used his gifted powers to save Zyan.
His motivations had been selfish, Carter knew. He'd acted rashly, hadn't thought things through or considered the consequences. And when Zyan pushed further, he could see Carter felt remorse but no regret. And in the end, that was enough for him. He didn't regret it either, not their centuries of memories, not their shared experiences, and not even the way it might end one day. If they ever were to part for good, it'd be for the best. They'd never make that decision lightheartedly.
They'd made it through years of Zyan's vengefulness and depression, through accusations and defensiveness, through screaming and yelling things neither of them meant and both regretted, and they'd always come out the other side united. Because they'd always had memories of good times. And those had always far outweighed the bad.
*~*~*
It'd taken a week for Zyan to put aside his overwhelming emotions and acknowledge it wasn't all horrible.
Carter had made it clear they wouldn't be able to stay on the island forever, that they needed to move on and find Carter's mother, since she might be able to give them more information on the extent that Zyan had been influenced and changed. As they walked through the trees on their way to the fishing village, Carter seemed to relax for the first time since everything that'd happened.
"Can you imagine being as free as them?"
Zyan followed Carter's eyes and dipped back his head. He frowned and narrowed his eyes. "As who? The i'iwi?"
"Yeah. They're not bound to land or ship. They can take off and fly away whenever they wish."
"Yet they choose to stay here," Zyan pointed out.
"Because they found their place in the world. They know where they belong. Isn't that freedom in and of itself?"
"I always thoughts I'd found my place. But then you walked into my life." For once, Zyan couldn't bring himself to sound angry or spew insults. Maybe the well of fury inside him had finally been drained.
"What if it was meant to happen? What if destiny sent me to save you?"
"I don't want to believe I was meant to lose my family. My father doesn't want me to leave our island. I can feel it." Zyan lowered his gaze to his feet. "I was supposed to die back there, Carter. I'm sure of it."
Carter didn't speak for the longest time. His expression was unreadable, his shoulders still relaxed, despite everything. "I never meant to hurt you," he whispered. "I hope one day you'll believe me."
*~*~*
Zyan did believe him, and it was that thought that made him sit up and reach for his cell phone on the coffee table.
He picked it up, unlocked the screen, and tapped on his contacts, even as doubt washed over him. He scrolled until he reached the name 'Carter' and froze. He shouldn't even have this number anymore, but every time he'd tried to delete it, his fingers hadn't complied. It'd felt too big, like he'd been considering deleting not just a number, but all their history with it.
There'd been dozens of times over the last decade where his thumb had hovered over the name, almost touching, but not quite. Each time, he'd locked his phone instead and dropped it as if he'd been burned. Each time, the reason for his temporary lapse in judgment had been different. Sometimes, it'd been a particularly emotional memory he'd wanted to share and relive together; sometimes, it'd been something of Carter's he'd found between his own belongings; and other times it'd been pure loneliness. He'd always had a hard time making friends on his own, so Christmas, New Year's, or even Halloween could be tough to cope with on his own. But each time, he'd refrained.
This time, he didn't.
His hands shook as he lifted the cell to his ear.
"This number has been disconnected."
He dropped his phone and let out a shaky breath. Relief washed over him but was almost fully overshadowed by a wave of sorrow. He hadn't expected it to work, not really, not after all this time, but a part of him had wanted nothing more than to hear Carter's voice again.
He curled up on his side and squeezed his eyes shut to keep his emotions in check.
"I fucking kissed her, Zyan!" Ava's voice ripped through the silence.
Zyan jumped and sat up to look over the backrest of the couch. Ava stood by his front door, hand still on the doorknob and key still in the lock. The key Zyan had given her himself. Why'd he done that again?
"What was I thinking?" Ava went on.
"I wonder that myself," Zyan mumbled in response to the question in his own head.
"I mean, I'm not like that!" Ava called out. "Or am I? Oh, god, I don't even know myself!"
"Nobody does, really," he replied.
"You're not helping!"
"I never claimed that I would," he pointed out.
She glared at him.
Zyan closed his mouth.
While Ava went on about how her date had ended, Zyan tried to get more comfortable by folding his arms on the backrest.
She started to pace after about a minute of rambling and didn't even look at him any longer. She seemed absorbed in her own thoughts.
Zyan pushed up his glasses to rub over his eyes. He was tired. Both physically and emotionally. For a brief moment, he considered shooing her out the door and leaving her to deal with this on her own. Then his morals kicked in and pushed the thought aside.
"And then I winked at her!" Ava called out. "I honest-to-god winked! Have you ever seen me wink? It looks terrible, trust me. Why'd I ever think—"
"Calm down, Ava!" Zyan interrupted in a tone that would've silenced most people.
But clearly not her. "I can't calm down! I screwed up a perfectly lovely night with a lovely girl because I just had to go and take things too far at the last possible second! It's like being at the literal finish line and then tripping over a lady bug."
Zyan cocked an eyebrow but stayed quiet. His eyes followed her as she continued to pace the limited space between the entrance and kitchen doorway.
He endured her ongoing self-deprecating ramblings for three more minutes before he couldn't take it any longer and pushed to his feet. A hand on her shoulder was enough to shock her into silence and make her turn to face him. He ducked his head to meet her eyes and put his free hand on her other arm. He needed her to listen to him.
"You're overthinking things," he told her in a gentle tone. "I promise you, you have pretty decent social skills. I'm sure you're completely overreacting right now."
Ava shook her head. "You weren't there! You didn't see—"
"I don't need to have seen it," Zyan cut her off. "I have first-hand experience when it comes to your…charm and…stuff."
Ava chuckled, presumably at his lack of ability to comfort her. She averted her gaze and took a deep breath as some of the tension left her shoulders. When she looked back up at him, she was visibly more relaxed.
Zyan dropped his hands and took a step back. "Are you going to be okay?"
Ava nodded slowly. "Yeah." She sighed. "It's just…I feel like we clicked with each other, and I don't want to mess it up before we even get the chance to explore it further."
Zyan offered a small smile. He hoped it looked comforting. "That's normal. I'm sure she feels the same way."