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Day one of my new life. That’s what it felt like, anyway. And you know what? It was the same as any other.
All I had to do was pretend that last night never happened. Did it work? Let’s see, shall we?
Well, I’m waking up. It’s a normal day. No big drama in my life, no sirree. I always start the day by going into my closet instead of my bathroom. Then, I follow that up by putting shower gel in my hair and shampoo on my loofah. That’s totally how I normally shower.
I decided it was safer if I didn’t shave my legs today.
Heading downstairs, I went into a guest bedroom to make my breakfast, as I usually do. Redirecting myself in a house I’ve known longer than I’ve known myself, I eventually ended up in the kitchen. My real dad had already left for work but my surrogate father Theo gave me a friendly wave. He watched with increasing bafflement as I poured my cereal, the same way I did every single-
‘Do you always put OJ in your Froot Loops?’
I stopped pouring the imposter milk carton and blinked.
‘Yes.’
He chuckled and turned back to his much more appealing breakfast.
‘Well, I gotta try that tomorrow. Or maybe today, for lunch.’
I brought my gross cereal over to the counter with a glass of milk and stared at it.
‘You not eating?’
‘I’m not hungry,’ I told him. He shrugged.
‘Well, pass it over. I’m not one for letting a good meal go to waste.’
I watched in horror as he picked up the spoon and dug in. He grimaced a little, but carried on eating.
‘It’s different, I’ll give you that. So, what are your plans today?’
Other than screaming “why God, why” at the top of my lungs?
‘Not much. Maybe I’ll go to the mall or something.’
Sure, just an average day for me. I always go to the mall. And shop there. Buy things. Try things on. Yup.
‘How about you?’ I asked.
‘Not sure yet. I’ve been meaning to catch up with some old college buddies, so I’ll probably do that. Later on, I gotta call my sister to see how the business is doing.’
‘Right, of course. What will you do about that?’
‘You mean who will we give it to in the future? Well, I think we’re gonna go with selling it to Craton. It’s going to be a lengthy process, though, and I don’t want to bore you with the details.’
‘Please do.’
He looked up from his cereal and gave me a strange look.
‘Are you alright, Ann? You’re scratching that worktop like your life depends on it. Hell, you’re bleeding.’
Yes, just another aspect of my morning ritual. The daily giving of blood to the kitchen. You mean to tell me you don’t do that?
‘I’m fine,’ I smiled, releasing my hands and wiping the blood on my dirty PJs. Infections, here I come.
‘You sure?’
‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I repeated. And as we all know, folks, when a woman says they’re fine, it really means they’re fine. Honestly.
Since he’d known a few women in his time, he thought it was best if he simply turned back to his cereal. He’d pushed his bacon and pancakes away by now, thoroughly enjoying the monster I’d unleashed upon him. Different strokes, I guess.
‘Ahem.’
Luckily I’d heard him come into the room before he’d cleared his throat, otherwise I would’ve jumped out of my skin. I casually turned around to acknowledge George and he gestured upstairs. Hard.
‘I have to pee,’ I announced, following him.
‘Thanks for sharing, Ann,’ Theo mumbled.
Yeah, well. George waited until I was level with him before he led me to my bedroom. He glanced back sharply at the state of my hands.
‘What the hell happened to your fingers?’
‘Um, I bit them.’
‘Your nails are still long. You bit your actual fingers?’
‘Yes, yes I did.’
‘Why?’ he asked. I shrugged at him.
‘There was OJ in my Froot Loops,’ I replied.
‘Yeah, I saw what Theo was eating. You’re so weird. Do you even know how to be human without me being here?’
‘Only on Thursdays.’
‘It’s Thursday today,’ he pointed out.
‘Oh. Then, no.’
He muttered something unsavory under his breath.
‘What happened last night? And don’t tell me you’re still hung up over Chuck. If you ever were in the first place,’ he muttered.
‘I am hung up over Chuck. I am,’ I said.
‘Okay, you sound like you just learned to speak English.’
‘I am only thinking about Chuck.’
‘Alright,’ he nodded. Phew, I was in the clear. ‘Thinking what?’
‘Chuck?’
‘You’re thinking “Chuck,” over and over?’
‘Yep.’
Or something that rhymes with it, anyway. He sighed, shaking his head.
‘I’m gonna let you off for now, purely because Leesha’s about to have a breakdown. You look like you’re already way past that point.’
The boy knew me so well. I told myself to shake it off and focus.
‘What’s up with Leesha?’ I asked, unfortunately as soon as I was in earshot of her.
‘What’s up with me?’ she screamed. ‘My mom is what’s up!’
Yeah, I should’ve known.
George’s assumption seemed to be right about her, anyway. She was practically tearing her hair out, and she was pacing so hard I swear I could see indents on my carpet.
‘It’s my vigil today,’ she somewhat explained, managing to stand still for a brief second.
‘Your leg’s shaking,’ I told her.
‘I know, I do that. It calms me.’
‘Alright. What’s your mom doing?’
‘There’s a Mass before it,’ she groaned, resuming the pacing at double the speed. ‘The things she was saying were awful.’
‘Really? Like what?’ I frowned.
She was clenching and unclenching her fists so quickly it was like she was powering up for a big attack. I stepped back, joining George in the doorway. Looked like she needed the space.
‘How she loved me, and how I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was crying so hard the reverend had to console her.’
Man, what a bitch?
‘You know how often she said those things when I was alive? Newsflash: she didn’t. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. She sent me to boarding school, telling everyone else that she wanted the best education for me. She told me it was because I was a disappointment.’
‘If it helps,’ I suggested, ‘I’m a disappointment, too.’
She glared at me. Oh goodie, I was a disappointment to somebody else now.
‘And how about you?’ she asked, turning to George. ‘Bet you were, too, huh?’
He shuffled awkwardly, hiding a little behind the door.
‘No, actually, I had a pretty good relationship with my ’rents. I don’t think we ever argued at all. Sorry.’
Leesha deflated and I hastened to cheer her up.
‘It’s okay, he’s poor. Love was the only thing they could afford.’
‘That’s a comfort,’ she said sarcastically, before thinking. ‘Though I did have a horse, out in Salem.’
‘For real?’
‘Yeah, I rode him all the time. His name was Kingsley. Then, my mom noticed I was having too much fun and she sold him to a ranch. I never found out where. Oh, Kingsley,’ she whimpered.
‘Okay...’
‘He was beautiful. He was all mottled and he had the most gorgeous mane. I rarely had to pull on his reins. He just knew. He was the most intelligent, caring being I’ve ever known.’
George tiptoed over and whispered in my ear.
‘She’s still talking about a horse, right?’
She heard that.
‘You don’t understand how deep the connection is,’ she said sharply.
‘Hey, I had a dog growing up,’ George defended himself. ‘Chester was my best friend. It really hurt me when he...passed. Hey, do you ever see dog lucies?’
My God, imagine the horror. Hundreds of thousands of creepy dog ghosts barking at me constantly, wanting to play fetch with ghost sticks. Um, no thanks.
‘How exactly am I supposed to help a dog lucy move on?’
‘Oh, good point. It’s a shame, I would’ve loved to have seen him one more time,’ he sighed wistfully.
Alright, enough of this weird sentimental stuff.
‘Back to your mom,’ I nudged Leesha. Her rage came back in full force.
‘She’s got everybody fooled. The cops especially. Any chance you can speak to Rathers? Try and convince him to look into my mom?’
I pondered that very small request for a moment.
‘No, absolutely not. He will kill me if he lays eyes on me ever again,’ I told her simply.
They both stared at me like I had two heads.
‘What the hell happened last night?’ George cried.
‘Nothing, nothing at all. Ow,’ I wailed, as my nails somehow started digging into my palms. Really not sure how that happened, I was totally zen.
With George’s fear of me increasing, Leesha randomly broke out into a grin.
‘I don’t know what’s going on, but I think you’re mad as hell. Even better, I think we can use that.’
‘How?’ I asked suspiciously.
‘Remember when I said you looked like Andy? I say you do it again. You march into that vigil and call my mom out for the murderer she is.’
You mean, I can yell at people? Scream at the top of my lungs? And I can cry and vent to my heart’s content?
All my Christmases were coming at once.