Jen seems taken aback by the guy sitting next to Fabian. “Hi, I’m Lucas.” I extend my hand to him.
“I’m Igor. A good friend of Fabian’s. We go way back. I’ve started choreographing the routine Jen is going to perform. She’ll need to make sure she concentrates solely on dancing. Any distraction could be detrimental.” He smiles at her in an all-knowing way and it rattles me. Igor must have picked up on it because he continues, “I’m also the director of City of Lights Ballet Company. I hired Jen a few months back. She’s very promising and I’m pleased she got this role.”
“Were you involved from the beginning?” Jen asks, frowning like she’s still trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.
“Fabian had asked me what I thought of choreographing a dance for a music video. He sent me the melody and I started working on it.”
Jen squares her shoulder and plays with her hair, taking it down, putting it up again. “You could have told me. You probably already knew I got the part.”
“Actually, I did not until you announced it to me this morning. I’m very pleased to be working with you on this. You’ve got the talent and the dedication and you can represent the School well…except I heard about this little drug incident of yours.”
Jen doesn’t gasp, she doesn’t even flinch. She steels herself, her entire body tenses and I see how she protects herself, puts up a wall around her when she’s attacked. She hasn’t done that much around me until now.
Grégoire clears his throat—not because he’s nervous but because he wants to make sure Igor knows who’s in charge. “We haven’t decided on the timeline to discuss this yet. We’ll probably do a short written interview the day before the video releases,” Grégoire says, his fists firmly planted in front of him on the table. It seems he wasn’t aware this Igor guy was going to be involved as well.
Everybody sits down and we all get to work. Fabian explains his vision and how he’ll have Jen dance to the song in different places. She’ll be in front of the Eiffel Tower, and in a warehouse. In the light and in the darkness. Her dancing will be cut with Olivia and I singing by ourselves in the mountains. I need to call Mom and cancel Sunday lunch, since we’re travelling to the Pyrenees.
Sadness and grieving will be the main message of the video, and then there will be some hope.
“Jen and I will work on the choreography every morning in the ballet studio of the company before the rehearsal for the show begins.” Igor sounds like arguing with him would be a bad idea. “She can do it.” But even though he’s been an ass for a big part of this meeting, he does seem confident in Jen. I hope she sees that. That everyone believes in her.
Olivia stayed pretty silent the entire time and right before we all part ways, she slides next to me. “I’m going to go see Benji’s grandmother at the hospital tomorrow morning, do you want to come with me?”
“I thought visits were only during the afternoon.”
“I didn’t want any craziness following me there, so I agreed with the hospital that I would go in the morning. I go every two days. Usually from ten to eleven.”
Again, she surprises me. I go to see Benji’s grandmother every week, usually after hours. Sometimes, she asks about him. Other times, she thinks he’s outside playing soccer, or still in jail for stealing fancy clothes in a boutique close to them. But most of the times, she thinks he’s outside, waiting to come in and visit. I never have the heart to tell her that he’s not coming back. Ever.
“I think she’d be happy to see us both at the same time. She always asks about you when I go. But if you’re busy, I understand.”
“I don’t know, Olivia. It’s one thing to sing together for Benji, to do one last song, and another to go see his grandma together.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry I asked. It’s…”
“What is it?”
“Sometimes it’s so hard to be there and to see her. How she still hopes without hope and sometimes how she remembers everything.”
“It is. I know what you mean. Maybe we could, one time,” I tell her, but I’m still so unsure. Spending more time with Olivia isn’t going to convince Jen I want nothing more from her. Even though it’s true. When I look at Olivia I see my past. When I look at Jen, I see my present and I see my future.
“Sounds good.” Olivia doesn’t argue. She simply waves at me and leaves the room. I turn around and Jen’s nowhere to be seen.
Shit.
I hurry out of the room and almost run into her. “I thought you left.”
“You did tell me to wait for you. I just didn’t want to impose and I understand you guys have things to talk about.”
“Benji’s grandmother has Alzheimer’s, and both Olivia and I try to see her as often as possible. Sometimes, she doesn’t remember anything, other times she remembers too much almost. It’s hard. Olivia wanted to know if we could visit her together at some point.”
I can’t read her face. And it’s killing me, because she’s not letting me in, but then she exhales slowly. “I’m ready to go if you are.” And she offers me a tiny smile.
I’ll take what I can.