Zyan
A couple of days later found Zyan and Carter standing out on Carter's balcony. Jessica had called earlier to announce she and Ava wouldn't stay the night in her hometown as planned, but would return late that night instead because of an 'incident.'
It was already one in the morning, and so far, there had been no sign, text message, or call from either of them. Zyan wasn't sure what to conclude from that, but Carter didn't seem all that concerned yet, so Zyan took his cue from him and kept speculation to a minimum.
"Do you ever wonder who we'd be if we were born in today's age?"
Zyan threw Carter a glance before he looked back at the city's skyline. "Sometimes."
"And?" Carter prompted. He nudged Zyan's side. "You gotta give me more than that."
Zyan chuckled. "I don't know. I can't picture it. You saw me when we first met. Now, put that person into an office and give him a Facebook page and you'll probably have a vague idea."
"You'd basically be John Cho in that show Selfie." Zyan laughed. "Admit it! That's exactly what you'd be like! No parties, no fun outings with friends. The most exciting part of your day would be what you ate for dinner!"
"Now, that part may be true—"
"May?"
"—but I'd probably be all over my phone to avoid talking to my colleagues."
"You sure about that?" Carter teased. "'Cause I've seen your social media, and that's not how you're supposed to use it."
"What are you talking about?" Zyan feigned offense. "That's exactly what it's there for!"
"You post three times a month, and it's all news coverage!"
"And yours is just a business account!"
Carter shrugged. "I own a record label. What did you expect?"
Zyan pursed his lips as he thought it over. "Cute baby animals?"
Carter chuckled. "Tempting, I'll admit. Feel free to tag me if you see any."
"I'll keep it in mind." Zyan let the conversation trail off and took a few deep breaths of the fresh night air. Their hemisphere was doused in darkness, and though people should have been in their homes, readying themselves for bed, the noise of the city hadn't died down.
"Do you ever miss living in the countryside?"
Zyan cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Carter. "Did you develop superpowers you're not telling me about?"
Carter laughed. "No, but I swear I'll tell you if that ever happens."
"You better!" Zyan let his gaze wander back to the neon signs so eager to drown out the stars. "And yeah, I do. I've thought about moving, but Ava's life is here, and I won't leave her unless she wants me to."
"I get it."
Zyan's fingernail scraped across the flaking paint of the balcony railing. "And now, you're here, and you've built your life in this city, too, so…it seems like I'm here to stay."
Carter was quiet for the longest time. "Are you happy?"
Zyan froze before he wet his lips. "Wow. That's what I call a loaded question."
"I'm serious, Zyan."
Silence fell as Zyan allowed himself to genuinely mull over an answer. A light breeze had picked up and ruffled his hair. "Honestly? I'm not sure. There'll always be something I worry about, something that gnaws at me, that keeps me awake every other night, but I'm…content. And that's more than I thought I could have in a long time." He looked over to find Carter nod to himself.
"I'm glad."
"What about you?" Zyan asked. "Are you happy?"
"I think so, yeah. And after a long time of being just okay, I think that's a nice change of pace."
"What changed?"
Carter tilted his head to meet Zyan's gaze. "I think you already know the answer to that."
Zyan held his breath. His heart was thrumming in his chest in a matter of seconds. He knew he should say something, should return the sentiment, but the words wouldn't come to him, and Carter didn't seem to expect it of him, either.
Carter's lips tugged up into the hint of a smile before his gaze met the horizon once more.
Zyan used the opportunity to calm his heart and breathing.
"I'm surprised Jess or Ava haven't called or texted yet." Carter said it with such ease, as if he hadn't just bared his heart.
Zyan cleared his throat. "Yeah. Strange."
"I'm almost one-hundred percent sure Jess's homophobic mother is the reason for their early departure."
"I just hope she doesn't know Ava is bisexual. I don't want Ava to have to deal with whatever prejudiced bullshit that woman might come up with."
"Her being Jess's girlfriend will already be enough to make for a horrible time."
"Makes me wish I could pay that lady a visit and give her a piece of my mind."
Carter sighed. "Yeah." He took a step back to lean against the small table pushed into the corner formed by wall and railing. "I wish Jess could cut her out of her life and stop caring about what she thinks of her. Her siblings support her, and so do her friends."
"What about her father?" Zyan asked.
"He distanced himself after the divorce," Carter said. "Jess doesn't talk about him much."
Zyan stepped closer, his lower back pressed against the railing as his body faced Carter, even when his gaze was lowered to the potted plants on the table. Their position took him back to all the times they'd stood like this, and how one of them had always moved closer to either snuggle in or steal a kiss. He missed that, wanted it back, and wished he knew how to take that first step to test the waters, but he didn't even know where to start or whether it would ruin what they'd just built back up.
He felt his skin prickle and knew he was being watched. He'd become familiar with the sensation, especially today. Every time he'd turned to look at Carter, Zyan had already found him staring. Zyan wasn't sure what Carter was looking for, whether he was expecting Zyan to do something, or if there was something fundamentally different about him that Carter was trying to get used to. He only knew it was amusing, in a way, because no matter how often Carter was caught, he didn't stop, and yet, he always seem flustered when Zyan called him out on it.
"You're doing it again," Zyan said.
"I'm aware."
"Why?" Zyan asked.
"Why what?"
"Why do you do it?"
Carter shrugged. "Can't I stare at my gorgeous ex-husband?"
Zyan couldn't fully hold back the smile. "You might be old, but even after two hundred years, your flirting hasn't improved in the slightest."
Carter looked mildly offended. "I got you to marry me. Repeatedly."
"I was young and very gay, and you were the first guy who ever hit on me."
"That doesn't explain the other times we got hitched," Carter pointed out.
"Hm," Zyan made. "There was that one time when you wanted to try out the drive-through chapel."
"We didn't go through with that one, remember? Unlike the time you got down on one knee in the London Eye when we reached the top."
"What about the time you wanted to get married in a wedding dress, just because?"
"We didn't go through with that, either, which makes me wonder why we only ever go along with your ideas."
"Because mine are clearly better."
"Really?" Carter teased. "Because I remember the only time you cried during a proposal was when I did it right after the news broke that we could finally get married properly and legally with documents and everything."
"What about the time you were the one crying during the proposal because you thought I had died in a snowboard incident?" Zyan asked.
"There was so much blood, and I was worried, and then I remembered we'd gotten divorced two years ago, and I just didn't want you to die before we could fix it," Carter defended himself.
Zyan smiled a little. "The wedding ceremony that time was nice," he recalled.
"You looked really damn hot in the blue suit."
"I wanted to stick with the traditional black, but you were insistent."
"Because you look really damn hot in blue," Carter repeated.
There was something in Carter's expression that reminded Zyan of thousands of shared moments in the privacy of their own four walls. "Do you think it would be wise to try again?"
Carter's dark eyes seemed to bore into Zyan's, like he was trying to memorize everything about them and what they'd never been able to hide from him: the uncertainty, the hope, the fear, the promise for better things to come. "I don't know," Carter said honestly.
Zyan swallowed. "Do you want to?"
Carter nodded slowly. Zyan looked away and bit at the inside of his lower lip. Was this the right time? Should he risk it? Would he regret it? What about everything that had driven them apart? Was it not important anymore?
Carter didn't push. He waited patiently, as if they had all the time in the world, and in a way, they did.
"We would have to go slower," Zyan said before he made eye contact again.
"That would be smart, yes."
"We would have to talk more, or history will repeat itself."
"I'm okay with that. That would be more of a challenge for you, actually."
Zyan nodded a little. "No moving in together before we reach the three-month mark."
Carter gave a nod of his own. "But if we did, I would suggest your apartment."
"Why?"
"Then Jess could move in with Ava, so all four of us share a hallway."
"That sounds more of a reason for me to move in with you."
A slow smile spread across Carter's face. "Don't pretend with me, Zyan. You love that ball of energy."
"She has her moments," Zyan admitted, before breaking into a smile of his own. "Okay, I kind of love her."
Carter laughed. "There you go. Now you just need to tell her."
"Hey, I have done that! Just not that often. It's meant for special occasions."
"Sure, honey."
Zyan huffed.
Carter waited a beat as the atmosphere shifted around them. "So?" he asked quietly. "Do you think we deserve another chance?"
"I do."
Carter's gaze darted across Zyan's face. "But?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Ruining what we have."
"Me too." Carter's voice was low, matching Zyan's admission.
"What now?"
"We can keep going like this."
"As…friends?"
Carter nodded.
"Or?" Zyan pushed, knowing the answer.
"We can try again." Carter had put up walls. He was trying to hide himself, to pull his own wants and needs out of the equation and only let Zyan decide based on what he wanted for himself. The attempt was honorable, but what Carter preferred was still easy to read.
"What if it doesn't work out again?" Zyan pushed. "What if we're just too dumb to take the hint?"
"Then we'll be left with more memories to carry."
Zyan's throat felt tight. He'd already made up his mind, but he was stalling. He wasn't even sure why. Nerves? Insecurity? Uncertainty? Or were they all just derivations of fear?
"You don't have to decide yet," Carter said gently.
"But I already have."
"Yeah?"
Zyan stepped closer with a nod. "Yeah."
"And what's the verdict?" Carter whispered.
Zyan moved even closer, until there was barely two inches of space between them. "I think you already know the answer to that."
He wasn't sure who closed the gap in the end, but the second their lips met, his brain could only process the here and now.
It felt familiar, but also different. The warmth and butterflies woke memories of a first kiss shared in the far-off past, where they'd been younger and eager and without the weight of the world resting on their shoulders. But there was also a softness and slowness, reminiscent of their second kiss, late at night on the beach, away from prying eyes, and only witnessed by the stars.
Zyan got lost in the drag of lips. His worries and doubts fell away as he let his hands wander until they found purchase on the back of Carter's neck and cheek. Fingers danced across his own sides, but Carter didn't seem to dare touch skin, which was certainly a new development.
When they parted, it was Zyan who pulled away first. He was breathing heavily and touched his forehead to Carter's without ever opening his eyes.
Zyan played with the hairs at the nape of Carter's neck as he tried to return to the present. The silky strands between his fingers were distracting but calming. He got lost in the tingle of his lips and the warm breath fanning against his skin, but all of it was confirmation that this was happening. He wasn't dreaming or remembering. They'd taken this step again.
"You didn't even try to deepen the kiss," Zyan said finally, teasing. "I'm slightly disappointed."
"You're the one who said we should go slow this time," Carter replied. He tipped up his chin to press a kiss to Zyan's forehead before he pulled away fully.
Zyan had to force himself to drop his hand from Carter's neck and open his eyes.