The room wasn’t as bright as the hallway, and Johnnie was thankful as she entered Elaine’s room. She could see slivers of sunshine pushing through drawn vertical blinds. Though her heart was in her throat, she kept moving, putting on a small but completely intimidating smile. She saw the foot of the bed first, then her gaze traveled up Elaine’s tucked in body to her face. Her smile nearly faltered at the sight of her pale skin with darkening around her eyes. She fought a look of deep concern and instead smiled brighter, holding out the flowers she’d brought for her.
“These are for you,” she said, coming to stand next to her. Her hands shook holding them so she laid them on the bed. Elaine took them gingerly and brought them to her nose to inhale.
“Yellow roses,” she said. “Thank you.”
Johnnie rubbed the back of her neck. “You need some yellow right now.”
“I believe you’re right.” She smiled, motioned for Johnnie to sit, and lightly touched the petals, visibly reacting to the softness of them. “I could touch them for hours,” she said.
Johnnie watched her graceful hands and recalled just how soft and perfectly spiraled the petals were. “I know what you mean,” she said.
A nurse came in before they could say much more. She checked the machines and silenced the beeping. Elaine thanked her profusely and asked for pain medicine. Johnnie felt a stab in her chest at hearing the request. She didn’t like the thought of Elaine in pain. She could hardly stand to see her as she was. She just wanted to yell at someone to fix her so she could take her in her arms and take her home. The yearning was surprising; she’d only ever felt that way about Jolene. It was a protectiveness, a compassion. An empathy. And she couldn’t believe how strong it was.
Johnnie pressed her palms to her denim-clad thighs as the nurse left and came back. She injected something into the IV line. Elaine thanked her again and she left them, but not before she let Johnnie know that her visit should be short. Elaine needed her rest.
Elaine unwrapped the roses, plucked one from the banded bunch, and set the rest on her tray. She held the one she’d chosen to her nose, allowing it to linger before it drifted to her lips where it lightly caressed.
Johnnie swallowed with difficulty, and she could feel her skin flush with heat. The sight was almost as erotic as it was absolutely beautiful.
A nearly broken beautiful woman, drawing strength and comfort from a perfect rose.
“I suppose you know all about me now,” Elaine said, glancing over at her. The look was calm, pleasant, as if they were having an everyday conversation.
Still, Johnnie felt a bit of shame. Elaine had not intended for her privacy to be shared.
“I know your name,” Johnnie said. “And Michael.”
Elaine refocused on touching the rose. “How do you feel now that you know those things?”
Johnnie thought for a moment, a little surprised at the question. “I guess I don’t think anything. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Yes, now you know. My heart truly is broken.” She smiled at her own humor.
“Was,” Johnnie said. “They said they fixed it. Gave you a new valve.”
Elaine closed her eyes and inhaled the rose. “No, it still is. I’m afraid it always will be.”
Johnnie didn’t argue. She recalled the other woman who had waited with them. Who was she? An ex? A current lover? Johnnie hadn’t liked the jealous feeling she’d felt in meeting her. She’d acted possessive of Elaine and defensive toward Johnnie as if she were a threat.
Was Elaine referring to her or someone else? Who had broken her heart?
“You want to know why, right? Why my heart is broken.” She looked at Johnnie with wide eyes. Seeking eyes.
“Only if you want to tell me.” She grew nervous. She was unsure of Elaine’s motives.
“You aren’t curious?”
Johnnie felt nailed to her chair, on the spot. Elaine had pegged her with her fiery gaze.
“Tell me,” she said.
Johnnie gripped the armrests just as she’d done at their first meeting. “Yes, I want to know,” she breathed.
Elaine didn’t let up, but she began twirling the rose with her fingers. “My wife died,” she said.
Johnnie felt as though she’d been slapped she was so shocked at the matter-of-fact statement.
“I-I’m sorry,” she managed.
Elaine looked at the rose as if its twirling dance were giving her messages.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” she said. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
They sat in silence, and Johnnie’s mind went into overdrive as she thought about Elaine losing her spouse. It explained all that had happened back at her studio. It explained the tightly harnessed desire she’d seen in her, the well-manicured control she had.
“And you want to know about the other woman,” she said. “She looks similar to you don’t you think?”
She blinked, and Johnnie saw that her eyes were glossed over, and her lids open and shut too slowly. The drug had kicked in.
“I guess,” she said as she stood.
Elaine reached out and grabbed the belt loop of her jeans. “Where you going?”
“You need to rest.” Gently, Johnnie unhooked her fingers and held her hand.
“No, you need to stay. I have things to tell you.”
“I’ll come back.”
“No, you won’t. You’re too uncomfortable. I know you, remember?”
Elaine tugged on Johnnie’s hand.
“You know who that woman was?” she asked. “She was you.”
“Sorry?” Elaine was more drugged than Johnnie had thought.
“She was you. I pretended she was you. I let her in my house and touched her because I wanted you.”
Her eyes drifted closed and then tried to open again but failed. Johnnie stood there like a statue holding her limp hand. She was burning from the words but trying desperately to calm herself since they were drug induced. Even so, Elaine had managed to stir her even in an incapacitated state. How could this woman cause so much reaction in her?
Johnnie watched her slip into sleep. Watched her mouth mumble a bit before it too gave up and gave in to the drug. Johnnie lifted her hand, her beautiful hand, and kissed it. Then she placed it on her chest and took the rose from the other hand. She placed that on the tray along with the bouquet. She stood mesmerized by the sight of Elaine sleeping. She wished she could curl up next to her and embrace her, bury her face in her dark mane. It was something she would think about the rest of the day. Something she’d dream about at night.
For now, she had to go. She had to let her sleep.
Beautiful Elaine.