CHAPTER FOUR

At last they had sent their guests on their way and only Kylie and Emma remained. They were sprawled out in the living room, surveying the scene of chaos and reviewing the happenings of the evening with Mal, when Jellie came in. She heard her say: “Listen guys it’s so late, why don’t you take the spare room?” then she laughed. “If I get you to stay over, then I can corral you into helping with the clean-up.” “Mm…m, I’d like not to have to drive,” Emma confessed: “And this big sister here has had far too much.” She reached over to put her arm around her partner. “She doesn’t go dykey often, but now and again she ties one on, bless her little bobby socks.” Kylie let her head flop onto Emma’s shoulder as a convenient pillow.

Jellie was quite taken aback by this scenario. For one thing, they didn’t have a spare bed and for another, Emma’s way of addressing her friend was well – different. As she took the other easy chair she looked across at Mal questioningly, raising a shapely, arched eyebrow.

“I’ll put fresh sheets on the bed and give you some towels. C’mon Em, I’ll show you.” As she passed Jellie she whispered: “It’s all right. I’ll take the couch.”

Jellie turned her gaze to Kylie, but she had already relaxed enough to be dropping off. She surmised they wouldn’t mind sharing a bed, seeing as it was well after two o’clock. The others came back and collected Kylie who mumbled a rather slurred: “See ya later.”

Once they were settled, Mal returned to the living room with a doona and pillow.

“I’ll be fine here Jells. Look, you must be whacked. I’ll see to locking up OK?”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve slept on a divan.” She threw back her head. “I’ve even been known to rest my weary bones on the floor, without a pillow” She stopped laughing. “Go on Jells, I’m fine.”

Jellie went to her room reluctantly and changed for sleep. But sleep didn’t come. She knew Mal was as worn out as she. It had been a generous offer, but really, if those two could share, why couldn’t they? Listening for a moment that all was quiet, she slipped out of bed and padded down the passage with quick, light steps. From the base-board night lights that failed to probe even into dim corners, she could still see Mal overhanging the edges and the duvet skewed halfway to the floor. In the morning she would wake up bone stiff. Gently, she shook her bare shoulder. Yes, it was frigid in this cold night air.

“Mal, this is no good. Come where it’s warm.”

Mal, half asleep, registered it was Jellie. She would like that very much. “I’m all right here Jells, don’t get cold.”

“No Mal. I’m not leaving without you and I will get cold if you keep me here shivering in my nightie.” She pulled the doona totally off and grabbed Mal’s hand. She swung her feet to the floor and stood up. Together they followed the lights and went back to Jellie’s room where Mal could see the welcoming outline of a double bed. Jellie closed the door quietly behind them.

It felt so good to be stretched out properly and the warmth of Jellie’s body soon penetrated to her bones. In no more than an instant Mal was asleep. Still Jellie could not find oblivion. She lay next to Mal and listened to her even breathing. Mal turned and she felt her hovering breath on her cheek. It was like a warm and gentle kiss in the cold indifferent night; a warm kiss that kindled a spark to ignite her far from indifferent body.

Here was Mal so close, her silver blonde head resting on the pillow beside her … and asleep. At last she was free to reach out. First she touched her face, stroked the curve of her cheek as it led to her throat. She let her trembling hand slide down to her neck where she felt the rhythmic, pulsing beat next to the chain. It was like, for a moment, she was touching the very life-force of this woman. The force was powerful. It drew her on to explore further. Now she felt herself suffused by an exciting heat that was threatening to flare into a raging blaze and she wanted to throw off the covers, but she dared not disturb her. This exploration would then have to stop and she couldn’t bear that, not yet, not now. All she wanted was to stay in the moment.

With imperceptible increments she edged closer, allowing her exploring hand to wander past the neck to the shoulder. Just a little, she eased the sheet down until she could hold Mal’s hand, gently she drew it up towards her until she could feel its warmth against the twin mounds of her breasts. Her nipples wanted to be touched, so bad! She stopped the movement, but she couldn’t let the hand slip away.

She started again. What a wonderful experience! She was on a wave, its crest she could ride forever. She brought Mal’s hand closer to her lips. She could plant a cushy kiss on the finger tips, couldn’t she? Just one! Her mouth held pliant and tender against the flesh and she found her tongue probing between the lengths of the fingers to the folds of her palm. That first light touch of her tongue grew like a rising flame, spreading into a ring of thrilling fire, burning into the centre of her body. She felt torched; melted.

She licked the soft mound of the thumb then realised her saliva was dribbling down Mal’s arm. She brought her hesitant hand to smooth it away, but her jerky movements caused her to press too hard. Mal’s eyelids fluttered open and in the diffuse light she saw Jells’ face so close; her arm pressed against the swelling of her breasts. The covers were down, but her body was not cold. It was burning hot. She had awakened to the carnal touch as if exposed to a fire; a fire that had smouldered for too long and now could only be smothered by her erotic attention. With lust-filled sleepiness, she rolled closer to Jellie and pressed herself along her warm, yielding length.

Before thought, Jellie’s arms came round to encircle this body she had longed to hold for such an age. Fully awake Mal responded, seeking the tender mouth and placing her lips gently against it. As soon as they met, passion shook them. The wet softness spun Mal into a dizzying rapture. She felt her body, more alive than it had ever been. Her skin registered the slightest touch; every nerve-end active; alert. What also registered was Jells’ sweet yearning. So delicious, so welcoming, it pierced her heart. As an experimental creature of her own making, shaped by her nature not nurture, she had needed to find a kindred spirit who could speak to her alone. Her implausible karma had crossed her path with Nigella Patchford, from an opposed time; a disparate heritage, but their meeting had forged a bond which transcended the individual. It was an authenticity that had surmounted the distance of space and the river of time and passed on into the eternal mysteries; a level of connection between two people beyond comprehension. She had put the idea of Mallory Mason into an existence which allowed her to know herself, to herself. It seemed, in her most intimate moments, she could speak to her very soul. It was her language of love which brought her reality into being. There was no brilliance greater than this.

Breathless with a sudden fear, a wave of caution in a moment of reality, Mal’s emotions steadied. She pulled back and rolled to her other side to turn on the bedside lamp. In the halo of its golden glow she unveiled her disquiet. “Jells, is this real?” A frown creased her brow; her voice was gravely with the power of her feelings. She had to be sure the reciprocation was not her perverse sensuality at work, willing for what she hungered; not seeing what was genuine. That hunger for the touch of another person runs deep, as does desire. Treacherously, she could be led to confuse her need with love.

But I know there is far more to love then physical passion. I do know the difference! She didn’t want to respond to a self-delusion and she was not interested in the illusions of avatar creations. Kylie’s words still rang in her head, but she wouldn’t react because someone had sewn a seed she too badly wanted to germinate.

Jellie was startled. “Real, Mal? I don’t know if my dream has come true, or if I’m living my dream?” she answered softly, breathlessly. She couldn’t put her thoughts together coherently, filled only with desire and confusion. Weak with emotion and overcome by wanting, she turned mutely to Mal for her need and looked imploringly into those blazing blue eyes. She was captive, with no way out … out of what? She didn’t know.

More than Jells’ words, Mal read her body and knew, for sure, this was their time. It was now a certainty; she could grasp its reality. Her eyes glittered with a gathering fire. Finally she could express her love, free to reveal its depth. She could pour out and let flow, all she had in her heart to give.

“Come here my darling, let me hold you.” She turned Jellie to face her. She would love her with all the urgency and imperative passion of her pent up craving. At last Jellie was enfolded in her embrace. They lay close, bodies pressed all the way. For the first time Jellie felt the potent tips of Mal’s breasts against her own softness; they speared to her core. Her sharp pelvic bones pressed against her responsive belly and she pressed harder, with barely a conscious thought. No thought at all! Mal was invading her mouth. Her lips and tongue were giving her such sensations, she responded with more of her own. Mal released her and began to stroke her body. With her face buried against her neck, Jellie felt the pressure of Mal’s hand as it slid smoothly over her knee and under her hem. The hand stopped at the top of her thigh where it seemed to brand her skin. It stayed there; she knew she was her possession. Mal began her drowning kisses again. Jellie couldn’t stop her body from twisting against the pressure of Mal’s pelvis until she realised she was following the rhythm of her tongue as it withdrew then thrust again, into her mouth. She was filled with the strength, the sweep, the power of her love.

“Jells let me take you to the top.” Her voice was heavy, but Jellie heard her.

“I want you to do whatever you desire,” she assured, in a voice equally as thick. “I don’t ever want you to stop.”

“I’m going to lie on top of you. I want you to move any way and as much as you feel. Or you can lie still. Do whatever you wish. I’ll love all of it.” As she spoke she removed her boxers. Gently she lifted off the shift and eased her body over, but totally, and let Jellie receive her full weight. She welcomed this treasured burden and put her arms around Mal’s back holding her even closer. She felt they were one flesh, one essence. Only fascination and ardour existed.

Mal’s mouth captured Jellie’s once more and as her tongue worked her hand softly kneaded her breast. The nipple was insistent in her palm as she rhythmically lifted and then let fall this voluptuous heaviness, only to do it again and again.

Oh God she’s all woman. I loved that girl … but this woman … is to die for.

Almost beyond hearing, she became aware of Jellie’s moan inside her uneven breathing. It was more a primordial vibration than a sound; a vibration that penetrated her body and reached deep into her own living centre. Reluctantly, she had to let Jellie go, just for a moment, but she had been aroused for more.

Quickly now, like a serpent, she slithered her body over this intoxicating flesh. The green eyes flew open startled; more prominent than usual, as Mal’s lips took the youthful peak inside her mouth. She heard a sharp cry, but Jellie settled. Now her hand was free to stroke down to her cleft and explore its hot wetness. As she sucked at the rising nipple, her fingers were guided to the heated fervour of Jellie’s body where they slid easily between the folds of her womanhood. But – she had to go carefully, too important that this first time be perfect. This was for Jells, but she could feel her own climax building. With that first brush of those engorged lips and that demanding bud, she knew it would happen. She didn’t have to be touched. Then she would need all the control she had ever commanded. She would never risk breaking Jells’ rhythm just for her own gratification.

Jellie gloried in the slow, languorous strokes. She stopped moving her body and further opened her legs. It was as if she were an empty vessel which Mal had come to fill. She would let her. She would let her do anything she wanted. She was willing to receive all she had to give and would lie perfectly still, but she found her body demanding action. Jellie wanted to feel that kiss again. She brought Mal’s face up to hers and took her mouth greedily. In swift response, Mal’s body came over, a perfect cover, pinning her down. She was snared with nowhere to run, but wasn’t this where she wanted to be?

She nestled herself between Jellie’s thighs and worked her pubic bone against her clitoris. With gentle rotations, not too much, she started a slow tempo. They continued exploring their kiss and Jellie responded with her own elemental rhythm until they had a cadence in harmony all their own. In a sensual metre matching the thudding of her heart and the drumming of Mal’s, they built toward their ecstasy until Mal could not hold back from thrusting with abandon, as fast as her partner demanded. When Jellie cried out, a sound as though wrenched from the depths of her very soul, Mal let herself go and they climaxed as one. Not only in the physical release of a glorious orgasm, but with an emotional fulfillment so loving, they came together and were awakened to a new reality.

The demonstration of this love had been so long denied, but here at last was unmitigated joy. Joy in the total freedom of its unreserved expression. They clung to each other as tears of rapture welled up in their eyes and only their hot breath, which paused as a cloud in the cold air, broke the stillness of the night. Not even one small degree of separation would be allowed between them. For the two lovers, the world had jolted on its axis and nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

No-one wanted to get up. It was almost ten o’clock before any feet reached the floor and they were Emma’s. She read the signs; the empty couch, the closed bedroom door. Making busy in the kitchen, she smiled knowingly.

She left a big pot of coffee on the stove and couldn’t wait to tell Kylie what she surmised. The aroma awakened her and she received the mug thankfully. Her head was as bad as she thought it would be. Emma spoke softly to her ear.

“I’m not surprised. Birthday parties often end like this,” Kylie replied. “I’m happy for them.” Was she? She remembered what she had wished for; what might have been, then looked across at Emma and gave her a big hug. She probably couldn’t have handled the deep moods and all that intensity. No, Em really was better suited to her mercurial temperament. “I need to eat. Do you think they have cereal?”

“I didn’t see any. I’ll go look if you like,” Emma offered.

“No, I’ll come too and get another coffee. That one disappeared real fast.”

Mal heard the sounds of kitchen cupboards and china and looked at the clock. Bloody Nora the horses! She jumped off the bed then turned to Jellie, still sleeping. She would have to wake her and tell her where she’d gone. Only EJ was coming in today, classes being cancelled because of the party; still no excuse to leave it all to him. A gentle shake and Jellie opened sleepy eyes.

“I’m off to the stables for feeds, Jells. You stay. I’ll help EJ.”

She checked the time: “Goodness … so late!”

“It’s OK. The others are up. They’ve made coffee. I’ll see you later.” She bent and gave her a warm kiss on the lips. Jellie was reluctant to let go, still dreamy in her lassitude. Mal detached her arms and this time kissed her swiftly on the cheek before heading for her room and some work clothes. On the way to the back door she called to the others; she was going to the paddocks and would see them later.

Jellie rolled out of bed and slipped on her Japanese robe, this sand-washed silk was her favourite. She was beginning to like many things of Japanese design. As the silk brushed her skin, she relived a moment of a lingering caress and felt herself filled with happiness. So many changes! She could feel herself leaving behind her Edwardian preferences. Looking in the mirror she enjoyed the contrast of the black with the primary colours. She was letting go of her pastels. She was letting go … period.

The girls offered her coffee when she appeared and she joined them at the kitchen table. It seemed out of place to see them wearing Mal’s clothes, but it was a cosy thing too. They were perfectly relaxed about it. “Was your sleep all right?” she asked Kylie.

Emma answered. “Listen. She died and I was the one who had to put up with the snoring.” She squeezed Kylie’s hand. “It’s all right. I’m used to it,” and laughed into her eyes. This exchange registered with Jellie. Last night wasn’t their first together, then.

Kylie addressed her: “How was your night?”

She coloured self-consciously and could only stammer that it had been fine. She regarded the girls as they exchanged glances and she blushed again.

“Mal doesn’t snore then?” she watched with sharp eyes as she finished off her cereal.

What’s with Ky? Emma wondered. It was not like her to be so crass.

“I don’t know, I mean … I don’t think so.”

“Take no notice of her Nigella. It’s none of her business anyway.” She looked across at Kylie and gave her a frowning stare.

Kylie responded by raising her hands wide. “Hey just making conversation.” She got up to rinse her bowl and stared equally hard at Emma. She did feel put out, though. Perhaps it was this pounding head. “I’m off to the shower.”

“More coffee,” Emma held up the pot as she turned her gaze to Jellie.

“Thank you, yes.”

She returned to her seat with two steaming mugs. “Because we stayed over … we know.” Her curving mouth smiled gently. “We’re very happy for you.” Her perceptive eyes looked sincerely into the green ones, now wide in wonder. She continued: “Kylie and I have only been together a short time too, but it’s a lovely time isn’t it, when you’re getting to know someone … in the beginning?”

She didn’t know how to react to all this candour. She had felt a love like theirs was something to keep to oneself, but this girl was talking openly, proudly. Whatever would Mama say?

“Emma, I’ve loved Mallory for a long time, but only now have I felt the freedom to show it,” she confessed.

“Why did you wait so long?” The question was out before she had time to think to be more circumspect. “Oh, I didn’t mean to be intrusive,” she apologised.

“That’s all right. It’s a fair question.” She took a drink and continued: “I was fearful she would be shocked, horrified even.” Then she added guardedly: “The thought of … a woman loving a woman, you know … like that.”

Emma lifted her chin high and laughed out loud. “What, a dyke like Mallory Mason, shocked, horrified. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What do you mean Emma?” Her face quickened with a sudden lurch of interest.

“Well, it’s for all the world to see which camp Mallory has her foot in.” She was still chuckling when Kylie joined them.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” she went back to her mug.

“Come on Em. Share the joke.”

Emma looked to Jellie. It was not for her to say. She took the plunge. These new-found friends seemed to know a lot more than she. No point in hiding. “I was explaining to Emma what took me so long. It made her laugh.”

“What took so long?” Kylie was trying to be patient.

Emma took over again and explained succinctly: “To come out. She thought Mal would be offended.” This time she smiled only slightly, just enough to warm to her face. Now the woman in question joined them, bringing with her an aura of vibrant energy and the cool freshness of the outdoors; honey-fair hair tousled by the brisk wind. “What would offend me?” She went to the pot then came over to the table.

“My turn for the shower, I’ll catch you guys later.” Emma rinsed her mug and took off with an airy wave.

Kylie’s eyes were faintly belligerent as she regarded the other woman, as if to say ‘your court’, but Jellie wasn’t so at ease with Kylie and that cornered sensation descended upon her. Feeling herself go pink under the keen scrutiny she froze, keeping her features impassive, almost devoid of expression. For a moment her awkwardness seemed to fill the air. Mal observed the discomfort. “No worries,” she smiled at her. “I’m here to report that all the horses are out in the paddocks, happily checking the scene and cropping steadily, although why they want to do that when I’ve given them such a lovely breakfast beats me.” She addressed herself to Jellie. “I told EJ we’d look after the evening chores so he could take the rest of the day off.”

The moment passed and by the time Emma returned they’d moved on to what needed to be done to get them back to ‘ship-shape’. Kylie was willing to stay and help for a while, but they had an appointment in town that afternoon.

“No drama Ky. Any help will be appreciated. Many hands, etcetera.” Mal jumped to her feet declaring she’d start outside. Jellie said she’d load the dishwasher and the others said they’d bring stuff to her. It was great; they finished in no time. After one more coffee the girls were saying their goodbyes, standing at the doorstep.

“You must come to us, next time,” Emma enthused. Kylie added: “We can make it a lunch, so you can get back for the horses.” She was over her hump and once more in harmony.

Emma turned to Jellie. “It would be a good chance for you to meet the rest of the gang. It’ll be lots of fun introducing you to all the girls.” She looked at her slyly. “You’re so pretty, Nigella. A new face! They’ll all want a piece of you.” Her laughter tinkled out again as she gave her a light, brisk squeeze.

* * *

With everything done, they showered and changed into shirt and jeans and felt much better. Neither wanted a big lunch so they prepared a plate each, of leftovers, heated them in the microwave and took them to the front patio. Mal had stacked the tables and chairs ready for collection, except for one set.

The air had warmed, bringing with it the pungent aroma of damp earth, fallen leaves and faintly, the smell of horse. The clouds, that all morning had mottled the sky, were clearing and for a time, while the sun was high, sunlight dappled their luncheon nook. You could feel the mid-summer days would not be long now. Mal brought Jellie a juice then popped the top on her beer. Alone at last! She grasped her bottle and gave a chink to Jellie’s glass saying: “Here’s to us, my darling,” and followed it with a kiss.

“To us,” she re-joined and kissed her back.

Sitting in the hot rays, it was a pleasure to survey the rewards of all their hard work on the garden. It was beginning to look green and cared-for and, picked out in odd patches of illumination, the startling and vibrant colours of spring daffodils and crocuses were a feast for the eye. As they snacked, Mal thought Jellie relaxed enough to ask what had gone on while she had been out with EJ.

“Oh Mal, it was so odd.”

She stopped munching, in surprise. “What was odd?”

“Emma told me they’d figured it out we’d slept together.” She couldn’t help a slight stumbling to her words or the quick flush to her cheeks, but this time it was in delight. “What I didn’t understand was a reference she made to you having a foot in a camp.” She looked at her frankly now, waiting for an explanation.

“Ah!” she said with immediate insight. “Was that it?”

“Well no, she thought it was funny I was so reticent, seeing as how you’re a ‘dyke’.” She floundered again. “I had no idea what she was talking about,” she added uncomfortably. This time Mal threw back her head and laughed, in the full throated way that allowed Jellie to feast her eyes on her strong neck and the line of taut muscle down the sides. Mal caught the scrutiny and planted a light kiss. “Oh Jells.”

“So what is it that everyone finds so funny?” Shortness had crept into her voice as her eyes narrowed in impatience. She felt excluded and didn’t like it.

“It’s all right, Honey.” Mal leaned forward and clasped her hand. “No-one is laughing at you.”

“So …?” There was no answering smile.

“I’ll try to fill you in.” She took a deep breath. How best to explain this stuff, so recondite for the uninitiated. Could she take the abstraction and make it real? “Jells you understand we’re not the first women to love each other, right?” She nodded. “In the past women had to hide their love. Not in Sappho’s time, though. You’ve heard of Sappho?” This time she shook her head. “Sappho lived on the island of Lesbos in the sixth century, BC. She was a Greek woman who gloried in the love of women. Baudelaire coined the appellation for her: Daughter of Desire. She wrote beautiful poetry and gave us the word Sapphism, which is another word for Lesbianism. That word comes from the island where she lived with her maidens.”

Jellie was gazing at her with eyes growing more open in wonderment. It started so far back, with Greek women? “How has it managed to remain so … unknown?”

“Well … having loving feelings for another woman isn’t exactly part of the Christian ethic, so it’s been very much condemned throughout history. Consequently, in the old days Lesbians more or less went under-ground.”

“How do you mean, ‘underground’?”

“When you were a girl, Lesbians generally belonged to the privilege classes. In this case they had money and could afford to meet in their private houses, or at a special rendezvous. It was very hush-hush. The clandestine nature of the assignations was provocative too. They lived a sensational life by night and the rest of the world was in ignorance.”

“Goodness me!” her eyes widened, the news so startling. She didn’t want to lead a double life, this one was complicated enough.

“It’s not like that now, of course.” Mal brushed back the obstinate lock that would flop forward over her brow when she was particularly involved. “We still have the hang-over of the bars and clubs where you can meet at night, but generally they’re for men and women; mixed.”

“With men, too?” surprise crossed her face, a perplexed gleam in the shadow of her eyes.

“Yes, we all get on together. The clubs are no longer hidden away and the existence of homosexuality no longer raises an eyebrow. We’re all called Gays now.

“Goodness,” said Jellie again, not sure she was able to take it all in. “So it’s all right to tell everyone we love each other?” Even so she coloured with embarrassment.

“Well … we can’t quite go that far. We’re tolerated. There’s acceptance from understanding Hets. Those who have gay friends, but on the whole we keep pretty much to ourselves, especially if we want to act-out.”

Her voice dropped, more ignorance: “What does that mean?”

Mal got up and walked round the table. She bent down, encircling Jellie in her arms. She looked up and Mal kissed her on the lips. The kiss lingered and she felt the woman’s response, then she let her go. She surveyed her for a moment then explained, looking deep into her eyes: “We wouldn’t kiss like that in public.”

She pulled back slightly asking: “Kissing has to be a hidden thing?”

“Not in a gay bar or at a private get-together in someone’s house. You see we still have to be circumspect in public. Some people can be offended by an outward demonstration of affection.” She released her shoulders. “There’re many places where we wouldn’t have our arms around each other, or walk hand in hand.”

“Oh Mal, it’s so complicated.”

“Not really. You sort of develop a sixth sense. You know when you feel free and when it’s not appropriate. But you’re right. It’s not so straight forward as being heterosexual.” She brought her chair round to Jellie’s to be closer. “You don’t have to learn everything all at once, Jells. There’re some books you may like to read that have passed into the Lesbian sub-culture. Most of us have read them at some time in our lives and there are movies too, but I think the novels will be an easier place for you to start. I think you would find Fanny Burney’s Diaries and Letters of interest, too. She was well before your … I mean your other time. She died in 1840 and her circle, although exclusive, was made up of many interesting women.”

Jellie smiled in acknowledgement. “When I asked the question I didn’t expect anything like this,” she admitted and gave a bright laugh to show that all was well again. “But I don’t mind, I’m keen to learn everything.” Her aware face glowed with pleasure as she added simply: “Loving you makes me so happy.” After a moment she asked for clarification on ‘acting-out’.

“Oh, that’s just bringing your fantasies into real-life.”

“What fantasies would they be?” She didn’t think she had any.

Mal chuckled. “Give yourself time. You’ll know them when you feel them.”

The temperature had fallen and at last they noticed the afternoon beginning to cool. The clouds had rolled in once more and now the sun’s rays were outlining their edges in delicate hues of turquoise and pink.

“Time for chores Babe, let’s get the horses in then we can call it a day.” She began to clear the table as Jellie looked up and agreed. The sun’s roseate flush had heralded the restrained undertone of dusk and she saw how already the deepening shadows had robbed some colour from the flowerbeds. As she made her way around to the back, she pondered on how much there was to learn.

* * *

The routine of the evening chores had been calming to Jellie’s turbulent thoughts. She had more questions, but she could be patient. What she really wanted to know was more about Mal. She loved this woman with all her heart, but in some ways she was still a stranger. Her dilemma: would it be too bold to probe into the private places of this woman who is a Lesbian? She felt so deficient; possibly incompetent. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Mal’s feelings. She was an open book, but to her, Mal was a woman of mystery. She finished up the last of the water buckets and turned the lights out over the stalls. “’Night guys, see you in the morning,” she called out as she latched the stable door.

Mal was already in the kitchen, a cloth apron around her waist and a big pot of pasta on the stove. She was launched into her chicken cacciatore, the tomatoes and mushrooms already sliced; the herbs and seasonings assembled on the side.

“I thought we should both have a ‘red’ tonight,” she declared as she turned from the stove, wooden spoon in hand.

“Can I?”

“You hardly take those pills any more Jells. You’re good. In fact I think you’re all better.” She approached the table where Jellie had taken a seat. The spoon still in her right hand, she lightly tapped her on each shoulder: “I, Mallory Jane Mason, pronounce you Nigella Violet Patchford, from henceforth completely sound in mind and body; fully permitted to partake of the odd, odd mind you, glass of wine.” Chuckling, she kissed her then added: “Get us a bottle Honey will you?” Laughing happily, Jellie took off to their storage cupboard where they had stowed the left-over bottles and found a Merlot. We really could do with a wine-rack, she thought.

After dinner they took the bottle and their glasses to the living room and sat together, sunk deep into the soft cushions on the couch. Mal chose to play one of her favourite groups INXS, their album: After Glow, just softly as background.

“Mal, you won’t be offended if I ask you a personal question?” Before she could answer she blurted out: “You can say ‘no’ if you want.”

“Ask away. You can ask me anything darlin’, you know that.” The arm around her shoulders tightened and she bestowed a light kiss.

“I feel you know everything about me and I know nothing about you.”

“You know more about me than anyone else on this earth, my love.”

“For example: when we met I took you for a man …” She stopped, unable to articulate the words from that difficult time, but she needed to know.

“Oh yes …” she disentangled herself to reach forward for the bottle: “… when we met.” She refilled their glasses and took her time before she spoke. This would not be easy, but Jellie deserved no less than the truth, a sip first.

“I know you know about the time warp; so me.”

Jellie realised she had been holding her breath. She tried to relax, but was all ears.

“Before I get into that Jells, I should explain something.”

Crikey! How’s this going to sound? The last thing I need is to come across like some weirdo. “Not all women who love women are pretty and feminine like you Jells.” She paused and turned her head to face her. “Some of us are more masculine. Perhaps I should say, have varying degrees of masculine traits.” She stopped. Was this getting through? Jellie didn’t respond, only continued to look at her with those big, round eyes, struggling to make some sense.

“Well … this doesn’t mean we have to be exactly the same as men. It’s like being on a continuum. We can fall at the extreme end, or somewhere along the scale.”

“But you aren’t like a man,” she blurted out. “I love you as a woman.” This was getting more and more involved and abstruse.

“Yes, you’re right Jells but … I have more male in me than you have. You would agree with that?

“Well yes, I guess so.” She watched her fingers curl and uncurl and had to admit to herself that she never had seen her wearing a dress.

“It can be like this when we make love, too.” She stopped and looked at her glass. How could she explain this part?

Now she was baffled and barely above a whisper said: “I don’t understand, we are both female, there’s nothing ambiguous about that.”

“Yes darling, I’m not trying to confuse you. It’s just that you and I are really very different, although … although we are both women.”

“Explain it to me.” This time she sat back, lost as to where to steer her emotions.

Mal swung around and her mouth twisted slightly. “I don’t want you to think I’m somebody strange Jellie … if I tell you about me.” She fixed her with a watchful stare.

“Tell me, tell me. I want to know!” She gulped down a rising alarm.

“I like making love to you the way a man would.” She must be honest now; no evasions, no pretence. “I love your softness, the feel and taste of you. I like being on top of you and feeling the pressure of your breasts beneath me.” Say it all Mal; don’t hold back. “I like being all over your body and if I could, I would like to be inside you when we make love.”

This thought excited Jellie. A ripple of desire flooded through her, wild and extravagant, but she tried to keep her features impassive. She must not be distracted; must pay attention, but she knew her body would love to feel Mal inside her. To be really that close.

“Do you find these appetites bizarre?” Mal was anxious. She hadn’t shown repugnance, but no understanding either. “You see what’s in my head isn’t exactly the same as what’s in yours.” She couldn’t go on. She needed to hear her perspective.

“No, I don’t think it’s bizarre. I’ve loved you from the beginning. I always have.”

“Yes Jells, you loved me when you thought I was a man … as a woman would love a man. That would be natural, but what about now … now that you know? I don’t think you love me the way I love you … do you?”

Jellie couldn’t say anything. She felt out of her depth; too much analysis. “All I know is that I love you and I want you to love me … any way you want to.” She stopped there. It was so simple. This other stuff … what was she going on about? Mal could see her agitation and the last thing she wanted was to cause further upset.

“That’s great Jells. I just needed to be sure you were happy.”

“Oh darling I am. Just to know that you love me, the way I love you …” She stopped, abruptly distracted by a compelling thought. Enlightenment had come in a flash and left her flustered. Unexpectedly, she had seen what Mal was getting at. What she had wanted last night was all Mal’s attention. She had wanted her focus; her passion and her drive. Perhaps it was this mystery of their differences that was the secret source of their desires; that formed the attraction between them.

Mal took the glass from Jellie’s hand. Her need for this woman was consuming her; desire burned her up. She held her chin and tilted her face to her. Her mouth took commanding charge of the trembling lips as she drew her body next to hers. She pressed her close then trailed her tongue down towards her neck where she sucked persistently; unrelenting in a slow, defiling bite. Constrained against the cushions, head tilted back Jellie was deliciously helpless, consumed in the smouldering heat of this sensuous and tormenting lesion. She felt wantonly tarnished and gloriously shameless, in giving herself over to this woman’s power.

Mal moved her hand to the top of the shirt to undo the series of buttons, down to the waist. Her pulse beat pounded; her breath heaved. She pushed back the fabric until her hand could feel the full mound of flesh, held captive in a lace cup. Her hot mouth returned to Jellie’s lips and she lost herself in a long, licentious kiss. This was her supremacy; her domination.

The hand, circling the nipple was sending fire directly to the heated centre between Jellie’s thighs. Her body moved of itself under the stimulation, until Mal released her lips and with both hands, exposed her breast to the new pressure of her tongue. Abruptly, she withdrew her attention and Jellie looked deep into her lover’s fiery eyes, ablaze with a lust that would not be denied. Mal broke the spell, returning her face to the engorged breasts. She gave one nipple a series of quick licks; darts of spiking sensation, the other she shaped between finger and thumb. Then, taking it into her mouth she sucked and pulled on the erect hardness, totally lost in her sensual ecstasy, until Jellie exploded into a climax that took her completely by surprise. She called out terms of endearment she didn’t realise she was uttering, as she clung to Mal and felt the shuddering waves of her orgasm sweep through her.

“Come dearest. Lie here in my arms.” She pulled the shirt back into place as Jellie nestled her head on her shoulder.

“That was so wonderful darling. It amazes me what you can do to me.”

“You’re so responsive Jells. You make everything such a pleasure for me, too.”

Jellie’s eyelids began to droop and Mal could hear the change in her breathing. After only a short space of time they flew open with the declaration that her arm had gone to sleep. She could feel pins and needles.

“I think it’s time we got ourselves sorted for bed. It’s an early start tomorrow.”

“Yes, I’m going to shower first, though.” She gave Mal a kiss then looked at her mouth and kissed her again.

“Now, now … don’t start. Off you go, I’ll be along soon.”

When Mal finally arrived it was quite some time later. She had decided to take a shower and cool herself down. Jellie was already asleep. Gently, so as not to disturb, she raised a corner of the bedclothes and slipped in. Jellie’s warm body smelled of lavender. She was wearing her satin and lace nightie, the blue one. In the night-light, Mal took time to gaze at her flawless face. Momentarily, she had forgotten the impact of her presence and the energy surged inside her as her attention was commanded by the beauty that now lay open to her. With her dark, glossy hair unbound like this, she so reminded her of that first day when she had come upon her lying amongst the brown, crisp beech leaves in Featherstone Copse. In sleep she appeared too pure; untouchable, but she knew that was only an illusion.

Jellie felt her presence and turned to reach out. She gathered her to her in a warm embrace and whispered: “I want … to do to you … what you do to me. Will you let me?”

“I’m happy to have you do what you want Babe.” She sat up and lifted the blue satin up and over her head.

“Now you, darling.” The PJ’s came off. They lay facing each other.

She began with a kiss. At first her tongue was hesitant; the exploration tentative. Everything felt so good, she grew bolder and let her hand caress down her back, so broad and strong, to the muscular buttocks, prominent and firm. Her fingers kneaded the taut flesh as she pressed her closer to her belly. The small, firm breasts were crushed into her and the erect nipples, hard next to hers. Her excitement was immediate. She must taste this tempting flesh. She moved her torso down to lie on top; her thighs spread either side of Mal’s hips. For the first time she experienced the tantalising excitement of that prone, hovering touch. Mal tried her best to lie still, but her physical response took over and despite her resolve to be passive, she found her hand seeking the hot slipperiness that was Jells. She came from behind and slid her fingers from the back to the slit and back again, until there was nothing but soaking wetness and the easiest access to that tight hole. For now she allowed barely more than a soft pressure, her control well in hand.

So preoccupied, Jellie had been oblivious until the moment of penetration when suddenly, a conflagration of such intensity filled her body she could not continue.

“Oh darling, that feels so good, I could cry.” She was all animal emotion, lost in her involvement with this wonderful woman.

“Let me take you, like this.”

“Oh yes … yes!”

Mal brought her right hand down as she moved herself underneath Jellie’s breasts. She took one mound into her mouth and once settled, began slowly stroking between the lubricated lips, now tumescent and hot. She went all the way from front to back. Jellie, captured on her stomach, could do nothing but receive; so many sensations were building. She knew Mal had started to circle inside her at the back, could feel how her muscles were tight, straining; aware of every move.

Mal releasing Jellie’s breast ordered, in a strange, harsh voice: “Kiss me!”

Jellie moved her body down slightly and placed her soft, full mouth on Mal’s firm lips. At this moment Mal slid two fingers deep, deep inside her vagina to the furthest length and held herself still. She could feel Jellie’s throbbing tightness around her, she was in her element; her senses inflamed, at last free to do what she felt born to do, her destiny finally fulfilled. With commanding power, without force, she took Jellie’s mouth and kissed her with a thick, probing tongue. It was deeply penetrating, filling all her spaces and then she began a series of measured withdrawals and re-entry into that soft, lubricated passage. Each time she went to the hilt, but stayed unhurried.

Jellie could not resist this onslaught. Totally enslaved and dominated, she had to let go all her control. Her head dropped to rest on Mal’s neck. She never before had experienced such rapture from such abandoned submission. She wanted Mal to take her like she was her plaything, to do anything she liked with her. She would obey.

Mal commanded, in a voice totally unknown to her before: “This is the time, stay with me!” Now, clasped both front and back, Jellie began her ascent. Mal, at last in her glory, synchronised her thrusts and with gradual augmentation, increased her rhythm. This was her ride! She never reached to her own speed. Jellie’s orgasm exploded on them both with such a bounding surge, it was done. The cry was low, drawn out. Mal, experiencing all of it squeezed her thighs to let herself come in harmony with every convulsive pulsation of her woman’s contractions. Too soon, she thought, but there would be more.

When they returned from their heights, Mal slid from the back and told Jellie to roll to her side. Lying comfortably together, she began to kiss the closed eyelids, all tenderness again. She stroked her lashes with her tongue then nibbled softly at an ear lobe. It was not long before Jellie let out a gentle, “Oh!”

Mal pulled back: “Ah!” She had remained unmoving inside Jellie, but with this response placed her other hand over Jellie’s bush and let her finger tips lie on the protruding bud.

“Darling, what are you doing?”

“Bring your hand down to me and do what I do.”

Feeling Mal’s slippery lubrication for the first time renewed Jellie’s passion. Her desire for more grew fast.

“Slowly … softly, Jells.”

Guided by Mal, she followed her lead then took over for herself and Mal stopped. She let her explore and discover and finally experience another woman’s orgasm. Jellie was overwhelmed by the pleasure it gave her, but in no time Mal began to stroke her clit and she felt her vagina respond. It would not be long before she followed her love in another ecstatic climax.

Eventually, with tranquil satiation, they were ready for sleep. Naked, they stretched out together belly to belly and breast to breast, serenely snuggled close in their private world, enveloped in the wispy softness of their feathery doona.