KIARA’S NEWEST PATIENT and friend, Liane, was glowing with excitement. And it wasn’t just her baby she was excited about. Kiara was about to unveil yet more decorations for her house, as it was now only forty more sleeps until Christmas.
Not that she was counting.
She was absolutely counting.
‘Honestly,’ Liane said to Kiara. ‘This is the absolute best Christmas I’ve ever had. The whole of Carey Cove thinks so, if I’m honest. Will you be doing this every year?’
Kiara made an indeterminate gesture that she hoped said Sure! And also There are no guarantees in life! What she really wanted to say was Absolutely, yes, but my heart’s not in it nearly as much as it was back when Lucas and Harry were—
She cut the thought short. Lucas and Harry weren’t anything any more, apart from Lucas-and-Harry-shaped holes in her heart. As much as she wanted it to be otherwise, it simply wasn’t to be.
She’d never been more grateful for a weekend in her life! It wasn’t so much that she wanted to avoid Lucas... Well... She did want to avoid Lucas, because no matter how hard she tried she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something unfinished between them. Just as there was that mysterious something missing from her home’s over-the-top decorations which, like the final piece of a puzzle, would make it perfectly perfect.
‘C’mon!’ Liane rubbed her hands together, clearly beginning to feel the cold of the crisp, bright winter’s day. ‘I’m going to turn into an icicle if you don’t choose soon.’
‘I can’t choose!’
Kiara’s face stretched into a helpless expression. If this had been three days ago she knew who would be choosing. Harry. She swallowed back the lump of emotion and brightened her tone.
‘You choose. Which one?’ Kiara held up a star and then an angel.
‘The angel, for sure.’ Liane’s grin widened. ‘She looks just like you.’
‘Ha!’ Kiara smirked, holding up the blonde, blue-eyed archetypal angel and then giving her dark ponytail a flick. ‘Maybe if I did this...’ She lifted the angel above her head and struck a beatific pose, then, as she looked at her new friend, realised she was properly freezing. ‘Wait there!’
She ran into the house and grabbed a cosy blanket off the back of the sofa, desperately trying not to remember the last time she’d been on it, her limbs tangled with a certain tall, dark and handsome GP.
She ran back, flicked the blanket out to its full length and wrapped it round Liane’s shoulders. ‘There you are. Got to keep you and your little one cosy.’
Liane laughed, said thank you, and then, as she pulled the blanket close, her expression turned earnest. ‘Seriously, Kiara. I mean it. I know you’re my midwife, and all, and that we haven’t known each other that long, but I hope you know I count you as a friend. I mean—you’re amazing. You achieve big things in small amounts of time.’
Like falling in love with the one man she shouldn’t? Yup. She’d certainly done that straight away. Tick! Done and dusted.
‘Hardly,’ she said, instead of pouring her heart out to her new friend and telling her about everything the way she’d done with her parents. With Lucas. The pain she had tried to keep at bay was threatening to burst through her mental blocks. This moment was proof that she didn’t have to rely on Lucas for friendship.
Liane held her hands out wide. ‘Look at what you’ve done in the last two weeks! I haven’t managed to do anywhere near the same in ten years of living here! I hope you stay. I hope you stay for ever and we grow up to be old ladies in wheelchairs, admiring Carey Cove’s famous Christmas lights at Mistletoe Cottage.’
Kiara pressed her hands to her heart, truly touched and then she said, more mischievously, ‘When we’re that old we’ll have to hire some strapping young men to put up all the decorations!’
‘Ooh...’ Liane’s eyes lit up. ‘Why wait until we’re old? We could hire some now.’ She suddenly pulled a face. ‘Do you think my husband would mind?’ And then she burst out in hysterical laughter, pretending to be in a panic that he might have heard. ‘Aw... Bless... He’s the best-looking man in the village for me—and that’s what counts, isn’t it?’
Kiara nodded, absorbing the sight of her friend’s face turning soft with affection as she no doubt conjured an image of her husband wearing a tool belt or possibly nothing, while her own thoughts instantly pinged to the man she would happily have as her Mr January through to December if she could. But she couldn’t.
‘I guess we’ll have to leave it until we’re older, then, before getting some young men to put up the rooftop decorations.’
They both looked up to the roof, no doubt imagining entirely different men up there, doing alpha male things in various stages of undress.
‘And I guess I’d better get back and make tonight’s tea.’ With a small, contented sigh, Liane began to fold up the blanket Kiara had handed her, and then she asked, more seriously, ‘Do you have any more decorations you want putting in awkward places? I’m happy to ask Gavin if you need me to. He’s not brilliant at DIY, but he is happy to give things a go.’
Kiara did want more decorations, but she just couldn’t put her finger on what was missing. She looked up at Santa on the roof of the cottage. He was by the chimney, posed to look as if he was about to climb down with a big bag of presents. The orange and red glow of the sunset was disappearing in the sky, and the lights she had strung like rows of icing along the house were beginning to offer their warm glow to the fast-approaching darkness. She heard jingle bells and smiled. Christmas really had gone to her head!
‘Did you hear that?’ Liane asked, cocking her head to the side. ‘Are those...jingle bells?’
Kiara started. So it hadn’t just been her. She tilted her head to one side, as if that might be the best way to hear something better, and, yes... It was faint, but there was the unmistakably cheery sound of jingle bells rising up from the main road at the port. The way the road was angled made it possible to see whoever was coming once the vehicle came round the first bend.
‘It must be someone with bells attached to their car,’ Kiara said, feeling a shot of festive adrenaline spiking through her.
‘No...’ Liane’s voice was awe-filled. ‘It so much better than that.’
Kiara couldn’t even speak and agree. Liane was right. It was a million times better than that.
It was Lucas. And Harry. On top of a flatbed truck that was somehow transporting the most beautiful sleigh with a full complement of reindeer hitched to the front.
How he’d found a sleigh—glittering and twinkling in the approaching darkness—let alone reindeer tame enough to be hitched to a sleigh with full swags of jingle bells was beyond her. She felt as if she was in the middle of a Christmas miracle.
She clearly wasn’t alone. She could see front doors being flung open and children and adults alike running out into their gardens to cheer and sing snippets of Christmas songs as the enormous truck—bedecked in fairy lights, no less—slowly worked its way up the hill until, with a great sense of purpose, it came to a halt right in front of Mistletoe Cottage.
Lucas and Harry were in the driver’s seat of the sleigh. Harry was bouncing all over the place, waving and pretending to steer the reindeer, and generally enjoying being the centre of attention, but it was Lucas Kiara was watching... Because his eyes—his entire energy—was solely on her.
She felt his gaze as if it were a sparkling Christmas elixir...magic from a fairy godmother’s wand. Only he was no godmother, and the look in those grey eyes of his would enchant her for ever. He cared for her. She could see it now. And, more importantly, she could feel it. For Lucas, a hugely private man who’d endured so much emotional turmoil over the past few years, to make such an enormous, public, festive show of affection meant only one thing: he was falling in love every bit as much as she was.
What they’d shared was now the opposite of a secret. It was out there for the whole of Carey Cove to see.
The only question was...could she trust it?
Before an ounce of doubt that the gesture was genuine could creep in, Harry was out of the sleigh and clambering down onto the flatbed, where an obliging neighbour swung him off as he cried, ‘Kiara! Kiara!’
Her heart filled to bursting as he ran and leapt up into her arms as if they’d been parted for an eternity. She buried her head in his little-boy scent as he wrapped his arms round her neck. He smelt of Christmas trees and cloves and winter mint. He smelt of love.
Eventually, he pulled back and asked, ‘Do you like it?’
‘I love it,’ she answered honestly, as the pair of them turned and looked up at the sleigh where Lucas, still aboard, was looking down at the pair of them.
As their eyes met, her heart near enough exploded. His expression was a charged mix of hope and concern. Affection and intent. She could tell he wanted to talk, and she did, too... But it appeared having a sleigh arrive in front of her house warranted action, not a quiet conversation by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate which was what she really wanted.
Lucas was charged for action...and yet standing up here on the flatbed, watching his son run into his girlfriend’s arms—for that was what Kiara was to him if she’d forgive him—made him feel more complete than he’d felt in years.
Everything about this moment was unbelievably outside the box for him. Making a gesture so epic, not only to show Kiara he knew he’d made a mistake, but that he cared for her, was definitely not in the emotional toolbox he’d left home with when he’d set off for medical school all those years ago. Life had changed him. He now knew how precious it was. How foolish it was to let fear and pride make decisions for him when really, all along, he should have been listening to his heart.
He wanted to go to her, pull her into his arms and whisper apologies, tell her how much she’d changed his perspective on both life and love, but it seemed when you drove a sleigh and reindeer up to the home of the woman you hoped loved you as much as you loved her, you weren’t the star attraction. The sleigh and the reindeer were.
The whole of Carey Cove appeared to have gathered outside Mistletoe Cottage and somehow, magically—Kiara would definitely have said magically—everything began to move into place as if the entire thing had been planned.
Kiara’s little red car was relocated to a neighbour’s drive. The snowmen were rearranged. The dancing penguins were put into action, wiggling their little animatronic bums as if they, too, had been waiting for the sleigh and reindeer to appear.
Davy Trewelyn, the publican, a tall, portly, white-bearded man, turned up with a ‘Ho-ho-ho!’ in a perfect Santa suit. And his wife, the rosy-cheeked and ever-smiling Darleen, showed up in a Mrs Claus outfit complete with a huge tray of gingerbread men.
The village’s children were beside themselves, but between the schoolteachers, the firemen, the local bobby and, of course, the parents, who had all gathered to see Santa’s sleigh and reindeer, a jolly kind of order was formed out of the chaos.
The sleigh and reindeer were unloaded and set up in Kiara’s drive, flanked by a row of living Christmas trees, lined up in red pots and each decorated with a whorl of fairy lights and topped alternately with stars and angels. But there was only one true angel in his eyes: Kiara Baxter. The woman who had touched his life in a way he hadn’t thought possible.
He kept trying to get to her, but across a fence of jumbo candy canes they shared a look of mutual understanding: their talk would have to wait.
Eventually, when the reindeer had had their fill of carrots and Mr and Mrs Claus needed to go back to their ‘day jobs’ at the pub, and the children’s tummies began to grumble for their suppers, the crowd began to thin.
One of the mums from the local playgroup asked Lucas in a knowing tone if Harry would like to come to supper at theirs. ‘It’s spaghetti tonight, and bowls of vanilla ice cream for afters. Nothing fancy, but—’
‘Spaghetti’s great,’ Lucas said, not even looking at her.
His eyes had been glued to Kiara all night and, as if they’d been sharing the same enriched pool of energy, hers had been locked on his. Except for this exact moment now, when his son was barrelling into her for another hug.
The look on their faces as they wrapped their arms around each other made him feel as if his thirst was being quenched with a life-affirming soul juice. As they waved goodbye to each other, and promised to see one another soon, it was as if a multicoloured aura surrounded them. One made up of hues of pure joy, contentment and peace. That Christmas song about peace on earth came to him, and in a moment’s stillness he caught himself mouthing the words, about how the place love and harmony had to come from was within.
That was when he knew. Straight down to his marrow he knew he was in love with Kiara. And if she would have him, she was his future.
He reduced the space between them in a few long-legged strides and pulled her into his arms. She didn’t push him away or demand an explanation. She just held him, and their bodies exchanged energy, heartbeats. When at long last, arms still wrapped round each other’s waist, they pulled back to look at one another, Lucas knew she felt the same way, too.
Not even caring about the wolf whistles the few remaining Carey Covers were sending their way, he kissed her. By the time they parted there was no one else around. It was as if they’d been left in a snow globe entirely of Kiara’s creation. And he loved being a part of it.
‘Are the reindeer going to be all right?’
Lucas grinned, turning her so that his arms were still around her, but his chin was resting on her silky hair, her ponytail tickling his neck. They watched as the reindeer dug into the bags of hay they’d been left.
‘The owner is coming to collect them soon. They’ll be back with their manger tonight.’
Kiara twisted herself so that she could shoot him one of her trademark cheeky grins. ‘Their manger, eh? I thought you were immune to Christmas magic.’
‘Not with you in my life.’
She pulled back then, and asked the question he’d seen in her eyes all night. ‘Am I in your life? Is that what you want?’
He nodded, and then gestured towards her cottage. ‘Shall we go in? I can grovel inside so you don’t freeze to death.’
She laughed and blew out a little cloud of mist, as if to affirm that inside would definitely be a better choice. Then she hesitated a moment. ‘Grovelling won’t be necessary, but...’ her top tooth captured her lower lip for a moment as she sought and found the best word-choice ‘...honesty will. One hundred percent honesty, okay?’
He crossed his heart and held up his hand in a Boy Scout’s salute. ‘I promise nothing less.’ He flattened his hand against his heart. ‘I owe you nothing less.’
‘You don’t owe me anything, Lucas. That’s the point.’
She didn’t sound angry or vindictive. She sounded determined. Resolute. As if she was showing him where she’d set her moral compass and it was up to him if he was on the same trajectory as her.
He let her comment hit its mark and then settle as they went into the house. She excused herself to make some warm drinks, assigning him the task of lighting a fire. As he went about making a pile of kindling and putting the logs in just the right place, he realised she was absolutely right. A relationship wasn’t about obligation. It was about choice. And he chose loving Kiara over not loving her.
When they were settled on the sofa, a fire crackling away in the fireplace and warm mugs of hot chocolate complete with marshmallows in their hands, he took a sip, then set down his mug and turned to her.
‘First and foremost, I would like to offer you an apology for my behaviour the other day.’
Kiara nodded, neither refusing nor accepting his apology. She was waiting for the explanation.
‘You’re the first woman I’ve felt like this about since...’
‘Since Lily,’ she filled in for him. ‘She’s not a secret, Lucas. She’s part of who you are. Part of who Harry is.’
It was a generous gesture. Openly acknowledging the woman he’d loved and then lost to a terrible disease. The woman who had given him Harry. A boy without whose energy and verve he might not have survived her loss as emotionally intact as he was.
‘I thought I’d finished grieving for her.’ He raked a hand through his hair and gave the back of his neck a rub. ‘Meeting you taught me I still had another step to take.’
She nodded, openly and actively listening.
He gave a little laugh. ‘I actually needed to take her advice. She wanted this...’ He moved his hand between the two of them. ‘For me to fall in love again.’
Kiara’s breath hitched in her throat. ‘Is that what’s happening?’
Lucas gave a proper laugh now. ‘It’s what’s happened! I’m in love with you, Kiara Baxter.’
‘But...?’ She said it without malice, but she was still waiting for her explanation and she was right. He owed her the truth.
‘At first I thought it was betraying Lily to love another woman the way I love you. But then...’ His breath grew shaky as he rubbed his hand against the nape of his neck once more. ‘The truth was I was scared. Loving someone—loving you the way I do... I can’t do it half-heartedly and that frightened me. I didn’t want to lose sight of myself the way I did before. But I realised fear and vulnerability are all part of loving someone. Love isn’t about limits. It’s about opening up. Expanding your heart, not blocking it off.’
He stroked the backs of his fingers along her cheek.
‘It’s about being brave with someone. Trusting someone enough to believe that whatever you do, no matter how frightening, it’ll be so much better facing those things together. I want to be brave with you.’ He pressed his hands to his heart. ‘You’ve made me realise my heart has a much greater capacity for love and resilience than I thought. Harry adores you. I adore you. I mean...’ He held his hands out wide. ‘If you can get me to enjoy Christmas you’re obviously a miracle-worker.’
Kiara was smiling now, and laughing, and crying, and moving across the sofa to climb onto his lap and receive the kisses he was so hungry to give her.
After a few moments she pulled back, and without words began to trace her fingers along his face. His forehead, his cheekbones, his nose and chin. As if she were memorising him. As if she was finally believing that she didn’t need permission to love him—she just needed to love him. And that was when it hit him. She had been every bit as frightened as he was.
‘It takes courage, doesn’t it?’ he asked. ‘To love after being so badly hurt.’
She nodded, and he saw a swell of emotion rushing through her eyes. ‘It does.’ She scrunched her nose and gave it a wriggle. ‘I guess after you left I felt as if my future was destined to always be somebody’s secret, and I didn’t want that.’
‘I hate it that I made you feel that way.’
Again, she scrunched her nose. ‘The way you left did hurt me, but really I think I’m the one who made myself feel that way. I could’ve called you on it then and there. I knew in my heart you weren’t a “love ’em and leave ’em” kind of guy, and that there had to be something else going on, but I let my past experience colour how I responded.’
‘Hey...’ He ran his fingers through a lock of her hair, then brushed her cheek with his fingers. ‘I made a bad call. I was scared and I acted like an idiot, and that behaviour triggered the fears and hurt embedded in you. It was a not-so-perfect storm.’
‘One that’s blown over?’
‘One that’s definitely blown over,’ he confirmed solidly.
‘Should we seal that with a kiss?’
A smile teased at the corners of her lips, and then blossomed into a full-blown grin as he tugged her in close to him again.
‘I think we should seal it with a thousand kisses. Maybe more?’
She giggled and asked, ‘Just how long do you think it’s going to take Harry to eat some spaghetti and a scoop of ice cream?’
‘Long enough for me to do this...’ Lucas said, scooping her up and laying her out on the sofa where, smiling and laughing, they tangled their limbs together and enjoyed a good old-fashioned kissing session...as if they were teenagers.
And that was how he felt. Young again. Unweighted by a past that he didn’t know how to move on from. Stronger for having Kiara in his life. For accepting and giving her love. Their strength united in loving his son.
This, he realised as the twinkle of the star atop her tree caught his eye, was the true meaning of Christmas. And he was excited to be celebrating it with a full heart for the rest of his life.