Twenty-Two: Slipping

ARIS SIGHED AS I wiped Sykes’s blood off my knuckles. “Please tell me you didn’t kill him.”

For someone with my Colt aimed straight at him, he sounded awfully calm.

Valyr had made good on her promise. Less than twelve hours after our little chat, she’d gotten Aris right where I needed him: out of the palace, off to stand in at one of Nymeron’s campaign remotes that broadcasted the end-all that was the Empire. Pretty sure the president was going to get a nice bump on votes out of it. People loved sappy stories of reunions with lost sons and all that bullshit. Even trumped the rumors about the presidential family’s connections to the Voyance, even some anti-Empire propaganda cropping up in places. Had to give him that, Nymeron put on a good show. Might not even have to rig results this year.

I’d caught up with Aris and his personal pet Red outside an abandoned metro station, the stairs leading down to the old subway tunnels, a black hole behind me. It cast shadows deep enough you could barely see Sykes slumped against the rusty metal railing, his head lolling onto his chest.

“What, worried I broke your boy toy?”

“Is that what this is about?” Aris’s hand twitched and he took a step toward Sykes before he caught himself. If not for the uniform, complete with the silver sun crest of Aris’s personal guard or the trickle of blood down the side of his head, the Red could’ve been just another street rat, passed out drunk right where the smell of piss and stale graffiti was worst.

“He’ll be fine.” Out for a while, given the tranqs I’d dosed him with, and would wake up with one hell of a headache, but fine.

I’d promised Valyr I wouldn’t kill any of her people. Didn’t say anything about not kicking them when they were already down.

Aris rubbed his eyelids; in the late-morning sun, they looked bluish and hollowed. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who hadn’t slept since the Empire’d taken him.

I hated how something so little made me hope so much.

Aris’s lips thinned, his face all tight lines and hard angles.

“Damian. What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you, too.”

The tightness across Aris’s shoulders had nothing to do with the Colt I kept aimed at him. He looked worn to the bone—a skeleton puppet, walking, talking, and slinging the Voyance around whenever Nymeron tugged on his strings.

“You look good,” I lied, playing over the catch in my voice.

Aris let out a deep breath, tension draining out of his body until he almost seemed like a bleached-out version of his old self. Before I could stop myself, I put a hand on his shoulder. For a fraction of a moment, he leaned in, his head lowered, watching me through white lashes. The heat of his body was only inches from mine, teetering on the edge of closing the gap. Then he stiffened and stepped back, his eyes hard like slate.

“Can we speed this up? I really don’t have time for this.”

“What? Too busy being daddy dearest’s errand boy? Looks like that’s going great for you. Burned anyone else lately?”

The old Aris would’ve flinched at that, but now he just stood there, cold and unblinking, as if something cast in iron. “What do you want, Damian?”

Anger burned brighter than the sting. “What do I want?” I bit down on the urge to scream at him and tightened my grip around the Colt. “I want the old Aris back. But that’s obviously not going to happen as long as Nymeron’s still holding you by a fucking choke chain. So, I’m getting you the hells out of here, that’s what.” I waved my Colt. “Let’s go.”

Aris didn’t move. “I’m not coming with you.”

“Funny how you say that like I’m giving you a choice.” I nudged him forward. “You’re coming with me. Either walk or pick your least favorite kneecap and I’ll drag you. Your call.”

Aris’s eyes narrowed at my Colt, silver brows crinkling. “You wouldn’t.”

There was so much conviction in his voice. He was sure I wouldn’t hurt him.

Once I never would’ve. Shit sure had changed.

I swallowed past the dryness in my mouth. At the back of my mind, a tinny voice kept yelling at me how fucked up all of this was. This was Aris in my sights, for Gods’ sakes. I cocked the hammer. The voice choked off and died.

“Try me.”

Cold understanding dawned on Aris’s face. He took a step toward me, and I knew I had him. He’d come with me. I’d get him the hells out of here, far away from Nymeron’s mindfuckery. Things would be okay.

For the first time since the Shadow burned, I almost believed it.

Aris’s words were a low whisper. “I wish you wouldn’t make me do this.”

“Make you do wh—”

The Voyance flashed to life in Aris’s eyes.

My head exploded in white-hot pain that nearly drove me to my knees. A tight-knuckled grasp of the iron railing was all that kept me standing, hunched over, too breathless to scream.

“Just let me go, Damian.”

Some traitorous part of my brain brought back the memory of lazy mornings spent in bed, his head warm on my shoulder, hair fanned out, spilling through my fingers in golden strands.

“You’re not going to hurt me.” Aris’s words from what felt like a lifetime ago, coming back to me now, mangled into a faded echo with my own assurances. “There’s nothing I’d do to you if you don’t want me to, you know that. And not just because you could kick my ass with the Voyance.”

Of course. I should’ve known better. Just never thought he would.

“No,” I hissed through gritted teeth. Somehow, I managed not to drop the Colt. I clenched it in a death-grip, blinked through the pain dragging me to the ground. My aim was shaky at best, but it held. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Damian, please.” He closed in. His fingers brushed against my face, cupping my jaw. His touch took away the pain and I leaned into him. Couldn’t help it. Of course, I wanted to let him go, to do whatever he wanted. What was I doing here anyway? I needed to let go and we could go back to tangled sheets and his hands warm on my face, his lips a soft whisper against the side of my throat. We could get back to all of it, back before there’d been any thoughts of him leaving, when it’d just been the two of us. All I had to do was—

The image shattered into a million shards.

I shook my head and bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, chasing away the fog that settled on my mind wrapped in pain. Something warm and wet ran down my upper lip, dripping down my chin. The pressure inside my skull skyrocketed; it felt like a balloon someone’d pumped full of too much air, past the point where it’d burst. Fuck, it hurt.

“Forget it.” I ground out the words. “I won’t let you. You hear me? I won’t let you.”

A whimper cut off anything else. Stabbing pain needled my eyeballs; I tasted blood at the back of my throat.

“Damian. Be reasonable. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s the thing,” I spat a mouthful of blood, a splash of red against dull concrete. “You never would. But this isn’t you, is it.”

Aris became blurry, fuzzy around the edges. The only thing I could see clearly were those hard, stark-white Voyant eyes. Nothing else.

I’d been so stupid. Thinking the Aris I’d known was still in there.

I was wrong.

That Aris was gone. Stripped away by something that went deeper than silver-white hair and pale eyes. It still looked like him. Just like that little girl the Reds had Cleansed at the Place du Marché.

This was nothing but a Shell.

The realization laid me open to the bone.

Something between my ears gave with a pop. Everything around me drowned in white.

Aris’s eyes widened; for the first time, I could see real fear flickering across his face.

“Damian, don’t.” A flash of white illuminated him, like the sun had come out from behind a cover of clouds.

Only this time it wasn’t his Voyance that lit the place up like a New Year’s light show.

It was mine.

And inside me, the Voyance screamed.

I could see Aris’s lips move but couldn’t hear him over the noise. He took a staggering step forward. I didn’t notice I’d started shaking until he was pressed against me, holding on tight while the Voyance burned through me.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Aris’s mouth was warm against my ear, the tip of my Colt crushed against his chest, forgotten. “I’m sorry. You’re okay.” His hands shook as he dragged me closer; my head tucked underneath his chin, body curled against him as he slowly walked me backward, cradling me all the way. His lips brushed a kiss against my forehead before he pulled back, taking the Voyance with him, and my head became painfully clear.

The distant thought that this was bad, bad, occurred to me, but I couldn’t remember why. Something about the Empire. Something about Nymeron—

Too late, I picked up the surge in the Voyance around Aris or the way his hand clenched around my shoulder.

I got my Colt up in time to hear Aris say, “I’m so sorry, Damian.”

He shoved me backward. His Voyance lashed out and threw me down the stairs into the tunnel gaping below.

The brief, panicked feeling of falling only lasted a second.

Then my body hit the concrete stairs.

The impact knocked the screams right out of me. I scrambled for something to hold on to, anything to stop my fall. The shove of Aris’s Voyance was stronger. All I could do was throw up my arms to try and protect my head on my way down. My knee slammed into a hard edge, bent at the wrong angle. A red haze overlaid everything. My shoulder smacked into an iron post. Something snapped. I tried to make a grab for the railing, but my arms weren’t working. More crunching. Finally, the thud of my body hitting the ground hard enough to crack tile.

The Voyance imploded behind my eyes.

Black bumped it off to the side before my body finished skittering to a halt.

Green emergency lighting cut into the darkness, splattering jagged patterns across the walls and ceiling. Overhanging wires dangled like tentacles of a monster lurking in the shadows, the mouth of the tunnel wide open, waiting to pull me in. My entire body felt like someone’d stomped on it and decided to mop the floor with what was left. I let my head fall to the side with a moan that sounded altogether too weak and broken.

I squinted. Too bright. The Voyance turned everything into searing negative images. The pain. The light. Everything was too bright.

I missed Aris coming down the stairs until he stood over me, the Voyance still burning in his eyes.

A sound dangerously close to a whimper snuck out of me. I tried to move, broken fingers fumbling for the Colt I’d lost on my way down. Pain tore into me with iron claws, keeping me pinned to the ground. All I managed was to smear more blood across the tile.

“Stay away from him!” someone shouted to my left. Raeyn? How did he—

The click of the safety on his semi-auto cracked the silence. Against the aftershocks of the Voyance, Raeyn was nothing but a hazy outline with a gun trained on Aris’s head.

“I suggest you leave while you still can.”

Aris froze. “I— Raeyn, I didn’t mean to.” His voice broke. “Damian.”

He stared down at me, hands opening and closing, one verge of reaching out, but Raeyn grabbed his arm.

“Get out.” He bit off the words. “Or so the Gods help me, I will shoot you.”

Whatever he was about to say, Aris seemed to think better of it. With a silent nod and a last glance at me, he vanished up the stairs, and I finally let myself collapse.

“Damian?” Raeyn dropped to his knees, cool fingers against the back of my neck and the side of my face, trying to stabilize me against his knees. Inside of me, all the pent-up Voyance kicked and my head snapped back at the jolt, leaving me gasping for air.

Raeyn cursed. I must’ve zapped him or something, but he didn’t let go. “Easy. Easy.” I heard him grit his teeth, trying to keep his voice calm as he held me through the shakes. “Listen, I need you to relax, all right?”

The Voyance rattled my bones. For a while, the only thing I heard was the soothing stream of Raeyn’s voice against the frantic gasps of my breath and the sound of my feet scrabbling on the floor. It seemed to take half of forever until I got myself to stop. Slowly, the world returned to its normal colors. I felt myself go limp, fighting the sudden urge to curl into the warmth of Raeyn kneeling by my head. I might’ve done it, if I could’ve gotten myself to move. My left side felt like someone’d taken a jackhammer to it.

Raeyn’s face hovered over me. “Gods, you are so stupid!” he said with passion.

He moved me carefully, shrugged out of his coat, bunched it up, and shoved it underneath my head with practiced efficiency.

“What were you thinking going after him alone? He could have killed you. Easily.”

His anger drained away like water through a sieve and something softened in his eyes. “Can you feel your legs? Toes?”

“Yeah.” My voice came out as a hoarse croak, but I was dead set on showing him Aris hadn’t managed to break me completely. “Feel ’em all right. Fuck.” I bit my lip. My left knee was pounding with bursts of pain in time with my heartbeat. I coughed. Bad idea. Felt like someone’d broken off my ribs and turned them into chopsticks to jab at my insides.

Raeyn made a noncommittal noise. “You are a mess, darling.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” I winced and closed my eyes. Didn’t need him to tell me my knee was busted. And my shoulder. Add a couple broken ribs and a sprained wrist for good measure. Wish he’d stop poking at me already. Not that I had enough breath left to argue.

I let him go at it and tried not to stare at the spot where I’d seen Aris disappear. The memory gaped like a dark abyss dragging me toward it.

I’d lost him. Gods, I’d lost him.

I squeezed my eyes shut. All I could see was white. Bright white burning inside me. And I remembered how good it’d felt. Raw power tearing through me. My fingers still tingled with it. The Voyance hovered out of my grasp. I only needed to reach for it, and I could do anything.

The realization hit. I was a Voyant. I was—

My stomach lurched up.

No. I kept my eyes closed and tried to breathe through the reflex. Puking was nothing but tension. That’s all it was. And I couldn’t lose it right now. Not here. Not in front of—

I’d enough time to roll over before my post-hangover breakfast splattered onto the floor. It was mostly watery bile, but it hurt like fuck. Broken ribs skewered my innards. I couldn’t get enough air through to stop the retching. Probably would’ve fallen over and face-first into the stinking mess if it hadn’t been for Raeyn’s arm around me, anchoring me.

“Relax.” Raeyn’s voice seemed to come from very far away. “Breathe.”

“’M fine.” Would’ve been more convincing if I could’ve gotten my hands to stop twitching. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve. “Just get me the hells out of here.”

Raeyn rocked back on his heels. “Not to sound discouraging, but how exactly do you think I am going to carry you up four flights of stairs? You may not have noticed, but super strength isn’t one of my amazing powers. I’ll get help from the Temple. It won’t take long.”

He tried to get up, but I grabbed his wrist. “No.” I clenched my teeth and stretched my leg, slowly and without looking at it. If I didn’t look, it couldn’t be so bad, right? Right.

“I can make it,” I said at the doubtful expression on Raeyn’s face. “Please. Don’t leave me alone in this godsforsaken tunnel. Please.”

Raeyn gave me a sidelong glance, but he nodded and gave me a hand. It took him two tries and me lots of bit-back cursing to get me up and park me against the wall. The pain kept me hunched over, my breath coming in quick pants, twisting like knives beneath my sternum.

“Ready?” Raeyn asked after a while. Made me wonder how long he’d been standing there, watching me try not to fall over.

I nodded, surprised how much effort the movement took.

“Well then, do you suppose you could let go of the railing?”

Oh. I focused on my hands. Hadn’t even noticed I was holding on to it tight enough to make my knuckles pop. “Uh. Sure.”

I took a step toward Raeyn. My knee held for half a second before it gave way.

Raeyn caught a rough handful of my shirt and slid his shoulder under mine; the quick save sent a fresh stab of pain into my side and left me gasping, clinging to him as the tunnel tilted and threatened to slide away.

Raeyn took on my full weight and winced.

“Yes, you are perfectly all right, aren’t you? You—” I turned my head into his shoulder and his breath hitched. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t remember why. Didn’t matter. He was warm. Much warmer than the cold floor dragging me down and I knew he wouldn’t let me fall.

“I have to admit, this isn’t how I pictured you clinging to me, all sweaty and…well.” Raeyn sighed and his grip on me tightened. “Hold on.”

He snaked my arm over his shoulder and started up the stairs.

Raeyn had to all but carry me. I tried to help, to hold on to the railing, but my fingers were numb, my whole left side a broken, useless mess. My knee screamed with every dragging step. It felt like climbing the side of a cliff, darkness swirling in the corners of my eyes like dark waves crashing against rock.

Twice the stairs almost won. Each time felt like slipping. In the end, Raeyn pulled me through and we made it to the top.

For a horrible second, I thought we’d be running right into an ambush of Reds, circling the exit like vultures biding their time. But the sidewalk was empty. Aris was gone, and he’d taken Sykes with him. Relief washed over me, and my eyes drooped, suddenly heavy.

The world darkened at the edges.

I could almost let go.

Just a few more steps.

“You so owe me.” Raeyn’s harsh breaths were a ragged echo of my own as we stumbled over cracks in the pavement toward the Temple’s hover, glinting silver in the sunlight.

“Anything you want.” Just get me a bed and all the painkillers in the Temple.

“I’ll remember you said that. Lucky for you, I accept rain checks.”