Serena ended the call with Tawana and looked across the yard at Jaden and Jacob. Micah was throwing a football and both toddlers were scrambling to catch it.
She shook her head. They were going to be filthy.
"You've got bath duty, Daddy!"
Micah gave her a thumbs-up before ordering his sons to get into position.
"Hut! Hut!"
Serena laughed. They didn't have a clue what they were doing. But if their Daddy said run and catch the ball, they were in the game.
"I'm going for a walk," she called to Micah.
The day was warm but cloudy, so a midafternoon stroll shouldn't leave her too uncomfortable. After Tawana's disturbing call, she needed some time alone. With her heavenly Daddy.
She strolled down the sidewalk, past well-kept houses and neat lawns, and replayed the conversation with Tawana in her mind.
She gave me part of the story hut not all of it, Serena mused.
Ms. Carter had been frantic with worry when she called. But you've got this, Daddy. As long as you know what's going on, she'll get through this.
Serena's thoughts turned to herself, and how her pessimism had affected Tawana's comfort in confiding in her. She remembered her anxiety over Bethany's visit to her house, and her comments about the bother of having her sister-in-law's children in her space, plus her snide remarks about Bethany and Victoria during the cookout.
Serena vividly recalled the times she'd been the brunt of catty conversations herself. As the wife of the senior pastor at their former church, Standing Rock, she had been under constant scrutiny, and it hadn't felt good. People at New Hope watched her too, but thankfully this was the kind of ministry that put people on a level playing field. She was respected but not revered, and that was how she liked it.
Now Bethany was another story. That woman craved attention like some women coveted chocolate.
But I've been wrong, Daddy, Serena prayed. This has nothing to do with Bethany. She's yours to handle. Help me to keep my eyes and my heart focused on you. You've blessed me with so much, Lord, I don't know why I'm having such a hard time appreciating it.
She smiled and waved at a neighbor while continuing to stroll the neighborhood and pray silently.
People look at me and think they're seeing an example of who you are. That's a scary thought, Lord. I feel so way off track sometimes that I don't even know who I am. I've got the wife part down. Thank you for blessing me with a loving and giving husband, Daddy. And he is fine too. Thank you for that. But everything else? I'm just a mess.
She thought about the recent newspaper article about her former colleague. She had penned a note of congratulations to Casey, despite the twinges of jealousy. Then there was the house. Even if she had the money to paint, refinish, and refurnish everything she longed to, she wouldn't have the time. The twins consumed so much of her spirit that her brain and her body often felt like mush. And what was she going to do if what she suspected was true? She'd lose her mind.
Do you hear all of this, Daddy? How did I get here?
The answer came quickly. Be still and know that I am God.
"I know," she said out loud.
As a woman thinketh, so is she, came the response.
"So now you're telling me I'm a mess because I think I am?"
Serena realized if she didn't stop talking to herself, passersby might call mental health authorities. She understood, though, what Daddy was trying to tell her. If only it were that simple.
She reached the end of the sixth block of her walk and decided to head back home. The mail carrier was pulling away from her curb just as she turned the corner. When she reached her mailbox, she filled her arms with a stack of envelopes, magazines, and direct mail fliers.
Minutes after entering the house, it became a struggle to remember the conversation she'd just had with God. Micah and the boys were in the kitchen slurping ice cream cones. A small, countertop TV droned in the background, with an update on that teenage boy who had gone missing two weeks earlier. Apparently he had been found dead. Serena turned down the volume so the boys wouldn't hear more, then sat next to Micah at the table.
"What kind of walk was that? You look like you're ready to go off on somebody," Micah said.
She waved a perfumed, rose-pink envelope at Micah.
"Here's a letter from Bethany. Addressed to you."
She dropped it in front of him, along with the new issue of Black Visionaries magazine. The headline and subtitle read, "Ministers on the Move. Congregations light up the faithful in bold new ways."
Three prominent ministers were featured in the cover photo: Bishop T.D. Jakes of Dallas, Eddie Long of Atlanta, and Micah's former assistant pastor at Standing Rock, who had taken the helm after his firing—Jason Lyons of Richmond, Virginia.
Micah sat back in his chair and looked at Serena. He held up Bethany's letter and shrugged. "Who knows?"
Then he held up the magazine.
"Now I understand how you felt when you read that newspaper article about Casey Divers."