Elaine reached out and took her hand. Johnnie opened her eyes, and Elaine gently pulled her closer. She placed Johnnie’s hand on her heart and inhaled sharply at Johnnie’s obvious response.
“I have a broken heart,” Elaine said, trying desperately to keep her voice calm. “They tell me it’s fixed, but it doesn’t feel like it.”
Johnnie stared deeply into her eyes. “It hurts.”
“More than you know.”
“I can feel it,” Johnnie whispered. She sucked in a shaky breath and pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry you hurt like that.”
Elaine grabbed her hand again. “Johnnie, can you…sense my feelings?”
Johnnie swallowed, pulled her hand away. “Don’t ask me what I can’t explain to you.”
Elaine covered her heart, still able to feel Johnnie’s touch. She watched her walk back to the easels. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, but she’d never had somebody look at her with such understanding, such empathy. So much so that she felt like crying with relief.
“Is this a bad idea?” she asked, tugging her shirt closed.
Johnnie moved a canvas off an easel, turned it, placed a new canvas on it, and began opening paint and assorting brushes.
“I’ve made you uncomfortable again,” Johnnie said, taking a pencil and scratching on the canvas. She paused. “Do you not want to do this now?”
Elaine shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I’m just making sure you are.”
Johnnie studied her body and continued drawing. “I understand things better now.”
Elaine straightened her back and opened her shirt again. She hadn’t modeled for someone since college. And as she watched Johnnie work, she felt her skin heat. She liked watching her face, the concentration, the clench of her jaw. Elaine closed her eyes and moved her fingertips up and down her chest, giving herself gooseflesh. Johnnie didn’t complain, didn’t ask her to stop.
“Do you want me to take off my shirt?” she said softly, feeling like she had when she’d touched Kyle’s bare skin, imagining it was Johnnie. Like there was a very fine line stopping her from jumping in headfirst, and she didn’t give a flying fuck if the line snapped or not.
Johnnie paused, looked at her closely. “No.”
Elaine softened, disappointed. Johnnie was still showing control.
“Pull your shirt open just a bit more.”
Elaine did, but Johnnie shook her head and approached. She reached out and moved the shirt deftly with her thumbs to where just a peek of her dark nipples showed. Elaine held her breath. Johnnie held her gaze, and with the tip of her finger, she lightly traced a line down her chest.
“This…” she said, “is beautiful.”
Elaine held her hand and didn’t want to let it go. “Tell me, Johnnie. Tell me what hurts you so.”
Johnnie looked down at their hands. “Let me paint you,” she said. “Let me capture this beauty.”
“You’re more sensitive than I’m aware of aren’t you?”
Johnnie met her gaze. “Yes.”
Elaine released her hand. She watched her return to the painting. Watched the muscles move in her forearm as she painted.
“I want you to sell this painting,” she said. “Make some money.”
Johnnie kept working, never breaking focus. “No. This one is special.”
“What makes it special?”
Johnnie paused. “It’s you showing me you.”
Elaine tried to regain her composure. “Sell the others then.”
“I might,” Johnnie said, once again working. “But there is one in that series I will not let go of.”
“Which one is that?”
Johnnie seemed to hesitate, but then answered. “The first one I painted. The one of you sitting on the couch.”
“In the black skirt?”
“Yes.”
Elaine had the urge to finger her necklace. “The one where I’m looking at you with desire.”
Johnnie stopped. Elaine saw her flush. “Yes.”
Elaine smiled. Johnnie was talking to her, admitting things that were difficult to admit to someone she knew so little. Could she admit these things to her? No. She couldn’t even admit her own feelings to herself. Johnnie was open and brave in ways she couldn’t possibly understand.
“Thank you for talking to me. I know you don’t trust.”
“I don’t. That hasn’t changed.”
“What has?”
Johnnie sprayed the painting with a squirt bottle. Elaine assumed it was to keep it moist.
“You showed me a little of you. And I know doing that is also hard for you. We are very much alike that way.”
Elaine stared into the dust motes dancing in the sunlight. “I think you’re right.”
“Unfortunately, I almost always am.”
Elaine decided to change the subject. “Tell me about your friend. The one you let come over.”
Johnnie grinned and gave a little laugh. “Eddie? He’s a big pain in my ass.”
“Eddie. How is he a pain?”
“He mothers me. Nags me.”
“Do you need mothering?”
“He would say yes.”
“What would you say?”
“No.”
“He worries about you?”
Johnnie mixed some colors together. “Endlessly.”
“Why?”
She shrugged. “He says I don’t eat enough, or I eat too much. I don’t get out enough. I don’t date. I’m a recluse. On and on and on.”
Elaine smiled. “Sounds like he cares.”
“He drives me nuts.”
“Do you take care of yourself, Johnnie?”
Johnnie paused again. Her facial expression changed. “I do fine, thanks.”
“But if I were to ask Eddie…”
“He’d disagree with me.”
“So how does he help? Does he have solutions?”
Johnnie smiled. “He gave me the number to your practice.”
Elaine straightened. “Really?”
“Yep.”
“And we were able to help him?”
“Oh yeah. He went on and on about a guy named Pedro. Thought he would never shut up about him.”
Elaine laughed a little. “Pedro. Yes, he’s quite popular.”
“What about you?” Johnnie asked. “Are you popular?”
“I do all right.”
“Men?”
“Mm, mostly.”
“You prefer them to women?”
Elaine shifted a little. “Professionally, yes.”
“Personally?”
Elaine gave her a crooked grin. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“What makes you think I don’t know already?”
Johnnie stood, worked harder, more focused.
“How are you doing? Need to move around some?”
“I’m fine. I just don’t like being under your microscope.”
Johnnie smiled. “Sucks doesn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe you’ll have mercy on me now.”
“Not a chance.”
Johnnie laughed. “Okay, now I need you to look at me like—”
“I want you?”
Johnnie flushed. “Like I’m the one who can mend your heart.”
Elaine grew silent. She forgot to breathe. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Pretend.”
“I can’t.”
“Think about why your heart hurts and what would make it feel better.”
Elaine was quiet again. A vision of Barb came, standing right next to Johnnie. Her eyes teared, and she begged her to be real. To return. To walk up to her and touch her. To take her in her arms and take her home. To never leave their safe haven again. To never cry, never hurt. Never curl into a ball in pain. Please, Barb, walk to me.
She blinked and Barb was gone. Johnnie was there, painting her, stroking her face with her brush, looking at her with such love and understanding. Reaching out to her, touching her heart and mind.
Should she break the invisible link between them? Or should she let it remain and flow with electricity, sharing each other, understanding, feeling?
A tear slipped down her cheek. Johnnie saw, but she didn’t stop. She kept painting, gently wiping the tear away with a caring, soulful look. She was holding her now, suspended. Above everything that was dangerous. Johnnie wouldn’t let her fall.
When Johnnie finally stopped, Elaine was lost in her own world. Johnnie was standing before her. Touching her face gently. “We’re done.”
Elaine blinked back tears and tugged her shirt closed. Johnnie continued stroking her face. “Are you okay?”
Elaine nodded. She held Johnnie’s wrist, stilling it. She couldn’t let the touching continue or she’d get lost in her. She stood and buttoned her shirt.
“Would you like to see?” Johnnie asked.
Elaine wiped her cheek, found it dry, and felt relieved. “Not right now.”
Johnnie watched concerned as Elaine reached for her purse and slung it over her shoulder. When she approached, Elaine fought closing her eyes and kissing her.
“You’re uh, shirt is buttoned crooked.” She concentrated on fixing the buttons. Elaine breathed rapidly. “You’re not okay,” Johnnie said.
Elaine pushed back her hair. “I will be fine.”
Johnnie looked into her eyes. “That’s my favorite saying.”
Elaine smiled. “Then you know it well.”
“Yes.”
Elaine squeezed her hand. “I need to go.” Somehow hours had passed. How had she not noticed?
Johnnie stepped back. “I know.”
“Thank you,” Elaine said as she walked away.
“For what?”
“For making me feel.”