Chapter 2
Sitting in first class doesn't hold the same excitement as it did a few weeks ago when I was on my journey to Hawaii for the first time. After all, eight hours of sitting still can't be healthy for the average human. It's too much time for the mind to run rampant when there is nothing else to do. I wish I could numb my thoughts or just check out. The events of the past few days weigh heavily on my heart. How can my life have been flipped upside down in only a matter of a week? I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted in life, what the world was like. Now all I know is that I know very little about life, about this world and most importantly, about love.
Last night was anguishing. I went to help a friend and quite possibly may have hurt one in the process. I still don't know how I feel about Tristan, who knows if it's love? With my feelings for Kai it can't be, I don't think. You can't intimately love two people at once, right?
Trying to process everything seems impossible, but I allow my mind to wander to the events of the past twenty-four hours, which started off with my visit from Paul.
Yesterday, Emma's room around 9p.m.
It had been a long and emotional day. My heart aches for Mrs. Kealoha who just shared with me that her son Noa had been pulled into the ranks of the Night Marchers. He had struck the curse by looking a Night Marcher in the eye and was not as fortunate as me to escape with his life intact. I wish I could have given Mrs. Kealoha some comfort or closure. I'm determined to help Kai and if I’m able, I hope to be able to help Noa in the process. There must be a way to undo this curse and return them to their human state.
Kai took my place; I should have been the one cursed and forced to walk among the night wandering spirits for eternity, not Kai. I just can’t move on with my life and pretend like all of this did not happen. I will find a way to save Kai. I will not stop trying ‘till I do. It makes my heart ache for all the people that I have inexplicably dragged into this mess; it’s horrible and unfair.
I bow my head, close my eyes and pray earnestly to God for Noa, for Kai and for my Mom whom I lost all those years ago.
Opening my eyes I register a movement in my peripheral vision on the patio. It was so quick and slight; I wouldn’t have seen it had I opened my eyes any later. My heart starts racing as I head towards the door to investigate.
At first I don’t see anything but when I get closer I see that the person on my patio is half the size of a normal human. It’s a Menehune! My heart starts returning to normal the moment I realize that there’s no threat. Menehunes, pronounced meh-neh-HOO-nehs, were the first natives of the Hawaiian Islands. They are a small and private race who usually only grow to be a mere three feet tall. They built most of ancient Hawaii themselves. They are extremely skilled builders who use their speed and teamwork to build structures in the astonishing span of a single night. Many Hawaiians only know of the Menehune's through legends yet they are believed to be extinct. However, I know better, they are far from extinct.
The Menehune's took Kai in a long time ago when he befriended Adam who is one of them. I laugh silently to myself when I think of Adam and his wife Eve, such a loving and lively couple. Kai brought me to them when we were running from the Night Marcher. He knew that his best friend would be able to help. I am the only other human who has ever gotten the privilege to see the Menehune city that is hidden deep within a cave. The Menehune's took me in and to me they are like family now.
I step outside hoping to see Adam; hoping to hear news that he knows how to help Kai. Instead I find Paul. Paul is one of the Menehune's messenger boys. He helped send messages to my father when I was in hiding. It’s extremely dark outside so I flip on the patio light switch to get a better look at him.
I gasp! I couldn’t tell in the dark but now in the light I can see that he’s hurt. He looks like he’s been beaten! He’s standing on my patio shaking like a leaf covered in scratches and contusions and he has a black eye beginning to form on his right eye.
“EEeemma....” He says, shaking and stuttering.
“Paul, are you okay?!” I ask freaking out.
He starts shaking his head back and forth wildly. “Nooo... He’s ggot hiiim. He...liiike Kkkai bbuttt nnottt liiikke Kkaii.” I can barely understand him he’s stuttering so badly. “He won’ttt sstop till hee hass it...”
“Got who? Has what Paul?” I’m starting to get angry, not because I can’t understand him, but because something, someone, did this to him. An innocent Menehune boy!
“Tthe Chhieefs bbbones.” He says and then looks at me with tears streaming down his face. “Hhee hhas Aadamm!”
I suck in a quick breath. “No!” Nausea wells up in my stomach as feelings of despair set in. "Adam? What do you mean he has Adam?"
"Iii ddonnt knooww. I meeaan heee hass hiimm." Paul is shaking so hard that I fear he may fall down and begin seizing or something.
"Okay Paul, it's going to be okay. You’re safe now. Here, sit down." I gesture him to a patio chair. He sits down but it doesn't seem to be helping. I jump when I hear someone walking up the steps to my patio behind us. Looking around for some sort of weapon to defend off any ‘would be attacker’ I grab a broom that's perched against the railing and turn around. Relief washes through me when I find two Menehune's ascending towards us. I recognize them, but I don't believe we have formally met. Their faces are filled with concern and uncertainty as they brush past me hastily towards their friend.
"Paul! Oh my goodness, Paul, what happened?" One of the Menehunes with reddish brown hair exclaims. The other Menehune with bright white hair just stands there staring at Paul wide eyed. I'm sure they are not used to seeing any Menehune's hurt. The Menehune's seem like such peaceful people.
I can see that Paul is having a hard time trying to communicate so I speak for him. "He's hurt pretty badly. He said that someone has Adam and I think whoever that someone is, hurt Paul."
"What do you mean someone has Adam?" The Menehune that had been silent up until now spoke up.
"I think he said it was Kai, or someone who looked like Kai. I believe it may be his twin brother. I don't know." I reply. Kai's twin brother Kao is the Night Marcher who tried to kill me. Kao may look nearly identical to Kai but he's nothing like him. He's pure evil through and through.
"I know who you speak of. Kai has told me the story of his brother. He is a very dangerous man, not one to be taken lightly. We must get Paul back immediately and bring this to the attention of the Elders." The white haired Menehune says. Without waiting for my response they both pull Paul to his feet. Paul puts his arms around each of their shoulders ready to head home. He looks so frail and small as he starts hobbling off towards the exit from my patio to the beach.
"Wait!" I yell at them. The white haired Menehune turns his head towards me. While I have his attention I ask, "Aren't you going to go after Adam? We can't wait, we need to go now." I say insistently.
His look is mixed with understanding and sadness. "I wish I could go in search of Adam, we just don’t have a definitive location as of now. I must consult with the others. You see that we are a small race. It wouldn’t do any good for us to go up against a man such as Kao alone, if we were even able to find him that is. Kai has told us that he was a mighty warrior as a human, but now, as a Night Marcher, he will be even more powerful. We need a plan of attack. We would be of no help to Adam if we ended up like Paul or worse yet, dead."
I don't correct him and tell him that Kao is not a Night Marcher anymore. Or that Kai switched places with him, becoming a Night Marcher himself. Instead I nod, understanding that what the Menehune says is wise and makes sense. Even though I don't totally agree, I think time is of the essence and we must go after Adam now, wherever he might be. After all we don't even know if it is Kao that we are dealing with. Paul might mean that the person who has Adam is a human like Kai, as opposed to a Menehune. Who knows, with how distraught Paul seems. I hear him moan loudly and instead of arguing with the Menehunes I allow them to carry their injured friend home while I remain helplessly and silently behind.
I watch them hobble across the beach and into the forest. It only takes me a few minutes to make my decision. If they can't go after him now, then why can’t I? I know it's reckless, but I don't care. I need to do something!
It doesn’t take long for me to pack a small backpack with basic essentials: a flashlight, a bottle of water, a few snacks, and a pocketknife. I quietly move through my room changing out of my pajamas and into jeans and a t-shirt. I press my ear to the door to verify that my dad isn't awake to hear my exit. Putting my backpack over my shoulder I take a deep breath and step over the threshold of my patio door into the pitch-black night.
Following the footpath down the short trail to the beach I stop just short of the sand. What am I doing? I don’t even have the slightest clue where Adam is, but I have an idea of where to look, Kai’s tree house. Adam helped him build it and maybe if he got away from his captor somehow, he might be hiding out there. I might, or might not be right but I can’t simply sit here and watch on the sidelines. If the least I can do for Kai is help his best friend Adam, then I have to try. The tree house is where Kai took me on that fateful night when I first looked into the eyes of the Night Marcher. I'm not certain as to where the tree house is located though. The only recollection that I remember is the dense forest and how close it is to the beach. I also remember Kai pointing to the woods beyond this beach when he told me he lived nearby the first time we met. I take a deep breath of salty ocean air and steady myself to do the impossible.
Looking ahead at the murky tree line, I pull the straps of my backpack up and set off down the long stretch of beach. It's eerily quiet tonight and I try to keep myself from getting freaked out as I near the tree line. I don’t get too far when all of a sudden two hands wrap securely around my mouth! I let out a muzzled scream while my heart starts racing painfully in my chest. As I ready myself to fight back I hear a familiar voice whisper in my ear. “Shh, Emma, it’s just me. Calm down. It’s me, Tristan.” He slowly releases his hands from my mouth and I turn to stare at him wide-eyed. Reaching my hands up I touch his face. It is very dark out here and for my sake I need to make sure it really is Tristan. I’ve made that mistake before and I don’t plan on making it again, especially under these circumstances.
Tristan brings his hand up to his face and places it over mine. “Emma, what are you doing out here?” He whispers furiously to me.
I quickly withdraw my hand and gawk at him. I know he can’t see me very well in the dark, but a look of utter shock splays across my face. “What am I doing out here? I think the question is what are you doing out here?” I place my hands firmly on my hips. I don’t know why I am reacting this way to his presence, but to me it feels like he’s been spying on me, and that is an invasion of my privacy. Ever since I got back after those three days that I was missing I have been under a microscope. It’s like I can’t even go to the bathroom without a chaperone!
“I’m so sorry Emma, I just can’t help it. I have this deep pain in the pit of my stomach when I try and lay in bed at night. I feel like I failed at protecting you the first time and I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. I’ll admit, ever since you came home, I have been checking on you each night. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t. Then when I saw you leave with the backpack on your back, I couldn't let you go without finding out why you were running away. I just have this eerie feeling that you are going to leave and never return.”
I see his face drop in the dark shadows displayed by the moon. All the anger and animosity that I had felt just a few moments earlier subsides and in its place a feeling of peace and sincerity fills me. "You watch me every night?" It’s the only words I can get out of my mouth. We both stand there for a few moments as the silence fills the air. I don’t know what else to say.
Breaking the silence he says, "Yes Emma, I do watch you every night and obviously, rightfully so. I just can't let you go. You can't run away." He steps in front of me blocking my path towards the woods.
“Tristan, you have to let me go. My friend is in trouble and he needs me. I’m the only one that can help him now. You need to let me leave.” I say the last words barely above a whisper. I don’t want to leave Tristan but I know deep down I have an obligation to at least attempt to help Adam, and nothing is going to change that.
“Then I’m going with you!” A look of determination is set in his expression.
I stand there at a loss for words. “What?” I ask.
“I’m going with you Emma; I can’t let you go alone. Not this time, not ever. Whatever you need, I’ll be there.” He doesn’t wait for an answer as he steps to the side and grabs hold of my hand. “Lead the way.”
I don’t argue, I don’t even think about what just took place; I can't waste valuable time. I just allow myself to lead Tristan down the beach, hoping I am going the right way.
When the light of the moon can no longer guide us, I shuffle through my bag for the flashlight. Turning it on I display the beam before us looking for some sort of pathway or trail that we can follow. I know enough to not venture into the woods without some sort of guiding path, or someway to establish directional guidance. I shine the flashlight towards Tristan and find him just a foot behind me with worry lining his eyes. I give him a grim smile, since it is all I can muster at the moment. I wonder if Tristan knows the secrets these woods hold, especially in the dead of night.
After wandering around aimlessly for a few minutes I spot a small trodden path that leads away from the ocean. Since it’s the only footpath I have found thus far I go with my gut and we begin our trek upwards through the woods.
Off in the distance I hear rolling thunder and upon looking up I confirm that the dark sky is filling with churning storm clouds. It's amazing how fast a storm can brew on this Island. I look over to see that Tristan has noticed the storm as well. Not allowing his worry to faze me, I continue trekking ahead.
It seems like we follow the same trail for over an hour or so and still I catch no sight of Kai's tree house. Doubt starts filling my mind as I realize this probably isn't the right way. Sounds are amplified all around from the storm that has continued to blow in and from the night wandering creatures. Shuffles of feet, and scurries are haunting to my ears. I try not to let my imagination wander as I focus on Adam and how much he needs me. It doesn’t occur to me until now, that I have no clue what I am going to do once I find him, that's if I find him. If he is being held hostage, we still aren’t sure by whom. Paul said the person looked just like Kai, so it's most likely Kao, but there is no guarantee. Whoever it is, Is that person going to be there when we arrive to try and rescue Adam? I try and settle my mind’s thoughts by looking back at Tristan. He hasn’t uttered a word since we spoke on the beach and the uncomfortable silence puts me more on edge.
Suddenly, as we reach the top of the hill my foot gets caught under a root and I fall hard on my face as the flashlight rolls down the opposite side of the hill and comes to a stop about twenty feet in front of me. Tristan rushes over to my side and helps me sit up. My foot is still deeply buried under the root and I can’t seem to wiggle out of its hold. But, I soon realize my foot is the least of my worries. The faint sound of drums begins radiating through my ears! Fear rips through me as I look to Tristan. We catch each other’s eyes for a moment before we are hurriedly trying to free me. The sound draws nearer as we both aggressively tug at my foot. We even try to remove my shoe, but to no avail. Boom-boom; boom-boom. The drum’s rhythm nearly matches my pounding heartbeat. Closer and closer still the drums are coming. I feel as if we are in one of those horrible scary movies where the girl is stuck on a railroad track and a train is barreling towards her at maximum speed.
Fire! I see fire through the dense vegetation and in my desperation I jerk my foot so hard that it comes barreling out of my shoe, the force driving me straight back into Tristan. I grab my shoe and slip it back on quickly before the first flame appears. Without a second’s hesitation, Tristan whisks me into his arms and starts running in the opposite direction. Kai! The thought of him rips through me as I begin flailing my arms and kicking my feet trying to get Tristan to release his grip on me. I fight with all I’m worth to get out of Tristan’s grasp. All the while Tristan repeats, “Emma, calm down! What on earth are you doing? We need to get out of here!” But, he doesn’t understand and I have no time to explain. I finally rip out of Tristan’s grasp and land with a hard thump on the ground. There is no time for pain as I grab the earth with my fingernails and haul myself up taking off in a sprint towards the steady drumming.
I don’t get more than five feet before Tristan tackles me from behind. He wraps his legs and arms around my entire body and holds on tight as I try to implement everything I ever learned about fighting. In this position though, my efforts seem fruitless. I begin to scream at Tristan to let me go, but he isn’t listening. The drums are growing more distant as I see the flickers of flames moving off towards the West. My heart sinks to know that Kai is so close, yet so far. I still flail every limb not wanting to give into the total exhaustion my body is demanding. I feel Tristan’s grip loosening as my strength begins to falter. Tears are streaming down my face. I begin sobbing as my body goes limp. I feel so helpless, confused, and beaten. Tristan rearranges himself so he cradles me in his arms like a small child. Small droplets of rain begin falling from the sky. So it is not only I who mourns, but perhaps God himself as well. It doesn’t take long for the rain to become increasingly intense soaking us through. Tristan lifts me from the ground and hurriedly sweeps me away. I can tell that the rain is making the climb very hard on him now that it has moistened the soil. With no strength left of my own I just sink into Tristan’s arms, close my eyes and let God’s tears cover me from head to toe.
It isn't until several minutes later that Tristan sets me down softly on the hard ground. I am soaking wet but the ground I lay on is dry. There is only a small sliver of light from the cloud-covered moon that casts a small ray across the stone floor. It doesn’t take me long to see that Tristan has brought me into a cave. I watch Tristan’s shadow as he walks around the cave picking up what looks to be different sizes of sticks and pieces of wood.
My eyes struggle to adjust in this dim light, but soon I see sparks of ember igniting. The cave slowly comes into focus as a fire begins to burn. Flaming shadows dance on the cave walls sending an eerie chill down my spine. Tristan feeds the fire more wood and then comes and takes my hand. Without a word he helps me up and leads me near the fire.
The wind whistles loudly outside as the rain pounds harder and harder against the rocks. Brief flashes of lightening streak across the sky followed by the deep bellow of thunder that shakes the ground beneath us. As if my body finally realizes it’s cold, I begin shivering as Tristan sits me down next to the fire, my back to the cave wall. Instinctively I reach my hands out towards the warm heat. I rub my hands together and watch as they change from a cold purple back to their normal pinkish color.
It feels like I will never be able to stop shivering. I'm unable to warm up in these rain-drenched clothes. My face hasn’t dried either, and I can’t tell if it’s the tears I cried or rain falling softly down my cheeks from my hair, or maybe a little of both. Tristan wraps his arms around me in a comforting hug. He rubs my arms trying to warm my skin with the friction from his hands. I'm not sure how I should feel, should I feel anger for him holding me back from seeing Kai? Or, should I be relieved that he saved me from a possible nightmare? I don't even know what I would have done if I had found Kai. I watch the rain fall down in thick sheets over the cave opening. I feel utterly defeated. I have no energy to figure out my feelings or what to do, so I let my head fall into the curve of his neck. We sit there for what seems like hours. No talking. No moving. Words aren’t needed now, not needed at all.
My body may be limp, but my mind is still running at full speed, trying to sort itself out and make sense of things. It gives me the dreaded time to think about everything that has gone on these past few weeks. All of the emotional baggage I now carry makes the burden all that more difficult to bear. I inhale deeply trying to regain composure before I completely lose it. I feel numb, unable to process everything, unable to give it reason, or understanding. I snuggle deeper into Tristan, yearning for the comfort he so willingly provides.
"Six months ago, I lost my best friend.” Tristan combs his fingers gently through my hair. Through his voice I can hear old pain that was once buried deep skimming to the surface. I stare blankly at the fire hoping my silence will encourage him to continue. I rest my head in his lap as Tristan leans his back against the wall. Still caressing the strands of my hair he continues. “We had been friends for as long as I can remember. We had a knack for running into trouble instead of away. Not like law trouble, more like we sought out risky adventures each time daring to do more than the last. One Friday night, with nothing to do, we met down by the beach with plans to go on a late night hike. It was a cool night, an eerie moon had risen up in the distance; I will never forget the way it looked. Deep down I knew something just wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. The two of us were experienced hikers and had all of the correct gear so I just wrote it off as we headed further and further into the woods. Looking back I wonder if the feeling was a premonition or a foreshadowing of what was to come that night. I usually check my flashlight for batteries before leaving on any type of night trip so I'm not sure what happened that evening. The next thing we knew we were smack dab in the middle of the woods when the bulb of my flashlight went out. It was a pitch-black night, like tonight, and neither of us had any extra batteries or a secondary light source. It's dangerous to hike at night without light; we would be too susceptible to injury so we decided it would be best to find a place to set up tent. We had survival gear on us so we knew if needed, we could find a place to spend the night out there. It was about that time that we began hearing drumming in the distance. We honestly didn't understand where it was coming from. We thought that perhaps there was another camper out there or maybe even a Boy Scout troop or something. Curious, we began to shuffle through the forest towards the noise. As we got closer and closer we were able to see several lights shining through the trees. My friend took the lead as we rounded over the hill. What we saw next made my stomach churn. It was a procession of Night Marchers headed straight for us. I grabbed his arm and began pulling in the opposite direction but he wouldn’t move. It was as if his eyes were locked in on what was ahead of him grounding his body as well. I pulled with all I was worth but it was of no use. I ran behind a tree and covered my face with my hands. I prayed and prayed hoping God would hear my pleas. I felt guilty for having left him there, but I had no other choice. My mother had told me legends of the Night Marchers since before I could walk and I knew I was running out of time. I just—I didn’t know what to do. I kept hearing screaming—someone was screaming over and over and over. I couldn’t look up, because I knew what would happen.”
Tears began streaming down Tristan’s face. I reach up and wipe a single tear away holding my hand there in comfort. As he exhales a shaky breath he continues. “I just didn’t know what to do. From the legends my mother told me, I knew that if I were to just run after him it wouldn’t do any good. You can't reason with a Night Marcher. It was one of the worst feelings you could imagine, to not be able to help your best friend when they needed you most. When the drumbeats faded off I ran towards the spot where I had last seen my friend. I had heard stories of Night Marchers trampling over people that got in their way. I feared the worse, which was that I would find my best friend trampled to death. Instead I found nothing, no sign of him, no sign of what may have happened to him, nothing!" Tristan stands up and starts pacing the cave. I watch his shadow move back and forth furiously across the cave wall. I'm not sure if he's furious with the Night Marchers or himself for not being able to save his friend.
He turns towards me almost too quickly and says earnestly, "I spent the night looking for him Emma. I did not just abandon my friend! I was the one who had to tell his parents, the Kealoha's, what happened." I gasp as I connect the dots. Tristan looks at me then resumes telling me what he needs to say. "I told the Kealoha's that I would not stop trying to find a way to get Noa back. I am the one that found your dad when I was doing my research online. I needed to find a way to undo the curse. I was hoping that your dad would help me. Or if he couldn't help me break the curse, then I was hoping that eventually he could lead me to them. I have tried to hunt down the Night Marchers by myself. I never found them; tonight was the first time I had seen them since I started searching. With you in danger, I couldn't stop and try to find a way to help Noa, I had to get you to safety." His expression softens as he gazes at me.
"Tristan," I say softly. I’m in complete awe of his story. Not so much the story itself, but the way he put his heart on his sleeve. I want to comfort him but I have no idea how. After all I’m in the same exact position as him. Both of us need to save someone, a Night Marcher. Tristan obviously isn't aware though how unnervingly similar our stories are to each other.
He sits back down in front of me. His aquamarine eyes look as if they are trying to stare into my soul. "Emma, you are what matters to me. Out there...tonight, I couldn't imagine what I would have done..." His voice breaks and the look on his face has me on the verge of tears.
"Tristan..." I barely choke out as well.
"No, let me finish. I don't know if you got my letter, I don't know much of anything. I haven't pressured you to tell me anything that happened while you were missing. But, I've felt disconcerted since you've been back. I don't know if you know how I truly feel. Then, tonight when those things were coming...and you were stuck. I just couldn't bare to know that anything could happen to you or to me without you knowing..." Tristan puts his finger under my chin pulling my gaze back up to his. "Emma, I love you." He stares into my eyes as if he could imprint those words on my heart with a single look. Before I can respond or look away his lips come crashing down on mine with a fierceness that I have never felt from Tristan before. His hand is perched behind my head as if he wants to make sure that I don't pull away. With my heart beating fast and a million butterflies doing the waltz in my stomach, I'm swept up in the moment. Closing my eyes, I let go of all of the anxieties that rest on my shoulder and allow myself to do what I know I will regret later. As if sensing my submission, his hand relaxes moving down to my back and our kiss becomes increasingly gentler as we melt into each other.
Tristan is the first to pull away, both of us a little breathless. He rests his forehead on mine and we both take a moment to allow the dizziness and frantic heartbeats to settle. This is when it really hits me. I'm kissing Tristan, who just confessed his love to me but what about Kai? I haven't even told Tristan about him. I'm so confused and I have no idea what my feelings mean. When I'm with Tristan I feel amazing and safe. When I'm with Kai, I feel that intense electricity and I know deep down that Kai would do anything for me. He already has. They both love me. How? Why? I'm not even sure if I love either of them. I’m not sure if I have ever been in love before, so how could I know what it feels like? All I know is that I feel so good with both of them. That can't be right! I do know one thing right now; I am a horrible person! How can I do this to two men that I care for deeply? I don’t deserve either of them at all! I pull away from Tristan putting a little bit of distance between us.
Tristan cuts me off from my self-bashing, "Emma, did I upset you? What's wrong?" He must have taken my distancing myself for being something he did, which makes me feel even more horrid.
Looking into his amazingly beautiful blue eyes, I’m filled with sincerity. Thinking about how wretched I am leaves me speechless. Gazing down, the waterworks begin and I can't hold back my tears anymore.
"Emma, it's okay..." I look up and it's as if tonight's events spring to his mind alerting him of an unanswered question. His body goes rigid, "Emma...Why did you fight against me when I was trying to save you from the Night Marchers?"
I look up at him and I can't help myself, my sobbing just increases. I know I look like a blubbering fool but I don't know what to say or where to start. I still haven't spoken to anyone about what happened when I was gone and I’m still harboring a massive amount of guilt. I just don't know if I'm ready to lay everything on the table yet.
Tristan braces both of his arms on my shoulders and I begin to wonder if he's going to shake me. He doesn't though, he just says seriously: "It's okay Emma, you can tell me..." He exhales a shaky breath, as I'm sure the thought popping into his head is an unpleasant one. "Tonight is not the first night you have seen the Night Marchers...Am I right?" Tristan reaches his hand up towards my hair and lifts it out of my eyes in a tender gesture.
My crying becomes more frantic as I think of what transpired and how I could word everything that has happened to me. I pull away and stand up turning away from Tristan trying to privately compose myself. If I were not so emotionally exhausted I would be worried about how bad my eyes look right now or if my mascara is running everywhere. I have no energy to worry though. I wipe my eyes and take a few shaky breaths. Finding it easier if I don't look at Tristan when I confess. I answer him in a simple, "No." I don't turn around when I hear Tristan take a deep breath. It's now or never so I continue. "When you left town I went to the waterfall that you took me too. I was just going to hang out a while and enjoy the scenery but I ended up falling asleep, thinking that a quick nap wouldn't hurt anything. The sound of the falls was peaceful and easily lulled me to sleep..." Tristan put his hand on my back, but I just take a step forward letting his hand fall away. I can't bare his comfort right now; I won't be able to finish this. "When I woke up, it was dark. I tried to find my way out but I wasn't prepared. I had no light and I still was rusty on how to get back to my car. Using my cell phone light I tried to find the path I took to get there. I ran into someone in the woods that night, a man. Kai..." I whisper his name. To hear it spoken out loud is nearly unendurable and to discuss Kai with Tristan makes it all the worse. Guilt pulses through me as I hunt deep down for the courage I’ll need to finish this conversation. I knew it had to happen sometime; I also knew I would never be fully prepared to handle it. I’m still not, but I continue anyway. "He was going to help me, find my way to my car but that's when we heard it...the drums. He knew what they meant. He grabbed my hand and hurried me away from them. We ran out into a clearing and hid behind a boulder. I saw them, the Night Marchers. It was just like you described, stomach churning. Kai..." I take a deep breath. "He tried to shield me from them, but I didn't know not to..." I turn around and look at Tristan now. He's stunned and the look on his face is filled with worry and perhaps a tinge of defeat. Like he failed me somehow by not being there for me. Which makes me feel even worse. I keep going though. "I looked one of them in the eyes. I couldn't avert my gaze. It was as if I was caught in the Night Marcher's web. It all happened so fast after that. Kai was running with me and the Night Marcher was chasing me trying to kill me. I didn't know why. We barely escaped it by tumbling down a steep hill. I hurt my leg severely and ended up passing out from the pain." Tristan's face flinches when I mention the last part.
"When I woke up I was with Kai and he told me about the curse and how the Night Marcher would not stop hunting me until I was either dead or one of them. It wasn't safe for me to go home. We went on the run trying to find a way to break the curse. A...um...group, of Kai's friends took us in." I can't think of how to describe the Menehune's right now, nor do I know if talking about them would be like sharing a sacred secret. "One of them in particular helped us a lot, Adam, he is the one I was going after tonight. He is in danger and I need to help find him." I feel horrible that only now, am I remembering the mission I was originally on tonight. Seeing the Night Marchers and knowing that Kai was near was all it took for me to completely switch gears to wanting to save Kai. But, I know that in order to save Kai, I will need the Menehune's help...Adam's help. Tears start coming to my eyes when I think of how Paul looked when he came to me: beaten, bruised and terrified. My stomach rolls with dread at the thought of what condition Adam is in right now.
I blink away my tears and look at Tristan who is waiting patiently but I can tell he's struggling with wanting to comfort me. I appreciate that he knows I need to keep going and that I don't need to be coddled at this moment. I continue. "Anyhow, Adam and his friends did some research and thought they found a way. If I could kill the Night Marcher myself, I could break the curse. I tried, but it didn't work."
Tristan's face is outraged. "What? You went after a Night Marcher by yourself? How could that man, Kai you say, let you do something like that? Or this Adam for that matter! What Idiots! When I get my hands on them Emma!"
I have never seen Tristan this worked up before. In this instance it makes me rather pissed off! He doesn't know Kai or Adam...he doesn't know what happened. I calm down when I think of that fact. He doesn't know so it's understandable that he’s upset. I still try to make him understand though that it's not their fault. "First of all, they are not idiots! Adam only relayed to me the research he found and Kai, he didn't want me to go after them Tristan. In fact I had to sneak away from him to go after the Night Marcher on my own. And in the end Kai saved my life. He took my place!" I yell the last part out so loudly it bounces off the cave walls repeating itself several times in a muzzled expression. I look away now, tears flowing again. I can't bare it, thinking about how Kai sacrificed himself for me. I relive it in my mind over and over, and each time hurts as much as the last, if not more.
Turning to look at Tristan I see that he is speechless and a little confused. I can't take it. I can't take being here right now. I can't take looking at Tristan and seeing the questions in his eyes. I can't deal with this. Before I break down entirely I turn on my heal and run with all of my might away from the cave and away from Tristan who calls after me. Away from my thoughts and the pain that I feel when I think about Kai. The rain hasn't let up any but I don't care. I run through mud and water puddles, splashing my shoes and pants with muck. The rain soaks my drying hair again and sends water droplets streaming down my face and into my eyes. It doesn’t matter though, because running feels good; it’s the one thing in my life right now that I can control. Even though every breath sends needles of shock through my chest it feels amazing. Like if I can just keep running, I will eventually run off all of my worries and anxieties.
"Emma! Emma, please!" I can hear Tristan pleading to me from a few yards back. Guilt finally catches up with me as I think about how I'm making him chase after me in the rain. We had finally started to dry up by the fire and now the two of us are soaked to the bone once again. As if I don't have enough guilt weighing on me, now I could cause one of us to get sick from being out in this weather.
I stop running abruptly. My breathing is labored as I try to calm my heartbeat down. The air has turned cold and my breath sends smoke signals drifting into the night sky. Standing still sends my body into shivers, but I don’t seem to notice. I just stand there numb, emotionally and physically.
I slowly turn towards Tristan who is still calling my name. Instead of waiting for him to catch up to me, I meet him half way. In an accepting silence, Tristan puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me back through the woods to the cave. The rain pelts us so hard on the trip back that I walk most of the way with my head down and my eyes closed. Feeling depleted, I just allow Tristan to lead me, trusting that he will get me to where I need to go.
Back in the cave we wring out our clothes the best we can, then sit next to each other in front of the fire. Both of us lean our backs against the wall and stare silently at the flames. Personally, I've seen enough flames to last me a lifetime, but there isn't much else to stare at since Tristan and I are avoiding looking at one another.
An hour passes, all the while, the silence continues. The pounding rain and the crackling fire that Tristan has kept going, by periodically adding wood, is beginning to lull me to sleep. Just as I close my eyes and nearly submit to sleep, I hear Tristan break the silence. "Emma?" He whispers.
"Yes?" I say groggily. We both continue to avoid eye contact. Subconsciously, I'm sure we both are aware of the conversation that we would eventually need to have.
"Kai...Is he," I can tell Tristan is considering how to word his question and is trying to tread carefully. "What is he to you?"
"What is he to me?" I ask back, pretending like I didn't really understand where he was going with his query. All the while feeling the guilt building inside of me.
Tristan doesn't buy my aloofness. He turns towards me, which forces me to make eye contact with him. The look on his face is that of frustration and underlying hurt. "You know what I mean Emma." He says it forcefully but not in a rude manner.
"Kai..." It hurts to say his name. Not only because he's not here, but it hurts to say it to Tristan. I care for Tristan. How can I possibly explain to him that I also care for Kai? Breathing in deeply, I close my eyes and try. "He saved my life, more than once. He took my place. I need to help him. I owe him." I open my eyes and try to blink away tears that are blurring my vision.
We both turn towards the fire. It's as if a giant gap has formed between us. A few minutes pass and I hope that he has decided to let it drop for now. He doesn't. Instead he asks me a question I do not want to answer right now. "Do you love him?" I can hear the hurt and anguish he is emitting in his words and I cringe as I wonder how on earth I could possibly answer this question.
Do I love him? I wish there were an easy answer to Tristan's question. A yes or no, but still, I do not know. Understanding that he needs and deserves an answer I say, "I care for him. I don't know if I love him." I suddenly realize that I have been holding my breath so I force myself to inhale and exhale slowly. I turn towards him and the pain on his face makes my heart break. I hurt him. This man who loves me. I don't deserve him or Kai or anyone.
He stands up and turns his back to me. His hands are balled into fists. Not fists of anger, but I'm pretty sure he's just clenching his hands in an effort to keep it together. In this moment all I want to do is make it all go away, but how? I plead with him, "Tristan, you haven't asked me how I feel about you."
I watch him slowly release his hands from fists. He takes a deep breath and turns towards me. I can see moisture in his eyes and it takes all that is in me to not cry as well. I don't wait for him to ask me how I feel about him. I tell him. "I care deeply about you too. I don't deserve you, but you mean so much to me. I loathe myself for making you hurt Tristan. I don't know how I feel. I don't even think I understand love or how one can interpret it. All I know is that when I'm with you I feel happy and safe. I feel your love and I wish I could tell you right now that I love you. But, how can I say I love you when I also care for someone else? I’m not worthy of you Tristan; I’m not worthy of anyone! I am no good Tristan. No good for you or for anyone!" There is no way for me to hold back the tears now. Not when I feel this deep gashing hole inside my chest. "I understand Tristan if you don't want to be around me; I understand completely. You don’t deserve this." I pull my knees up towards my chest, cover my eyes and weep. I hadn’t realized just how cumbersome this burden had become.
"Emma, please don't cry." He says in a hushed voice. I barely hear him walk over to me. He sits down and puts an arm around my shoulders, which makes me feel even more horrible. I should be comforting him. I'm the one hurting him. "Listen to me Emma. I don't understand love in its entirety either. You can't help the way you feel. You have been through things in the past few days that would break an average seventeen year old down. You aren't an average seventeen year old though. That's what I love about you. You are strong, tough, caring and honest, just to mention a few."
I shake my head because I totally disagree with him. "Yes Emma, you are." He says so strongly that I find myself wanting to believe him.
Getting my sobbing under control I pull my head up and wipe at my eyes. It takes me a few seconds to get up the courage to turn my eyes on Tristan. Afraid of seeing the hurt I inflicted on him. I say, "Tristan, it's okay to be mad. You don't need to comfort me. I’ll understand and respect your choice if you want me out of your life."
Before I can push my gaze away from him again he gently re-directs me to him with his finger under my chin. "I am not mad. Am I upset or disappointed? Yes. Not in you or in who you are...in the situation. I don't want you out of my life. I can't bare the thought Emma. I will respect that you need time to figure out how you feel. I can wait."
I have nothing that I can say in response. I try to allow my heart to speak to him through my eyes and perhaps my heart will even translate to me what it's saying. He breaks our gaze first when his attention is pulled to the fire that has depleted down to mostly just embers. He rubs my shoulder affectionately then stands up to gather more wood to fuel the flames.
After the fire has been re-ignited, he and I lay down next to it. No more words tonight. My chest feels like it's been broken into pieces and my empty stomach aches with pain. This intensely emotional night has taken a toll on me. When sleep finally comes I welcome the exit of this night that has left me feeling like only a shell of the girl I once was.
***
The morning light stirs me from my sleep. I don’t move; I just simply let my eyes open slowly. It takes me a few moments to gather my bearings and last night rushes back to me full force making me cringe. The feeling is short lived though as I notice an arm draped around my middle keeping me warm. I can hear Tristan’s steady breathing just behind my ear and I close my eyes cherishing this moment. I quietly roll over slightly turning my face to see him. He looks so peaceful and beautiful in the early morning light. Like a younger version of him, the version I had not yet corrupted. I hear a few of the embers crackle behind me as I brush a small strand of hair off his forehead. Tristan’s eyes slowly flutter open and a slow smile creeps onto his face. “Good morning beautiful.” Tristan says in a husky voice. He tightens his grip on me just enough that I am pulled into the crevice of his body. He strokes my hair with his chin as I simply melt into his arms.
It’s as if all the worries and anguishes of last night have simply melted away, even if it’s only for the moment, it comes as a welcomed relief. This is the Tristan I know and adore. I wish life hadn’t gotten so complicated…but yet it has, and I desperately need to accept that. I feel his soft lips gently grazing my neck. All of the worries and anxieties are quickly replaced by a serene peacefulness. I feel myself shiver at his touch. Within a few moments I feel our bodies shift into facing one another as Tristan continues to kiss me. I don’t stop him, nor do I want to. I shut my mind off and allow myself to just be, ignoring this chaotic web I have spun. I feel warmth spread through my body as my head fits into the curvature of his neck. I return his kisses with one of my own near his ear and I can feel his body shiver. Tristan’s kisses become more urgent as his mouth lands on mine hungrily. Kissing Tristan feels so easy, it's like we are puzzle pieces meant for each other and just being with him fits. I'm jolted back to reality when the thought of Kai pops into my head. I try to ignore it, but I can’t push it from my mind. Tristan must sense the tension because he stops kissing me and turns his face towards mine. He brushes my hair softly out of my face. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
My heart melts as he says this. The pet name he has just given me feels so much more intimate than I had anticipated. I close my eyes and just shake my head. I can’t bear to tell him to stop, because in all reality, I don’t want him to. Tristan leans closer and I feel him kiss my forehead leaving a warm feeling flowing over my face. Tristan continues stroking my hair until I gather my bearings and am able to open my eyes again.
He simply smiles back at me, so I return one to him.
“You look so beautiful in the morning.” Tristan begins. He still has his bedroom voice on and it causes my heart to flutter. He takes a deep breath and continues, “Sorry,” he laughs. “I guess I just couldn’t help myself.”
I giggle a little with him. “Don’t think you were the only one,” I say as matter of fact as possible. In a few seconds we are both giggling and when I look back at Tristan I see the man I met only a few weeks before. I want so badly to go back to that moment, when we didn’t have a care in the world. When we could surf, and take walks, and go on drives, and just be. But realization dawns on me as I realize that innocence is lost. Tristan must realize my change in demeanor because his face changes from giddy to a small look of worry. “What’s wrong, Emma?”
I just stare back at him. I so badly don’t want to ruin this moment, but I just can’t sit here and let myself go while there is so much worry that is running through my mind.
Tristan doesn’t wait for a response before talking to me again. “It’s okay Emma, I know you have a lot going on. I miss it too.”
Before I have a chance to ask him what he misses he continues. “I miss the simplicity, and the time when there were no worries.” He takes a deep breath and exhales. “Most of all, I miss you.” His eyes drop from mine and his brow creases in sadness.
I hate how I am making him feel, but if we ever have a chance to go back to the way things were, we have to help Kai, Adam and Noa first. How in the world did life get so complicated I think to myself then whisper to Tristan, “I miss you too.”
He wraps me in a comforting hug and then helps me to my feet. Sitting up, I stretch my arms up over my head only to find myself landing back on the ground after Tristan tackles me and begins tickling me. Grateful for his way of diffusing the tension between us, I throw my head back in full fledge laughter as I playfully try to fight him off. I begin tickling him in return and I laugh so hard it makes my side hurt. In a stealthy rolling move, I manage to get out from under Tristan and run to the other side of the cave while he playfully chases me.
I don’t get far before I notice a strange shadow appear at the cave entrance. I turn towards it when all of the breath comes barreling out of my chest. I inhale sharply and let out a shrill scream backing myself abruptly into the cave wall. A look of pure horror flashes over Tristan’s face as he yanks his head towards the entrance. But it was of no use. The shadow had disappeared, and along with that shadow went Kao.