An Introduction to the Major Projects
Of all the projects, the ones I’m calling Major Projects got the most resistance from my test group. I could not believe how many couples thought it was inconceivable to go on a date with their partner.
Yes, I know that babysitting is expensive.
Yes, I know that traditional dating is expensive.
Yes, I know that you don’t like the same movies.
Yes, I know that at the end of the week you are exhausted.
I want you to date anyway.
For the next three weeks, have one date a week. And whatever your challenge—babysitting, money, time—be creative and make it work. I have listed below some ideas to get you started:
Guy-Centric Dates
Action and Adventure Dates
The first two suggestions are from my pastor, Scott:
1. This is the best all-time cool date that my wife ever suggested. This one leaves all the other guys longing to be married to my wife. I shared this in church six months ago and got a lot of feedback from guys about how cool that was, and some wives even did this for their husbands. Kelli suggested we go to the shooting range and shoot pistols. It was an indoor range where you could rent guns. It’s the manliest date I’ve ever been on. Combine that with a red-meat dinner and top it off with a little sex (or a lot of sex), and there you have the perfect night! No one will be able to top that.
2. Another date that I’ve wanted to try is a wind tunnel where you simulate sky-diving. It’s a good date as long as the girl doesn’t mind messing up her hair.
Here are some additional ideas from Doug:
1. A bucket of balls at the driving range
2. Go-kart racing at an enclosed course
3. Strings-attached massage (enough said)
4. Playing Rock Band on the Wii or some other video game together
5. Paintballing (Skip says, “There is nothing sexier than a woman in camo.”)
“I’m Not a Typical Guy” Dates
I had more than a few guys start off their list to me with the above statement. Apparently many men don’t feel like “typical guys” if they don’t chew tobacco and want to shoot things. Let me be the first to tell you, with so many men wanting less Matrix-style dating, you’re in good company. Here are some great date ideas from the “Not a Typical Guy” set.
A few from Kevin:
1. I like to eat and my wife, Ruth, likes to cook, so we pick a recipe that sounds good (and date-worthy) and cook together.
2. I like to eat (wait, I said that already), so we just go out on dinner dates. We dress up (me in Dockers and a polo shirt) to distinguish it from other times. I work at home and dress like a bum 98 percent of the time, so I like to dress up for some dates.
3. We’ve taken cooking classes together at a local kitchen-supply store.
4. I like plays, so we’re on the email list of every local theater company and go to plays together.
5. Simple, at-home date night is watching an episode of either Monk, Psych, or House, which we have on DVD and both really like.
A few from my husband, Roger:
1. Spend the evening working a puzzle. I know that I sound like I’m one step away from the retirement home, but it’s actually a great way for us to do something and talk at the same time.
2. Get a coffee drink and hang out at a local bookstore.
3. Have a cookout at a day-use campground.
4. Go out for dessert without considering the calorie count and fat content of every bite.
Finally, my friend Kevin gave me the following piece of sage advice for women date planners everywhere:
If a woman is planning a date night for her husband, she should let him in on the whole agenda. If the guy knows that tonight will or won’t include sex, he will relax and enjoy the activity of dating. When he doesn’t know, he may create a false expectation, which leads to a date-night disappointment—an unmet expectation (when the wife’s goal was to show love and perhaps be reciprocal in the dating process). This upfront honesty is also good, because a wife planning a date night doesn’t have to limit her choices to only when she’s “willing.”
Girl-Centric Dates
Here are some great ideas from some of my best girls. Thanks to Kelli, Sherry, and Angela (you have some great husbands):
1. Purchase tickets for a concert (especially if it features a girl band circa 1984—go Bangles!).
2. Go on a less-than-strenuous hike and take a picnic lunch (he plans the hike and packs the lunch).
3. Plan and cook me dinner and do the dishes.
4. Get-up-and-go-get Starbucks, then go on a walking trail for a hike and talk along the way.
5. Go to the beach at sundown, listen to the waves, and watch the evening sun glisten on the water. A scrumptious dinner afterward is also very nice.
6. Go to Campo di Bocce (a local restaurant that also offers bocce ball). We’ve gone with another couple, played bocce, and then enjoyed dinner. Lots of fun!
7. Select a recipe from the Food Network website, shop for the ingredients at the fancy market in town, and then cook and eat.
8. Watch a chick flick accompanied by a foot massage. Purrrrr.
9. Go to a museum and eat at their café.
10. Take a full day to just drive and stop for lunch. It’s the drive that counts as the activity, not just transportation to get there. (So no grumbling about whether we’re “making good time” is allowed.)
11. Go to a major city and take in some window-shopping.
12. Dine at restaurants that don’t have the menu in lights. No value meals, no happy meals, nothing with the word meal in it.
13. No strings attached massage.
Dating with Children
If you’re married with kids, you might want to plan the occasional date that involves the whole family. Here are some ideas for inexpensive ways to make that happen.
1. Drinking and Driving—coffee that is. Roger and I love to drive-thru and grab hot drinks and take long drives at night. (Great date for people who have grown kids or kids small enough to fall asleep in the backseat of the car.)
2. Carpet Picnic—This one is great with younger kids. Give the kitchen table a rest and spread out some blankets (or plastic tablecloths depending on your kid’s level of spillage). Put on a fun Veggie Tales movie and break out the yummy finger food. Soup is not recommended.
3. Drive-in Movies—The best idea here is to drive around with your toddlers in their car seats until they fall asleep; then you can make out during the movie. Another advantage is that you don’t have to sneak in your store-bought candy; you can even bring a hibachi into the parking lot to cook dinner before the double feature. Since the number of drive-in theaters still operating has shrunk significantly over the past couple of decades, check out www.drive-ins.com for a current listing for your area.
4. Mega Movies—One of the nicer shopping areas in our town projects family-friendly movies onto the side of a building. People are encouraged to buy their dinner from one of the local restaurants or bring a picnic. Lots of fun, low cost, and nobody minds if in the middle of the movie your kid needs a jumping break.
20 Dates for Less than $20
1. Be a Tourist in Your Own Town—Ask your friends for their favorite “cheap date” spots. See if your museum has a “First Sunday Free” program or some similar discount. For less than $20 you could do a free museum tour and actually afford to eat at their café.
2. Coffee—And not the drive-thru. Go in, order a couple of tall lattes, two giant cookies, and soak up all that atmosphere.
3. Dive Dining—Some of our favorite restaurants are holes-in-the-wall, never promoted in national advertising campaigns. We love to eat at a taqueria down the road from our church, the place with lumpia Filipino spring rolls on the east side of town, and the falafel stand next to the university. All of these places have amazing food for relatively cheap prices.
4. Be a ’50s Retro Couple—Get together with another couple to play cards and have dessert. (Bonus points if you play bridge or canasta and drink Sanka.)
5. Breakfast in Bed—This date requires some planning the night before. Friday night grab a box of donuts or sweet rolls from a bakery and purchase the local paper at a newsstand. Set the timer on your coffeepot to go off midmorning Saturday. When the aroma of Starbucks’ Sumatra Blend lures you from the sheets, put the paper, the rolls, and a pot of coffee on a tray and plan on lingering in bed. Who cares if you’re reading yesterday’s news? Enjoy the comics, the sports page, and the lifestyle section. If you have young kids, bring home enough rolls or donuts to share.
6. You Light Up My Life—During the holidays, looking at Christmas lights is our absolute favorite thing to do. Most local papers publish a guide to all the best displays in your city. Pack a thermos of peppermint hot chocolate and play your favorite Christmas CD to “make the spirits bright.” You can even include the kids with this one.
7. Music in the Park—Many downtown associations offer Concerts in the Park throughout the warm and sunny seasons. Either pack a dinner or eat beforehand, and then enjoy a double scoop of ice cream on a waffle cone.
8. Putt-Putt Golf—Miniature golf may sound like the classic “getting to know you” first date (watching your fix-up throw his club at the mini windmill after missing a putt is a great way to weed out a loser), but that’s precisely why it’s a great married date as well. Not only do you have the chance to walk around, hold hands, flirt, and cheer each other on, it’s the only sport where a girl can wear date-worthy high heels.
9. Bookstore Browsing—The deal is simple. You each get $10 to spend on books, magazines, or coffee. Bonus points if you can find all those “I-don’t-know-what-to-get” Barnes & Noble gift cards from your coworkers at the last office Christmas party. Double-bonus points if you can agree on a book to purchase together and have enough money left over to split a grande latte in the bookstore café.
10. Taster’s Choice—We’ve been to several tastings over the years—cheese tastings, coffee tastings, and even an olive oil and balsamic tasting. Use your $20 to buy your favorite that you can both agree on.
11. Movie Swap—It’s embarrassing how many DVDs we own. They are the fallback gift our kids give to each of us. Plus, we’re so incompatible when it comes to our tastes in movies that it’s just easier for us to wait for things to come out on DVD. (That way I can still get credit for watching the movie with my husband, even if I’m just “resting my eyes.”) Despite our library taking up tons of living room space, there are still days when we peruse our friends’ collections and think, “Ooohhhh, I’d like to see that.” For those movies you’d like to watch but don’t need to own, swap discs with another family. But keep a list of what’s been loaned; it’s better for everyone’s relationship if you do.
12. Coupon Craze—Everyone around my house mocks me for clipping coupons—that is until we want to eat out and stick to our budget. Look for the buy-one-get-one-free offers in the newspaper or in the coupon junk mail. I’ve also gone to several restaurants’ websites and signed up for their special email offers. I have a separate email account for all this requested “junk,” so when I’m looking for someplace to go, I just log on to that account and look for the latest special offer.
13. Hiking—I hear there are people who actually enjoy this. Whatever.
14. Going to a Farmers’ Market—OK, so this will not technically cost less than $20, but the good news is that you can use part of your grocery budget for your shopping list.
15. Cookout—Pack up the marshmallows and hot dogs. Find a day-camp site and let your man cook over an open fire. This used to be a hard date for me until Roger bought me a Coleman coffeemaker and a comfy chair to read in. Now I look forward to day camping.
16. The Dog Park—I know these are traditionally reserved for singles on the prowl, but really, there is no law that says married people can’t go there. It’s fun for your spouse and your pup.
17. Xbox vs. Wii—Take control of the game controls for a night and challenge your spouse to Rock Band. If you choose to wear earplugs, at least be inconspicuous about it.
18. I Said Board, Not Bored—How about a good old-fashioned game of Monopoly or Twister to spice things up with your spouse. (See Bonus Projects.)
19. Cooking Throw-down—Find a recipe on the Food Network and shop for the ingredients (forcing yourself to keep the cost under $20). Bring it home and have fun cooking, flirting, and eating.
20. Sex—Need I elaborate?
Dates I Don’t Recommend if You’re Trying to Stick to a $20 Budget
1. Bowling. How retro! How fun! How expensive. Bowling is today what yachting was in the ’80s—only for those with plenty of disposable income.
2. Window shopping. How fun! Let’s walk around and drool over all the things we can’t afford.
3. Going to the movies. If you can tell me how two people can go to the movies and get a popcorn and a drink to share for less than $20 without sneaking in through the side door, just let me know.
4. Bringing your children to anything. Kids automatically triple the cost of any outing. (See exceptions above.)
5. Doing anything with people who are not on a budget. You’ll be talked into going to a restaurant you can’t afford, and then you’ll have to eat canned corn and pumpkin puree for the rest of the week.