The house was quiet. Elaine had just turned off the stereo, unable to take the vocal jazz. Tonight it sounded too scratchy, too loud. It irritated her rather than soothed. She eyed the clock. It had been twenty minutes since she’d called Johnnie. She was anxious, confused, uncertain. Feelings she rarely experienced, especially in her own home. She sat on the edge of the couch. She was in her satin nightgown and matching robe. She hadn’t even thought about changing.
That was one of the things she liked about Johnnie. She felt like home. Like she didn’t have to impress her.
She wrung her hands together. She’d taken her pills hours ago, and they had relaxed her, but now she was wide awake and eyeing the wine. Barb had crawled into bed with her, whispering in her ear. She’d allowed it to happen, imagined it, felt it. Cried over it. But she felt like hell. Then she’d thought about Johnnie. How would she feel in her bed, in her home? Was Susan right? Should she try it?
Having nothing else to lose and secretly wanting to see her, Elaine had called her. To her surprise, she’d answered right away. She seemed eager to come help. Trouble was, Elaine wasn’t sure how she could help. How she could even go about asking for something she was unsure of?
The doorbell rang. It chimed beautifully. One that Barb had chosen and installed. It crept along behind her as she rose to answer the door. Johnnie stood beyond the security screen, hand in pocket, sexy casual as always, like she’d just stepped out of a photo session with James Dean and a bunch of artists.
“Hi.”
Elaine was breathless. She never thought she’d see Johnnie on her front stoop. “Hi.”
She unlocked the screen door and allowed her entry. Johnnie studied her as she passed, face-to-face. Elaine inhaled her cologne and felt a rush of heat race to between her legs. She closed her eyes to get control and then closed and locked the doors.
“Please, make yourself at home,” she said, offering Johnnie her choice of furniture.
“You have a very nice home,” Johnnie said. She sat on the couch, taking in the room.
Elaine sat too, in a chair across from her. She sat perched, unsure.
“Would you like a drink?”
Johnnie shook her head. “No, thanks.”
“Are you hungry? I could heat up this soup Michael made—”
“Elaine, are you okay? I mean, why am I here?”
Elaine stood. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, and I—”
Johnnie stood too. “Are you sick?”
Elaine pressed her lips together then breathed deeply. “No.”
Johnnie waited. She came closer. “Has something happened?”
Elaine took a step back. “No—yes.”
She held up her palm to keep Johnnie at bay. She couldn’t handle her close proximity at the moment. She knew she would lose it. She would kiss her, fall into her arms and cry while begging her to make love to her.
“I needed to know—” She grabbed her head in frustration.
Johnnie looked worried. “What?”
“I needed to know what you felt like in my home.”
Johnnie stood in silence. She searched her face with wide, seeking eyes as if she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “What—How does it feel?”
Elaine felt for her necklace and toyed with her charm for comfort. It was a small shamrock, one Barb had given her for luck. “Like you’ve always belonged here.”
Johnnie wanted to come to her. She took another step forward. But Elaine stopped her. “Please, can we just sit for a while?”
Johnnie retreated back to the couch. “Sure.” She sat carefully on the edge, waiting for Elaine to sit again as well.
“Please relax,” Elaine said. “Take off your shoes if you wish.”
Johnnie reached down then hesitated.
“Please, I would like for you to make yourself at home.”
Johnnie removed her shoes and set them aside, then she sat back against the couch. Elaine stared at her white cotton socks and felt a warmth go through her. Seeing Johnnie so comfortable in her home made her heart sing. Like it was always supposed to be.
“Can you not sleep?” Johnnie asked softly.
Elaine leaned back and crossed her legs. “No.”
“Have things been difficult?” Johnnie asked, appearing truly concerned. It was odd having the tables turned, but she liked having someone other than Michael care.
“A little. You?”
Johnnie laughed and shook her head. “You could say so.”
“Why is that?”
Johnnie looked away. “You have to ask? Isn’t my coming here past midnight at a last-minute request obvious enough?”
“Because of me.”
Johnnie met her gaze. “Mostly.”
“What about your ex?”
“She’s around.”
“But it’s not what you want. Why?”
“She treats me badly. Uses me. Toys with me.”
“Why do you put up with it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me. Why am I here in the middle of the night just so you can decide how I feel in your home?”
Elaine took a deep breath. Johnnie looked away in obvious pain.
“I guess because I’m nice. I care about people more than they care about me.”
Elaine felt her heart tighten, squeeze with tension. In no way whatsoever did she want Johnnie to think she didn’t care about her. But she was right. Her request was selfish, one-sided. She was using her to find out how she felt about things. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m sorry, Johnnie,” Elaine breathed.
“Yeah, you say that a lot. It never ends well for me.”
Elaine nodded. “You’re right.”
Silence fell over the room. Elaine thought back to late nights with Barb. How they’d sit and talk, and Barb would always fall asleep on her, head tilted toward a shoulder. Then an image of Kyle came, standing there all wet, while Elaine did things to her pretending she was Johnnie. None of it comforted her, made her okay inside. The only thing that did was to stare at Johnnie sitting and feeling on her couch in her socks.
“Would you prefer to go?” Elaine asked. “I would understand.”
Johnnie scoffed. “No, I don’t want to go, you impossible woman. I want to stay. I want you in my arms.” She leaned forward and dropped her head in her hands.
Elaine heated at the strong words. What was she doing messing with this poor woman’s emotions? She either had to sink or swim. She couldn’t keep doing this to her.
“I can’t make love to you, Johnnie.”
“Of course not.”
“Not yet.”
“Because I don’t feel right in your bed.”
Elaine blinked. “I—I don’t know. I just know I’m still working through pain, and I wanted to know how someone I cared about felt in my home. I haven’t had any—many—women here since Barb. It always felt wrong somehow. But you—I want it to feel right.”
“You want me to wait while you work it out.”
Elaine didn’t speak. Was that what she was asking? Was that fair?
“Don’t bother answering,” Johnnie said, slipping into her shoes.
“Johnnie, wait.”
“I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t let people do this to me anymore.” She stood. “Not even you.” She clenched her fists, clenched her jaw. “I’m worth more than this. And if you can’t see it, then you don’t deserve me.”
Elaine stood, flabbergasted. “You’re absolutely right, Johnnie.”
“I’m sorry if I sound like a bitch, but it’s where I’m at. I’m sorry you’re still struggling over Barb. I hope you can work that out. But I can’t be your pawn until you figure it out.”
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve invited you for dinner, invited you and had a session of sorts. Off the record of course, no charge. I do care about you and how you’re doing.”
“Just not enough to see if I feel right in your bed, right?”
Elaine fought off dizziness. Jesus, she’d even had Kyle in her bed. But she couldn’t have Johnnie, not now. They’d fall into passionate pieces and then come together again and again forming a whole that didn’t yet make sense. She wanted all the pieces to fit, never to fall loose. God, was Susan right? Did she want perfection?
Regardless, Johnnie had things to work out with her ex. Boundary issues, treatment issues. It sounded like she was on the right track, but was she really? Could she say those words to her ex? The one that had the obvious hold over her?
Johnnie didn’t seem to want to wait while she thought and processed. She crossed to the door, and Elaine hurriedly followed. When she grew close, Johnnie surprised her by turning quickly and pinning her to the wall. She kissed her then, warmly, deeply, melting Elaine into a rag doll of sorts. She went limp against her and moaned, and Johnnie slid her hand deftly up her nightgown and found her panty-less, wet, slick, and easy to glide against.
Elaine clung to her shoulders, shocked but overtaken with instant pleasure.
“Johnnie,” she whispered.
“You feel so good,” Johnnie said into her ear, nibbling on her lobe. “How do I feel now? Do I feel right?”
Elaine gasped for breath as Johnnie’s fingers milked her engorged clit. “Mm.”
“Because you feel so right, Elaine.” She bit softly into her neck, fingers gliding expertly, bringing her closer and closer to climax. Elaine hadn’t been touched in years. Not since Barb. She was so wet, so ready, she exploded into her, screaming and tensing and clawing at her shoulders.
The orgasm was long and powerful, and suddenly, it stopped as Johnnie pulled her fingers away and dropped to her knees. She shoved up her nightgown and found her eager flesh and took her into her mouth. Elaine banged her head back against the wall as she felt her hot mouth take her in and suck out the rest of the orgasm. She squirmed, the power almost too much. She clawed at her scalp, tugged at her hair, sank down against her strong form. She screamed into the night as another wave, more powerful than before, rose and crested and then rose again as Johnnie plunged fingers deep inside her and fucked her while she sucked her.
Elaine, lost in powerful bliss, lost all control, all thought, all concerns and cares she had. She came and came and came, like fireworks that kept shooting up one after another, a grand finale of eroticism. All she could do was feel, the hot mouth, the strong body, the thick hair on Johnnie’s head, the long, talented fingers, the moaning into her. The world spun, and she was orbiting Johnnie, her core so hot and fierce, Elaine couldn’t help but be drawn into her gravitational pull. She pulsed against her and eventually gave up everything. Including all muscular control. She slid down the wall, hung from Johnnie, hinged on her fingers, wrapped around her shoulders.
Johnnie quietly comforted her, kissing her face delicately. She carefully removed her fingers and lifted her easily into her arms. Elaine snuggled into her as Johnnie carried her down the hall to the bedroom. She found the bed in the near darkness and laid her down gently. She kissed her lips and began to pull away. But Elaine clung to her.
“Lie with me,” she said. She couldn’t let her leave. Not now. She was caught in her web of seduction and ecstasy. Now she wanted to feel what it was like to lie in her arms, to inhale her neck, feel her full breasts pressed up against her.
Johnnie kissed her again. “When you’re ready,” she said and backed away. Elaine lay limp, spent, and too exhausted to rise to chase after her. She heard her door close a few seconds later, and it was then that she turned over, hugged her body pillow, cried softly, and fell into a blissful sleep.