6

“What did Henry say?” Jessica, Flynn’s assistant, asked.

Flynn swiped at her cheeks. Crying over work had not been in her wheelhouse. Even when Ashlea had purposely inputted the wrong résumés a few years ago. Ashlea had been her assistant, and at first, they’d hit it off, or so Flynn had thought. Only, Ashlea had been after Flynn’s job, and she hadn’t figured that out until it was too late. The damage had been done. Ashlea got a promotion, and Flynn got a slap on the wrist with a hefty warning. Since then, she and Ashlea fought for a VP position that would be given out at the end of the year.

That should be Flynn’s promotion, not Ashlea’s.

But Ashlea had Henry’s ear, and Flynn did not.

“He didn’t take my call. Went straight to voicemail. I tried his secretary, and again, I had to leave a message. He sent me emails and texts demanding I get ahold of him, and here I am trying, and he’s blowing me off.” Although, what the hell was she going to say? She had no real answer for why the information wasn’t there, and that would just make her look stupid. “Jessica, are you sure you don’t have a copy of what I uploaded to the portal? I sent it to you last night.” Flynn rubbed her right temple. The building pressure in her head crawled down her throat and into her stomach, creating a tight knot.

Hannah whined, stretching out in front of the front door. Poor dog missed her master.

Flynn would not admit to missing him as well.

“I’m sorry, Flynn, but I see nothing in my inbox, or even my spam folder. Are you sure it’s not stuck in your outbox?”

“It’s not there, but neither is the email I sent to the client, or any of the ones I sent to Henry. Even the time-stamped confirmation email I got late last night is gone.” Flynn stood behind her laptop and stared at the screen. None of the works she’d done in the last week was anywhere to be found. Not a single résumé that she’d painstakingly gone through to make sure the applicant was as near a perfect fit for her client as possible. None of her notes. As a matter of fact, the folder she’d created in the Dropbox account was empty. “Did you have IT look at it?”

“I didn’t want to draw too much attention, so I called my ethical hacker brother. He’s still looking into it. He might want access to your computer. I will let you know what he finds out as soon as I hear from him.”

“Whatever he needs. But maybe call Rick down in IT. I’ve known him for as long as I’ve been with the company. He’ll be discreet, and I bet he’d even work with your brother.” There was no way Flynn’s files vanished into thin air. Someone was fucking with her, and she’d be damned if she let it continue.

“I’ll go down to the IT department myself and talk with him. It’s weird, because I know I saw that confirmation email. I’m always copied on it, but I don’t see it in my business account. I even checked my personal account, and nope, not there,” Jessica said. “You know, this has Ashlea written all over it. She’s been talking smack about you at the water cooler for days.”

“One of the reasons I wanted someone who knows technology to dig into the internal accounts, especially mine. I don’t trust that woman as far as I can spit.” Letting out a big sigh, Flynn started to pace around the table.

“Both Henry and Ashlea have basically been avoiding me since you left. I didn’t know this was a problem until I got your text messages. I’m sorry I didn’t see them sooner. I was with my daughter at the doctor’s.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation. You’ve always done your job better than I could have ever asked. This isn’t your fault.”

“No. I blame Ashlea,” Jessica said with disdain dripping from her words. “I bet she’s already ordered furniture for the VP office.”

Flynn didn’t doubt it. “Where’s the bitch right now?”

“She’s in Henry’s office. He called her in there about a half hour ago.”

“Wonderful. That means she knows about my screwup, and she’s probably in there talking Henry into firing me and giving her the promotion early.”

“I wish I could say I thought you were wrong, but ever since you left for Alaska, she’s been walking around this joint like she owns it,” Jessica said. “I think you should wait until I hear from my brother before calling Henry again. We need to prove she fucked with your data; otherwise, we don’t have a leg to stand on.”

“You mean, I don’t have a leg to stand on. But either way, I don’t want you taking the brunt of this.” Flynn didn’t want Jessica to be caught in the crossfire. There was no reason for Jessica to put her job on the line.

“There’s nothing to take. Whatever is going on, my brother will figure it out. So, instead of worrying about something you have no control over, tell me all about Alaska.”

Jessica was right. Flynn needed to stop agonizing over the situation at work. Either she’d prove Ashlea sabotaged her career, or she’d be fired.

A lightness overcame her mind. Her muscles suddenly relaxed.

Fired.

Hell, she should quit.

“It’s absolutely gorgeous up here. I’m shocked at how much I’m actually liking it. Today, Colton took me on a dog sled. Oh, my God. I had the time of my life.” A twinge of guilt squeezed her heart. “Sorry. I shouldn’t sound so excited when my job and maybe yours is on the line.”

“I’m so glad you’re so keyed up by the experience. You never just let your hair down and have fun, and really, as much as I love working for you, well, I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’m pregnant again, and I’m seriously considering becoming a stay-at-home mom. And by the way, who is Colton?”

“What? Another baby!? That’s great. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks. Now answer my question, because the last time I heard you mutter that name, it was some hot military man that you let walk right out of your life, and you’ve been pining for him ever since,” Jessica said in an animated voice.

“I never pined over him.”

“So, it’s the same man? What the hell is he doing in Alaska?”

The knot in Flynn’s stomach turned to butterflies. She flattened her hand over her belly. “He moved back home to help out his parents. I didn’t know he was going to be here.”

“Well, how is it going between the two of you? Things heating up again?” Jessica had been the only person that Flynn told about her short affair with Colton, but only because Jessica had seen them out in Central Park in a massive lip-lock.

“I’m not here to heat anything up,” Flynn said. “I should hop on the next plane back to New York and save my job,” Flynn said.

Or maybe quit it.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Do you love your job or are you using it to hide from something?” Jessica asked.

What the hell kind of question was that? Of course, she loved her job. “Hide from what?”

“You tell me, because for as long as I’ve known you, all you’ve ever had is this job, and to be frank, you don’t seem happy.”

Happy? She’d never really thought about whether or not she was happy. She didn’t have time to contemplate such things. She never aspired to be happy. She aimed to be successful, and her achievements inside her career was the yardstick she used to measure that success.

She swallowed a sarcastic laugh. Currently, when it came to work, she’d failed. For the last three years, she’d been trying to prove herself to Henry, and at every turn, Ashlea cut her off at the pass.

And Flynn had let her.

“How can anyone be happy with Ashlea around.” She stiffened her spine. Sure, Ashlea had done some pretty underhanded things, but the bottom line was that Flynn hadn’t been in the game since the first time she’d laid eyes on Colton. “She’s made it her life mission to destroy me, and it’s all I can do to stay above water.”

“It’s not about your career but about you as a whole person. You’re not—”

“Now you sound like my mother.” Flynn pinched the bridge of her nose. Her heart tightened. It hadn’t been very long since her mother’s passing, and all Flynn had been able to focus on had been securing this client. Her father had accused her of using work to avoid dealing with pain. Worse, he told Flynn that he believed she’d been using her career as a way to avert real human contact. “She always thought I was afraid of having my heart broken, and that’s why I spent so much time on my career,” Flynn admitted. Hearing the words tumble from her lips sent a shiver across her skin.

“I imagine your mother was a very smart woman,” Jessica said. Her voice echoed soft and sweet. “Is there a reason why she’d think that?”

“Anyone ever tell you that you should have been a shrink or something?”

“My mother every day of my life.” Jessica laughed. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re the master of avoiding questions?”

“Point taken.” Flynn stared at the flames crackling in the fireplace. Orange and red sparks flickered in the air. It had been nearly sixteen years since the tragic accident that took her boyfriend’s life. She might have only been sixteen, and he eighteen, and no one believed they were truly in love, but the day Matt died, a piece of her had died with him. Deep down, she knew his death was why she kept her heart closed.

And why she’d ended it with Colton.

Not only was his job dangerous, but he had admitted to being a bit of a thrill seeker.

Bright lights glistened through the picture window, showing off a few large snowflakes. Colton’s pickup came into view as it rolled down the long street toward the cabin. Hannah’s ears perked up. Flynn glanced at her watch, totally amazed that at four in the afternoon, the color of the sky was nearly black except for the white moon and the gold stars hanging in the atmosphere. She clutched her chest. Her pulse raced as the essence of her mother filled her soul. Her mother had wanted her to slow down and smell the roses. Her last words had been: Flynn, you need to live a little. Work can’t be your everything. Open your heart and let love in. You can’t regret that.

Only, the last time she’d done that, her love died.

“I’ve got to go,” Flynn said. “Let me know when you hear from your brother.” She set her cell next to her computer. The cursor blinked under her browser icon. Quickly, she pulled back the chair and pulled up her airplane ticket.

Let love in.

Was Colton someone she could love? Someone who would love her for the rest of her days? Her parents had a marriage like no other. It was a romance for the storybooks. No other couple could measure up to her parents’ love for one another. She and Matt used to sit out on the terrace overlooking the Upper East Side and talk about how they wanted that kind of relationship. They romanticized their future right down to the kind of wedding they’d have.

No. She had no idea what her life would have looked like if Matt hadn’t been killed in a car accident driving home late on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving from college. He’d been pushing to get home to spend an extra day with Flynn.

As an adult, she knew his death hadn’t been her fault. But her sixteen-year-old self would forever blame her late-night text begging him to come home.

Love was not for Flynn.

She clicked the change flight button. Her father and Colton’s parents would just have to understand that if she didn’t get back, her career would go up in smoke. That meant letting her father know how bad things had gotten, but that was the least of her concerns. Since it would take four hours to get to Anchorage, she opted for a flight later in the evening the next day. She nearly choked on the four-hundred-dollar change fee, though it had to be done. If Jessica’s brother could prove someone hacked her system, then Flynn needed to be there to finish putting the nails in Ashlea’s coffin.

Once she got her new ticket in her email, she closed her laptop.

Hannah danced in a circle before jumping up on the chair by the window, her tail thumping hard as it swished back and forth.

The front door pushed open, and Colton stepped into the family room carrying a large bundle of firewood. “How goes things with work?”

“Not good and I’m sorry, but I have to leave tomorrow morning.”

He dropped the logs right on his feet. “Fuck,” he mumbled, hobbling on one leg. “What did you say? You’re leaving?”

“I just rebooked my flight. I need to go back and help prove Ashlea is behind all this bullshit. If I’m not there, I can’t defend myself.” She bent over and gathered a couple of logs, stacking them next to the fireplace. “I’ll tell your folks tonight at dinner.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go. Tomorrow I was going to take you on a scenic fight over Denali and the glacier. Come right after Christmas, we have shut those tours down. It’s truly spectacular.”

“I imagine it is, but I just can’t stay.” She slumped into the sofa and kicked up her feet on the coffee table. The tugging at her heartstrings took her breath away. The room swayed as if she were on a small craft in the middle of the ocean. She blinked, trying to imagine her world. Her apartment. Her office. Everything that she thought made her feel safe, only all she could see was Colton and this winter wonderland. She didn’t want to leave Alaska.

Or Colton.

But what choice did she have?

Besides, even if she did stay for the rest of the week, she’d still have to go back to her life in the Big Apple. A long-distance relationship was one thing, but when a couple was separated by half the globe, they were doomed.

A couple?

Geez, she’d literally lost her mind.

“Will you have time for breakfast in the morning?”

“I should be on the road by ten at the very latest.” Softly, she rested her head on the cushion. A white glittery cloud floated across the window, casting a green glow over the moon. Hannah curled up in front of the inglenook.

Colton finished stacking the wood and tossed a single log onto the fire. He poked it a few times, sending sparks into the air. His thick biceps flexed as he pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it to the recliner. His T-shirt clung to his six-pack abs like a wetsuit showing off every defined detail. Standing in front of her, he planted his hands on his hips and let out a long breath. “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Us.”

She swallowed the thick lump that had crawled up to her throat, but it wouldn’t budge. She tried to suck in a deep breath, but all that did was make her cough. “There is no us.”

“Exactly, but there could be, and I’m not letting you blow me off this time.”

“Are you kidding me?” She bolted upright. Her toe caught on the edge of the rug. Flapping her arms wildly, she struggled to keep her balance.

In seconds, he wrapped his arms around her, steadying her in one place. “It’s amazing you haven’t really injured yourself.”

“Two concussions later,” she mused, running her hands down her legs. She took a step back to put some distance between them. “I never blew you off. I just put an end to something that wasn’t going anywhere.”

“And yet, three years later, here we are in precisely the same situation. Look. I don’t know what I want, exactly. I just know that I spent months after I left New York trying to get you out of my mind and my dreams, but I’ve never really succeeded, and it pissed me off.”

“Sorry,” she said with a huff. “But wild hot sex doesn’t equal relationship material. I have a career to salvage, and you have a lodge to run. We live worlds apart, and even if we didn’t, we’d never make it.”

“Why do you say that?” He inched forward.

Her pulse pounded between her ears. It made it difficult for her to hear her own thoughts, much less form them into a coherent idea. “Besides the fact I don’t want to be in a committed relationship? Because really, that’s all that matters.”

He took her by the hand and tugged her toward the stairs.

“I’m not going to sleep with you.”

He pointed toward the ceiling. “I’m pretty sure we’re going to be able to see the northern lights from my bedroom. And while we wait, we can talk this out and talking doesn’t equal screwing around.”

“There is nothing to discuss.” She followed him to the master suite and made herself comfortable on his bed, keeping a pillow between his body and hers.

Hannah made herself comfortable on her bed next to the door with a big doggie sigh.

Staring at the star-speckled sky, Flynn searched not just for the lights, but for answers to questions she didn’t know she had. “I like you, more than I should.”

“What do you mean by more than you should?” He rested his head on his hand and crossed his ankles. Thankfully, he kept his focus on the heavens.

“Maybe another time and another place this could work, but we’ve both made choices in our lives where we didn’t leave any room for anything else.”

“I would have to agree with that statement for most of my life. Do you want to know why I never tried to talk you out of ending things with us?”

“Because you knew it was the right thing to do,” she said matter-of-factly.

“That’s the farthest thing from the truth. I didn’t respond to you because I’m terrified of you and how you make me feel. I used to think if I wasn’t jumping from an airplane or getting shot at, I wasn’t living. I wanted the thrill. The adrenaline rush. And no woman I’d ever met before ever gave me that same urgency, until I met you. In a couple of days, you turned my world upside down. For months, all I could think about was you.” He rolled to his side and propped his head up with his palm. “You kept me alive when I was being held captive and tortured.”

“How did I do that?” She turned her head and caught his intense gaze.

“Every time I was beaten, I would retreat into my mind, back to my time with you. It allowed me to step out of my body, ignore the pain, and focus on wanting to live. Because of you, I never gave up.”

She palmed his cheek. “All you did was grab hold of a positive memory. It could have been anything that made you feel good. It didn’t have to be me.”

“It could only be you.”

“If that’s so, then why are you afraid of me?”

He ran his fingers through her hair with such a tender touch it made her shiver. “I’ve only been in love one other time, and that was right when I joined Delta Force. My girlfriend couldn’t take my long hours, deployments, or the dangerous aspects of my job. She gave me an ultimatum, and I chose the military. I didn’t have to think twice. If you had asked me, even after only a week together, to not re-enlist, I wouldn’t have to think about that decision either. I would have handed in my resignation with a smile.”

She struggled to fill her lungs, even though her chest heaved up and down. The gravity of his words pulled her heart into her stomach.

“That thought scared me so much, I went searching for the ultimate adrenaline rush, only I’d already found it in you. Now that you’re here, I realize my life is an empty shell without you in it.”

“That’s overly dramatic,” she mumbled.

“Maybe, but this time I’m not letting you walk out of my life without you knowing how I feel. I’d like it if you could do the same.”

She closed her eyes and searched for the right words. “There is no question we have chemistry, but I don’t ever want to be married, or have a family, or any of that.”

“Why?” He took her chin with his thumb and forefinger and turned her head. “Look at me.”

Blinking her eyes open, she gasped. His smoldering gaze rolled across her skin like a warm blanket. She’d have to remain strong to her convictions; otherwise, she might find herself caving to his desires.

“Just be honest with me. I’ll respect your decision to leave and never talk to me again, but only if you tell me the truth about why you wouldn’t even consider we could be good together, because I know you care about me.”

She pressed her hand against his chest and pushed herself from the bed. Holding her middle, she paced at the edge of the bed. If she told him the truth, she feared the protective wall she hadn’t realized she’d built would come crashing down at her feet, exposing all the feelings she never wanted to experience ever again. Love hurt and not in a good way.

“I love you.” Colton scooted to the edge of the bed. “It’s not easy for me to say that.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

He took her hands in his. “Do you love me?”

Yes. “No,” she said firmly. “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

Dropping his hands to his sides, he made his way to the door. “The northern lights are in the sky. Why don’t you stay in my room tonight and enjoy them?”

“Where will you be—”

“Not your concern.”

“You asked me to be honest. You can’t be mad at me for that.” Her voice trembled. She could only hope he hadn’t noticed how much. Lying had never been her strong suit.

“I’m not angry. I’m just done with the conversation, and now I need to move on with my life, and that means walking away.” He turned his back and slammed the bedroom door shut.

Hannah twisted her head; her ears perked up.

“I’m sorry, girl. You want to follow him?”

Hannah jumped up on the bed and curled up on one side. She rested her head on her front paws and stared at Flynn with sad puppy eyes.

Flynn climbed into the bed and gasped. Green and purple streams of light frolicked in the sky like fingers shadow dancing against a dark wall. She’d never seen anything so amazing. No amount of fireworks on the Fourth of July could top the beautiful soiree of colors gracing her vision.

Hannah shifted, resting her head on Flynn’s lap.

“Have you ever seen anything so fantastic before?” Flynn scratched the dog behind her ears. As kid, she’d always wanted a pet, but her parents wouldn’t let her have one. Her mother had allergies, and her father hadn’t wanted the hassle. When Flynn had moved out on her own, she had every intention of getting a cat but just never got around to it.

At this moment in time, she decided she was more of a dog person. However, she hadn’t the time to deal with one.

Just like she couldn’t deal with Colton or the love she had for him. Seeing the hurt in his eyes nearly killed her. She loved him with all her heart and soul. Every breath she took was created for him. In her heart of hearts, she knew that three years ago, which was why she put the brakes on. She couldn’t live in constant fear that the one she loved might not be alive when she walked in the door.

Colton no longer had a dangerous job, but history taught her that driving home at two in the morning could end a life.

Or cancer.

“I do love him,” she whispered. “But I can’t have him.”