January 1865
Dear Will,
The most terrible, heinous thing has happened. I scarce can write for the shaking in my hands and the grief in my heart.
Shortly after dawn, I heard a woman scream. Terrible, heartrending screams that caused me to rattle the doorknob of my locked room and call out. No one came for a long time. I paced and prayed, waiting for Benjamin to take his place in the hallway, but he never came. My heart nearly failed, dear Will, for fear that something terrible had happened to my son.
At midmorning, rain began to fall from a dark gray sky, an omen that something was wrong. I felt it in my very marrow. Then I heard footsteps in the hallway and rushed to the door, expecting my son. But the footsteps were heavy. A man’s footsteps. The doorknob jiggled. The key rattled in the lock.
It was not mealtime.
Heart in my throat, I waited. Rain tapped against the window behind me.
A smiling Edgar entered the room. In that, I found relief. If harm had come to Benjamin, Edgar would not be smiling.
“Well, my dear, you’re looking well,” he said.
I didn’t know what to say. He seemed so jolly and pleased, and after my long confinement, I did not understand his mood.
“Have you no greeting for your husband?” He crossed to me. Excitement glittered in his eyes.
I dipped my head. “Good morning, Edgar. I trust you’re well.”
His smile widened. My unease grew greater.
“I am very well. Delighted, in fact. My morning has begun exactly as I’d hoped.”
“Has there been good news?”
“Oh, indeed. Good news for you especially, Charlotte. You can rejoin the family today. I’ve decided to let you remain at Peach Orchard Farm. Isn’t that generous of me to forgive my wayward, faithless wife?”
“Yes. Very generous,” I said softly, submissively. His strange mood unsettled me. I rested my hands in the folds of my skirt to still their trembling. “Thank you.”
“You are so cool this morning. I liked you better when you fell at my feet begging.” His nostrils flared. “Perhaps you won’t be so indifferent after you speak with Lizzy.”
With a chuckle that chilled me, he left the room, leaving my door wide open.
And now, Lizzy weeps until she is sick and I weep with her. My freedom has cost her the greatest price. Edgar sold Tandy. Sold Lizzy’s only child out of spite because she did my bidding and carried my letters to you. The cruelty of my husband is unthinkable. My punishment, it seems, is this residing guilt. Edgar said as much. If not for me, if not for my love for you, Lizzy and Tandy would not have been separated.
We do not know where he has gone. Edgar laughs when I beg to know. He is happy now in a way I’ve never seen. Happy to see me brought low. Happy to see Lizzy broken. It is all I can do not to hate him. That I am capable of such emotion shakes me. I am a Christian woman. How can I burn inside this way?
I have tried to make my husband love me, but no more. No more! I regret that I have failed as his wife, but I will never regret knowing you. For in you, I discovered a depth of love that I should never have otherwise known.
Benjamin’s eyes were wide with disbelief and sorrow when he learned of the terrible deed. “Why did Papa sell him, Mama? Why? Did Tandy do something wrong?”
Guilt pierced me. “No, darling. Tandy did nothing at all. He was a fine boy.”
“Then why? I want him to come back.”
“So do I, darling,” I said, for what else could I say? He is far too young to understand the circumstances that led to Tandy’s sale.
“Someday when I am a man I will find him.” My son’s face was ferocious. “I will find Tandy and I will buy him back.”
I stroked his reddened, tearstained cheek and gently said, “I hope you can.”
“I will,” he declared, fists tight at his sides. “He will be mine and no one can ever sell him again.”
Having no answer, I pulled him to me and held him tightly, full of anger and sorrow and remorse that Lizzy might never again hold her child as I held mine.