Serena couldn't figure it out. The house held only four people, now that their guests were gone, and those two boys still had it sounding like headquarters for the neighborhood preschool program.
She rolled over and glanced at the clock. 6:32 a.m. Whether she liked it or not, her day had begun.
Serena rubbed Micah's back, but he didn't stir. Now that leading New Hope Community Ministries was a full-time job, he tried to work from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., but on most days he stayed longer.
A corner in the basement of Stillwell Elementary School served as his "office." However, he usually spent his days visiting members of the church who were sick, testifying in juvenile court, or establishing partnerships between New Hope and advocacy programs that served residents of the neighborhood. When the school day ended, he used Stillwell’s gym to lead Bible study, oversee youth programs, or meet with ministry leaders.
Knowing the weight of his schedule, Serena tried not to begrudge him his rest. Today, though, she was grumpy.
"At least one of us can sleep in," she mumbled, before uttering a silent prayer: Lord, please adjust my attitude.
She sat up in bed and stretched. If she took any longer to get moving, four feet would be pitter-pattering down the hall.
When Jacob and Jaden turned two last December, she and Micah had replaced their cribs with toddler beds. The boys now felt free to roam where they wanted, which forced Serena to keep a portable gate at the top of the stairs.
She scurried to their bedroom this morning and chuckled when she reached the doorway. The Spiderman and Batman sheets and comforters from both beds were in the middle of the floor, and two bumps were visible beneath them.
"If you two little terrors don't get up and get back to bed . . ."
She knew her orders were laughable. They wouldn't be sleepy enough to rest for hours. She crawled on the floor between them and laid on top of the covers, waiting for them to realize she was there. When they did, they scrambled out of hiding and climbed on her back. She tickled them until they giggled with abandon.
Micah can't be sleeping through all of this, she thought at one point. Sorry, babe!
By the time Jacob and Jaden had settled down, she was worn out. She stood up and tightened the belt on her robe.
"This is why I start my day out tired," she told the oblivious boys and waved a finger at them. "Help Mommy clean up your room. No breakfast yet. Help clean up!"
Serena made their beds and supervised as they gathered the toys strewn across the floor and chucked them into their toy box. She issued her daily warning as the three of them later traipsed down the stairs, past Micah, who had risen and was leaning against his and Serena’s bedroom door, watching them.
"If that room gets destroyed again, Mommy's going to get you ... " she said, her voice trailing off.
"That's what they want," Micah called after her. "They're thinking, 'Get me what, Mommy? A toy? Some candy?"'
"Morning, babe," Serena said, ignoring his jibe. You stay here with them all day then. "What do you want for breakfast?"
Her day had been reduced to taking breakfast, lunch, and dinner orders; playdates and parties; stay-at-home mothers' group meetings; and stretch jeans or other clothing that she hoped hid her growing assets. Micah said he didn't mind, but she was determined to lose the three pant sizes necessary to fit back into the size 8 jeans tucked in the back of her closet. She had long ago accepted that part of it was vanity; but truth be told, she just felt better when she was fit, and she needed all the energy she could muster to keep up with these twins and Micah's increasingly hectic ministry schedule.
Micah entered the kitchen and rubbed her shoulders.
"Too bad Fric and Frac are up," he said, referring to the boys. "You know what I'd really like this morning."
"Humph, that's how the two of them got here."
Given how she had longed to have a baby, she knew Micah took her words in jest.
"And?" he retorted.
While the oatmeal simmered and Micah's coffee began to percolate, Serena dashed outside to grab the newspaper. Maybe while Micah was still home she could get part of it read.
The lead story focused on a missing teen. He left home to hang out with friends, eventually parted ways with them, and hadn't returned.
Serena sat at the table and read parts of the story aloud to Micah while he poured juice for the boys.
"He seems to have disappeared without a trace, but everyone quoted in the story says he's a good kid; he wouldn't do something irresponsible like not calling his parents to check in."
Since her sons' births, any story related to the harm or potential harm of a child sent chills through her. She recalled the day in the grocery store when she'd briefly lost Jaden.
With her eyes open and still fixed on the article, Serena prayed for the missing boy's parents and for police working the case to find him quickly. Lord, bring this child home safely.
Her reverie was broken the second she uttered amen. Jacob and Jaden tore through the kitchen and then back through the dining room, playing what appeared to be a two-year-old version of tag. Or maybe it was just "run fast and hit your brother as hard as you can" time, Serena surmised.
"Stop running! Time to eat!"
She poured Micah a cup of coffee and was reaching for two small bowls for the boys' oatmeal when a thud and scream interrupted her.
"Little boy!"
Jacob had opened the fridge and tried to grab the milk. The half-full gallon jug had fallen on his foot.
Micah, who had been reading the Sports section, dashed to Jacob's side and cradled him on his lap. He bent the boy's toes back and forth while Jacob screamed as if he'd never walk again.
"Nothing's broken, man. It'll feel better in a minute. That was a no-no!"
Serena sighed. Micah didn't have to worry about his medical training going to waste around here. Some of his relatives still questioned why he'd gone through medical school and even a residency before realizing the ministry was his true calling. Serena was convinced that it was because God knew he'd someday be a cash-strapped preacher in need of routine medical knowledge to raise two daredevil boys.
"You sure he's fine?"
Micah nodded and held on to Jacob. He returned to his seat, still holding him. "Get Jaden, love."
Serena, who had pulled out the mop and bucket to clean up the spilled milk, looked up just in time to see Jaden trying to climb up the front of his high chair.
"I get in! I hungry!"
She dropped the mop and dashed over to him. "You can't do that by yourself, Jaden! You know Mommy has to help you!"
She lifted him into her arms and held him there while she removed the tray. Once he slid into the seat, she returned the tray and placed a bowl of warm oatmeal in front of him.
Jacob had spilled most of the milk, but enough had been salvaged for all of them to have a dash of it in their hot cereal.
"Eat, sweetie," Serena said.
She looked at the digital clock on the microwave. 7:12 a.m. Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore. How was she going to make it another fourteen hours without losing her sanity?
Give me strength, Lord.
On days like this, she questioned whether she was cut out to stay home full time.
With the cost of day care for two babies and the stress of trying to juggle work with their care, her staying home had made the most sense for their family. Plus, she had prayed and longed forever to bring children into the world. When she got pregnant, she had decided to enjoy every minute with them.
Serena still felt that way, but there was also the tug to throw up her hands and crawl into a hole. Some days she felt like asking God if he'd made a mistake. She couldn't be doing this mommy job well by his standards, the way she yelled, got frustrated, and envied her friends who could juggle work and family. She missed talking to other adults and her husband about things other than potty training mishaps, the boys' shenanigans, or the simple but exciting new things they were learning.
Then there were her friends who had given up careers to raise their children and loved every minute of it. They had the patience of Job, kept their houses spotless, and still managed to fit into their size 6 jeans. Which handbook had she failed to read?
And here she was, married to a preacher, supposedly the wife and mother almost everyone else viewed as the standard to model. At New Hope, though, they knew better. During one special service, Jaden had refused to settle down and had cried so loudly that a girl sitting behind Serena with her grandmother stood up and tapped Serena on the shoulder.
"Mrs. McDaniels, why doesn't the baby like church?"
The girl, who couldn't have been more than five, waited intently for Serena's answer.
Serena wrestled with the sleepy boy and whispered a reply to the girl. "I'm not sure, Reesa, but I need to figure it out."
Serena's pity parties didn't happen every day, but it was often enough that she had begun praying for God to forgive her and help her get over the "grass is greener" syndrome.
She sat down this morning with a glass of apple juice and tried to quickly skim the rest of the paper while her family ate. A reference on the front of the Metro section to a story inside caught her eye: "Local youth leader cites innovation as reason for success."
Serena turned to page B3 to the photo and lengthy article about Casey Divers, the woman she had trained to fill her shoes nearly three years ago when she resigned from the Children's Art Coalition.
Casey worked with her for six months before assuming the executive director position. She came to the job with other nonprofit leadership experience, unlike Serena, who had career-hopped from the advertising world.
The Times-Dispatch article described Casey as a breath of fresh air, a trendsetter in the nonprofit world, and a legacy maker.
Well, what was I, puffed wheat?
Serena felt ashamed of the knot of jealousy that settled in her stomach. She sighed loudly and slid the article in front of Micah.
He glanced at it and then at her. "So?"
"Nothing. Guess I'm just feeling nostalgic."
Micah shrugged. "That's understandable. But this is a different season right now. The boys need you."
Serena forced a smile. "I know."
Micah resumed reading the Sports section, oblivious to the tinge of sadness in Serena's voice.
Jaden climbed down from his father's lap and toddled over to Serena with a sippy cup in one hand. "Wuv you, Mommy."
Serena wasn't sure why, but suddenly she wanted to cry.
"I love you too, little man."