Matt Kingfisher was between doctoring gigs and feeling a little lost. When he’d decided to not go into regular practice after he finished his residency at Seattle General, he knew there’d be times like this where he wasn’t sure what path to take in medicine. But as a young man with Haida blood on his father’s side, he’d felt compelled to take the offered position to the Queen Charlotte Islands to work for a year in Queen Charlotte City. And what a year it had been.
He’d fallen in love with the remote islands north of Vancouver Island and south of the Alaskan panhandle. And, fallen in love with someone else. Only back one month, Matt wasn’t sure of his next life plan, but it had to involve someone—the dog he’d brought back from the Charlottes. Once a puppy cowering on the beach, Matt had taken him home to his crude cottage that first night and by the end of his year in the Charlottes Matt had a faithful companion in the form of a large black dog with soulful brown eyes. Diesel had become a favorite in the house-sized structure that served as the town’s hospital and although the dog was not allowed upstairs in the sterile rooms, he roamed freely in Matt’s office and exam rooms downstairs. This acceptance of his dog was something he greatly appreciated about the residents of Queen Charlotte City who were used to living with nature and the land.
After a year of living remotely, he landed back in Seattle with a large dog wondering how he thought he would navigate life in the city with a big, hairy companion. Matt was welcomed by his med school friend, Tom, who’d offered his spare room at his spacious apartment overlooking a park where Diesel loved to run off steam every morning and evening. The apartment’s location was terrific while Matt thought about what was next in life. He was downtown Seattle, on a side street that ended in the entrance to the large park and it was better than imposing himself on his parents who lived in a pristine house in the suburbs with his much younger brother who was allergic to dogs.
As the snow fell that morning, Matt wondered how long it would stay around. Snow was rare in Seattle and although he didn’t mind cold weather, he’d been thinking lately about warm weather. Specifically, the Caribbean. With a job interview later in the week, Matt wondered about the feasibility of heading off again, this time to the Bahamas, to lend his doctoring skills with a team of medical staff who’d be caring for victims of the latest hurricane. Winds had decimated the outer islands and although he wouldn’t be able to take Diesel, Matt was tempted to do his part to help the thousands of people left without proper medical care. Although he didn’t know the particulars of the mission, he’d find out today.
Tom said if Matt took the job, he’d care for Diesel while Matt was gone a few weeks. The timing had to work so Matt was back in town for his friend Clint’s wedding at Christmas. Having gone to college with Clint, Matt had always remained in touch with the one guy who fully understood his love of adventure. And science. Clint had gone on to become a paramedic and Matt had gone on to medical school, hoping to do something good in the world for people less fortunate than himself. There’d be no fancy office in a downtown Seattle high rise for him. He’d go where he was most needed and one day set up shop in a place much like the small town he grew up in on the other side of the Snoqualmie Pass, east of Seattle.
The Christmas Challenge was gaining popularity hourly and pretty much everyone who read the blog had committed to doing it. Tori had left it open-ended enough so everyone could fit under the self-help umbrella of challenging themselves this Christmas. Some Challengers were baking for the poor, some were working on making friends, others were simply working on not dreading what was sometimes the loneliest day of the year.
They were a week into the tasks Tori had listed and she was loving how everyone in the Challenge was not only making strides and posting their victories but helping each other. Some had formed buddy groups with similar goals and within those groups the women cheered each other on. More than once, Tori thought about signing on anonymously and registering for the challenge. She could even join one of the groups, but if it ever got out that the leader with all the right answers was bordering on agoraphobia, she’d lose all credibility.
The best part of her day was seeing the steps her Elevators were taking to be the best version of themselves they could be. Although Tori was a psychologist, you didn’t need six years of college to identify what her goal would be if she registered for the challenge.
Being able to go out in public again, laugh, talk to strangers, meet new people and feel comfortable was what she wanted. Recently she had new interest in pulling herself out of the funk she’d fallen into. No longer happy to be eating pizza out of a cardboard box, exercising on her elliptical in her bedroom and socializing on the phone, Tori now had the feeling that she was going to burst out of this apartment eventually and get back into life. And, it all happened on the day it snowed.
For the last eighteen months, Tori hadn’t been completely without human interaction, but it was close. Clients came to her door every few days for sessions and for that, she put on jeans and brushed her hair, but too much time had been wasted doing nothing in the last year, time she’d never get back, she now realized. Reading the testimonials from her Challengers, Tori felt energized, buoyed up, and ready to make her own baby steps towards a goal. She might not reach her ultimate goal by Christmas, but if she kept working at it, she might be able to attend a Christmas party this year.
Last year had been a washout. She’d barely stopped crying by Christmas and people were still making jokes about the footage of her staring out the church door saying, “Where you going, Bob?” Not to her face. Online. She tried to not go on the internet, but that video was everywhere for months on end. Her mother had spent last Christmas at Tori’s apartment, sympathetic to Tori wanting quiet days in the safety of her own home. Her mom had returned to Mistletoe, Oregon in January thinking that Tori was on the mend. But that had been a false front Tori wore to keep her mother from worrying.
This year, Tori’s mother was spending the holidays in Arizona at her new boyfriend’s second home. Although Tori had been invited, she’d turned down the invitation saying she needed to stay local for Maddy’s wedding. She hadn’t wanted her mother to worry that her daughter couldn’t face the demands of going to a wedding, or know the truth of what the last year had been like. Tori’s older sister Kiki, who lived in California with her husband and two children planned to join her mother with the family for the holidays. For about two seconds in September, Tori had considered going too, but traveling and then seeing her sister happily married with children and her mother newly in love, was not something she wanted to subject herself to this year. Maybe next year.
So, she’d told her family she’d be at Maddy’s wedding and they understood completely. “It’s wonderful that you’ll be there for Maddy,” Kiki said on the phone when she heard the news. “I’m proud you can do this, Tor.” Kiki didn’t have any idea that Tori had barely been outside in months. Kiki had been too busy last month giving birth to a second child to notice that her sister hadn’t planned a trip to see the baby yet.
Recently, as part of the Challenge, Tori had promised to go out for coffee with Maddy and Sasha, somewhere close. The snow had melted the same day it fell and although Tori hadn’t gone outside since that day, she was determined to have a cup of coffee with her friends as part of this week’s challenge to up the ante of being brave.
After putting on a pair of stylish jeans and a pretty red sweater, Tori was basically ready for her first trip to a restaurant in over a year. The fact that it was a café still made the excursion count. The Challenge task she’d posted for today was to do something none of your friends expected, something that might make everyone happy, including yourself. When she wrote that task, Tori realized that with Maddy coming downtown for a dress fitting, she would offer to meet her best friend for coffee. That would be her contribution to secretly doing the Challenge. Sasha had to work but at the last minute, managed to get the hour off and promised she’d meet Tori at the café, at three p.m.
Tori felt more nervous walking along the street than she wanted to admit. The rain had returned, and people rushed past her, everyone needing to get somewhere fast. The good part about the rain was that Tori was able to wear the hood on her rain jacket without looking like she was hiding her face. She also held a big black umbrella over her head as she walked along feeling somewhat incognito for her first foray into the unknown. She was only going to the Human Bean, a coffee place three blocks from her apartment.
As she approached the Bean, she noticed that they were changing the window to a holiday theme that involved their peppermint chocolate latte. A young woman wearing a Human Bean T-shirt was taking down the display for Pumpkin Spice drinks to put up the Christmas cutouts for the lattes.
It was happening. Christmas was on its way and Tori’s stomach lurched to imagine how she was going to get through the days surrounding the loneliest day of the year. Maybe drinking those chocolate lattes. They looked pretty darned good.
Sasha swept up behind her with a “Hello, I’m here. Don’t everyone applaud,” as she took Tori’s arm and they walked together the last few steps to the Bean’s front door.
Inside, Maddy waved from the back corner and Tori wondered how early her friend had to get here to score the one private table in the back corner. “I’ll get drinks. You go sit,” Sasha said.
Maddy smiled and clapped her hands together as Tori wound her way through the tables. She looked already like the radiant bride. In grade school, they’d once made a pact to marry each other if they hadn’t found husbands by thirty. A smile escaped Tori’s lips at the thought. How horrible that they’d thought they needed to be attached to someone at that young age that even a best girlfriend would do. Maddy stood, her trench coat falling open to reveal she’d lost weight in the months since Tori had seen her.
“Are you Maddy or some supermodel version of her?” They hugged and Maddy kissed Tori’s hair behind her ear, holding her a little longer and little tighter than usual.
“I lost weight, but the big news is that you’re here.” Maddy had perfect, white teeth and gorgeous lips that smiled easily.
“Oh, is that really the big news? Then I’m sorry to be so newsworthy.” Tori sat in the chair with her back to the room, something that was much better than sitting where Maddy was and watching everyone, everyone seeing her. “You look fantastic and you aren’t even married yet.”
Maddy’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you for trying this today.”
Tori wanted to let her emotions take over and cry, but she held firm. “It’s not that bad. I haven’t panicked and reached for my meds yet.” Although Tori didn’t take meds to combat her anxiety, it had been suggested many times by her friends and the counselor who’d coached her through the most difficult time of her life. “No meds, but my heart is racing a little and my face feels hot,” she confessed.
Maddy reached across the table to take Tori’s hand. “Today’s task was to do something that would make your friends happy and I appreciate you making me the recipient of the task.”
Tori shrugged. “Sorry to make it a task to have coffee with you, Mad-Girl, but it’s not you, it’s the people and...”
“I know.”
Just then, Sasha arrived with two coffees and handed one to Tori that read “Superstar” on the side where her name would be written in sharpie.
“Cute,” Tori said taking off the top of the cup to cool it enough to drink sooner than midnight when it might otherwise cool off with the lid. “So far so good,” Tori said venturing at look towards the table being vacated next to them.
“How’s the dress fit?” Sasha asked, braving a sip of her steaming coffee.
“It has to be taken in again,” Maddy laughed. “I told the seamstress this was it. No more weight loss and if I did lose any more, I’d cinch the dress with a white satin belt.” Maddy sat tall. “I can’t believe I lost forty pounds! The dress is so gorgeous. I’m excited to wear it on the twenty-fourth, almost as excited as being Mrs. Clint Halley.”
They laughed and just as Tori picked up her cup for a sip of coffee, her elbow was nudged from behind and she dropped the paper cup to spill across their table.
Maddy stood to get out of the way, being in the line of fire, and Tori reached for the cup hoping to stop something from gushing across the table, but it was too late.
“I’m so sorry,” a deep voice came from directly behind Tori. “I’ll get a towel or something.”
Tori didn’t turn around. She knew someone had hit her arm and was now gone. She stood and grabbed napkins from the empty table’s dispenser. “Did it get you?” she asked Maddy.
“No, just some residual flying drops on my boots.” They looked to see Maddy was right. “Let’s move over here and let that man do the cleanup on his own, shall we?” Maddy took Tori’s arm and led them to the empty table. Tori took a seat that blocked out most of the room and Sasha sat beside her.
“Did he fall into you?” Maddy asked.
“He just nudged my elbow.” Tori said. “You were saying you love your dress more than Clint.” Tori joked. Her words sounded as shaky as she felt, the spill having thrown her off her already tentative game.
They talked about wedding plans until the café employee returned with the man and a mop. While the employee mopped and wiped, the man found his way to the front of Tori and tried to apologize. “Let me get you another one of those whatever it was. My briefcase slid and hit your arm, I think.”
Tori didn’t look up to him but for a second her attention was drawn to a carved amulet her wore around his neck. It peeked through an opening at the top of his coat, catching the light. “It’s fine.” If she’d still had a coffee, she would have taken a sip, but her coffee was in the mop now.
“No, really. What were you drinking?” he asked.
Tori wondered if he’d go away after he paid for a new coffee. “Just drip with milk,” she said, not wanting to explain the peppermint chocolate decaf latte with fat free milk at half temperature.
The assailant moved off and Sasha flashed a smile Tori’s way. “If that’s his pickup line, he needs work,” she said.
Tori took a deep breath. Maybe this was too much. Maybe now would be a good time to make her exit, but Maddy had looked so happy to see her. Tori met Maddy’s gaze that said, “Don’t leave, please please, please,” and Tori sat back in her chair.
“New subject,” Sasha said. “I see Elevate has a Christmas Challenge and it’s taking off all over Facebook and Instagram. I actually thought hashtag Christmas Challenge was going to trend yesterday in Seattle.”
Tori did too. “That would be amazing, not just for business, but for the women who need this.”
They talked about her blog until the tall man returned with another cup of coffee. This time the name on the side said, “Sorry.”
Although she didn’t want to lock eyes with him, Tori looked up before her brain told her not to. He was startlingly handsome if you liked those dark eyes, dark hair, brooding types. “Thanks.” She quickly looked away, then back to him because the look on his face had been startling. His eyes were squinted just enough to tell her he was wondering where he’d seen her before. Knowing he’d say something about her being the bride in the viral video, she quickly looked down at her lap and turned in her chair so her back to was to him.
“Tell me if you found the perfect first dance wedding song,” she said, now looking up at Maddy, ignoring the man.
Both Sasha and Maddy stared at the man who was now behind Tori. The café was noisy, and Tori couldn’t hear if he’d left but knew when her friends smile apologetically and started to talk again that he he’d probably departed.
Tori’s heart raced as she listened to Maddy talk about choosing her first dance song. But not because she was worried the man might have recognized her. Her heart raced for other reasons that she couldn’t tamp down. She’d been mistaken about the look the man gave her. It hadn’t been the recognition of someone who is about to ask if he’d seen her in a viral video. He’d looked like he wanted to stay and talk, ask her what made her eyes so sad.
When Sasha suggested she return to work, Tori saw her opening. “This was fun,” she lied, standing from the table with her cup of coffee barely touched. “I’ll get planning that bridal shower today.” Tori had always intended to throw Maddy a bridal shower but hadn’t gotten around to organizing one yet. The whole thing seemed like too much social action for her, but in the course of their conversation, she realized she could probably do something small. She’d blurted out that she’d like to have only the bridesmaids over to her apartment soon. “A small shower,” she’d added apologetically. “Maybe next week if everyone is available.”
Maddy had told her Thursday worked and they’d texted the other friends to have them check their calendars.
Tori hugged her friends goodbye and left first so they could talk about her. She knew they’d be patting each other on the back, happy that Tori had made the effort today. And happy that Tori agreed to host a bridal shower.
As she walked out of the busy café, Tori realized she still had the coffee cup in her hand. There wasn’t a trash can outside, so she headed down the street with the cup. The rain had let up, but Tori lifted her hood knowing it would make the walk less fearful. At the corner, she turned and decided to take the route past Nordstrom’s Department Store to see if they had their Christmas decorations in the window yet. Everywhere she looked, windows were in full holiday decor, luring shoppers inside with the promise of the perfect gift this Christmas.
From a block away, Tori saw the department store window was full of red and snow and moving parts. She crossed the street and as the distance was closed to the main window in the front of the store, the scene came into view. It was stunningly beautiful.
The window was filled with a snowy vignette on a mountainside, cabins with lights in the windows twinkled up the side of the mountain, an outdoor skating rink with couples in old time costumes drifted along a track as if skating and in the foreground was a couple obviously in love. The woman wore a long red velvet dress with a cape to match, her hair falling in dark curls around her shoulders. The man wore tails and held the woman like he’d never let her go. They gazed at each other as they skated along the track, hidden cleverly by the fake snow.
A wistful envy overcame Tori as she watched the skaters. The window was lovely, but something more had entered her sensibilities. Something she couldn’t describe, almost like she’d been this woman in a dream or had experienced it in a former life. It sounded crazy to her and she tore her eyes away from the window and continued home with the “Sorry” coffee cup still in her hand.
That was twice in the last hour Tori had had a profound feeling. She’d better get home before things got worse.