Elaine sat on her new sofa and settled in. It was soft and deep, and she pulled her feet up and wrapped her arms around her knees. Outside, a light sprinkle teased her windowpanes. The wind gusted and bent palms. She sipped her coffee and tried to drown out the work the men were doing in the kitchen. She was doing a total overhaul. Getting the kitchen she always wanted. She could afford it, and no one was there to argue with her about nostalgia. Barb liked antiques, nostalgia, said things had lives. Elaine had found it cute, endearing, but when it came to decorating, they’d often butted heads.
She was leaving all that behind this week. She’d called into work, told Michael her plans, and set to work. Out with the old, in with the new. The night with Johnnie had helped her with that. If she wanted her, wanted a new life, she couldn’t hang on desperately to the past. She had to remove her claws and let it fall. With Susan’s help, she could see that some things would fall heavy and fast never to be thought of again, but others would drift, float, and come into her vision again and again every so often. And that was okay as long as she would just look and appreciate and not cling to them for dear life.
“Ma’am, the bed?” The two men were sweating despite the sprinkling rain. It was humid even with the breeze. They had her old bed turned sideways and were sliding it on a blanket out of the house.
“Do with it what you want,” she said, looking away, throat tight.
They continued and she breathed deeply. Her bed was now gone. Along with her body pillow, which she’d donated the night before, along with the bedclothes. She’d slept on her new couch, her room smelling too much like paint to sleep in anyway. She’d had it painted over the weekend. A soft light green. She’d already had the workers hang her new artwork in it. And now in came her new bed. A queen instead of a king. She wanted to snuggle now. And not with a pillow.
She imagined Johnnie’s full breasts beneath the T-shirt and how warm they would feel against her body on a cold night.
“Ma’am?” The bed men were back with the new one. “Where do you want this one?”
“Head against the wall with the art.”
He nodded and off they went. She placed her mug on her new coffee table. She stared into the backyard. She was looking past the photo of Barb. Those she kept and she would always keep that one up. No one would fight her on it. She knew that. If they did, they didn’t belong in her life. She stared at her lounge chairs. Michael was still bugging her about Sedona. But she needed to finish this first. She needed a fresh home, a fresh start. She needed to rise from the ashes, ready to start again.
It was amazing how clearly she could think with a little sleep. She still wasn’t getting a lot of good sleep, but four or five hours straight beat none at all. The nightmares were going, replaced of dreams of Johnnie, of flying, of laughing. She often awoke upset at having awakened in the first place. She walked to her wall table where candles burned and unplugged her phone. She knew if she wanted Johnnie she needed to act. Johnnie was making up her mind about her life as well, and Elaine was someone else going back and forth with her. It wasn’t fair.
Elaine needed to talk to her. To explain. But no matter how many times she rehearsed it, it still sounded selfish. It still sounded like she wanted her to wait. She closed her eyes. What could she do? She had to see her. She couldn’t leave things as they were.
She found her name on her phone and called. It went to her voice mail. Elaine did the only thing she could think of. She invited her to lunch.
She returned to the couch and sipped her coffee. She’d showered and dressed before the workers arrived. She’d chosen a pair of jeans and a sleeveless blue blouse. She checked her watch and noted it was nearing eleven. She thought of Johnnie and considered whether or not she’d return her call. It had been days since Johnnie had given her what no one could’ve since Barb. And she hadn’t called her afterward. She sighed. The way Johnnie had acted, the things she’d said. It was doubtful she would call.
Should she leave her alone? Was it better for Johnnie if she did?
No.
She knew how Johnnie felt. And she knew those were feelings and words Johnnie didn’t take lightly. She texted her.
Please call. I need to see you.
If she didn’t return that, then she could feel anxious and worry. Goddamn it. She was already feeling it. Not since Barb had she cared so much. She remembered waiting up all night for Barb to text, or like something on her Facebook page. It had been butterflies, heavy and metal, slamming around her insides. It was a feeling she’d never experienced before, and she honestly thought she never would again.
She found her Kindle. She perused the latest romance books and then realized they would only fuel her fire. She tossed it aside and stared at her phone. Her message had been delivered. When her phone vibrated with a new message, she nearly jumped out of her skin.
Then it rang.
“Hello.”
“I don’t think this is a good idea. For either one of us.”
Elaine smiled, despite the words. The voice was smooth, confident, concerned. It was Johnnie, and the metal butterflies went insane inside her.
“Lunch. Downtown. The new place. Green.”
She heard Johnnie sigh.
“Is that because of the restaurant or the company?”
“Nothing. It’s fine. What time?”
“Noon?”
Johnnie agreed and they quietly ended the call. Elaine jumped up and hurried to her bedroom to do her hair and makeup. She wanted to look good, damn good. Irresistible. Something about looking good for Johnnie turned her on, and she recalled the other night and the passion in which Johnnie had taken her. She felt a twinge between her legs and tried to get control of herself. No one had ever made her come so hard. Not even Barb.
A stab of guilt came, but she closed her eyes and forced it away. She finished getting ready, left the bathroom, and stared at her new bedroom. The new mattress sat bare but beckoned. The new paint made the artwork pop. She’d bought new lamps, new furniture. She couldn’t wait to tie it all together with the new bedclothes she’d purchased. She wondered how Johnnie would feel about it. After all, she was the artist.
Elaine left the bedroom and told the guys in the kitchen she was leaving. The foreman had a key so he said he would lock up if she wasn’t home when they left. She locked the front door and then went out through the garage. She climbed in her Audi and headed out. She wanted to arrive early, to watch Johnnie walk in. She loved watching her move. And she knew the crowded place would set off her anxiety.
This time, for the first time, she wanted to show her what it was like to have someone really be there for her.