Harper
I stop outside the lobby door and try to pull myself together. There are cameras inside. There are people watching me but I can’t stay outside in the cold and I don’t have a car. I swipe my card and head inside, my knees wobbling as I walk. I enter my office and shut the door, as if that offers privacy, but it’s all I have. The tears explode from me the second I draw another breath. The tears that I cried six years ago. The tears that I have cried randomly since my miscarriage, and I wanted to call Eric every one of those teary nights. I don’t know how long I cry now, but I can’t stop. It guts me, it cuts me, it tears me into pieces. He’s gone. Isaac told him and he’s gone. My phone rings and I reach into my pocket, praying it’s Eric but it’s my mother. I disconnect the line and try to call Eric. He doesn’t answer. I try again. And again. I cry some more.
I’m on the floor crying when I finally come back to reality. I’m on my back, staring at the ceiling. I’m hurting in every possible way. I should have told him last night. I should have told him six years ago. I force myself to my feet and I do what I have done every time I’ve tried to survive this. I go to my desk and try to work. I’ll find out what that damn sequence is. I’ll find answers and somehow that will make this better, somehow that will make Eric forgive me. No, he won’t forgive me. He believes Isaac. He thinks I fucked his brother.
I dial him again and when he doesn’t answer, I burst into my confession on his voicemail. “I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t want you to think I was playing you and then you got rich and I was afraid you’d think it was about money. I can’t make you believe me, but you know—I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you so I just have to tell you.” The phone beeps and disconnects. I let out a sound of utter frustration. God. No. I need to say this.
I dial the phone again and when the machine answers I pick up where I left off. “I got pregnant the night we were together six years ago. I know you pulled out, but you were inside me and it happened. I wasn’t with anyone else. I didn’t think you’d believe me and what would forcing you to believe me, achieve? It was too late to change what happened. I lost the baby.” The machine beeps again and I redial, my hand shaking as I do. The machine beeps again and I launch into the rest of the story. “When I missed my period, I thought it was stress, but then one night I was working late and suddenly I was bleeding. Lots of blood and Isaac was here and I was bad. I was hemorrhaging and—I had to let him help me. I didn’t even know what was happening. I was scared and when I found out there was a baby—” The machine beeps. I sob with the pain of doing it like this, with reliving this. I dial again. “Bottom line,” I say when I can speak again. “I hated so much that Isaac was the one who helped me. And I really wanted that baby, our baby, but now I’m damaged goods anyway. I don’t even know now if I can have kids. They said—”
The machine beeps and tears stream down my cheeks. I can barely take this but I started it. I have to finish. I dial again and this time the call goes straight to voicemail. Eric turned off his phone. Obviously, he’s tired of me calling. I force the words out. I start talking again. “Eric,” I whisper. “I didn’t betray you like everyone else in this family. Have Blake hack my medical records. If I was with Isaac and he was the father, why would I fight the ER staff and insist that I couldn’t be pregnant? Why wouldn’t I put him down on the medical records? I just—I need you to know that I didn’t betray you. You matter to me. You’ve always mattered to me and I regret that I didn’t call you. I regret—”
The line beeps and I add, “So much,” even though he can’t hear me. My emotions overflow and I throw my phone, pain behind the force that smashes it against my door. My emotions are suffocating me. I can’t take it.
I stand up, not sure where I’m going, but I need to occupy my mind. I need to escape this feeling. I need to escape the pain. The sequence, I tell myself. Think about it. Think about the message. Figure out what it means. I start walking, exiting my office and walking toward the human resources office. I enter the dark office and search through files, looking for a clue. An hour later, I have nothing. I stand up again and walk toward the warehouse. That sequence has to relate to production in some way. I enter the warehouse that is now empty, as we don’t run winter night shifts.
I start walking the assembly lines, looking for that fourteen-digit sequence, checking every possible place: on the parts, on the vehicles, in the paperwork at each station. I’m at this for a good half hour when I decide the foreman’s office is where I need to be. I hurry that direction and I’m about to enter his office when the lights go out. I freeze in the utter, complete darkness, sucking in a breath, and willing myself to remain calm. It’s a power outage. Nothing more. I reach for my purse that’s in my office with my destroyed phone.
A sound, a tiny sound, jolts me. Someone is here. There is a whisper in the air. Someone is right beside me. I launch myself forward to run, but it’s too late. Someone grabs me from behind.
THE END FOR NOW...
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Readers,
Thank you so much for picking up THE BASTARD! Harper and Eric’s story continues very soon in THE PRINCESS! You’ll get all your answers and so much more in THE PRINCESS and THE EMPIRE - both available for pre-order on all platforms now!
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http://filthytrilogy.lisareneejones.com/
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