4.1 Enter Second Merchant, the goldsmith ANGELO and an Officer.

2 MERCHANT
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importun’d you,
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage;
Therefore make present satisfaction,	5
Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO     Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain; at five o’clock	10
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO from the Courtesan’s.
OFFICER
That labour may you save; see where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou	15
And buy a rope’s end; that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates
For locking me out of my doors by day –
But soft, I see the goldsmith; get thee gone,
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.	20
DROMIO E.
I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope!     Exit.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
A man is well holp up that trusts to you;
I promised your presence and the chain,
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long	25
If it were chain’d together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO     Saving your merry humour, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carrat,
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more	30
Than I stand debted to this gentleman;
I pray you see him presently discharg’d,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I am not furnish’d with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town;	35
Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof;
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO     Then you will bring the chain to her yourself.	40
ANTIPHOLUS E.
No, bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO     Well sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And if I have not, sir, I hope you have,
Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO     Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain;	45
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine;
I should have chid you for not bringing it,	50
But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
2 MERCHANT
The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO     You hear how he importunes me; the chain!
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
ANGELO
Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.	55
Either send the chain or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Fie, now you run this humour out of breath;
Come, where’s the chain? I pray you let me see it.
2 MERCHANT     My business cannot brook this dalliance;
Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no;	60
If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO     The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     I owe you none, till I receive the chain.
ANGELO     You know I gave it you half an hour since.	65
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO     You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
2 MERCHANT     Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER     I do,	70
And charge you in the duke’s name to obey me.
ANGELO     This touches me in reputation;
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Consent to pay thee that I never had?	75
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO     Here is thy fee, arrest him officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case
If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER     I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit.	80
ANTIPHOLUS E.     I do obey thee, till I give thee bail.
But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO     Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.	85
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE from the bay.
DROMIO S.     Master, there’s a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey’d aboard, and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.	90
The ship is in her trim, the merry wind
Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
How now? a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?	95
DROMIO S.     A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO S.     You sent me for a rope’s end, sir, as soon;
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.	100
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
That’s cover’d o’er with Turkish tapestry,	105
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it.
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me; hie thee slave, be gone;
On, officer, to prison, till it come.
Exeunt all but Dromio.
DROMIO S.     To Adriana, – that is where we din’d,	110
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband;
She is too big I hope for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will;
For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil.     Exit.

4.2 Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.

ADRIANA     Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Look’d he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation mad’st thou in this case,	5
Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA     First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA
He meant he did me none; the more my spite.
LUCIANA     Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.	10
LUCIANA     Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA     And what said he?
LUCIANA     That love I begg’d for you, he begg’d of me.
ADRIANA     With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA
With words that in an honest suit might move:
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.	15
ADRIANA     Did’st speak him fair?
LUCIANA     Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA
I cannot, nor I will not hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;	20
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA     Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail’d when it is gone.
ADRIANA     Ah, but I think him better than I say,	25
And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse:
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
DROMIO S.
Here, go: the desk; the purse; sweat now, make haste.
LUCIANA     How hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO S.     By running fast.	30
ADRIANA     Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
DROMIO S.     No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose hard heart is button’d up with steel;
A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough,	35
A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that
countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot
well,
One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to
hell.	40
ADRIANA     Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO S.
I do not know the matter; he is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA     What, is he arrested? tell me at whose suit?
DROMIO S.
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I
tell:	45
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money
in his desk?
ADRIANA     Go, fetch it, sister; this I wonder at,
Exit Luciana.
That he unknown to me should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO S.     Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;	50
A chain, a chain, do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA     What, the chain?
DROMIO S.     No, no, the bell, ’tis time
that I were gone,
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes
one.
ADRIANA     The hours come back; that did I never hear.
DROMIO S.
O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, ’a turns back for
very fear.	55
ADRIANA
As if time were in debt; how fondly dost thou reason.
DROMIO S.
Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s
worth to season.
Nay, he’s a thief too; have you not heard men say
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If ’a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,	60
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Enter LUCIANA with the money.
ADRIANA
Go, Dromio, there’s the money, bear it straight,
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister, I am press’d down with conceit;
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.     Exeunt.	65

4.3 Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

ANTIPHOLUS S.
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And every one doth call me by my name:
Some tender money to me, some invite me,
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses,	5
Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop,
And show’d me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure these are but imaginary wiles,	10
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
DROMIO S.     Master, here’s the gold you sent me for:
what, have you got the picture of old Adam new-
apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUS S.     What gold is this? What Adam dost	15
thou mean?
DROMIO S.     Not that Adam that kept the paradise, but
that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the
calf’s-skin that was killed for the prodigal; he that
came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you	20
forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     I understand thee not.
DROMIO S.     No? why, ’tis a plain case; he that went like a
bass-viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that when
gentlemen are tired gives them a sob, and rests them;	25
he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them
suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more
exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     What, thou mean’st an officer?
DROMIO S.     Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that	30
brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one
that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, ‘God
give you good rest’.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is
there any ship puts forth to-night? may we be gone?	35
DROMIO S.     Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since,
that the bark Expedition put forth tonight, and then
were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry for the hoy
Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver
you.	40
ANTIPHOLUS S.     The fellow is distract, and so am I,
And here we wander in illusions –
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtesan.
COURTESAN     Well met, well met, master Antipholus;
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now;	45
Is that the chain you promis’d me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Satan avoid, I charge thee tempt me not.
DROMIO S.     Master, is this mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS S.     It is the devil.
DROMIO S.     Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and	50
here she comes in the habit of a light wench, and
thereof comes that the wenches say ‘God damn me’,
that’s as much as to say, ‘God make me a light wench’.
It is written, they appear to men like angels of light;
light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light	55
wenches will burn; come not near her.
COURTESAN
Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? we’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO S.     Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, or
bespeak a long spoon.	60
ANTIPHOLUS S.     Why, Dromio?
DROMIO S.     Marry, he must have a long spoon that must
eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Avoid then, fiend, what tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:	65
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or for my diamond the chain you promis’d,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO S.     Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail,	70
a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a nut, a cherry-
stone; but she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise; and if you give it her, the devil will
shake her chain and fright us with it.
COURTESAN     I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain;	75
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Avaunt, thou witch. Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO S.
Fly pride, says the peacock; mistress, that you know.
Exeunt Antipholus and Dromio.
COURTESAN     Now out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself;	80
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promis’d me a chain;
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,	85
Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way –
My way is now to hie home to his house,	90
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush’d into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
For forty ducats is too much to lose.     Exit.

4.4 Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS with the Officer.

ANTIPHOLUS E.
Fear me not, man, I will not break away.
I’ll give thee ere I leave thee so much money
To warrant thee as I am ’rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger	5
That I should be attach’d in Ephesus;
I tell you ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS with a rope’s end.
Here comes my man, I think he brings the money.
How now, sir? have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO E.     Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.	10
ANTIPHOLUS E.     But where’s the money?
DROMIO E.     Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO E.     I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     To what end did I bid thee hie thee	15
home?
DROMIO E.     To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I
return’d.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
[Beats Dromio.]
OFFICER     Good sir, be patient.	20
DROMIO E.     Nay, ’tis for me to be patient, I am in
adversity.
OFFICER     Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO E.     Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Thou whoreson, senseless villain.	25
DROMIO E.     I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not
feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Thou art sensible in nothing but blows,
and so is an ass.
DROMIO E.     I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my	30
long ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands
for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me
with beating; when I am warm he cools me with
beating; I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with	35
it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go
from home, welcomed home with it when I return,
nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar wont her
brat; and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg
with it from door to door.	40
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, Courtesan and a schoolmaster, called PINCH.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Come, go along, my wife is coming
yonder.
DROMIO E.     Mistress, respice finem, respect your end, or
rather, to prophesy like the parrot, beware the rope’s
end.	45
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Wilt thou still talk? [Beats Dromio.]
COURTESAN
How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA     His incivility confirms no less.
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,	50
And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA     Alas, how fiery, and how sharp he looks.
COURTESAN     Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH     Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.	55
[He strikes Pinch.]
PINCH     I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers,
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight;
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.	60
ADRIANA     O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,	65
And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA
O husband, God doth know you din’d at home,
Where would you had remain’d until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Din’d at home?
[to Dromio]     Thou villain, what sayest thou?	70
DROMIO E.     Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Were not my doors lock’d up, and I shut out?
DROMIO E.
Perdy, your doors were lock’d, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And did she not herself revile me there?
DROMIO E.     Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.	75
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt and scorn me?
DROMIO E.
Certes she did, the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO E.     In verity you did; my bones bears witness.
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.	80
ADRIANA     Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH     It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,
And yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA     Alas, I sent you money to redeem you	85
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO E.
Money by me? Heart and good will you might,
But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA     He came to me and I deliver’d it.	90
LUCIANA     And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO E.     God and the rope-maker bear me witness
That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH     Mistress, both man and master is possess’d,
I know it by their pale and deadly looks;	95
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day,
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA     I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO E.     And gentle master, I receiv’d no gold;	100
But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.
ADRIANA
Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me;	105
But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANA
O bind him, bind him, let him not come near me.
[Enter three or four and offer to bind him; he strives.]
PINCH     More company; the fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA     Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.	110
ANTIPHOLUS E.
What, will you murder me? Thou jailor, thou,
I am thy prisoner; wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
OFFICER     Masters, let him go;
He is my prisoner and you shall not have him.
PINCH     Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.	115
ADRIANA     What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OFFICER     He is my prisoner; if I let him go
The debt he owes will be requir’d of me.	120
ADRIANA     I will discharge thee ere I go from thee;
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey’d
Home to my house; O most unhappy day!	125
ANTIPHOLUS E.     O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO E.     Master, I am here enter’d in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Out on thee villain, wherefore dost thou
mad me?
DROMIO E.     Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad,	130
good master; cry ‘the devil’.
LUCIANA     God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA     Go, bear him hence; sister, go you with me.
Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
Exeunt Pinch and his assistants carrying
off Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.
OFFICER     One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?	135
ADRIANA     I know the man; what is the sum he owes?
OFFICER     Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA     Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER     Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
COURTESAN     When as your husband all in rage to-day	140
Came to my house and took away my ring,
The ring I saw upon his finger now,
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA     It may be so, but I did never see it.
Come, jailor, bring me where the goldsmith is;	145
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE with rapiers drawn.
LUCIANA     God for thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA
And come with naked swords; let’s call more help
To have them bound again.
OFFICER     Away, they’ll kill us!
They run all out, as fast as may be, frighted.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
I see these witches are afraid of swords.	150
DROMIO S.
She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuff from thence;
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO S.     Faith, stay here this night, they will surely
do us no harm; you saw they speak us fair, give us	155
gold. Methinks they are such a gentle nation, that but
for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn
witch.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     I will not stay to-night for all the town;	160
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.     Exeunt.

5.1 Enter Second Merchant and ANGELO the goldsmith.

ANGELO     I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder’d you,
But I protest he had the chain of me,
Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
2 MERCHANT
How is the man esteem’d here in the city?
ANGELO     Of very reverend reputation, sir,	5
Of credit infinite, highly belov’d,
Second to none that lives here in the city;
His word might bear my wealth at any time.
2 MERCHANT     Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE again.
ANGELO     ’Tis so; and that self chain about his neck	10
Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
Good sir, draw near to me; I’ll speak to him.
Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
That you would put me to this shame and trouble,
And not without some scandal to yourself,	15
With circumstance and oaths so to deny
This chain, which now you wear so openly.
Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
Who, but for staying on our controversy,	20
Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day.
This chain you had of me, can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS S.     I think I had; I never did deny it.
ANGELO     Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?	25
2 MERCHANT
These ears of mine thou know’st did hear thee.
Fie on thee, wretch, ’tis pity that thou liv’st
To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     Thou art a villain to impeach me thus;
I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty	30
Against thee presently, if thou dar’st stand.
2 MERCHANT     I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
They draw. Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, Courtesan and others.
ADRIANA
Hold, hurt him not for God’s sake, he is mad;
Some get within him, take his sword away;
Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.	35
DROMIO S.
Run master, run, for God’s sake take a house;
This is some priory; in, or we are spoil’d.
Exeunt Antipholus and Dromio to the priory.
Enter EMILIA, the Lady Abbess.
ABBESS     Be quiet, people; wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA     To fetch my poor distracted husband hence;
Let us come in, that we may bind him fast	40
And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO     I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
2 MERCHANT     I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS     How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA     This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,	45
And much, much different from the man he was;
But till this afternoon his passion
Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS     Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea?
Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye	50
Stray’d his affection in unlawful love,
A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?
Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA     To none of these, except it be the last,	55
Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS     You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA     Why, so I did.
ABBESS     Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA     As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS     Haply in private.
ADRIANA     And in assemblies too.	60
ABBESS     Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA     It was the copy of our conference;
In bed he slept not for my urging it,
At board he fed not for my urging it;
Alone, it was the subject of my theme;	65
In company I often glanc’d at it;
Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS     And thereof came it that the man was mad.
The venom clamours of a jealous woman
Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.	70
It seems his sleeps were hinder’d by thy railing,
And thereof comes it that his head is light.
Thou say’st his meat was sauc’d with thy
upbraidings;
Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,	75
And what’s a fever but a fit of madness?
Thou sayest his sports were hinder’d by thy brawls;
Sweet recreation barr’d, what doth ensue
But moody and dull melancholy,
Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,	80
And at her heels a huge infectious troop
Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
In food, in sport and life-preserving rest
To be disturb’d, would mad or man or beast;
The consequence is then, thy jealous fits	85
Hath scar’d thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA     She never reprehended him but mildly,
When he demean’d himself rough, rude and wildly;
Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?
ADRIANA     She did betray me to mine own reproof.	90
Good people, enter and lay hold on him.
ABBESS     No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA
Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS     Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,
And it shall privilege him from your hands	95
Till I have brought him to his wits again,
Or lose my labour in assaying it.
ADRIANA     I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
And will have no attorney but myself,	100
And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS     Be patient, for I will not let him stir
Till I have us’d the approved means I have,
With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,
To make of him a formal man again.	105
It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
A charitable duty of my order;
Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA     I will not hence and leave my husband here:
And ill it doth beseem your holiness	110
To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS     Be quiet and depart, thou shalt not have him.
Exit.
LUCIANA     Complain unto the duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA     Come, go, I will fall prostrate at his feet,
And never rise until my tears and prayers	115
Have won his grace to come in person hither,
And take perforce my husband from the abbess.
2 MERCHANT     By this I think the dial points at five;
Anon I’m sure the Duke himself in person
Comes this way to the melancholy vale,	120
The place of death and sorry execution
Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO     Upon what cause?
2 MERCHANT     To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
Who put unluckily into this bay,	125
Against the laws and statutes of this town,
Beheaded publicly for his offence.
ANGELO
See where they come; we will behold his death.
LUCIANA     Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
Enter SOLINUS the DUKE of Ephesus, and EGEON the merchant of Syracuse barehead, with the headsman and other officers.
DUKE     Yet once again proclaim it publicly,	130
If any friend will pay the sum for him,
He shall not die, so much we tender him.
ADRIANA     Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess.
DUKE     She is a virtuous and a reverend lady,
It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.	135
ADRIANA
May it please your grace, Antipholus my husband,
Who I made lord of me and all I had
At your important letters, this ill day
A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
That desp’rately he hurried through the street,	140
With him his bondman, all as mad as he,
Doing displeasure to the citizens
By rushing in their houses; bearing thence
Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.
Once did I get him bound, and sent him home,	145
Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
That here and there his fury had committed;
Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
He broke from those that had the guard of him,
And with his mad attendant and himself,	150
Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords
Met us again, and madly bent on us,
Chas’d us away; till raising of more aid
We came again to bind them. Then they fled
Into this abbey, whither we pursu’d them,	155
And here the abbess shuts the gates on us,
And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for help.	160
DUKE     Long since thy husband serv’d me in my wars,
And I to thee engag’d a prince’s word,
When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
To do him all the grace and good I could.
Go some of you, knock at the abbey gate,	165
And bid the lady abbess come to me.
I will determine this before I stir.
Enter a Messenger.
MESSENGER
O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself;
My master and his man are both broke loose,
Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,	170
Whose beard they have sing’d off with brands of fire,
And ever as it blaz’d, they threw on him
Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair;
My master preaches patience to him, and the while
His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;	175
And sure (unless you send some present help)
Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA     Peace, fool, thy master and his man are here,
And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER     Mistress, upon my life I tell you true,	180
I have not breath’d almost since I did see it.
He cries for you, and vows if he can take you
To scorch your face and to disfigure you.
[cry within]
Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress – fly, be gone.
DUKE
Come, stand by me, fear nothing; guard with
halberds.	185
ADRIANA     Ay me, it is my husband; witness you
That he is borne about invisible;
Even now we hous’d him in the abbey here,
And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Justice, most gracious Duke, O, grant me justice,	190
Even for the service that long since I did thee
When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took
Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
EGEON     Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,	195
I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there –
She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife;
That hath abused and dishonour’d me,
Even in the strength and height of injury.	200
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE     Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me
While she with harlots feasted in my house.	205
DUKE     A grievous fault: say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA     No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister
To-day did dine together; so befall my soul
As this is false he burdens me withal.
LUCIANA     Ne’er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,	210
But she tells to your highness simple truth.
ANGELO     [aside]
O perjur’d woman! They are both forsworn,
In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
My liege, I am advised what I say,
Neither disturb’d with the effect of wine,	215
Nor heady-rash, provok’d with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman lock’d me out this day from dinner;
That goldsmith there, were he not pack’d with her,
Could witness it; for he was with me then,	220
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthasar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
I went to seek him. In the street I met him,	225
And in his company that gentleman.
There did this perjur’d goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him receiv’d the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which
He did arrest me with an officer;	230
I did obey, and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats; he with none return’d.
Then fairly I bespoke the officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By th’way we met	235
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates; along with them
They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-fac’d villain;
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A thread-bare juggler and a fortune-teller,	240
A needy-hollow-ey’d-sharp-looking-wretch;
A living dead man. This pernicious slave
Forsooth took on him as a conjurer,
And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no-face (as ’twere) out-facing me,	245
Cries out, I was possess’d. Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together,
Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,	250
I gain’d my freedom; and immediately
Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech
To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO
My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,	255
That he din’d not at home, but was lock’d out.
DUKE     But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
ANGELO     He had, my lord, and when he ran in here
These people saw the chain about his neck.
2 MERCHANT
Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine	260
Heard you confess you had the chain of him,
After you first forswore it on the mart,
And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence I think you are come by miracle.	265
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I never came within these abbey walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me;
I never saw the chain, so help me heaven;
And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE     Why, what an intricate impeach is this?	270
I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup:
If here you hous’d him, here he would have been;
If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.
You say he din’d at home, the goldsmith here
Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?	275
DROMIO E.
Sir, he din’d with her there, at the Porpentine.
COURTESAN
He did, and from my finger snatch’d that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
DUKE     Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
COURTESAN     As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.	280
DUKE     Why, this is strange: go, call the abbess hither.
I think you are all mated, or stark mad.
Exit one to the Abbess.
EGEON     Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word;
Haply I see a friend will save my life,
And pay the sum that may deliver me.	285
DUKE     Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
EGEON     Is not your name, sir, call’d Antipholus?
And is not that your bondman Dromio?
DROMIO E.
Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
But he, I thank him, gnaw’d in two my cords;	290
Now I am Dromio, and his man, unbound.
EGEON     I am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO E.     Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you.
For lately we were bound as you are now.
You are not Pinch’s patient, are you sir?	295
EGEON
Why look you strange on me? you know me well.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I never saw you in my life till now.
EGEON
O! grief hath chang’d me since you saw me last,
And careful hours with time’s deformed hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face;	300
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS E.     Neither.
EGEON     Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO E.     No, trust me sir, nor I.
EGEON     I am sure thou dost?
DROMIO E.     Ay sir, but I am sure I do not, and	305
whatsoever a man denies, you are bound to believe
him.
EGEON     Not know my voice? O time’s extremity,
Hast thou so crack’d and splitted my poor tongue
In seven short years, that here my only son	310
Knows not my feeble key of untun’d cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,
And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
Yet hath my night of life some memory;	315
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left;
My dull deaf ears a little use to hear –
All these old witnesses, I cannot err,
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS E.     I never saw my father in my life.	320
EGEON     But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know’st we parted, but perhaps, my son,
Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
The duke, and all that know me in the city,
Can witness with me that it is not so.	325
I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE     I tell thee Syracusian, twenty years
Have I been patron to Antipholus,
During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.
I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.	330
Enter EMILIA the ABBESS with ANTIPHOLUS and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.
ABBESS
Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong’d.
[All gather to see them.]
ADRIANA     I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE     One of these men is genius to the other;
And so of these, which is the natural man,
And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?	335
DROMIO S.     I, sir, am Dromio, command him away.
DROMIO E.     I, sir, am Dromio, pray let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     Egeon art thou not? or else his ghost.
DROMIO S.
O, my old master, who hath bound him here?
ABBESS     Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds,	340
And gain a husband by his liberty.
Speak old Egeon, if thou be’st the man
That hadst a wife once call’d Emilia,
That bore thee at a burden two fair sons?
O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak –	345
And speak unto the same Emilia.
DUKE     Why, here begins his morning story right:
These two Antipholus’, these two so like,
And these two Dromios, one in semblance,
Besides her urging of her wrack at sea.	350
These are the parents to these children,
Which accidentally are met together.
EGEON     If I dream not, thou art Emilia;
If thou art she, tell me, where is that son
That floated with thee on the fatal raft?	355
ABBESS     By men of Epidamnum, he and I
And the twin Dromio, all were taken up;
But by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth
By force took Dromio and my son from them,
And me they left with those of Epidamnum.	360
What then became of them I cannot tell;
I, to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE     Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     No, sir, not I, I came from Syracuse.
DUKE     Stay, stand apart, I know not which is which.	365
ANTIPHOLUS E.
I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
DROMIO E.     And I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,
Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
ADRIANA     Which of you two did dine with me to-day?	370
ANTIPHOLUS S.     I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA     And are you not my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS E.     No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     And so do I, yet did she call me so;
And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
Did call me brother.
[to Luciana]     What I told you then,	375
I hope I shall have leisure to make good,
If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELO     That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
ANTIPHOLUS S.     I think it be, sir, I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.	380
ANGELO     I think I did, sir, I deny it not.
ADRIANA     I sent you money, sir, to be your bail
By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO E.     No, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
This purse of ducats I receiv’d from you,	385
And Dromio my man did bring them me.
I see we still did meet each other’s man,
And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
These ducats pawn I for my father here.	390
DUKE     It shall not need, thy father hath his life.
COURTESAN     Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
ABBESS     Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
To go with us into the abbey here,	395
And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes;
And all that are assembled in this place,
That by this sympathised one day’s error
Have suffer’d wrong, go, keep us company.
And we shall make full satisfaction.	400
Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
Of you, my sons, and till this present hour
My heavy burden ne’er delivered.
The duke, my husband, and my children both,
And you, the calendars of their nativity,	405
Go to a gossips’ feast, and joy with me,
After so long grief, such felicity.
DUKE     With all my heart, I’ll gossip at this feast.
Exeunt; the two Dromios and two brothers
Antipholus remain behind.
DROMIO S.
Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark’d?	410
DROMIO S.
Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
He speaks to me; I am your master, Dromio.
Come, go with us, we’ll look to that anon;
Embrace thy brother there, rejoice with him.
Exeunt the two Antipholuses together.
DROMIO S.     There is a fat friend at your master’s house,	415
That kitchen’d me for you to-day at dinner;
She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO E.
Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
I see by you I am a sweet-fac’d youth;
Will you walk in to see their gossiping?	420
DROMIO S.     Not I, sir, you are my elder.
DROMIO E.     That’s a question, how shall we try it?
DROMIO S.
We’ll draw cuts for the senior; till then, lead thou
first.
DROMIO E.     Nay then, thus:
We came into the world like brother and brother,	425
And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before
another.     Exeunt.