Chapter Twelve

your true name

Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I love a good fairy tale. Give me a “happily ever after” any day of the week. Glass slippers, the power of love’s first kiss, good triumphing over evil, and everyone’s true nature being revealed (She’s a dragon! She’s a princess!) all make my heart glad. So naturally, the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton captured my imagination. It was a fairy-tale wedding played out before the world.

An estimated two billion people across the earth watched the nuptials of Will and Kate. It seems the whole world was mesmerized. Lovely Kate was born a “commoner,” but now she is married to the son of Prince Charles, the future prince of Wales and future king of England. People magazine published a special issue that trumpeted on the cover, “Love Reigns!” Yes! In some deep place, we all long for transcendence; we long for fairy tales to be true!

stolen identity

The heir to the British throne has been given the title “Prince of Wales” since the twelve hundreds when King Edward (remember Longshanks from Braveheart?—that’s the one) conquered the wild and noble Welsh and took from them their land, their laws, and their language. He and those after him couldn’t quite do it, though. Eight hundred years later, the language, the unique history, and the flavor of Wales remain.

I confess I have a bit of a crush on Llywelyn the Great. This Prince of Wales was the first to truly unite the country. Much of his life is a picture of Jesus to me, and I don’t know why Hollywood has not figured out the glorious story there and made a movie about him, but they should. (Have your people call my people!)

Anyway, he was a nobleman whose grandson and namesake—known as Llywelyn the Last—followed in his grandfather’s footsteps and tried to unite, lead, and protect Wales. His life is a noble story as well, but a sad one. He was killed in a small skirmish and was unable to save his country from the English invasion that changed the little country’s destiny.

Llywelyn the Last had one heir—a baby girl. She was only months old when Wales fell to the English, but since she was an infant and a female, her fate was not as bad as it would have been had she been a boy. She was captured by Edward’s troops, and the king interned her at Sempringham Priory in England for the rest of her life. She eventually became a nun in her thirties and died twenty years later, knowing little of her heritage and speaking none of her native language.

Her name was Gwenllian. I don’t know how to say it correctly, but no one else ever did either. Not to her. The English couldn’t pronounce it, so they simplified it. She was a princess in exile, living in a land ruled by her father’s enemy. The ache in her heart for her true home was most likely never understood and certainly never fulfilled. She never left the confines of the nunnery her entire life.

The Welsh have a word for the ache in one’s heart for her true home, for the longing that goes deeper than understanding: hiraeth. It is a holy word for a holy ache.

Gwenllian lived with that ache. She was meant to reign, but her throne was stolen. She was stripped of her authority and lived her life in captivity, never knowing her true identity, never hearing her true name.

Can you imagine being royalty but being treated like a servant? Can you imagine being the daughter of the true king but being held in low regard and never setting foot in your home country for as long as you live? Can you imagine being destined to reign yet never even hearing your true name? Of course you can. The parallels are astonishing. Truly.

Would it have made a difference for Gwenllian if she had known the truth? Would it have mattered in her life, in her heart, if she had known who her father was? Who she was? Does it make a difference in ours? Oh yes. It makes all the difference in the world.

Let us, then, remember who we truly are. Let us go further up and further in to all the riches and the joy and the intimacy and the healing that God has for us! Do you remember who you are? Whose you are?

First, you are the daughter of the King. You are your Father’s delight. You are the apple of his eye and the one on whom his affections rest.

Second, you are the bride of Christ. You are engaged to the High Prince. You are the beloved of Jesus. There is a royal wedding coming, unparalleled in the history of men and angels, and all the eyes of creation will be riveted and rejoicing.

Third, you are the ally-friend of Jesus. You were sent to this earth to bring about the invasion by his kingdom. You have a role in a mighty story filled with beauty and danger.

When we believe something is true, it affects the choices we make. We believe gravity exists, so we jump up, safe in the knowledge that we will come down again. We believe the sun will rise, so we go to bed without the fear that night will last forever. But sometimes—actually quite often—God calls us to believe something before we experientially know it. The popular saying is “seeing is believing,” but in Christ, believing leads to seeing. God invites us to believe we are who he says we are. Regardless of our experience.

what’s in a name?

What you name something is immeasurably important.

There is power in what we name ourselves. There is power in what other people name us as well. Both the power to bless and the power to curse come from the heart and flow out of the mouth through words. What we call something, what we are called, whether good or evil, will play itself out in our lives. The following article is a perfect real-life example.

More than 200 Indian girls whose names mean “unwanted” in Hindi have chosen new names for a fresh start in life.

A central Indian district held a renaming ceremony Saturday that it hopes will give the girls new dignity and help fight widespread gender discrimination that gives India a skewed gender ratio, with far more boys than girls.

The 285 girls—wearing their best outfits with barrettes, braids and bows in their hair—lined up to receive certificates with their new names along with small flower bouquets from Satara district officials in Maharashtra state.

In shedding names like “Nakusa” or “Nakushi,” which mean “unwanted” in Hindi, some girls chose to name themselves after Bollywood stars such as “Aishwarya.” … Some just wanted traditional names with happier meanings, such as “Vaishali” or “prosperous, beautiful and good.”

“Now in school, my classmates and friends will be calling me this new name, and that makes me very happy,” said a 15-year-old girl who had been named Nakusa by a grandfather disappointed by her birth.1

Isn’t that beautiful? And horrible? And vitally important?

What names do you call yourself? When you pass a mirror? When you blow it?

What you call someone or something is powerful. What you are called affects your life, your relationships, and your walk with God. What you call yourself affects your ability to become who you are meant to be. God knows there is power in what we call ourselves. Knowing this, listen to the fierce intention of God, who says he will change your name:

Because I love Zion [insert your name here],

I will not keep still.

Because my heart yearns for [her],

I cannot remain silent.

I will not stop praying for her

until her righteousness shines like the dawn,

and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.

The nations will see your righteousness.

World leaders will be blinded by your glory.

And you will be given a new name

by the LORD’s own mouth.

The LORD will hold you in his hand for all to see—

a splendid crown in the hand of God.

Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City”

or “The Desolate Land.”

Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight”

and “The Bride of God,”

for the LORD delights in you

and will claim you as his bride. (Isa. 62:1–4 NLT)

This beautiful passage comes after Isaiah 61, which promises your healing and restoration and your deliverance from the Enemy. Now God promises a new name. No longer will you be called Deserted but Sought After. You are not unwanted. You are pursued. You are worth pursuing, chasing after, romancing. You are wanted.

God wants us to name things correctly, including ourselves. It’s vitally important that we do.

I belong to my beloved,

and his desire is for me. (Song of Sol. 7:10)

God names you “beloved.” What does beloved mean? It means one greatly loved, dear to the heart. It means admired, adored, cherished, darling. Beloved means dear, dear one, dearest, esteemed, favorite, honey. It means ladylove, light of love, loved one, lover, precious, prized, respected, and revered. Beloved means you. It means who you are to him. And who you are to him means everything.

God calls you to believe it. He wants you to know who you are. You need to.

The fruit of knowing who you are to Christ is intimacy with him. It isn’t walking around all puffed up. Oh, look at me! I’m something special! The fruit is neither pride nor arrogance. The fruit is humility. It is surrendered gratefulness. The fruit of believing we are who God says we are is a deepening love for Jesus. We love because he first loved us. Belief evokes a response; we choose to draw near to this God who prizes us. And that is exactly what God is after.

So who are you?

Well, you may be like me, and it’s hard for me to answer this question with grace when I just got so irritated with my husband that I had to leave the room. God sees me as lovely, but lovely thoughts have not been filling my mind just now. I need help! When we believe that our truest identity is a sinner, then we walk around ashamed, accused, condemned. Separated from God. Which does not make for a happy camper and which is exactly where our Enemy, the Devil, wants us to live. The Devil is called the accuser of the brethren for a reason.

Hang on a sec; I need to go apologize to my husband …

Okay, I’m back. When the focus of our hearts is solely on our failings, then our hearts spiral down. God tells us not to focus on our failings but on his faithfulness. He calls us to gaze not on our brokenness but on our Healer. He says we should “[fix] our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Heb. 12:2). We move toward what we focus on.

We are warned in Scripture not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought, but honestly that is a rare woman. I have yet to meet that woman. But I have met a lot of women who think much less of themselves than they ought. Certainly much less than God does. And that is not only disheartening; it is dangerous. Why? Because you cannot live well, you cannot love well, and you cannot fulfill your destiny if you do not know who you are.

You cannot become yourself if you do not know who you are to become.

scoreboard

My friend’s son Gannon is a superb soccer player. As a freshman in high school, he helped lead the varsity team to the state championship. He is a quiet, polite young man who transforms into a warrior once he hits the field. During one of his recent games, he had an opportunity to believe.

Gannon’s team was in the lead by three goals, a massive lead in soccer. Guarding him was a player who used insults to try to keep Gannon from being his glorious soccer-playing self. They call it “talking smack.” He was incessant. Mean.

“You are the worst player on this team.” “You can’t even kick the ball.” “No one on your team likes you.” “You shouldn’t be on this team.” “You’re just a baby freshman.” “Go home, little boy.” Sound familiar? “You’re blowing it. You can’t do this well at all. You never will. You’re not qualified. You don’t have any real friends. You should just go home.”

What do you hear inside you when you forget a friend’s birthday? Hurt someone’s feelings? Find out you weren’t invited to the party? Gain three pounds? Sin?

Gannon’s accuser didn’t take a break. He started right in again after every time-out. Gannon said it was the most difficult thing he had ever endured on the field. “You missed! You are always going to miss.” Accusations hurt. Spiritual warfare hurts.

Gannon didn’t engage him in a verbal battle. He didn’t entertain the accusations coming against him or defend himself. He merely answered him, “Scoreboard.” That is all he ever replied. “Scoreboard.” His accuser could say what he wanted; there was no silencing him. But Gannon’s team was winning the game. He and his teammates were playing well. The truth lay in the scoreboard. Gannon’s defense lay in the truth. There was no catching them. You bet they won that game. Now, that silenced his accuser.

Scoreboard. Done and done. Jesus has won our victory, and we are victorious as well, in him. We are not defined by our sin, our failures, or our past. We are forever and only defined by the finished work of Jesus Christ. Everything Jesus did and won was for us. We were slaves to sin, yes. But because of Jesus, we are slaves no longer. We are daughters. We are brides.

Who do you think you are? Really.

Though the author is unknown, I love the following quote. It helps me realize that there are tangible ramifications to my thoughts. They matter. There is an effect.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny! What we think, we become.

What we think, we become.

In the midst of your day—in the mess, the mundane, the glorious—when you laugh and live well and when you don’t, it is so good to get into the habit of stopping and asking yourself, Is what I am thinking about myself true? If it does not line up with the Word of God, reject it as a lie. Replace it with the truth.

What would it be like right now to entertain the possibility in your heart that all God says about you is true?

You are his delight.

You make him happy just by being you.

He thinks you’re lovely.

You are his beloved.

You are the one who has captured his heart.

What difference would it make in your life if it really was true? Think of it. Let your heart go there for a moment. Because it does make all the difference in the world.

You must ask him: Am I your beloved? How do you see me? Do you delight in me? Do you love me because you’re God and that’s your job, or do you love me simply for me?

This is so vitally important and it has to be personal. We need to know who we are to God. So then, we must ask him. Ask God. Right now.

You, dear heart, you are the beloved.

Jesus, thank you for this truth about me. I receive it. I agree with you, and I declare that I am your daughter. I am chosen, holy, and dearly loved. I am the apple of your eye. I am your beloved, and your desire is for me. Please, write this truth deeply in my heart. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

who you are

Have you ever had to go to an event that you didn’t want to go to, a party or a game or a family gathering? I had a birthday party I needed to attend recently, and I wasn’t very happy about it. I complained to my husband that I had to go and spend hours with people I had never met nor would ever see again. Blah blah blah. And John said, “Rename it. Call it good.”

Riiiigghht—it’s not evil; it’s good. It’s an opportunity to bless someone I care very much about. It’s a chance to celebrate her life. I renamed it, changed my frame of reference, and went with a happy heart.

There are many things we need to rename in our lives. Our school experience. Our relationships. Even our life itself. Rename them. Rename your life. It’s good. Because your life belongs to our good God, and he’s got you. Rename yourself. God has.

My parents named me Stasi. It means resurrection. There is a lot in my life that has needed resurrecting over the years—my wounded heart, my damaged sexuality, my broken self-perception, my dreams, my relationships, my calling. And God is resurrecting every area of my life to life. He is resurrecting my mind to be able to believe that all he has made, and all he has made me, is good. He is resurrecting my dreams and my desires and even my yearning to be deeply known and perfectly loved. Yes, my parents named me Stasi, but really it was God who named me “Resurrection.”

What’s your given name? What does it mean?

Do you know what your given name means? It’s a good idea to find out. And if you don’t like the meaning you initially discover, press in to find out more about it. Ask God to reveal to you why he named you what he did. A friend of mine’s name is Melanie. I asked her what it means, and with a little shrug she told me, “It means dark.” Huh. Dark. We pressed in to find out more about what her name means and discovered it doesn’t mean simply “dark.” It means “dark beauty.” In Hebrew it actually means “Grace-filled beauty.” Song of Solomon says, “Dark am I, yet lovely” (1:5). Which can mean, “Yes, I am imperfect, and I see my many failings and sins, but when God looks at me, he sees my beauty, not my sin. To Jesus, I am and have only ever been lovely.” That’s what Melanie means. See, it’s a good idea to find out.

Because whatever else is true about what you are named, God says:

No longer are you called Desolate, but Married.

No longer are you alone or unseen; your name is Sought After. Beloved. Mine.

No longer are you called Nakusa, Unwanted.

Your name is Vaishali—Prosperous, Beautiful, and Good.

As we journey on into becoming our true selves, we want to live with holy intention. We want to be awake to the present moment, those around us, the Spirit within us, and our own souls. We are meant to live lives of significance. It is right that we desire to live for a purpose higher than protecting our skin from sun damage and being well liked. We want to live unto a high calling, a meaningful purpose, and that purpose flows out of our identity.

Knowing who we are enables us to live the life we have been born to live—the life the seen and unseen world needs us to live. We need to know who we are and own who we are. Who are you? What is your identity—really?

You are a new creation in Christ, more than a conqueror. Victorious. Strong. Empowered. Safe. Secure. Sealed. You are a channel of the life and love of God. You are alive in Christ. You are the beloved of God. You are his.

Who is Jesus? He is the love you have been longing for all your life, and he has never taken his eyes off of you. He has a name for you that he wants you to fully become; he holds your true identity, and this is what you are meant to grow into. So go ahead and ask Jesus your true name (or names—he often has several for us).

Jesus, I choose to believe that I am your beloved and that your desire is for me. I choose to believe that I am no longer forsaken or deserted, but that I am your delight, sought after and dearly loved. Jesus, I want to become the young woman you have in mind for me to be. Show me who she is; show me who I really am, who I was always meant to be. Tell me my true name; give me an image of who you see me becoming. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear and the courage to accept what you are saying. Tell me, Jesus.

And as he does, dear one, choose to believe. Because who God says you are is who you are. And who you are is good.

You will be called by a new name

that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. (Isa. 62:2)

parting thoughts

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Though the book has ended, the journey certainly has not. Each and every one of us is still growing into the woman we want to be, the woman God created us to be. Our life is one of continual discovery and transformation. There are experiences to be had. There are choices to be made. There are truths to be believed. There is much to be learned. I’m still learning. So are you. We are on this road together, urged on by a great company of witnesses, seen and unseen. We are surrounded by love every moment of our lives. We are held in the gaze of the One who has won everything, done everything, and paid everything so that we might be free to live, free to love, and free to be ourselves. We are free to offer all that we are back to him in a life rich with joy, steeped in goodness, strengthened in hope, and abounding in love.

Jesus goes before you, behind you, and within you. You are never alone, and you will always have all that you need. Let’s press on together.

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. (Jude vv. 24–25 ESV)

note

1. Chaya Babu, “285 Indian Girls Shed ‘Unwanted’ Names,” Yahoo! News, October 22, 2011, http://news.yahoo.com/285-indian-girls-shed-unwanted-names-122551876.html.