Downtown Sedona was madness on a Saturday afternoon. Jeeps from 4x4 tours rolled through the street, back bench seats full of eager tourists, cameras fixed to their faces. Cars trolled for street parking, then turned off for any parking they could possibly find. Sidewalks crawled with moving people, like scattered ants with no direction. Shop after shop lured them in, promising art, crafts, enticing scents, new age promise, and good old-fashioned Western motif. Elaine loved it, and she crossed the street to her favorite Mexican restaurant. In the background, the red rocks loomed against a darkening sky. Soon the lightning would start and the real show would begin.
She entered the busy restaurant and weaved between tables. In the far corner, she saw Michael who threw up a hand and a smile.
“Thank God you got here early,” she said, sliding into her seat.
“Sedona on a Saturday in the spring. You know it.”
“I should’ve known better.” She pushed aside her menu, already knowing what she wanted.
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t come alone?” he asked, raising a knowing eyebrow.
“Yes, I suppose. But there are still some things I need to do on my own.”
He kept the eyebrow up. “Such as?”
She shrugged. “Just stuff.”
“You’re not thinking about hiking are you?”
She sipped the iced tea he’d ordered for her.
“El, it’s too soon. At least let me come with you.”
“I want to go on my own.”
He sighed and tossed his menu aside. “Fine. But you’re telling me where you’re going.”
“To one of the vortexes.”
“The one we’ve been to before?”
“Yes.”
He seemed to relax. “Okay then.”
She needed to stand in the center of the vortex and feel the energy. She needed it to pull her own energy out and spin it, making her dizzy. She needed it to feel alive. To know that she still had energy in her. That she hadn’t become, somehow soulless.
The waiter came and they placed their order. Elaine relaxed and took in the view through the large windows. She rested her chin on her fist and took in her long-time friend. Michael was handsome by any standard. Thick brown hair, dark eyes, breathtaking smile. If men did it for her, she’d swoon. She especially liked his lips. They curled on the end, as if he were always up to something. His husband called it his joker smile. And he’d even bought him a shirt with “Why so serious?” on it.
“You’re good-looking you know,” Elaine said, hoping he would blush. It always amused her.
He looked at her and set down his beer. “You are too,” he said. Then he leaned forward and whispered. “Wanna get outta here? Go get a room?”
She laughed. “Sure.”
He sat back and gave her a half grin. “You can butter me up all you want, but you still aren’t hiking alone.”
She fought off a whine. He was so ridiculous sometimes. “Don’t you have a wife to worry about?”
He batted his lashes. “My wife doesn’t do irrational things. I don’t have to worry about her.”
“God, Michael. I’m fine.”
“Fine, you want me to change the subject? I will. How’s Johnnie?”
She clenched her jaw.
“That’s what I thought,” he said. “I know you still think about her. I know you care.”
“Yeah, how do you know?”
“Because you ask Julia daily if she’s called.”
“Damn her.”
“Mm hmm. And suddenly you’re into collecting art.”
“Hey, I’ve always admired art. That’s just a new hobby.”
“Have you bought one of her pieces yet?”
She looked away.
“How many?”
“I don’t have to answer your questions.”
“Jesus. Two, three? Five?”
“None.”
He reared back. “None?”
“No. Happy now?”
“Whose art is in your office?”
“An abstract artist. He’s amazing. A client recommended him. He’s blind.”
Michael seemed to be thinking about her words as he drank his beer. “Johnnie’s not an abstract artist,” he said.
“No.”
He nodded to himself.
“How did you know that?” Elaine asked.
He shrugged. “I checked into her.”
She stabbed her lemon with her fork and fished it from her glass. There was too much of it, making her tea sour. “I should be pissed. I know I should be pissed. But I’m too far gone to be pissed. So I’m gonna let this go, Michael. I’m going to let this go and try to enjoy a meal with you.”
He bit his lower lip and nodded. “Okay. So, yeah I looked into her. Forgive me for caring. But you were, or were about to, or did, cross the line with her. I got concerned. And when she showed up at the hospital looking as though she’d been gutted with a dull knife, I did some checking. Turns out, she’s okay. She’s a good person. And she’s one hell of an artist. She’s got a little bit of a past…an anxiety disorder she deals with…but you know what? She fights on. She took her talent and she made it work. She didn’t give up, and frankly, I think you could use someone like that in your life. Johnnie is hope. And you need hope.”
He crossed his arms and watched her, waiting for her reaction.
She spoke slowly, carefully. “I know exactly what Johnnie is, and she is way more than just hope. She is possibly everything. But if you really care about me or her, you’ll help me stay away from her. I just seem to do nothing but cause her hurt and vice versa. And it wouldn’t be fair to her to let her in now. I still dream about Barb. Ache for Barb. Christ, I still spray her cologne on my sheets just so I can fall asleep. I still have her toothbrush. It still stands right next to mine. Tell me I’m ready, Michael. Knowing all that, tell me I’m ready.”
He sat in silence and she saw his eyes fill with tears, but he blinked them away.
“I can’t.”
She sat back, justified. “Thank you.”
“But I can help you,” he said. “If you’ll let me. We need to clean out her closet. Clean away her things.”
“I tried when I redid the house. I don’t think I can.”
“Keep a few things, but the majority of it, I think for your sake you need to give it away to people who could use it.”
“Michael, we are too close for you to counsel me.”
He held up a hand. “Not me.”
“The shrink? I see her twice a month. What more do you want?”
“That’s a start.”
“What then?”
The waiter brought their food, and they paused their conversation to bite into smothered chicken enchiladas. Elaine groaned and then felt her throat tighten as the realization came that she’d last eaten there with Barb. They’d come up for their anniversary, eaten there, and then gone off to their time-share and made love in a candlelit bathroom in the Jacuzzi tub. Then they’d sat on the patio as a storm rolled in and smoked cigars and drank wine until they couldn’t stand. It had been one of the greatest weekends of her life.
“What?” Michael asked.
“Nothing.” She took another bite. “Just memories.”
He ate slowly as if unsure as to what to say. “Memories are okay.”
She chewed and looked out the vast front window. The sky was darkening. If she wanted to get to the vortex, it would need to be soon.
Michael finished another bite and chased it with some beer. “So what I was saying…I think I know a way to help. It’s right up your alley. Nothing religious, no shrinks. But very spiritual.”
“Okay.”
“I think you should go to a sweat lodge.”
She stared at him in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?”
He blinked. “No, I’m not.”
“I’m not going into one of those tents with a dozen other people where some guru tells me to let everything go. Besides, I’ve heard they aren’t safe.”
Michael looked defeated for a moment. But then he seemed to get the nerve to speak.
“I knew you’d say all those things. And you may not be wrong. So I asked for a real medicine man. One-on-one type deal.”
“What? Where?”
“At the visitor center. I asked the old man there if he knew of any serious practicing medicine men. Turns out, he knows one.”
Elaine pushed her food around, already feeling full. Michael had her intrigued, and a part of her didn’t like it. A part of her liked the wallowing in misery. She felt comfortable there and alone. No one could reach her and she could be with Barb. She didn’t want his clean hand offering to pull her up and out of the swamp of misery.
“Is he white?” she said, wanting to discredit Michael’s man.
“No, he’s Navajo.”
“And he’s here? In Sedona?”
“Yes.”
“How much does he charge?”
“That’s just it. The guy says he doesn’t do it for profit. He may take a donation, but he doesn’t do this for just anybody.”
Elaine took another bite and then eased her plate away for good. “You’ve already arranged for me to meet him haven’t you?”
Michael shifted. “Elaine, I love you. You know that.”
“Damn it, Michael.”
“Just try. For me.”
But she really wasn’t all that upset. She found herself a little curious. She sighed and waved the waiter down for a box to go. “I’ll do it as long as you let me go to the vortex alone.” She took a piece of ice into her mouth and chewed. Michael finished eating, taking his time. She drilled her fingers along the table.
“It’s going to storm,” he said.
“It’s not too bad yet.”
“I hate you,” he said.
She smiled. “I hate you too.”
She blew him a kiss. “Take my food back to the condo, will ya? I’ll be hungry when I get back. She smiled at his grimace and left, weaving her way between tables.