Monday morning, Hannah gets Sam off to school, then wakes Alicia. At nine-thirty, they take Adam’s car to the family therapist that Hannah found.
Beth Healy’s office is in a small brick building next to Newton-Wellesley Hospital. The three of them sit in the waiting room. Hannah keeps smiling at Alicia, who keeps looking away.
Then she takes count. There’s her therapist, Adam’s therapist, their couples’ therapist, his sponsor, her group therapist, and now a family therapist, a school counselor, and she’s pretty sure Alicia will have her own therapist soon. That’s eight. A family of four with eight therapists. Hannah picks up a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Adam and Alicia are playing some game on his phone, and she wants to whip the magazine across the room. The eight therapists are because of him—the wonderful, thoughtful father who’s taken time to download games on his phone that his daughter finds amusing.
Beth Healy comes out at exactly ten and invites them in. She’s wearing a well-fitted red suit with black pumps.
Adam and Alicia sit on the couch. Hannah chooses one of two armchairs. Tall windows make the room light, and a dollhouse in the corner catches Alicia’s eye.
After the introductions, Beth explains that she will split the sessions up. First she wants to talk to Alicia alone, then to Hannah and Adam, and at the end they’ll all meet together.
Hannah and Adam return to the waiting area.
Fifteen minutes later, Alicia emerges smiling.
“There are some books over there you might like.” Beth points to a table in the corner. “Will you be all right?”
Alicia stands very straight. “Yes, thank you.”
Hannah feels proud of her daughter as she walks into the office.
“There isn’t a lot I can tell you from our first meeting,” Beth says. “But I do think it’s wise that you’ve chosen to seek help.”
“And why is that?” Hannah asks.
“Alicia is a very bright child, which I’m sure you’re both aware of.” She looks at them and smiles. “No particular disorder jumps out at me, but I do think she’s very angry, and she could use some coping skills to learn how to deal with the turmoil of emotions she’s feeling.”
“But you think she’ll be okay?” Hannah asks.
Beth gives a thoughtful therapist nod, a gesture that has become all too familiar. “I think we have some work ahead of us.” She takes a legal pad from her desk. “I did get a report from the school psychologist, but I’d like to hear from the two of you as to what you think is causing the anger.”
“My husband and I are going through a rough spell.”
She waits.
“I’ve been struggling with some addiction issues, and it’s been very difficult on Hannah,” Adam explains.
“I see,” she says. “Can you talk a little bit more about what the issues are?”
He looks at a painting on the wall as if he’s actually studying the artwork. “It stems from my own childhood,” he says to the picture.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Hannah interrupts. “He’s a sex addict, and I caught him cheating again. We’re going to therapy. We’re trying, but it’s been very tense at home.”
“Alicia did mention she was worried you were going to get divorced. Is that something that you see happening?”
“No,” Adam says.
“Not immediately.” Hannah glances at the green carpet. “I mean, we’re trying to make it work. It would be better for the children.”
“It’s not always best for the children to stay together if you’re unhappy.”
“I know,” Hannah says. “We’re not only doing it for them.”
“You’re both in therapy?” Beth asks.
“Yes,” Adam says.
“And you feel it’s helping?”
“Yes,” he says again.
She waits for Hannah.
“I suppose.”
“May I make an observation?” Beth asks.
“Sure,” Hannah replies.
“You seem angry. Understandably, of course, but I’m wondering if the tension I’m feeling here is what Alicia’s picking up on at home.”
“Probably.” Hannah regrets she snapped so quickly at Adam. “I try not to act angry in front of the kids.”
“Alicia’s a very sensitive child. I think it might actually be more frightening for her to feel you’re pretending. Have you ever thought about allowing her to see some of your pain? I’m not suggesting you explain any details, but sometimes it’s surprising how relieved children feel when they actually see their parents fight.”
“We don’t speak to each other in the house,” Adam tells her.
“Not at all?” Beth asks.
“Just the pass-the-salt type of thing,” he replies.
“We have dinner conversations,” Hannah says.
“Only with the children. We don’t actually speak to each other except in couples’ therapy.”
Beth jots a few notes. “And how long has this been going on?”
“Since I caught him fucking another man in a public bathroom.”
“Hannah,” Adam chides.
“So basically, what Adam is trying to tell you is that I’m a rigid bitch with a thousand and one rules. He’s always cheerful, like nothing is wrong, and I have to constantly restrain myself from screaming and yelling and telling him how he’s ruined my life. Yes, Alicia picks it up. She sees me get tense, and of course it looks like it’s my fault, and he doesn’t have the balls to explain to her that he’s hurt me. That people can do that to each other, even mothers and fathers.”
“You never told me you wanted me to say anything.” He tilts his head, bewildered.
She throws up her hands. “Can you think for yourself? Perhaps you could do the right thing without being told.”
“I’m not sure how to tell her,” he says.
“I think that’s something we can discuss in here,” Beth interjects. “You might be able to start with something like Hannah suggested. Something to the effect that things are difficult between the two of you because you acted in ways that were hurtful.”
“And what do I say when she asks what I did?”
Beth scribbles a few words on her legal pad. “You might explain it in terms she can relate to. Perhaps a friend of hers once lied to her or betrayed her in some way.”
“And if she wants to know more?” he asks.
“You’re the parent. You set the boundaries. You can say that she doesn’t need to know all the details. That’s not her business. What is her business is that she understands that she’s not the cause of the problem, nor is she wrong for feeling things aren’t okay.”
“He doesn’t understand boundaries,” Hannah says.
“Damn it, Hannah. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
She can’t stand him. The way Alicia favors him. The way everyone thinks he’s such a nice guy.
“I think it’s been very helpful for me to see the dynamic between you. You’re in a very difficult situation, and we need to find the right words to help Alicia understand.” Beth glances at her watch. “Would it be all right if I brought her in now?”
“Yes,” they say in unison.
For the last ten minutes, Beth explains to Alicia that many, many parents fight, that it’s very hard to understand, that it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault, least of all hers. Alicia soaks in her words, nodding at a rapid pace.
On the way home, Adam suggests they stop at Friendly’s for ice cream. There he goes again, always the nice guy, the good dad. But when she glances over her shoulder and sees Alicia smile, she knows that she’s going to have to bend a little more, not for his sake, or hers, but for her children.