“I hope you don’t mind,” Michael said as he handed Elaine a glass of merlot. “But I invited another guest for dinner.”
She was ready to take a sip but paused. “You’re kidding.”
He smiled and looked away quickly. “Just a friend of Donovan’s. Don’t worry. She’s got it all. Brains, looks, heart.”
“Michael, I don’t need this tonight. I thought it was just dinner.” She rubbed her temple and crossed her legs. She’d kicked off her heels at the door, thankful for a relaxing evening. Now she had to rethink things.
“She’s great, honest.”
“Your refusal to respect my wishes about dating is really starting to get to me.” She’d told him over and over, she wasn’t going to date. He knew why.
He rounded the kitchen counter and continued chopping a block of cheese. He had on his trademark apron which said World’s Hottest Husband. It usually made Elaine smirk, but at the moment, she was in no mood.
“It’s not a date,” he said lightly.
“No, it’s worse. It’s a blind date.”
“No, there are no expectations. None whatsoever.”
“Then why tell me? Why tell me she has it all, as you say?”
He shrugged. “Just thought you might still have a heart in that chest of yours.”
“Funny.”
He sighed. “I know you won’t date, Elaine. And I know things are getting somewhat serious with your client. I’m just offering a bit of a distraction is all.”
“I can get my own distractions.”
He popped a bit of cheese in his mouth. “You’re still having your one-night stands?”
She sipped her wine, refusing to answer. He knew more than she thought. He was always so damned perceptive. She couldn’t keep anything from him.
“That’s a dangerous game,” he said. “Say you piss off the wrong woman, or sleep with one who has a jealous lover. Or worse. You get a stalker. I know how you feel about those.”
“I can take care of myself.”
He finished with the cheese and scraped the small squares onto a plate where he proceeded to apply toothpicks to each one. He hummed to Michael Buble, and Elaine tried to breathe deep and relax. The smell of dinner filled the kitchen and living room. Elaine hadn’t had a good home cooked meal in ages. She lived off of apples and almond butter or microwave Lean Cuisines. She enjoyed cooking but not for herself. There just wasn’t any joy in cooking alone. She closed her eyes, recalling family dinners with Barb and Michael and Donovan. They’d drink two bottles of wine, talk, laugh, dance. She could almost feel her. Open her eyes and see her all snuggled in on the couch, feet tucked up beneath her. She’d be holding her glass of wine, teasing Michael about his choice in music. Barb was a classic rock woman, and she’d never been afraid to share that fact and even get up and put some on.
“You still feeling tired?” Michael asked, bringing her back to the present.
“I have a headache. I think maybe I should go.”
He set down his wine as a serious look came over his face. “Absolutely not. I’m not letting you run away.”
“I’m not running away, Michael. I’m going home.”
He walked up to her, squatted, and held her hand. “It’s just a dinner.”
“Right, like a dinner we used to have with Barb.”
“Oh, God, no honey. This isn’t like that. No one is trying to replace Barb. No one can replace Barb.”
“Then what is this? I mean you’re bringing a woman here?”
He flushed. “God, I can be so stupid sometimes. Honestly, I didn’t try to be so insensitive. I just—”
“You just what?” She could feel tears biting her throat.
“I can tell the artist is getting to you. And that you aren’t going to end it.”
“Maybe I don’t want to end it,” she whispered.
“You’re just going to torture yourself?”
“I can take care of myself.”
He stood. “You didn’t answer me about your fatigue. You don’t look well.”
“Thanks.”
“Elaine, talk to me.”
He settled in on the couch across from her. “How’s your health?”
She didn’t want to do this. She just wanted to go home. “I’m not sure.”
“What does that mean?”
“They are running tests.”
His face went pale. “Your heart?”
She sipped her wine.
He read all the words she didn’t need to say. She could see his mind working, racing, panicking.
“When?”
“This week.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No.”
The interior garage door opened, and Michael’s husband, Donovan, entered. He smiled, showing off his prominent dimples.
“Hey, look who’s here.” He knelt and kissed her cheek, then did the same to Michael. He pointed at the wine. “Ya’ll read my mind. Honey, will you pour me a glass while I go change?”
“Sure.” Michael rose to cross to the kitchen, and Donovan disappeared into the back bedroom of the house.
“So what are the doctors saying?” Michael asked, pouring the wine.
Elaine rubbed her head again. “It doesn’t matter.”
He balked. “Doesn’t matter?”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now, Michael.”
He grew silent. “I want to know what’s going on, Elaine. I’m worried.”
“And when I find out, I’ll tell you.”
Donovan returned to the living room, wearing a Tommy Bahama button-down and khaki shorts. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation before he grabbed his wine.
He turned toward Elaine as he sipped. “Did Michael tell you about my friend?”
Elaine fought rolling her eyes. How could they do this to her? And right now?
“Um, Elaine’s not too happy about that,” Michael said.
Donovan appeared regretful. “Oh. Well, that’s my bad, Elaine. I sort of invited her before I told Michael.”
“I think I’m just going to go home. I’m not feeling well.”
Donovan spoke. “I don’t know if it makes a difference, but she just called and said she couldn’t make it.”
Elaine felt the tension leave her body. “Thank God.”
Michael laughed. “I think it makes a big difference.”
Elaine stood and placed her empty glass on the counter. “I was really pissed at you guys.”
Michael nodded. “It was stupid. We should’ve told you.”
“Yes, you should’ve.”
“So you could’ve stayed away.”
She laughed. “God, yes.”
Michael exchanged a look with Donovan. “Elaine, we just worry about you. It’s been five years now.”
“I know how long it’s been. I know every single moment of every single day.”
She choked on her words. Donovan embraced her. She tried to push him away, but he held her tight. She fought him again, but he wouldn’t let go. He began whispering to her.
“It’s okay, Elaine.”
She felt Michael hug her from behind. Comforting her with soft words. The tears biting her throat broke through, and she began to sob. She fell into them, and they held her upright in a loving embrace, letting her completely break down. Soon, they led her to the couch where Michael sat and she leaned into his chest, gripping his shirt. He held her close, tears of his own streaming down his cheeks.
Donovan, too, placed her curled legs on his lap and spoke softly. They didn’t ask her questions or expect her to speak. They just held her and allowed her to cry. She thought about everything as she did. How badly the pain still hurt, how Barb had looked the last day, so happy, so full of life. And then in an instant, they were hit and Barb just looked over with glazed eyes and said, “I love you.” And finally, Elaine remembered the promise she’d made her as she took her last breath.
“I will never love another.”