“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
SOURCE UNKNOWN
Your Project
Ladies, your job is to either dig out or shop for a piece of lingerie and then wear it to bed. Guys, don’t think you’re getting off without an assignment today. It’s your job to make sure your wife knows throughout the day that you’re looking forward to your time together, as well as making her feel as cherished as possible.
Purpose of the Project
Girls, let’s start with you.
I want you to kick it up just a notch. If you haven’t worn lingerie in a while (or ever), I’m not asking you to go look for a bustier and thigh-high fishnet stockings with a garter belt. But if you run around in a holey “Frankie Says Relax!” T-shirt circa 1984, it’s time to let your husband see you in something that’s designed to be peek-a-boo (instead of having become that way from old age).
Talk with your husband about what he would like, and then compromise between that and what you feel comfortable in. I want you to feel beautiful, not worried about a thong that’s getting caught in places fabric was never intended to be.
Guys—now it’s your turn.
It’s hard for us girls to feel sexy when we’re distracted by everything else in life. The dishes need to be done, the kids are awake, and oh, by the way, I feel fat today. So your job is to do something today to help us transition from mommy/employee to your lingerie-clad roommate.
So guys, start the morning by telling us how much you’re looking forward to our time together. When you get home, pitch in with the kids and flirt a little bit over dinner. Your wife needs to understand that you care about what she cares about, that you want to make this a time of connection and intimacy (with a lot of fun and flirting, as well).
As I mentioned before, part of our church’s experience with Happy Habits included a celebration of what God had done in the lives and marriages of the people of our church. It was a Sunday evening, and everyone was posting slips of paper on the walls telling about the miracles God had performed during the project. As I read over the praises, I couldn’t hold back the tears of gratitude over what God had done.
And then I got to my favorite praise of all. On this purple piece of paper, a man had simply written, “God, thank You for lingerie. For the first time in our marriage, my wife wore lingerie. AWESOME.”
Now that was a David-style cry-out-to-God kind of praise.
In a great healthy marriage, lingerie is something that a husband can enjoy only on his wife. No ogling Victoria’s Secret catalogs. So wives, you cannot hold out on your man.
Imagine, ladies, if you will, that in some strange set of circumstances your husband gained control over the world’s supply of chocolate. Godiva, Hershey’s, and Ghirardelli were all under your man’s control. Imagine if you were around it every day—smelling it, seeing it—and he never let you have any.
That is how it is with your husband and lingerie. He is designed by God to enjoy seeing you scantily clad, and you’re the only one who can allow your husband to enjoy this very special, fun, and flirty experience. Husbands, you’re the only one who can let us know that you love the effort we’re putting into this.
Whenever I speak at conferences about the importance of wearing the good stuff for your man, invariably some size four will come up to me afterward and say something along the lines of, “I used to wear lingerie, but since I had kids, I just don’t feel comfortable with my body anymore.” I look at the Mary-Kate and Ashley clone standing in front of me and think, Yeah, I am not real comfortable with your body right now either. Perhaps you should take a step back.
I know, I know—jealous much?
But if my size-four friend feels uncomfortable in lingerie, what chance do the rest of us have?
I found out after talking to dozens of men that most guys are not looking for perfection—they’re looking for effort. They want to know that they are worth the effort we make to shave our legs and put on something frilly and potentially uncomfortable.
I have also heard (and used) all the excuses for why women don’t want to wear lingerie:
• “It makes me feel sleazy.” That is listening to the world’s view of your sexual relationship, not how God created you to enjoy each other. Again, we are not talking fishnet stockings and a black peek-a-boo merry widow. Find something pretty that makes you feel fabulous. And if you are still embarrassed, take a bold friend along on your shopping trip who can be brave enough to talk you into something gorgeous.
• “It costs too much.”—Honey, if you can buy it at Target, it doesn’t cost too much.
• “I’m pregnant.”—Most maternity stores carry lingerie. So unless you are in your third trimester and about to give birth, there is no excuse.
• “I’m too fat.”—Lingerie comes in all sizes. Don’t wait (or make your husband wait) until you get down to the perfect weight. Take care of your body and let your husband enjoy it at the same time.
• “It’s such a waste—it only stays on for five minutes.”—Um, that’s how you know it’s working. Besides, as our friend Steve says, “Yes, it may stay on for only five minutes, but the memories last a lifetime.”
I know all the excuses. I have used all the excuses. But knowing how important this is to my husband, sometimes I just need to “shut up and suit up.” He is worth it.
Getting Creative
• Guys, whatever your wife is wearing, make sure she knows that you appreciate the effort and that you adore how beautiful she looks.
• Girls, you may want to get fitted for something special. Most shops have someone on staff to discreetly measure you and suggest which items would look best on you. If that’s too far outside your comfort zone, how about taking along a trusted friend (the kind you would trust with the PIN to your debit card)?
• If finances allow, buy a couple of items to start (or add to) your lingerie wardrobe.
• Stash your purchase in the master bath and surprise your guy by coming out fully—that is, partially—dressed. Double-check the lock on the bedroom door to make sure it’s secure. You want your husband to be the only one surprised.
• Oh, and if you don’t have a lock on the bedroom door—are you kidding me? Get one installed immediately.
Prayer for Today
God, thanks for making so many ways for me to enjoy my spouse.
Project Reports
“I was out of town on this project day, but I still wanted the checkmark, so I went shopping for something pretty that I could wear later in the week. That morning I called my husband to let him know we could check off that day’s project. He called me back a couple of hours later to say that he hadn’t been able to concentrate at work all day since he knew I had been shopping that morning. I would call that a completely successful project.”—Marie
Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner)
Results (mate’s reaction, your reaction)