13

DROPPING A CRUMPLED ten thousand peso note on the counter Jake carried his Dos Equis through the dingy, deserted bar with its scratched tables, broken chairs and ubiquitous TV blaring violence from its perch high in the corner. He selected the furthest, darkest corner of the bar where he sat facing the door, unseen but able to see.

The bartender, smearing glasses with a greasy cloth, watched him with small, aggressive eyes, sucking the corner of his moustache into hard, thin, scarred lips. Gringos didn’t come to this bar, they had no business here unless it was bad business and this man, with a patch over one eye and a mean glint in the other was all bad. José knew, he’d seen enough men like this one to know.

Jake ignored him, kept his gaze focused on the dazzling block of light streaming in from the dusty street where ragged children scuffed a football in the dirt and flea-ridden dogs scavenged the festering piles of week-old garbage. He glanced at his watch, knowing he could be in for a long wait. Mexicans rarely kept to time and the Mexican he was waiting for might just not show at all.

He’d left France four days ago, flying first to Mexico City, then to Cancun then north to Chihuahua. Yesterday he’d detoured across the country to Puerto Vallarta, a town too full of memories – he hadn’t been sorry to leave. His patience was wearing thin, already he’d spent too much time chasing around this godforsaken land, had handed out thousands of dollars to slit-eyed men with solid chunks of gold flashing on their necks, their wrists and their fingers, gaudy shirts and designer jeans straining over the muscles of their taut little bodies, and still he had nothing. He trusted few of them, knew there was little or no chance that he would find what he had come for, but the fear that he might was what drove him.

He tensed as a shadow darkened the doorway. He couldn’t see the face, but knew from the shapely outline that it was a woman, from the sway of the hips that she was a hooker. She went to perch on a tall stool, leaning her elbows on the bar, flicking her black, curly hair over her shoulders.

Jake could feel her eyes on him, guessed that the kids outside, the ones he had paid to keep the wheels on his jeep, had told her that a rich Americano was in the bar. It wasn’t long before she came over, asked him in broken English if he would like some company and sat down. Jake called out to the bartender to get the lady a drink and keep her out of his way. Feigning hurt the hooker pouted her fleshy lips, and leaning towards him to expose the deep crevice between her breasts told him she’d make him a good price. Casually lifting one foot and resting it on the chair beside his own, Jake reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a 9mm Luger.

Her druggy eyes widened, then dropped to the table as Jake slammed down a hundred thousand pesos. She eyed it greedily, looked uncertainly back to his face, then watched as using the barrel of the gun he pushed the money towards her.

‘Now beat it,’ he said, sliding the gun back into his pocket.

Quickly she scooped up the money, cursed him in Spanish and returned to the bar.

Jake picked up his beer. It was as well to let the bartender know that the gringo carried a gun, that way he wouldn’t try pulling any stunts like inviting his friends around for a little sport.

He took out a Marlboro, lit it, drained his beer and called for another. The whore brought it, set it down and sauntered back to her stool. She reminded him of Danny Spencer, the British actress who behaved like a whore. She didn’t have Danny’s class, but the two dark-haired beauties sure as hell shared a soul. His upper lip curled as he thought of Danny, of the games she played with herself and tried to drag him into. Just where was she coming from, he wondered, what was she trying to prove? She had to be crazy if she thought she could control him, she was well out of her league, was flirting with the kind of danger that would destroy her if she didn’t leave it alone.

His hand tightened around the bottle as he then thought of Louisa. Louisa Kramer, the writer who had stirred emotions in him he wanted left alone. But Jake was a master at controlling his thoughts and right now they belonged here in this sordid Mexican bar.

An hour passed. The hooker had long gone, the movie had changed and now it was time for him to go. His fury was such that he wanted to smash a fist through the grimy, stained-glass window, to see the blood flow from his veins to remind himself he was human, that he couldn’t take much more of this. There was a whole network of people working for him all over this fucking country and still they’d found nothing. Still the rendezvous weren’t kept, still there was no evidence to tell him that she was alive – or dead.

He walked to the bar, handed over some money and waited impatiently for the change.

‘Señor Mallory?’

Jake swung round to find a skinny old man with drooping eyelids and a cruelly pock-marked face looking up at him.

Jake eyed him, waiting for him to speak again.

‘Fernando send me,’ the man said. ‘I am Pedro.’

Jake glanced back over his shoulder at the barman.

‘He no speak English,’ Pedro informed him, then nodded to the barman to make himself scarce.

‘So?’ Jake demanded.

Pedro shrugged, lowered his eyes to the floor and kicked around the dust.

Jake’s jaw was like rock as he slid a hundred thousand pesos from his pocket and passed it over. Pedro took it, held it up to the light, then pocketed it. His shifty eyes came back to Jake’s, then turning he walked out of the bar.

Jake followed, blinking at the harsh glare of the sudden sunlight, feeling his injured eye sting beneath the patch. The dusty street was empty, just two scrawny kids idly kicking a ball beside his car, seemingly oblivious to the biting heat of the sun. The old man stopped, asked why they weren’t in school then hurled a stream of abuse in response to their smartass remarks.

As the boys ran off Jake grabbed Pedro’s arm and hauled him round. ‘What have you got?’ he growled, his hand itching for the gun.

The old man revealed his chipped, tobacco-stained teeth in a savage grin. ‘She has been seen,’ he said.

Jake’s eyes blazed into his. The old man had no way of knowing what those few words had done to the man accosting him, neither was he going to know. ‘Where?’ Jake spat.

‘Twenty kilometres from here.’

‘When?’

Pedro shrugged. ‘Two weeks, maybe three weeks ago.’

‘How do you know it was her?’

‘I know.’

Keeping hold of the old man Jake threw open the door to the jeep and shoved him inside. ‘Drive,’ he said.

After an hour or more of bumping over rock-littered dirt roads, swerving round potholes and crashing through the gears as they headed into the foothills of the Sierra Madre the old man skidded the jeep to a halt in an ancient, crumbling village where the only sign of life was a weary, dejected mule tethered to a wall beside the faded red paint of a Coca-Cola sign.

‘Over there,’ he said, pointing towards a dirty white building where the word hotel, painted in blue, was barely visible above the dilapidated shutters of the upper floor.

Jake looked at it. His face was inscrutable.

‘She was there. Maybe they know where she goes after,’ Pedro said.

‘Maybe you know,’ Jake replied, turning slowly to the old man.

‘No.’ Pedro was shaking his head. ‘I not know. But maybe they tell you.’

Jake got out of the jeep, trod the sandy road with deliberate, reluctant steps, feeling a hundred hidden eyes following his progress. She’d never have come to a place like this, not the woman he knew. The woman he knew was dead. So why was he here? Why was he chasing around Mexico, shelling out a fortune to hunt down a woman who didn’t exist? Because he had to be sure, that was why.

The hotel door creaked open, the lobby was dark and empty. The smell of stale tequila curdled the air, mingling with the pungent spices of simmering chilli. Somewhere, out of sight and barely audible, a tinny radio piped music, the taste of poverty and neglect salted his lips.

He hit the bell on the counter and waited. After a few moments a worn-out old woman in a sauce-smudged apron and shabby dress emerged from a door beneath the stairs. She looked at Jake, blinked and gruffly asked him what he wanted.

Jake was on the point of answering when he heard the jeep start up outside. In a split second he was at the door, wrenching it open and racing into the street. It was too late, the jeep was already speeding back down the road they’d come in on.

Cursing himself viciously for his own stupidity Jake watched it until it disappeared from sight.

‘So they’d never heard of her?’ Fernando said, hours later as he paced Jake’s hotel room while Jake stood at the window staring down at the grim, grey lines of the freeway and the stark oblongs of abandoned construction that stretched to the filthy brown line of the horizon.

At last Jake tore himself from the window. Exhaustion and rage was etched in every line of his face. ‘No, they’d never heard of her,’ he said tightly. His eyes came to rest on Fernando’s, boring into him. ‘I want you to find the old man again,’ he said.

Fernando cocked an eyebrow in surprise. His deceptively youthful face was calm, his cultured voice was as smooth and American as the expensive clothes he wore. ‘That should be possible,’ he said, ‘but why? If he knows nothing …’

‘He knows who’s paying him to fuck me around,’ Jake snarled. ‘We get to them, maybe we get to …’

Fernando wasn’t surprised when Jake stopped, he rarely, if ever, mentioned her name.

‘Find him,’ Jake growled through his teeth. ‘Find him and crunch his balls until he sings.’

Fernando nodded, then watched as Jake rolled himself a cigarette, sprinkling it liberally with hashish. When it was ready Fernando drew a lighter from his pocket, but he wasn’t fast enough. Jake lit the joint himself, inhaled deeply then returned to the window and its depressing view of a city he loathed.

‘Do you think she’s still alive?’ he said after a while.

Fernando sighed, flopped down on the sofa and buried his face in his hands. ‘I don’t know,’ he answered. ‘Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. What about you? What does your gut tell you?’

‘Nothing. It doesn’t tell me one goddamned fucking thing.’

Fernando hesitated, then said, ‘The local cops were here earlier.’

‘What did they want?’

‘To welcome you to Mexico,’ Fernando grinned.

‘They’re getting better,’ Jake remarked. ‘It’s only taken them four days to find me this time.’

‘What are you going to do?’ Fernando asked.

‘Head back to Europe. The trail’s run cold here and I have things to do in France.’

Fernando’s smile was sculpted in sarcasm. ‘How is Consuela?’ he said.

Jake turned to look at him. ‘Get that old man,’ he said. ‘Do whatever it takes to find out who’s paying him. You know how to get hold of me. I should be back in France by the day after tomorrow.’

Fernando got up and walked to the door. When he reached it he turned back. ‘Jake,’ he said, ‘have you considered what you’re going to do if she is still alive?’

Jake drew deeply on his cigarette, held the smoke then exhaled slowly. ‘Yes, I’ve considered it,’ he said and the tone of his voice was enough to tell Fernando he would be wise not to press it any further.

‘I look like a ruddy cabbage-patch doll,’ Sarah wailed, holding up her compact and eyeing the puffy swellings on her face with unbounded misery.

Louisa and Danny glanced at each other then burst out laughing. ‘You look fine,’ Danny told her, pushing her feet into the ground to rock herself and Louisa back and forth in the swinging hammock chair.

‘Don’t lie to me,’ Sarah retorted. ‘I look like I’m about to erupt.’

‘Stop scratching,’ Louisa laughed, ‘you’ll only make them worse.’

‘But they’re driving me crazy. Oh, just look at this eyelid, will you? How the hell can I go out like this?’

‘Call him and cancel,’ Danny said.

‘I would if he weren’t already on his way.’

‘Where are you going?’ Louisa asked, hooking the straps of her swimsuit back up over her shoulders and curling her legs under her.

‘He didn’t say. Somewhere dark, I hope,’ Sarah answered, picking up Danny’s wine glass and taking a mouthful. ‘Is this from the caves down the road?’ she said. ‘Not bad is it?’

‘At less than a pound a bottle, it’s pretty good,’ Danny remarked. ‘And don’t drink it all because I can’t be bothered to go and get some more.’

‘Here he is,’ Louisa said, as a black and yellow Renault 5 chugged and spluttered up the drive.

Sarah stared at it, following its unsteady progress with unblinking fascination. ‘Awesome,’ she muttered, as it groaned to a halt.

‘You go and show him your mosquito bites,’ Louisa laughed, ‘and I’ll go and get some more glasses.’

‘Are you kidding?’ Sarah cried, tearing her eyes from the Renault. ‘I’m not inviting him over here when she’s sitting there looking like that.’

Danny was wide-eyed. ‘What’s the matter with the way I look?’ she demanded.

‘Nothing, that’s the trouble.’

‘She’ll cover up,’ Louisa laughed.

‘No she won’t, she never does.’

‘It’s nothing he can’t see any day of the week on the beach,’ Danny pointed out, hooking the elastic of her G-string a little higher on her hips. ‘Or in his profession, come to that.’

‘But it’s better than mine, so I don’t want him to see it,’ Sarah retorted.

‘It’s not better, it’s just different,’ Danny said, looking down at her golden tan, large, firm breasts and erect rosy brown nipples. ‘But if you’re worried then pass me the towel.’

‘No, we’ll go straight out.’ Sarah turned to look across the garden to where Morandi was now standing awkwardly beside his car, obviously not sure whether to venture a nonchalant stroll across the lawn or wait to be invited. ‘Will you just look at him,’ Sarah sighed, her head to one side. ‘He might not be what dreams are made of, but he kind of gets to me. What’s he doing now?’ she said as Morandi took something out of the car and started to waggle it in the air. Then all three of them burst out laughing as they realized he was waving a white flag.

‘Isn’t he just something else,’ Sarah grinned.

‘Haven’t you told him yet that you forgive him for the Aphrodite incident?’ Louisa cried.

‘No, but I’ll get round to it. Anyway, I’d best be off, enjoy your evening you two, don’t wait up,’ and carrying her sandals in one hand and her purse in the other she padded across the cool, springy lawn grinning as stupidly at Morandi as he was at her. When she reached him he put his hands on her shoulders, gazed down at the angry little rash of mosquito bites, told her she looked ravishing and kissed her on both cheeks.

‘Where are we going?’ she said as he cranked the door open for her to get in.

‘It’s a surprise,’ he smiled, making sure she was settled and even going so far as to buckle up her seat belt for her. ‘I’m sorry about the car,’ he went on, looking so absurdly contrite that Sarah wanted to hug him, ‘but mine’s in the garage and this was all I could borrow at short notice.’

‘I love it.’ Sarah said truthfully, folding her hands in her lap as she watched him walk around the car and get in the other side.

‘I don’t think you would if you knew whose it was,’ he said earnestly.

‘Ah, I see. Well, just so long as it doesn’t squirt oil at me.’

‘Oh no, it won’t do that,’ he assured her.

Sarah shot him a look from the corner of her eye and belatedly realizing he’d missed the joke Morandi blushed.

‘Does she know why you’ve borrowed her car?’ Sarah asked, as he crunched it into reverse.

‘Uh, not exactly,’ he confessed, turning it around then sending it hurtling towards the gates. He was far too tall for such a little car and looked so woefully embarrassed by it all that Sarah’s heart flowed over with affection. She wanted to put her hand on his, but feeling suddenly shy, she turned to look out of the window and waved to Danny and Louisa.

‘Mmm, isn’t this wonderful?’ Danny sighed, stretching then laughing as they heard the Renault backfire in the distance.

‘Sheer bliss,’ Louisa agreed, sipping her wine and gazing up at the sloping red roofs of the villa where the leaves of the olive trees glistened silver in the sunlight and the blue sky was starting to turn pink. ‘Aren’t you seeing Erik tonight?’

‘He said he’d call later,’ Danny yawned, sinking back in the downy cushions and closing her eyes. ‘What about you? Are you going to do any more writing?’

‘Not tonight. I had a pretty good run at it today, but I need to think about the next scenes before I carry on.’

Danny’s eyes were closed and as she appeared to drift off into her own thoughts Louisa flicked over a page of the magazine on her lap. The tension that had been building between her and Danny over the past couple of weeks seemed to have diminished now and the atmosphere in the villa was once again easy and friendly. Louisa wasn’t ignorant of the fact that it was Jake’s departure that had diffused the situation, at least for her. Danny hadn’t even mentioned it, had seemed too wrapped up in Erik this past week to care about anything else and that in itself was helping Louisa to relax, for if Danny was as keen on Erik as she appeared to be then hopefully there would be no return of the unspoken rivalry between them when Jake came back. If he came back.

Not wishing to dwell on how she might feel either way Louisa forced herself to concentrate on an article about the French television channel TFI. Since she didn’t understand too much of it her mind soon started to wander, and letting the magazine slide to the floor she rested her chin on her hand and started to churn around the plot of the new series she was devising.

‘Do you ever think about Simon now?’ Danny said a while later.

Surprised, Louisa turned to look at her. ‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Quite a lot, actually. Why do you ask?’

‘I just wondered. Do you ever wish you’d fought a bit harder to keep him?’

‘Do you mean do I wish I’d told him about the baby?’

Danny raised one eyelid. ‘Do you?’ she said.

‘Sometimes. He had a right to know.’

Danny smiled. ‘You miss him, don’t you?’ she said.

‘As a friend, yes.’

‘You mean Sarah and I aren’t enough for you?’ Danny teased, batting a fly away from her face.

‘Of course you are, but Simon was … I don’t know, what was he? He was a bit like a brother, I suppose. I always used to wish I had a brother.’

‘Mmm, me too. Preferably an older brother. Sarah’s lucky having such a big family, don’t you think? I feel quite envious the way they call her as often as they do to check up on her. It must be lovely having so many people care about you.’

‘But your parents call regularly too,’ Louisa reminded her.

‘I know,’ Danny sighed. ‘I quite miss them actually, but I shouldn’t be saying that to you, should I? Not when you don’t have anyone at all calling you. Shit, I could have put that a bit more tactfully couldn’t I?’

Louisa smiled. ‘Yes, you could, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve got my family right here in you and Sarah.’

‘That’s a lovely thing to say, I know Sarah would be touched by it too.’ She reached out for Louisa’s hand and squeezed it. ‘But we’ve got our families and obviously they come first for us. Not that we ever want to shut you out, we wouldn’t dream of it, but it must be so hard for you knowing that the people who matter most to you have other people they care about first.’

‘I don’t think I’ve ever looked at it quite that way,’ Louisa said feeling suddenly depressed.

‘That’s good,’ Danny smiled, letting go of her hand. ‘It doesn’t do any good to dwell on loneliness, it only makes a person do things they might not otherwise do.’

‘What do you mean?’ Louisa said, turning to look at her. ‘What might I not otherwise do?’

‘Nothing,’ Danny laughed. ‘I was just trying to let you know that I understand how lonely you must feel at times, how much you must miss your grandmother – and Simon. He was quite special in his way, I think. He was so good to you and after all you’d been through with that ghastly Bill Simon was just what you needed. I wasn’t too sure about it in the beginning, it’s true, I was afraid you might be rushing into something on the rebound, something you’d end up regretting. Well, you probably did go into it on the rebound, but fortunately it all worked out. At least for a while it did and he certainly put you back on the road after all that fuss with Bill. You know, when I look at you,’ she went on, her head to one side as she gazed into Louisa’s face, ‘I just can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to hurt you. You’re so lovely, so gentle and kind, I know if I were a man I’d just want to love you and protect you. I think that’s what Simon wanted and I sometimes wonder if it wasn’t you who pushed him away. It’s like you can’t believe that someone really cares for you, that they don’t want to hurt you, so you go out of your way to make them hurt you without even really knowing you’re doing it. Or you hurt yourself, like you did with the baby.’

Louisa sipped her wine and gazed thoughtfully down at the still, clear water of the pool. ‘I thought what I did about the baby was for the best,’ she said softly. ‘I never looked at it as trying to hurt myself.’

‘No, I didn’t think you did,’ Danny smiled. ‘But Simon hurt you by telling you he was in love with someone else and then there you were, back on the cycle of pain, feeling like you deserved it and then punishing yourself for the crime of not being loved by terminating your own baby. It didn’t seem to occur to you to put up a fight for Simon, you just accepted that he didn’t love you because you don’t feel worthy of anyone’s love, not even your own. You care so much for Sarah and me, but you never seem to care about yourself. You escape into your writing, taking yourself off into a fantasy world where everything is just the way you want it to be and you don’t have to face up to reality or what you’re doing to yourself.’

Louisa was still staring at the pool, allowing Danny’s words to sink into her mind. ‘Is that what you think?’ she said hoarsely. ‘That I’m running away?’

Danny nodded.

‘It doesn’t feel like that’s what I’m doing. I think about Simon a lot, it’s true. I know I could have fought to keep him and that if I had I would probably have won, but in my heart I had to admit that it wasn’t really what I wanted.’

‘Then maybe you should ask yourself why you didn’t want it? Was it because you were afraid of his love? Afraid that it would turn to violence in the end like it has in your past? Maybe you’re just fooling yourself into believing you don’t want him as a way of trying to protect yourself.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Louisa said. ‘I mean, I really don’t believe we are right for each other. Not now. We were for a while, but it had run its course. And the truth is, had he not met someone else I’d have stayed with him just because he made me feel safe and that’s not really a basis for a relationship. He deserves more, he should be loved because he has so much love to give.’

‘And it’s the same for you,’ Danny said. ‘You have so much love to give, but you can’t accept it in return, so you go out looking for someone who will hurt you, it’s what you expect so you make it happen.’

Louisa looked down at her glass. Danny hadn’t mentioned Jake’s name but Louisa was sure he was in both their minds and as much as she disliked it, she had to admit that there might be some truth in what Danny was saying. She sensed that Jake had it in him to hurt her, to hurt her badly if he chose because her feelings for him were already deeper and more acute than anything she’d ever felt for Simon. It was why she was afraid of Jake, why she was now fighting against trusting him the way he’d asked her to. She knew so little about him, but the tenderness in the one kiss they’d shared haunted her. The truth of his words when he’d told her that something special was happening between them echoed insistently in her mind. Why had he said it if he hadn’t felt it too?

‘I was thinking,’ Danny said, ‘why don’t you give Simon a call and just find out how he is?’

Louisa shook her head. ‘No, there’s no point. And I still feel too guilty about the baby to be able to speak to him.’

Danny smiled and leaned forward to pick up her wine. ‘Jake agrees, you know, that Simon had a right to know about the baby, but I’m not so sure.’

Louisa turned slowly to look at her, hardly able to believe she’d heard her correctly. ‘Are you saying you’ve talked to Jake about Simon and me?’ she said carefully.

Danny nodded. ‘Oh come on, don’t look like that …’

‘But you had no right to discuss it with Jake! No right to discuss it with anyone.’

‘But Jake asked. He wanted to know about you, if there was anyone in your life, so I told him what had happened.’

‘I don’t believe it,’ Louisa cried, putting a hand to her head and getting to her feet. ‘Why did you tell him about the baby? He didn’t need to know that … Oh God, Danny, I just don’t know what gets into you sometimes.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Danny said, looking genuinely bemused. ‘I’m really sorry. I had no idea it would upset you so much. You never really said anything about it so I just assumed it wasn’t that important any more. But I can see how stupid that was now …’

‘Not just stupid, Danny, it was insensitive. Do you really think I want the whole world to know what I did? It would have been bad enough if I’d told Simon about it, but not telling him … Surely you’ve got to understand how awful I feel about that. And of all the people to tell you have to choose Jake Mallory. Oh Danny, why? He’s the last person I’d want to know.’

Danny’s eyes were staring up at her and for a moment she seemed almost childishly bewildered. ‘Louisa, I’m really, really, sorry,’ she said. ‘I just didn’t think. I mean, I wasn’t sure whether you’d told him yourself and I honestly didn’t think it would do any harm to tell him. Oh God, I can see how stupid, no, you’re right, insensitive, that was now. Shit, why did I do it? I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry. But at least I told him that if it had been his baby then you’d never have done it.’

‘You said what!’ Louisa cried incredulously. ‘Danny, for Christ’s sake, what’s the matter with you?’

‘But you wouldn’t have got rid of it if it had been his,’ Danny argued. ‘I know you wouldn’t. You’d have kept it if it had been Jake’s.’

‘But it wasn’t Jake’s! I hardly even know Jake. I’ve never even slept with him, so what the hell made you go and say something like that?’

‘I didn’t want him to think badly of you,’ Danny said lamely.

‘Then why tell him about the baby in the first place? Simon yes, but not the baby.’

‘OK, OK, I can see why you’re angry, and I apologize, but it’s done now and well, it’s better that you know I’ve told him just in case you were thinking about lying to him.’

‘I wasn’t thinking about saying anything at all, not at this stage,’ Louisa raged. ‘Shit, what a mess, Danny. What am I supposed to say to him if I see him again now?’

‘Well I don’t think he was particularly bothered about it,’ Danny said. ‘He said that Simon had a right to know, but if it were him, he said, he wouldn’t want to know and even if he did then he wouldn’t see it as being his problem.’

Louisa watched her, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘When did you have this conversation?’ she asked.

‘Last night.’

Louisa suddenly felt like she’d been struck. ‘You saw Jake last night,’ she whispered.

Danny nodded. ‘On the Valhalla.’

‘But I thought he was in Mexico.’

‘He was. He got back two days ago. He called me just after he got in.’

‘But you were with Erik last night in Monte Carlo.’

‘No. That’s where I told you I was going because I was afraid you might be upset if you thought Jake had called me and not you. But I don’t like lying to you like this, Louisa, that’s why I’ve told you now. It’s better that you know the truth and what kind of man he is. I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but he’s not for you, Louisa, not a man like that. He’s a real bastard. He’s leading you on …’

‘But what about you and Erik? I thought you were mad about Erik.’

‘We’re not talking about me, we’re talking about you because it’s you who’s going to get hurt here, not me. I can sleep with them both, play them at their own games, but you can’t. You don’t have it in you to do that, you never have.’

‘But Erik’s crazy about you, you said you were about him. So why are you sleeping with Jake?’

‘It’s hard to explain, but put in it’s simplest terms Jake and I can’t get enough of each other, that’s why he called me as soon as he got back.’

‘But what about Erik?’ Louisa insisted, almost shouting as though the noise could numb the horrible jealousy churning inside her.

‘What about Erik? He’s just another man.’

‘He’s got feelings, Danny.’

‘So have I. I care for him, but not the way he wants me to. He knows I’m sleeping with Jake, he was there on board last night while I was with Jake. I spent the rest of the night with him after I’d made love with Jake. He accepts that I need other men, that he can’t give me everything …’

‘And what about Jake? Does he accept that too?’

‘Not as easily, but he knows that’s the way it has to be.’

‘But why does it have to be that way? Why can’t you commit yourself to one man?’

‘I could if Jake would let me, but he won’t. Not yet, anyway. There are things he has to get sorted then maybe we can give it a try. Look, I don’t want to be petty about this Louisa, but I met him first, I slept with him first and it’s me he calls. That’s not to say I don’t think he’ll call you, because I’m sure he will. But when he does I think you should remember that it’ll probably only be because I’m with Erik. Speaking of whom,’ she added, as Erik’s Jaguar turned into the drive.

With her mind still reeling from all that had been said Louisa watched dumbly as Danny sauntered, virtually naked, across the lawn then stood on the edge of the terrace and waited for Erik to come to her. As he folded her in his arms, a huge bunch of flowers in one hand and a neat little box from an exclusive jeweller’s in the other, Louisa turned away stiff with the jealousy that was almost choking her. She didn’t begrudge Danny her relationship with Erik, nor the expensive gifts he brought her, but she did begrudge whatever Danny had with Jake. Just to think of the two of them together made her feel sick inside. The vision of their entwined limbs, the frenzy of their passion, inflamed her anger to the point of violence. It stabbed her with a pain she had no right to feel for he wasn’t hers, she had no claims on him, had shared no more than one kiss with him, but the pain was there nevertheless. He’d told her she meant something to him and like a fool she’d believed him. Worse, she still believed him because she didn’t want to face the fact that he had lied to her. She wanted to hold onto the man she thought he was, the man who had made her feel so wonderful and special, the man whose feelings for her had been as immediate and as compelling as hers had for him. She moved restlessly, as though to extricate herself from the sudden power of his imagined presence. She so badly wanted to see him in that moment, to feel him touching her and watch his grey eyes darken as he looked at her and told her that nothing Danny had said was true. Then the echo of Danny’s words suddenly rang in her mind, ‘you go off into a fantasy world where everything is just the way you want it to be …’

The truth of that was suddenly razor sharp in her mind and as she sank back into the chair she felt a terrible, debilitating contempt for herself.

She looked up to see Erik wandering across the garden to join her. As she watched him she couldn’t stop herself smiling. He had such a roguish look in his eyes and seemed so ridiculously pleased to see her that it simply wasn’t possible not to respond.

‘Hi,’ he said, stooping to kiss her. ‘How are you?’

‘Fine.’

‘You look kind of glum to me,’ he grinned, slanting her a glance from the corner of his eye as he poured more wine into Danny’s glass.

‘It’s just the heat,’ Louisa said, stretching. ‘How’s life with you? No, don’t tell me, just perfect now you’re here.’

He laughed. ‘You’ve got it.’

He turned to look at her and seeing the way his eyes were dancing she started to laugh.

‘How do you fancy going into Cannes tonight?’ he said.

‘Oh no. You don’t want me tagging along and I’m pretty tired.’

‘Go and get dressed,’ he said.

‘No, honestly, I’m not in the mood for going out.’

‘You will be once you’re ready. Now, no arguments, go and get dressed or I’ll pick you up and put you in the car the way you are.’

‘Erik, I don’t want to play gooseberry …’

‘Louisa, do as you’re told.’

Realizing she was in danger of just sitting there feeling sorry for herself if she didn’t go Louisa took herself off to get changed, almost laughing as she wondered what Danny would say when she discovered Erik had invited her along. But what the hell, she felt angry enough with Danny right now to want to spoil her evening.

Just under an hour later she was on the point of leaving her room when there was a knock on the door and Erik came in.

‘Danny and I are leaving now,’ he said, grinning all over his face.

Louisa stared at him in amazement.

‘You look lovely,’ he told her.

‘Erik! Erik!’ she cried as he started to leave. ‘I thought I was coming with you.’

Laughing, he turned back. ‘I guess I’d better come clean,’ he said. ‘I remembered what you said about a woman not liking a man to turn up unannounced and Jake’s on his way over.’

Everything inside Louisa suddenly turned weak. ‘But … I don’t …’

‘I thought you’d want to be looking your best,’ Erik laughed. ‘Have a good time,’ and he was gone.

A few minutes later Louisa heard his car pulling out of the drive and, as her stomach churned horribly, she went to pour herself more wine. She had no idea what was going on, or why Jake hadn’t just called to say he was coming, all she could think of was what Danny had told her, to remember that if she did see Jake it was probably only because she, Danny, was with Erik.

Heading back to the hammock chair at the other end of the pool she started to rehearse in her mind all that she wanted to say. She needed the answers to so many questions she hardly knew where to begin. She thought of Sarah and wondered if she would get anywhere with all the questions she had for Morandi tonight. Then quite suddenly none of it seemed important. If there was something underhand going on, if Jake, Morandi and Erik were involving them in something they might live to regret it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was here. That he was getting out of his car and ambling across the garden towards her, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his faded jeans, his wonderfully hypnotic eyes holding hers as he drew closer and started to smile.

Louisa’s heart was in her throat. Somewhere deep down inside she knew she should be angry with him, but she just couldn’t get it past the sheer emotion she felt at seeing him. For one dizzying moment she was overwhelmed by the enormity of her feelings, could hardly make herself believe that this man who had the looks, the power and the wealth to attract any woman was here to see her.

He stopped in front of her, looked down at her, then taking his hands from his pockets he stooped towards her, putting his mouth over hers. After a moment he took her by the elbows and, still kissing her, pulled her to her feet and drew her into his arms.

‘Hi,’ he drawled, his voice as dark and intimate as his eyes as he gazed down at her.

‘Hi,’ she said.

He kissed her again, touching her lips gently with his own, holding her loosely about the waist while everything inside her was fighting hard not to respond.

He raised his head again and started to smile. ‘What are you afraid of?’ he whispered.

‘You,’ she answered.

‘Don’t be,’ he said, folding her against him and resting her head on his shoulder. ‘I missed you.’

As he held her Louisa could feel herself melting into him, was aware of the way his faint, musky odour mingled with that of the sea was seeping into her senses, dizzying her yet calming her and very gently arousing her. His latent power seemed to embrace her with a touch as tangible as the hard muscles of his thighs and the strength of his arms. ‘When did you get back?’ she said.

‘Two days ago.’

Immediately Louisa stiffened and pulled away.

‘Hey,’ he said, putting his fingers under her chin and tilting her face up to his. ‘I tried to call you, half a dozen times, but there’s no getting past Danny. Why do you think Erik came to get her the way he did tonight? I wanted to see you.’

‘She said you called her, that she was with you on the Valhalla last night.’

‘She was. So was Erik. I tried to call you then, but you weren’t at home.’

It was true, she hadn’t been. ‘She said you made love to her.’

He grinned and shook his head. ‘Not me,’ he said.

‘But you have made love to her.’

‘Sure I did, the night before I met you.’

‘Not since?’

‘Uh-huh,’ he smiled. ‘You’re looking at the only guy around here she’s not making it with.’

‘Then why does she say she is?’

‘I guess,’ he laughed, ‘to make you jealous, and it’s working.’ Louisa rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh, knowing she shouldn’t believe him, but wanting to desperately. ‘You’re so sure of yourself,’ she remarked.

‘Not really. I was kind of scared you might be hiding behind Danny, not wanting to see me again after what I told you the last time I was here.’ He smiled deep into her eyes. ‘So, do I get a drink or do I get to kiss you again?’

‘How about both?’ she said recklessly.

‘I think we’d better take the drink first,’ he said, the irony in his voice seeming to lift her heart.

When she returned from the kitchen with a fresh bottle of wine and two glasses he was rocking back and forth in the hammock chair, his eyes closed. It wasn’t until she passed him a drink and he opened them that she noticed how very tired he suddenly looked. Tired and strained as though there were something tormenting his mind that wouldn’t leave him alone.

Taking the drink in one hand he used the other to pull her down beside him and resting his elbow along the back of the chair he began gently, almost absently, to stroke her face and neck. She leaned against him, sinking into the aura of him then turned her face to his and laughed when he bit her nose.

‘How was Mexico?’ she asked.

He took a sip of his drink then gazed past her at the rockery that spilled in a blaze of colour down to the gates.

It was so long before he spoke again that the glow of happiness burning inside her began to fuel itself with unease.

Then turning back to her and running his fingers into her hair he said, ‘Tell me about you. What have you been doing while I was away?’

‘Writing,’ she said. ‘Exploring the countryside with Sarah – thinking about you.’

He gave her a quick hug then pushing her gently away he took a fat, self-rolled cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it.

As the sweet, unmistakable scent of marijuana drifted into the balmy evening air Louisa turned to look at him. He looked back, watching her with eyes that seemed to question her, with an intensity that seemed to move into her and hold her. Then slowly he started to shake his head. ‘What the hell am I doing?’ he said. ‘I’ve got no right to be here, no right to do this to you.’

Louisa said nothing, she just watched him as he took a long draw on the cigarette then leaned forward to let it rest in the ashtray. When he sat back he lifted a hand to her face and ran his thumb over her lips. ‘It’s true,’ he said as though speaking to himself. ‘Something is happening here and it’s happened so goddamned fast …’ He gave a dry, almost bitter laugh. ‘We’ve got to talk,’ he said.

‘OK,’ she smiled, catching his thumb between her lips.

His eyes were on her mouth, then taking his hand away he pulled her back against his shoulder.

‘It’s kind of hard to know how to say this,’ he said finally. ‘But we’ve got to deal with reality here. We’ve got to look at what’s happening between us and work out the best way to handle it. Maybe we should just take from it what we can, what’s not going to hurt either of us, most of all you.’

‘What do you mean?’ she said.

‘I mean that you’re here for the summer. That after that, when you go back to London, it’ll be over for us. We can’t take it any further than that.’

‘But why? I don’t understand.’

He sighed heavily and pressed his fingers to his eyes. ‘There’s so much you don’t know about me,’ he said, his voice suddenly tired to the point of exhaustion, ‘and if I’m being honest I don’t want you to know.’

‘Is it so terrible?’

‘Yeah, it’s pretty goddamned terrible.’ Then lowering his hand he tilted her face to his and kissed her softly on the mouth. ‘Right now you’re the only good thing in my life,’ he said, ‘and if I tell you what’s really going on it’s going to tarnish what we have. In some way it’s going to make you a part of it and I don’t want that to happen. I want just that we’re together, that we give each other whatever we can, and when it comes time for you to go, you go with good memories. Can you live with that?’

‘I don’t know,’ she whispered, looking away.

Leaning forward he put his glass on the table then pulled her deeper into his arms. ‘I’m not proud of what I’m doing here,’ he said. ‘I’m asking you to take the decision to stop this when I can’t do it myself. But I’m not going to lie to you, Louisa, there can’t be anything at the end of it. You’ve got to know that so you can decide whether it’s better for you to break away now. It’s gonna be easier if you do, on both of us, but I’m a pretty selfish sort of guy and what I want right now is to go on holding you this way just as long as I can.’

‘Is it really so impossible for us?’ she said, looking up at him.

As he looked back at her she could almost feel how desperately he wanted to say no, but in the end his answer was unequivocal. ‘Yeah, it’s impossible,’ he said.

Louisa looked down at their entwined fingers, his so long and masculine, hers seeming so frail by comparison. ‘This is cruel,’ she said. ‘Why did we have to meet at all if this is the way it has to be? I mean, whichever way you look at it, it’s going to hurt. Now or later.’ She shrugged. ‘But maybe it’s better to do it later, at least that way we’ll have had something.’

He laughed, abruptly, but there was no humour in it. ‘Now how come I can suddenly do for you what I can’t do for myself?’ he said. ‘I’m gonna call it quits now, Louisa. I’m gonna do it for you because I can’t let you go through this, I can’t drag you through it. You don’t need any more pain in your life.’

Louisa’s eyes moved to the garden as the carefully targeted sprinklers began to arc and spin. ‘So Danny did tell you,’ she said flatly.

‘About the baby? Yeah, she told me,’ he said, stroking her hair.

‘And did you mean it when you said if it had been yours you wouldn’t have seen it as your problem?’

Closing his eyes he let his head fall against hers. ‘Shit, there’s so much you don’t know,’ he groaned. ‘It’s got to be easier for you to know, but I can’t do it. And the answer’s yes, I did say that, but I had my reasons. Reasons that don’t matter if we’re going to stop seeing each other.’

‘But I don’t want us to stop, Jake. I want this time with you even if it’s all we’re going to get.’

‘No, I can’t let you do it.’

‘Jake, I’ve got my pride, so please don’t make me beg. I want to go on seeing you. I want you to go on holding me this way, for ever if it were possible, but if it’s not then for as long as you can.’

‘That’s how you feel now, but in two weeks, a month from now you’re going to see it a whole lot differently and by then it’ll be too late to turn back.’

‘I’m prepared to take that chance.’

‘It’s not going to be easy.’

‘Nothing worth having ever is,’ she said.

He smiled and tightened his arms around her. ‘I know I’m gonna live to regret this,’ he said, ‘but how about you hold me too?’

As she turned to put her arms around his neck she saw how suddenly vicious the wound around his eye had become, as though it too were suffering whatever pain he was hiding.

‘What happened to your eye?’ she said after he’d kissed her.

‘It’s a long story, not one for now,’ he answered, leaning across her to pick up his wine. ‘For now you’re gonna tell me that you’re prepared to stick by the rules I’m about to lay down if we’re going to continue seeing each other.’

‘Rules? You mean like love, honour and obey?’ For a moment she was shocked by what she’d said, but when she saw he was laughing she laughed too.

‘Definitely the last,’ he said. ‘And quit doing that,’ he said, pulling her up as she started to kiss his neck. ‘It’s driving me crazy.’

‘I know, I can feel it,’ she grinned.

His eyes were simmering with laughter, but as he looked at her the humour started slowly to retreat. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he murmured. ‘I so badly want to make love to you.’

As Louisa’s heart turned over, the breath caught in her throat. And then he was kissing her, crushing her to him, pushing his tongue deep into her mouth. She clung to him, curling her fingers through his hair as he laid her back in his arms, fanning his fingers over her neck, pressing his thumb along her jaw. Then his hand was on her leg, moving along her thigh. She raised it, opening herself to him, groaning into his open mouth as he touched her.

There was no denying that she was as ready for him as he was for her, but quite suddenly he stopped. ‘We can’t do this,’ he said gruffly.

‘Why?’

He looked down at her for some time before his eyes started to dance. ‘Are you taking contraception?’ he said.

Reluctantly she shook her head.

‘Then that’s the first reason,’ he said. ‘And the second,’ he added, pulling her up, ‘is that we’ve got to talk some more. I’m not having you make any decisions about going on seeing me without knowing what it’s going to entail. OK?’

‘OK? Then can we make love?’

‘We can make love,’ he laughed, ‘when we get ourselves some contraception.’

They both turned round as the automatic lights around the house and pool suddenly came on, not realizing how quickly dusk had come on them. Jake took a lighter from his pocket and lit the green spiral on the table to keep the mosquitos at bay while Louisa, still trembling slightly from the incredible force of her desire, took a soothing sip of wine.

He turned back and taking her arms from around her knees he pulled her onto his lap.

For a while they sat quietly, listening to the frogs and the crickets. He looked down at her, a certain irony in his eyes, but she could sense his inner struggle. ‘Shit, I still can’t believe I’m doing this,’ he said, pursing the corner of his lips and looking at her as though blaming her for getting to him the way she did. Then his eyes moved past her, out towards the potted palms around the pool. ‘The reason I told Danny that I wouldn’t see it as my problem if you were pregnant,’ he began, ‘is so that Danny wouldn’t know the way I feel about you. I don’t want her to know, I don’t want anyone to know. That’s rule number one. It’s not only safer for you that way, it’s safer for me too.’

‘But …’

‘No, these are unconditional rules, Louisa. You have to stick by them or you’re gonna find yourself in a whole lot of trouble I might not be able to get you out of. So don’t ask any questions, because I’ve told you already that I don’t want to talk about what’s going on. All I want is that what you and I have stays between us and goes no further.’

‘I was only going to say, what about Erik? He set it up for you to come here tonight.’

‘Erik’s not a problem. Erik is one of the few you can trust. The others are my crew. That’s it! No one else.’

‘What about Sarah?’

‘No one else.’

‘OK. But what about when we want to see each other? You know already how often Danny answers the phone.’

‘There are ways around that as we proved tonight. But for God’s sake don’t trust her. I don’t know what kind of game she’s playing, but she’s not doing herself or anyone else any favours by lying about sleeping with me. That’s why Erik’s taken her in hand.’

‘You mean he’s not as crazy about her as he seems? It’s all a front?’

‘The man is besotted with her as it happens, more fool him, but yes, it’s partly a front.’

‘What about Mario Morandi?’

‘Who?’

‘You mean you don’t know him?’

Jake looked at her askance. ‘Should I?’ he said carefully.

‘Oh, Jake, please don’t lie to me. Do you know him or don’t you?’

‘Why does it matter?’

‘That means you do know him. And it matters because Sarah’s out with him tonight. Who is he, Jake? He’s not an Italian, is he?’

‘He’s a producer who makes low-budget movies,’ Jake answered.

‘Consuela put us in touch with him,’ Louisa said, hoping it might provoke some sort of response.

He showed no surprise, just chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip. ‘And you say they’re out together tonight?’

‘That’s right.’

To her surprise he started to laugh. ‘Then maybe, my darling, you can tell Sarah about me. But only Sarah.’

‘This is starting to feel like we’re ganging up against Danny. I know she has her faults, but she doesn’t mean any harm, Jake. I promise you, she doesn’t.’

‘And providing she knows nothing she won’t cause any. So just you leave her to Erik, because besotted as he might be, he knows exactly how to handle her.’ Again he laughed when he saw the sceptical look she gave him. ‘Erik’s been around the world,’ he reminded her, ‘he’s come across plenty of Danny Spencers in his time and as far as I can make out he’s gone off at the deep end for every one of them. He’s even married a couple of them, married to one right now, I believe, unless he’s forgotten to tell me the divorce has gone through. If it has then don’t be surprised if he ups and pops the question to Danny, myself I’m expecting it, though it won’t be anything to do with me. I’d never ask him to go that far, that’s his own choice. All I’m asking is he keeps her off my back because a woman like Danny can cause the kind of problems I don’t even want to think about. It was just luck that Erik was staying with Jean-Claude when he was and got to meet her, the falling in love bit he did all on his own, the rest he’s doing for me, to protect me and to protect her.’

‘You know I’m going out of my mind with curiosity here,’ Louisa groaned. ‘How does Jean-Claude fit into it all?’

‘He doesn’t. I don’t even know the man. He’s a friend of Erik’s from way back, nothing to do with me. Now rule number two. No more questions. You don’t need to know what’s going on, like I said, it’s better you don’t. You just do as I say and you’ll be OK.’

‘Does that mean I have something, or someone, to be afraid of?’

‘You might. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t want to take any chances. Christ, what am I saying here? If I thought you were in any real danger I’d stop this thing right here and now no matter how strongly I felt. But the minute I think there might be any danger then you’re out of here, do you hear me? You’re on the next plane back to London and you’re taking Sarah and Danny with you.’

‘Wouldn’t it be better if I knew what I was up against?’ she protested.

‘If I knew for sure there wouldn’t be any danger,’ he said. ‘All I know is that I’ve got to be out of my mind to go on seeing you, but I can’t give you up, not yet anyway. It’s been a long time since I had anything good in my life and you, Louisa Kramer, feel better than good. In fact a whole lot better than good. I just wish to God I knew why life had thrown you at me right now, because the way things are I’ve got nothing to offer you and I’ve got no right to do this to you, none at all. I just hope you’re not going to end up hating me, but I don’t guess I’d blame you if you did.’

‘That’s hard to imagine at this moment.’

‘I know. And that’s why we’ve got to have rule number three. I don’t want you to go fooling yourself that this is all going to turn out all right because it won’t. You’ve got to believe what I’m telling you now, that two months at the maximum is all we’ve got and then I’m out of here and out of your life. I won’t be coming back and I sure as hell can’t take you with me. I’ve got other commitments, other priorities that will take over. There’s no getting away from them and if things turn out the way I hope, I won’t want to get away from them. And just so’s you understand how serious this is, there are people involved in this who just might not come out alive. That’s not the way I want it, but it’s the way it’s got to be.’

‘Is one of those people likely to be you?’ Louisa asked, feeling strangely as though she was drifting away from reality.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Can I ask one last question?’

‘You can ask, I’m not promising to answer.’

‘Is this all to do with drugs?’

‘No. It’s got nothing to do with drugs. I just wish it were that simple.’

Louisa looked at him for a moment, then laying her head on his shoulder she gazed absently down towards the woods where night was spreading its darkness as inexorably as the knowledge she was going to lose him was already spreading its dread in her heart. It felt so right being here in his arms, it was where she belonged, where he belonged too. There was no way of rationalizing those feelings, they were just there and deep down inside she knew they were right. And at that moment it didn’t matter that there was so much she didn’t know about him, she couldn’t imagine anything that would change the way she felt. Yes, there were a thousand more questions she wanted to ask, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good to try. If he wanted her to know he’d tell her, he’d be as frank and honest with her as he’d been about the impossibility of a future together. She just felt thankful that he’d agreed to let her speak to Sarah. She had the feeling she was going to need to do that quite a lot over the next few weeks. And who could say, maybe during that time he would feel that he could trust her enough to tell her what was really going on and then she could give him the support she longed to give as well as the release he so obviously craved. But for now all that mattered was that they were together, that they could sit here like this and hold each other, knowing that whatever the future held for either of them, that for this short time they had everything they wanted.

‘You OK?’ he whispered.

She nodded. ‘Just trying to take it all in. I wish I understood it better, but for now I’m willing to go along with the way it is.’

‘And the minute that changes, the minute you want out, you just tell me and we’ll call it quits,’ he said. ‘Now, what are the chances of a man getting something to eat around here?’

‘Every chance,’ she smiled, reluctantly unwinding herself from their embrace and getting up. ‘Shall we take a picnic out here, or shall we take it to bed?’

‘Uh-huh,’ he grinned. ‘No contraception, no nookie. We’ll take the picnic out here.’

‘There’s a late night pharmacie,’ she said, her brown eyes twinkling the challenge.

‘Still no. I’ve got to leave in an hour. Hey,’ he said, taking her hands when he saw how disappointed she looked. ‘There’ll be other times.’

‘Are you sure?’

He stood up and cupped his hands behind her neck.

‘I’m not sure whether I should be saying this,’ she said, looking sideways into the pool, ‘but I want you very much. Very, very much. But then I guess that must be pretty obvious by now.’

‘Yeah, it is,’ he smiled. ‘And I want you too. But I’d be a liar if I didn’t say that I’m worried about how much harder it might make it for us to say goodbye.’

‘It worries me too, but I guess I’m just not as sensible as you, nor as strong-willed.’

Knowing how close he was to giving in he turned her away from him and made light of it by saying. ‘But I’ll bet you’re as hungry, so come on, let’s get this picnic together, then perhaps I could take a look at these shots Sarah’s taken of the Valhalla. Erik tells me they’re a knockout.’