Get the Vital Stats on Your Mate
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
GEORGE ELIOT
Your Project
Each of you answer the survey below so the next time you want to bless your spouse, you have all the information you need. Your gift will be right on target, making it even more appreciated.
Purpose of the Project
Even if your spouse should know the answers to these questions, please put something down for each category. The more thorough you are, the more confident your partner will be when it comes to blessing you.
Date of birth
Date of anniversary
Other date(s) he or she needs to know (and why)
Favorite foods
Favorite restaurants
Favorite dinner
Favorite flowers
Favorite perfume/cologne
Favorite music artists
Favorite authors or magazines
Favorite clothing store
Your clothing and shoe sizes
Favorite Starbucks order
Suggestions of a treat he or she could buy
I want you each to fill out the survey for a couple of reasons:
1. You can shop with confidence, knowing that the little treat you pick up for your sweetie will be something they love, and that they don’t have to fake delight when you buy them the wrong dark chocolate.
2. So the following marriage testing conversation doesn’t happen to you.
“And when is your birthday?” the salesclerk at Bare Escentuals asked me while ringing up my makeup. (Yikes! Since when does it take over $300 of products for me to obtain the natural look?)
I was busy looking through my bag of goodies when Roger answered for me. “Her birthday is April—”
I immediately looked up from my eyeliner. “Um, honey…my birthday is in June. April would be your first wife’s.”
Gulp.
For some couples that little exchange would have led to hours of silent sulking and punishing looks and behavior. And at the beginning of our marriage, I would have behaved exactly that way or worse.
Now don’t get me wrong. I can still hold a grudge over minor infractions with the best of them. (Just let someone in our house forget to put the cans on the curb on garbage night. Go ahead, I dare you.) But I have learned after many miserable days that my holding infractions over Roger’s head not only makes him miserable, but it also makes me an ugly person to be around. (Regardless of how much makeup I just bought.)
Oh, and just a little tip for all of you who have a hard time remembering birthdays and anniversaries. This past April, Roger took me out for my un-birthday. I enjoyed an entire evening of my husband’s undivided attention, along with dinner out, a chick flick, and a brand-new outfit.
I hope he messes up our anniversary too.
What Jesus Says about Grudges
The words of Jesus show only too strongly how He felt about those who hold grudges: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).
While grace goes against our nature, it’s vital to the growth of our marriages and our own relationship with Christ. There is no room for grudges.
Prayer for Today
Dear God, let me not be a grudge-holder. Grow my heart to be more like Yours so that my first impulse is always grace.
Getting Creative
Once you are in possession of the information from the survey, be sure to do the following:
• Put it somewhere safe—in your smartphone or in your sock drawer; wherever you will be able to retrieve it when you need it.
• Put important dates on your calendar. Better yet, note it a few days before the actual date so that you’ll have time to do what needs to be done.
Project Reports
“We really liked the survey. It definitely gave us some ideas. We will be using the ideas in the near future.”—Sabrina
“The survey was a little help but…no brags, just facts. I’m pretty good with gifts and her size etc. I knew most of the answers without having to ask her. But it is nice to have it all in one place.”—Elliot
Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner)
Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)