Zyan
Zyan was sitting on his couch with Carter's head in his lap while his fingers absently carded through Carter's unruly mop of hair. Almost half an hour had passed since Carter had curled up on his side and decided to use Zyan as his pillow. They'd talked at first, but had soon fallen into comfortable silence as they'd gotten lost in their own heads. What Carter was thinking about, Zyan didn't know, but his own thoughts kept running in circles.
How could he bring up the subject of moving in together without outright asking?
Usually, he was more than fine with being blunt. He'd never been one to beat around the bush or drop hints, but this fell into the territory of things he wasn't fully comfortable with. What if Carter turned him down? Or even worse—if he told Zyan he'd 'think about it?' Zyan didn't want to deal with that. They'd just started to fall back into step with each other. Things still felt fresh and fragile, and they'd decided to take it slow. The problem was that they'd never decided how slow 'slow' meant to them.
"Hey, Carter," Zyan started, when he realized there was no point in stalling any longer.
"Hm?"
"Do you remember that rule we used to have?"
"Which one?"
"The one about the pets?"
Carter looked up at Zyan. "What about it?"
Zyan kept his gaze focused on the television screen, despite it being switched off. "I was thinking about adopting a hamster."
"And?"
"I'll name it Dr. Hans van Hamsterdam."
"That's not what I meant, but good to know." Amusement laced Carter's words.
Zyan smiled to himself. "I was wondering if you'd like to be its co-owner since…you know, you love pets so much."
"We have quite the track-record of pet-ownership," Carter agreed.
Zyan thought back to the string of strays Carter had brought home when they'd gotten their first house with a garden. "There were dozens."
"The amount exponentially decreased after I introduced the rule though," Carter pointed out.
Zyan huffed a breath. "Don't act like that's the reason it exists."
"Oh yeah? So why does it?"
"I think your exact words were, 'We need a rule to ensure the safety of Troy. We can't put him through a custody battle like Twitter!'"
"He didn't understand why one of us was gone! He died because of us!"
"Twitter was already old when we got him! I told you we should have taken the orange one!"
"But Twitter's little feathers were so colorful. I couldn't just leave him there!"
Zyan raised an eyebrow. "And what about Troy? You literally introduced the rule while you were holding an actual tortoise in front of my face."
"The idea only came to me after I already adopted him," Carter defended himself. "And you loved him! You literally arranged the most beautiful funeral I've ever seen when he died."
Zyan shrugged. He could admit he'd cried a little (okay, a lot) at the loss. But so had Carter. Actually, Carter had cried even more than him. He always did. No matter how many they'd lost, he'd always grieved like he hadn't known it was coming. Still, he'd kept taking in strays and adopting the pets no one else wanted, no matter how old or sick. It said a lot about his character.
Zyan smiled at the memories of hours spent on the floor, watching whatever pet they'd had at the time until they'd earned its trust. There'd been so many, Zyan had sometimes wondered if Carter was trying to fill a void in his heart.
*~*~*
Zyan knelt on the ground as he watched the cat cower in the corner. It was thin and shaky. Crusted blood stuck to its ears, neck, and spine: the battle scars from a past fight or run-in with a cruel human.
"Where'd you find it?" Zyan asked.
Carter nudged the fish closer to the cat but scooted back when it earned him a warning hiss. "Him," he corrected. "He was hiding by the docks. Some kids were throwing rocks at him."
Zyan nodded. His gaze wandered down to Carter's bare arms, covered in scratches. The skin surrounding the torn flesh had already grown a deep pink. "You should let me clean those."
"Later," Carter replied. His eyes never strayed from the cat. "I don't wanna leave him just yet."
Zyan sighed but didn't even try to put up a fight. He knew he wouldn't win.
The sun set, and they still hadn't moved an inch. Zyan's bones and joints hurt from the hard wooden floor and his stomach and throat were pushing him to get up to eat and drink. If Carter was feeling the same, he didn't show it.
"Why do you do it?" Zyan asked.
"Do what?" Carter replied. He didn't seem startled by the broken silence.
"Take in these animals? Let them scratch and bite you? They clearly don't want you to save them."
"Who says they don't want to be saved?"
Zyan didn't respond.
"They're just scared. People have been hurting and abusing them their entire lives. Why wouldn't they lash out? How would they know I'm any different from the people they've met?"
Zyan nodded and allowed the silence to fall once more.
Hours later, Carter finally let himself be dragged off to bed. The stray had fallen asleep in its corner. The fish remained untouched.
"Will I ever have to worry about you bringing home a stray child?"
Carter seemed caught off guard by the question. "What?"
"I know we've never talked about it, but…"
"Do you—do you…want to?" Carter sounded on the brink of a heart-attack.
Zyan was quick to shake his head. "No, no. Definitely not."
Carter seemed to relax. "Okay. Good."
"I just thought—" Zyan paused. "You clearly care a lot about animals, people, nature, so you'd surely make a great parent…"
Carter was quiet for the longest time. "Maybe I would. I never considered it."
"But you don't want to…"
"No. I don't think so, no." Carter took a deep breath and turned on his side, facing Zyan. "But even if I did want to, I wouldn't. I mean…could you imagine losing your child? Seeing them grow old and die?"
"I don't even want to imagine," Zyan whispered.
They fell silent again.
The sky was already doused in color by the time sleep found them.
*~*~*
"So what do you say?" Zyan asked.
Carter blinked up at him. "To what?"
Zyan rolled his eyes. "Will you adopt a hamster with me?"
A smile spread across Carter's face. "Of course!"
He sat up, forcing Zyan to drop the hand previously entangled in Carter's hair. He felt the loss of warmth, but since Carter remained in his personal space, Zyan could've barely gotten closer. Their knees were touching. Carter radiated body heat. Zyan found it hard to focus on much else.
"What kind should we get?"
Zyan frowned. Did Carter not get what he was saying here? "Slow down a second," he said. "You do realize what this offer entails, right?"
Carter rolled his eyes. "This won't end the same way it did with Sheldon, I promise."
"I'm not talking about cleaning the cage," Zyan said, frustrated. "I'm asking you to move in with me."
Carter paused. He looked caught off-guard—downright shocked.
Zyan bit his lip. Shit.
Carter's shock turned to confusion. "Wait."
"Um," Zyan made. "I—uh…"
"No, no," Carter said. "Wait." He held up his hands. "I already moved in months ago, Zyan."
"What?"
Carter laughed, a little breathless. "I started moving in my stuff about four months ago, when I decided to let my lease run out. I hadn't spent a night there in months, and continuing to pay rent for it felt like a waste. I'm pretty sure they already sold the place to somebody else."
"And you just didn't tell me?" Zyan called out.
"I was scared you'd say no!"
"So, you just didn't bother to ask me at all," Zyan replied sarcastically.
"Pretty much, yeah."
Zyan huffed and crossed his arms.
"I thought you'd notice," Carter defended himself. "And since you just asked me to move in anyway, I guess it doesn't matter."
"Un-fucking-believable," Zyan muttered.
"Did you just curse?"
"Did you just tell me you moved in without asking?" Zyan shot back.
"Yeah, I thought we established that."
Zyan groaned in frustration. The silence that followed felt tense, but he wasn't sure what else to say. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Was he angry? Maybe. A bit. But mostly at himself, for not broaching the subject sooner, or making Carter feel like he could do it first. Zyan had thought they were on the same page this time. Apparently, he was wrong.
"Do you want me to move out?" Carter asked, voice unsure. Zyan couldn't even remember the last time he'd heard Carter sound like that.
"Of course not." Zyan sighed. He slid down the cushions and leaned further into Carter. His gaze was focused on nothing as he stared ahead and let the situation sink in. Carter's shoulder dug into his temple.
"I'm sorry," Carter said after several moments had passed.
"You should be." There was no heat behind Zyan's words. "I thought you couldn't surprise me like this anymore, but your impulsiveness knows no bounds."
"I wanted to ask, I swear, but there was never a right time and you never said anything, either…"
Zyan leaned back to look at Carter. "Next time an idea strikes your fancy, you better talk to me."
Carter held up his palm. "I swear."
"Good." Zyan nodded to himself until a thought hit him. "Wait."
"What?"
"Does Jessica know about this? Does Ava?"
"Uh…"
"Oh my god! What is wrong with you people?"
"Don't be mad at them! I'm sure Jess thought you knew! And I'm not even sure Ava knows at all."
Zyan shook his head. "I can't believe you sometimes. You're so damn lucky I love you."
"Aw, I love you too."
Zyan narrowed his eyes.
"There'll come a time where we can laugh about this?" Carter made it sound like a hesitant suggestion.
"Yeah, but until we get there, you're doing the laundry and the vacuuming."
"That's fair."
"And now, come here, so I can kiss your dumb face."
Carter's gleeful smile was bright. Zyan didn't even try to suppress his own. With his hand on the nape of Carter's neck, he pulled Carter in. Carter didn't hesitate to tug Zyan closer with a hand on his waist.
"I want lasagna for dinner," Zyan said when he finally pulled back.
Carter hummed and used the hand entangled in Zyan's hair to close the gap between their lips again. Zyan was happy to oblige.
When breathing became their top priority, Carter pulled back after one last peck. Their foreheads touched as they panted. "Can I order in?" Carter asked, his voice raspy.
"Hm, no." Zyan kissed the corner of his mouth. "Now get cooking, good-looking."
Carter's thumbs traced circles against Zyan's sides. "So demanding."
"Only when I'm hungry."
"Debatable."
"Don't push your luck. You're still walking on thin ice for that stunt you pulled."
Carter stole another kiss. "Apologies."
"If you get started on that lasagna now, I may just forgive you."
"I better take you up on that offer, then." Carter pecked him one last time before he pulled back completely and got up.
Zyan felt warm and dazed as his gaze followed him.