Chapter Sixteen

 

IT WAS SUNDAY evening. Jess and I were lying on my bed. Abbey had left a few hours ago when her mom called here looking for her. My own mother had phoned earlier that day to check up on me. She planned to be back sometime late tomorrow afternoon.

Jess and I had one more night and one more morning to be alone, and I planned to make the most of it.

“We should go to a Melissa Etheridge concert next time she’s here,” Jess said. “It might be the first public place we could actually hold hands. Amber went to see her a few months back while she was visiting a cousin in Wisconsin, and she said the place was packed with lesbos. She said everywhere she looked lesbians were kissing and holding hands. To her it was gross and awkward, but to me it sounded like heaven.”

“I’ll look into when she’s coming to town. Hey, have you heard back from your neighbor? The one who said he might be able to get us fake IDs?”

“I asked him last week about it. Said his guy’s really busy right now. And then he told me the price went up thirty bucks per ID.”

“Why?”

Jess snuggled closer to me. “I don’t know. That’s just what he said. I bet he’s gonna pocket the money. He’s so squirrelly. We probably shouldn’t even trust him.”

“Babe, I don’t wanna have to wait for some lesbian singer to play here in order to be around people like us.” I turned onto my back, and Jess climbed on top of me.

“Maybe we can find a place that doesn’t card, or at least doesn’t card very hard,” she said.

“How do we manage that?”

Jess sighed and dropped her head into the crevice of my neck and collarbone. “I don’t know.”

“We should probably just forget it. We’ll both be leaving for school in the fall anyway. We’d only have the summer to use them.”

Jess covered my neck with soft kisses. “I want to slow dance with you in the middle of a crowded dance floor.” She squeezed me close to her, and then popped her head up and looked down to me. “Wait a minute. What’s this stuff about us only having the summer to use them?”

I squirmed underneath her grip. “Nothing . . . I’m just saying . . .”

“Hey.” She stared at me. “I told you. We’re staying together. We’ll plan to come back on as many weekends as we can. And we’ll have Christmas and Spring breaks.”

“I know.”

“Baby, I really want to dance with you in a dark, packed room,” she whispered so serious and unyielding I knew she was tired of hiding. “Prom was hard. Watching you dance with your date,”

“Matt wasn’t my date. We all went as friends, as a group, you, Kirk, me, and Matt, a group, which is like going stag, only . . . with a group.”

“But we were paired-off. And I wasn’t paired with you,” Jess said, her voice drenched with regret.

“We seem pretty paired-off now.” I kissed the part of her forehead pressed against my chin. “I wish you didn’t care so much about a lame school dance that really doesn’t mean anything. I only went to please my mom. She didn’t go to her prom, but wishes she had. I suppose she thought missing my prom would one day make me as sad as missing her prom seems to make her. She pestered me till I agreed to go. But I don’t know what the big deal is. Is prom supposed to be some kind of rite of passage? To signify that a bunch of teenagers are transforming into adults by dressing in fancy clothes, pinning boutonnieres on suits, and wearing corsages around your wrist, while acting all grown-up, attending an elegant dance. When really, the kids can’t wait to get the hell outta there and head to the after-party, drink their asses off, take off those uncomfortable over-priced grown-up clothes, and get laid.”

Jess laughed and trailed her finger up and down my stomach. “I just wanted to dance with you so everyone in that fancy hall knew you were mine. Instead, I had to watch you dance with that long-haired fool of a boy.”

I laughed. “Hey, Matt’s cool. I like him and his long hair. But I sure didn’t like dancing with him. Did we look as awkward as I felt?”

“You looked beautiful, actually. But I know that was probably the last time I’ll ever see you in a dress.”

“Got that right. At least Matt didn’t make a move on me the way Kirk did on you. I wanted to bust his face. I swear, we hang out together for years as friends, but the second a girl puts on a dress, the guy forgets he lit his farts on fire in front of you and smeared Bengay all over his dick on a dare.”

“That’s right. Kirk did that in your garage and then ran to your neighbor’s house with his pants around his ankles and sprayed the hose all over himself.” Jess laughed.

“And he thought you were gonna give it up for him cuz suddenly he thought he was Rico Suave.”

“It’s called being horny,” Jess said. “And I handled him, didn’t I?”

“But I wanted to handle him.”

“I did just fine without sending him to the hospital.”

“But I wanted to send him to the hospital.”

Jess laughed. “Even in a dress you didn’t want to act like a lady.”

I rolled on top of her, pinning her against the bed with my thigh between her legs. “But you like me best when I don’t act like a lady.”

Jess fisted my shirt in a tight grip and yanked me down to her with a deep, throaty moan. “Yes, I do.”

 

I WOKE UP with my face pressed against the back of Jess’s head. We’d slept the whole night with Jess wrapped in my arms. Even though my arm snug underneath her had fallen asleep and was completely numb, this was the way I wanted to fall asleep every night for the rest of my life.

It was Monday morning. My mother was supposed to be home later that afternoon. Jess and I had one last morning together, and I intended not to waste another moment of it sleeping.

I pulled back the covers and gazed over Jess’s bare legs and smooth stomach, and the rest of the parts of her body not covered by the small T-shirt she wore. I slipped low underneath the covers and crawled between her legs until my head was flanked firmly between her thighs.

I pulled back the thin fabric of her underwear. I felt her body stir underneath me as she slowly woke up. I pulled her panties down to her ankles, and she clamped tightly onto the back of my head. Her moans turned to shrieks.

When I was sure she was only moments away from climax, her body suddenly became still, and the grip of her fingers around my head loosened.

“What are you doing here?” Jess said to someone.

With panicked curiosity, I felt my heart pound against my chest as I cleared the covers off me with one hand.

Abbey was standing at my bedroom door with a dazed look on her face. Her eyes briefly met mine before she turned and ran out of my room.

I jumped out of bed wearing nothing but boxers and a Pearl Jam T-shirt. I grabbed a pair of black sweatpants, hanging on the knob of my closet door, and rushed out of the room. I hurried down the hall, hopping on one foot as I slid my sweatpants on, one leg at a time.

“Abbey! Wait!” I caught up to her just as she was about to reach the front door. “Hey.” I grabbed her arm. “Stop.” Abbey stood still, but didn’t face me. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I didn’t know how.” I waited for her to respond, but Abbey remained quiet. I begged her to turn around. “Come on, Ab. Please don’t be like this. At least look at me.”

She spun around to me, her eyes wild with emotion. “Don’t be like this? How the hell should I be? Jess is naked in your bed and you were under the covers doing . . .”

“Stop!” I felt my face burning red. “What I was doing under the covers was none of your business. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“It’s obvious I wasn’t supposed to see that, but I did.”

“How’d you get in? Why are you even here? You just left yesterday.”

“The back door was cracked open. I thought you were up. I called out for you, but now I know why you didn’t hear me.” Abbey turned to leave, but quickly looked back at me. “And I’m here because I needed to talk to my best friend. But I’m not sure who she is anymore . . . I’m not sure who anyone is anymore.”

“Abbey, I’m still me. Don’t leave like this.”

She stepped back from me, while holding my eyes with a look of profound pain.

“Abbey, wait.” I attempted to grab hold of her. Abbey was already out the door, and soon, I was listening to the neighbor’s dog barking as I assumed Abbey was running past its yard.

I got back to my room, and Jess was fully dressed and sitting on my bed that was now fully made. This wasn’t how I envisioned our last morning together playing out.

“Why was she here?” Jess asked.

“She said she needed to talk to me.” I paced around my room, struggling to take in everything that had happened in the last three minutes.

“About what?”

“I don’t know. She ran off before she would tell me.”

“But she was just here. What could she need to tell you that she had to rush over here and break into your house? Why didn’t she at least ring the bell?”

“She said the door was open. I must not have closed it all the way yesterday after I walked her to her car. That was the last time I was out.” I paced my room with slow, deliberate steps.

Even though Abbey’s peculiar behavior in showing up at my house the way she did baffled me, for the moment her oddities took a back seat to the fact that my carelessness put Jess in danger.

My mind broke with all kinds of threatening scenarios that could have taken place the night before if someone other than Abbey had discovered my back door open. I was the protector in our relationship, but I had left the girl I loved vulnerable to an intruder. I turned my gaze back to Jess, not knowing what I would do if anything would have happened to her.

“Do you have any idea what could have brought her back here?” Jess asked, bringing my focus back to Abbey.

I sat beside her on the bed, and the unwelcome images involving intruders faded slowly from my mind. “I don’t know for sure, but I bet it has something to do with her mother. It always does.”

“Is she that bad?”

“She has a way. She isn’t a happy woman. Never really was as far as I could remember. I don’t think that woman has ever been content at any point in her life. She was always chasing something. When she was younger, it was a man. She’d tell me about when she was a younger woman, and how she waited a long time to find a man who would love her and protect her. And then she married Abbey’s father, and I don’t know how much he loved or protected her because I don’t remember him being around much then. Still don’t now. The woman spent years longing for a baby, and it took a while for her to get pregnant with Abbey. Then once she had Abbey, she was anxious about growing old. She wanted to be young again. I remember that vividly. There’s so much that woman isn’t happy with in her life, and she’s desperately searching . . . chasing . . . after anything that’ll fill that void. Most of the pressure falls on Abbey. Her mother had to be the reason Abbey came here.” I paused. “It was really strange, though. She said she didn’t know who anyone was anymore.”

“Because of what she saw?”

“Yeah, but I think that’s only part of it. What the hell could have happened between the time she left here yesterday and this morning?”

“You need to go to her,” Jess said.

“I will. Later.”

“No. Now. We’ve had our fun this weekend. Abbey came here for a reason. Your friend needs you.”

“But . . .”

“Stop.” Jess held up a hand. “Your mom’s gonna be back soon anyway. And what if she comes home earlier than we expect? Is it not enough that your best friend caught us with your head between my legs, you want your mom to as well?”

I laughed lightly and then groaned as I dropped my head into Jess’s lap and squeezed her thighs tightly against me. “I wish it could be like this forever, you and me in our own home. Living our own life. I wish we were older.”

“Now who’s the one chasing? Don’t wish we were older. Don’t wish we were anywhere but right here. This moment.” Jess raked her fingers gently through my hair. “That’s what I’m doing with us. I don’t want to be with anyone but you, and you don’t want to be with anyone but me. What moment could be better than right now?”

I lifted my body to face her. “None,” I whispered. “This moment is perfect. I’m sorry I couldn’t see that.” I kissed her softly on the lips.

She smoothed my hair away from my eyes. “You’re forgiven.”

“What’s gonna happen when we go away to school?” I asked.

“Baby, what’d I just say about living in this moment?”

“But I want to know that I’m gonna have more moments like this with you.”

“We already talked about it. We’re going to stay together. We’re both gonna come home as often as we can. Vanderbilt’s not that far. Maybe we can meet halfway sometimes on the weekends and shack up in some motel.” She clasped her arms around my neck. “And never leave the room.”

“It won’t be easy, you know.”

She loosened her grip on me. “Why are you doing this? We’re never gonna make it if you keep doubting us.”

“I’m being realistic. There’ll be school functions. Campus parties. Who’s to say you’ll even want to meet me at some motel? Or come home at all?”

“That can be said for you, too. But I have to try.” She gripped my hand in hers. “We are worth a try no matter how hard it may get. I’m not being unrealistic. I’m just giving us hope. What do we have if we don’t have hope?”

“We have nothing,” I answered in a low voice. “And I don’t want to have nothing with you.”