The Australian Clock

A few days before Penelope’s birthday, on 31 October, Miles decided to buy her a birthday present.

Penelope loved Australia and she had an aunt and uncle that lived there. Their names were Sheila and Bruce. Penelope wanted to visit Australia. She regularly exchanged emails with Sheila and Bruce. Penelope had received a cuddly fluffy koala bear and fluffy kangaroos for birthday and Christmas presents for the children, and this inspired Miles to get something handmade in Australia for Penelope.

Miles had a few hours to spare, so he popped out of the house and walked along the Bayswater Road. He was going to the dry cleaner’s to pick up his best velvet butler suit and bow tie. It had needed cleaning as gravy and cranberry sauce had been spilt on it at Christmas. Well, he was just about to go into the dry cleaner’s, which was named Clean as a Whistle, when he suddenly saw the Musty Old Magical Curiosity Shop. It was next to a barber’s shop named Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. He thought he would pop into the curiosity shop to look for something suitable for Penelope’s birthday.

He walked into the shop, and straight away a very unusual wooden clock came to his attention. It was shaped like the land mass of Australia, and it had a cute little koala-bear motif in the middle of it. On the back it said, ‘Made in Queensland, Australia’. It looked fabulous.

“I really must have that,” said Miles to the shopkeeper.

The shopkeeper looked very strange to Miles. He was wearing a pointed purple hat decorated with stars that twinkled like real stars. His eyes were piercing like X-rays. They went right through Miles’s body and made him feel as though the man knew everything from A to Z.

In the shop window a tree grew out of the ground. The top branches poked out of a window in the roof, and in the tree an owl perched. It had huge eyes, which opened once in a while, and the owl was talking away to himself. Next to the owl, on a large purple cushion, sat a big white Persian cat with lime-green eyes - the colour of the leaves on the tree.

It said, “Oh, dearie me! Oh, dearie me! I’m a cat from the Musty Old Magical Curiosity Shop. I can’t be sold because I’m so old, but not really ancient, and my name’s Blug Blag Blig Blah. In other words, call me Lucky. If you say it three times, I will bring you luck all day.”

Then the owl chipped in and said, “And my name’s Hoot-Hoot. I will make you hoot all day with laughter. So come into the shop. We welcome thee. We have just about everything. We sell watches, fridges, bridges, ditches, cars, jars, pickled onions, walnuts, nougat, marzipan and frying pans. Erm, let me think - we also sell washing machines, dusters, spinning tops, groovers, movers, Hoovers, mobile phones, cherry scones, flapjacks, flip-flops, shirts, skirts, wedding rings, stars, televisions, Christmas hats, Christmas crackers, jokes, Mad Hatters, Christmas stockings, rocking chairs, looking glasses, oddments for the stairs, carpets, rugs, garden rakes, forks, trucks, rattlesnakes ...”

It was an extremely long list - they seemed to have everything under the sun.

The shopkeeper wore a long purple robe, and Miles thought he looked like Merlin the Wizard. ‘Perhaps he really is Merlin,’ thought Miles.

The shopkeeper suddenly said, “You like it, then?”

Miles handed him the clock from Australia.

“Indeed I do,” said Miles.

The shopkeeper’s name was Mabble-babble-bobble-bibble-frabble-go-babble Merlin. It was such a long name that most people simply called him Merlin. Others called him Mabble Merlin or Mad Mab, because they thought he was absolutely crazy, ‘nuts, whole hazelnuts’ insane - completely bonkers, utterly barking mad, totally cuckoo or a buffoon. At any rate, he was definitely quirky, eccentric and odd. Moreover, the shop was always moving from place to place and everything in the shop was odd and magical.

Miles thought the shopkeeper had a very old face - older than time itself, some might say. He had a long beard, a moustache and tousled grey hair that sprung out of his head like that of a mad professor. He had mud-brown eyes, like owls’ eyes, and sometimes he wore spectacles.

When a customer went into the shop he was never there, but suddenly he would pop up from behind the counter (or sometimes from out of thin air).

Sometimes inside the shop a little café bar would appear if the customer was feeling thirsty. It sold the tastiest, most mouth-watering food, including coffee, tea, milkshakes, muffins and scones. When a customer sat down, it wasn’t unusual for him to stay there all day. Sometimes a cup of coffee lasted all day and long into the night. Sometimes a customer woke up, having fallen asleep, and the café bar would be totally different. At times it was like a futuristic space bar selling glasses of potions, including an orange substance that made your head spin right round the Milky Way and across the Crab Nebula.

Miles had been in the shop before, and on that occasion he had decided to sit and have a coffee. He therefore knew from experience how easy it would be to lose two days or more.

He thought, ‘I’m just going to buy this Australian clock for Penelope’s birthday.’

Then Mabble Merlin piped up: “Are you just buying the clock today, Miles?”

“Yes, just a birthday present for Penelope, you see.”

“Well, Miles, the clock is named Polly Quazar. She is from Queensland in Australia.”

“What type of wood is it made from?” Miles asked.

“Well,” said Mabble Merlin, “it comes from a tree that only grows in the Lands of the Legends. They are mystical trees and they grow in fairy woods. Polly can speak, in her affectionate, loquacious way, and maybe she will tell you herself in her lovely, lively Australian accent. If you don’t want her to speak, there is an on-off switch - if you ever find it! I don’t suppose you ever will. You will find Polly very enigmatic. She is also telepathic and can read minds. You see, she was made in the Dreamtime using ancient Aboriginal skills, with jackals howling at the full moon. That can be wild and scary, let me tell you! The Aboriginals were playing their didgeridoos. Polly Quazar is special. For sure and definitely she is good enough for a special birthday present for a special person.”