Getting Rid of Something that Drives Your Spouse Crazy
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”
JOYCE BROTHERS
Your Project
Take care of some little annoyance in your love’s day.
Purpose of the Project
My friend Tina has an email signature that makes me stop and think every time I see it. It reads: “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” (Unknown).
Isn’t that the truth? I try (I really do) to remember that sentiment when the person behind the counter rolls his eyes at my extravagant coffee order (hey, if I’m paying $4 for a cup of coffee, I don’t think a grande nonfat misto with three pumps of sugar-free vanilla is out of line) or when there’s a woman in front of me in the grocery store express line with 25 items on the conveyor belt below the sign that states “10 Items or Less.” And she has coupons. And she is writing an out-of-state check. And she forgot her ID.
I try to remember that people are not placed on the planet to purposely annoy me.
I’m at my snarky best when I forget that life is hard for other people. I’ve been known to sigh loudly when I feel put upon by temperamental baristas or suburban housewives who can’t count. Perhaps the coffee guy just broke up with his girlfriend or the woman in the supermarket has a sick father-in-law she’s caring for at home and has only 20 minutes to do all of her shopping for the week.
Everyone is fighting some kind of battle.
When I remember this simple truth, acts of kindness toward seemingly undeserving people no longer appear so wildly out of place. When I remember this, I put the dollar I received in change in the tip jar on the coffee counter, or I let the harried woman with too many items get in front of me in line. It may be small, but this may be the only kindness they experience all day.
Everyone is fighting some kind of battle. And that includes our spouse.
I need to remember to be exceedingly kind to my husband—whether he seems to be having a hard day or not. Whether I have judged he deserves it or not. As the apostle John reminds us, “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions” (1 John 3:18 NLT).
Marriage—Where Taking Out the Garbage Means “I Love You”
“As you wish.”
Guys love the humor, and girls swoon for the romance. Yep, it’s the movie on everyone’s top ten list—The Princess Bride.
A beautiful girl called Buttercup (played by Robin Wright-Penn) lives on a farm in the fictional country of Florin. She delights in verbally torturing the farmhand, Westley (Cary Elwes), by ordering him to perform nonsensical chores for her. Westley’s only answer, every time, is, “As you wish,” while really meaning, “I love you.”
This perfectly illustrates where many of us get messed up in the whole love thing. Women are waiting to hear “I love you” while men are waiting to be recognized for the fact that they’re saying “I love you” in the things they do.
Before I arrive home from a weekend trip, my husband does his best to rally the troops (three sometimes surly teenagers) and get the house in order. I usually come home to a sink empty of dishes and a diminished pile of dirty clothes on Mount Wash-Me.
My husband knows I love to hear the words “I love you,” but I have also had to learn that he says it every day, in a variety of ways. He says it by:
• going to work each day
• taking out the trash (or making sure that one of our kids does)
• replacing the fluorescent lights in the laundry room
• replacing the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom
• feeding the cat
• making the bed every single day of our married life (stand back, ladies, he’s mine)
It’s good for me to remember that both action and words are currency that counts when it comes to filling up that love piggy bank.
Guys, throw us a bone every once in a while. Work toward a heartfelt “I love you” at least once a day.
Girls, it’s time to cut our guys some slack. Make sure you’re recognizing all the ways your husband shows you he loves you, every day.
Prayer for Today
Dear God, help me to work outside my comfort zone to make sure my spouse knows every day that he or she is loved.
• Fill up his gas tank.
• Replace the burned out lightbulbs in those hard-to-reach spots.
• Set the coffee pot the night before for his first cup in the morning.
• Restock all the bathrooms with toilet paper.
• Clear the fridge of all expired take-out containers.
• Match all of his solo socks.
• Change (or have changed) the oil in your mate’s car.
• Call the repair guy you both have been procrastinating to call.
• Take an inventory of his toiletries and see what he is running low on; replace before he has to borrow your 12-year-old son’s Axe deodorant.
• Mow the lawn.
Your Plan for the Project (copy your plan into your Project Planner)
Results (mate’s reaction, my reaction)