R-E-S-P-E-C-T—What It Means to Him
“Only those who respect the personality of others can be of real use to them.”
ALBERT SCHWEITZER
Your Project
Ladies, it’s your turn. Write down the reasons you respect your husband or are proud of him, and then make sure he sees the list.
Just a few examples of some things you could write:
• I respect you because I feel protected by you.
• I am proud of how you handle yourself in life.
• I’m proud of you because you take care of our family by working hard.
• I respect you because of the ways you’re growing more Christ-like every day.
• I respect you because you take care of yourself physically.
• I’m proud of you because you’re a great dad.
• I respect you because you respect me in the way that you speak to me.
Now it’s time to come up with your own…
Purpose of the Project
There are times I don’t want to be nice to my husband. We had a fight. He said things. I said things. I know what buttons to push and when to push them.
I don’t always mean to pick a fight, but sometimes the pressure is so great, it feels like I have to relieve it one way or another. Sadly, it’s usually the people I love the most who end up in the midst of my explosion.
It’s not about respecting your husband only if you feel like it. It’s about acting respectfully around your husband, even when you don’t feel like it or think he deserves it.
My actions toward others reflect the level of respect I have for Christ. It’s because I am loved by God that I need to be respectful to everyone—even when I don’t feel like it.
In The Politically Incorrect Wife, authors Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby talk about the importance of having respect for your husband, no matter the circumstance:
Survey after survey tells us that a woman’s greatest desire in marriage is to feel loved by her husband, while a man’s number one desire is to be respected by his wife. Respect must be one of the more difficult traits for wives to exhibit. Both Peter and Paul mention it: “And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 NASB).
A wife’s respect is shown by highly regarding her husband. Often women withhold respect from their husband, feeling that their husbands don’t deserve it. “When he starts doing such and so,” many women say, “then I’ll give him my respect.”
When a woman does this, what she is doing is rewriting the Bible. Notice that it doesn’t say, “Wives, see to it that you respect your husbands if they deserve it.” It says, “Wives respect your husbands.” It is a directive. Wives must choose whether they will respect their husbands. Do you respect your husband conditionally? Do you manipulate him to do certain things before you will give him your respect? Are you still waiting for him to change, thinking that then you will respect him? Remember, respect is not something your husband must earn from you. It is something you must give him because of the role God gave him.
As a husband’s love must be unconditional, so must a wife’s respect be unconditional. I thank God that my husband’s love for me does not depend on how he feels about my actions and behavior that day. If that were the case, there would be a couple of days every month, like clockwork, where I would not be “feelin’ the love.”
One of the pieces of instruction that writers are told over and over is “Show, don’t tell.” Simply, that means when you’re writing about a man eating a hamburger, don’t write, “The man liked hamburgers.” Instead, write, “Joe couldn’t help but pant just a little as the burger came off the grill. He placed it carefully inside the bun, and then added his delicate balance of spicy mustard and ketchup, his grilled (never raw) purple onions, and exactly three slices of dill pickle. Watching Joe prepare his hamburger is like watching a master artisan at work.”
Now, which of those two descriptions makes you want a burger tonight?
It’s the same with respect. It’s great to tell your husband how much you respect him (in fact, it is imperative), but it’s just as important to show him how much you respect him.
Here are some ways to show respect:
• When you disagree with a decision or an opinion of his, discuss it in private (and definitely not in front of his friends, family, or kids).
• Keep from arguing with him or tossing out not-so-subtle digs in front of others.
• Brag on him in front of people that he cares about.
• Defer to him on decisions that are important to him but not as important to you.
Prayer for Today
Dear God, thank You for my husband. Help me to respect him in all that I say and do.
Getting Creative
• Put the list somewhere that he will find it in private—his nightstand, his briefcase, in the bathroom.
• Write it on a separate piece of paper and put it up on the bathroom mirror.
• Put those reasons on separate sticky notes and leave them places he will find them throughout the day (his lunch sack, his car, his gym bag).
Project Reports
“At the beginning I read through all the daily projects and thought to myself, No way. How can I find twelve things I respect about him after the betrayal? Well, I prayed God would reveal attributes I respected and liked about my husband, and I was truly surprised to come up with eight. I’m hoping you get the picture. If we’re willing to allow God into our hearts and use us as His vessels, He can turn brokenness into something beautiful. I’m not here to tell you that we’re at the point we’d like to be—but we’re in a much better place than we were when we began Happy Habits.”—Barb
“I really enjoyed taking the time to write things down. Whether it was a sweet note or a list of things we love/respect, I like having to think enough to put things into written words. We don’t often do that anymore, and I enjoyed doing it a lot.”—Christina
Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner)
Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)