AM:95

Starting a family is easy: The sign said “Free Kittens,” and Sam pulled the car over. Two fat people, a man and a woman, sat in lawn chairs behind a cardboard box. They had positioned themselves at the side exit of the Wal-Mart, where Sam and Hazel had just been stealing light bulbs.

The trick to stealing light bulbs is to walk in with an empty light bulb carton. Wave the carton at the greeters so they can see it, and then take what you need. Hazel would sometimes wave to the greeters on the way out, the full carton in her hand. The more blatant, the better, when it comes to stealing.

“Free light bulbs, free kittens,” Sam said. “Today’s our lucky day.”

“Today’s your lucky day!” the fat woman parroted. She flipped open one of the cardboard flaps and hauled out a kitten.

“They’re real pretty,” the fat man said. He was drinking from a juice box.

Hazel reached for the gray and white kitten and touched its paw. “Do those kittens have six toes?”

The woman nodded. “This kitten could shake your hand,” she said.

“That’s a sign of a good kitten,” Hazel said.

The woman looked a little offended. “They’re free,” she said, thrusting the kitten towards Hazel. “There’s four more.”

“We’ll take them all,” Sam said. And they did.