Elaine sat in her Audi outside Green with the air on, radio turned down low. She couldn’t bring herself to leave. She had to see for herself what she didn’t want to believe. But to her surprise, Johnnie exited alone, head down, walking slowly. Before she entered her truck, she looked up into the sky and held out her arms as if to ask why. When she eventually dropped her arms, she leaned against the vehicle for a long while. Elaine wiped her eyes, knowing Johnnie was most likely fighting tears. When the woman, Monica, came out, she tried to approach her, but Johnnie turned and yelled at her. The woman seemed startled. She backed up. Johnnie climbed in her truck and sped off. Elaine sat a bit longer, watching Monica. She watched her walk to a black Dodge Charger. She was on the phone, shaking her head in disbelief.
Elaine drove off, no longer interested. She drove home in silence, preferring to hear her windshield wipers working than anything else. It was obvious Johnnie was upset, but why exactly? And who was this woman, this Monica? How many women did Johnnie have hanging on? And why couldn’t she get rid of them if she wanted to be with Elaine?
Was she just keeping them around for safekeeping? In case things didn’t work out with her? Or was it because she thought things would never work out? In reality, she didn’t own Johnnie, and Johnnie owed her nothing. Every time she’d seen her, she’d told her she wasn’t ready. What was Johnnie supposed to do?
Elaine was expecting Johnnie to fend off others while she waited for her. It was what she had done, but Johnnie wasn’t her. Still, something felt off. Johnnie couldn’t hide the expression on her face when Monica had surprised her. She was pissed. She wasn’t embarrassed, and she didn’t act like she got caught. She was angry.
Elaine pulled up to her gated neighborhood and pressed the remote for entry. Her head hurt from trying to work it all out in her mind. One thing was painfully clear, Johnnie needed to take care of some things. Monica, and what about Gail? She’d said she wasn’t staying at home. Was Gail still there?
Elaine’s stomach clenched at the thought. She still recalled Gail’s painful words about making Johnnie come. She could only imagine what that was like. She wanted more than anything to find out. And to think that Gail knew what that was like, how it felt…it angered her. She knew from Gail’s behavior and attitude that she wasn’t really in love with Johnnie. You don’t talk about someone like that if you love them. You don’t disrespect them by coming into their space again and again.
She pulled down her street and slowed to a stop. Kyle was in her driveway. Her little VW Bug was parked there like it was at home. Elaine clenched the steering wheel, opened her garage, and pulled in. She sat in her car for a moment, trying to control her breathing. She was angry but not just at Kyle. She was upset at everything. She was trying so hard to fight her depression, her grieving, and it seemed as though the universe was against her, telling her she belonged in that comfortable rut.
She climbed from the car. Kyle was leaning against the rear, hands in pockets. Her hair was a little damp and her shoulders were spotted with rain.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” Elaine closed her door and slung her purse over her shoulder.
“I just wondered how you were doing.” She sounded innocent, hurt even.
What gave her the right?
Elaine hurried to the door to the house. “You can’t call?” She opened it, found her kitchen half finished with things covered with plastic. She didn’t bother to wait for Kyle, who she knew would follow her inside. She wasn’t sure what she was doing or what she was going to do, but she was so angry and felt so damn hopeless she just moved, discarding her purse and retrieving a bottle of wine. She saw the one Michael had bought for her while she was in the hospital. It made her heart ache.
“Have you been feeling okay?” Kyle asked from behind.
Elaine grunted, opening the bottle with the corkscrew. She tossed the cork and corkscrew aside, grabbed a glass, and headed for her living room. The guys were gone for the day, leaving a note about tile. It was just as well; she would’ve told them to go home regardless. She didn’t feel like listening to anything other than Nora Jones.
She turned on her stereo, found Nora under artists, and pressed play. She stopped in her movements as she heard her voice. It turned her blood to hot lava, and she loved the way it felt running throughout her body. She walked to the sofa, sat, and filled her glass on the coffee table. Kyle remained near the new chair.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked.
Elaine sipped heavily. She laughed. “Knock it off, Kyle. You’re here to fuck, nothing else.”
Kyle looked shocked and then a little embarrassed. “I really just—”
“Please don’t talk,” Elaine said. “I’m not in the mood.”
Kyle watched her closely, and then as her confidence grew, she spoke. “What would you like me to do?”
Elaine eased back, crossed her legs, and sipped her wine. She looked Kyle up and down. She looked so much like Johnnie.
“Nothing,” she said. “You can go.”
Kyle walked toward her. “I don’t think that’s what you really want.”
Elaine smiled, feeling devilish. “How could you possibly know what I want?” How could you possibly be Johnnie? It was impossible; there was only one.
The doorbell rang. Elaine set down her glass and rose. Kyle remained by the chair, but disappointment marked her young face. Elaine pulled open the door. Johnnie stood staring at her with red-rimmed eyes. She’d changed clothes, and her wet head suggested a shower. The paint was gone from her fingers.
“Johnnie,” Elaine breathed. She inhaled deeply as if she could finally breathe, as if she’d been holding her breath since the restaurant.