Given the social implications of learning style, parents may wish to lend
a discreet hand in the preservation of their teen-ager's sense of confidence. Here are some ideas to try with your Looker, Listener, or Mover.
• Quietly investigate school course listings for classes in which your child's learning style will help him shine. For example, journalism and band are possibilities for Lookers and Listeners, respectively; and dance and home-skills classes are well suited to most Movers. Find out as much as you can about the courses that seem best, and pass this information on to your child along with your reasons for recommending the classes.
• Keep abreast of your child's social life by appearing interested, but not inquisitive; available, but not determined to pry into his problems. It often helps to voice your own excitement and frustration with daily life. Seeing and hearing a parent "vent" can convince a teen of the emotional benefits of doing so.
• If your child is sedentary, remind him of the importance of physical activity. You can plan family activities and can also suggest solo exercise. An added benefit to bike rides, walks, swimming lessons, and other "public" pursuits is that the reticent child becomes more visible to peers.
• Although the term is used loosely when applied to most young teens, opinions are still sharply divided on the appropriateness of eighth- grade "dating." If you or your child is hesitant about his readiness for ventures into the dating world, it's probably best for him to stick to boy-girl group outings or double-dates with a pal—assuming his interest in the opposite sex extends even that far! You can be sure, however, that same-sex friends are important. If need be, you can expose your teen—without pressure—to children of families with similar values by planning two-family get-togethers, or allowing him to invite another teen to join your family outings.
• Encourage your child's feelings of independence in any way you can. Allow him to manage his own money, send him shopping for his own
clothes, encourage his work around the house or for hire, and allow him every possible privacy—from a separate restaurant table for him and a buddy to closed-door sessions when friends visit the house.
• When possible, focus on coeducational schools and activities. When boys and girls witness the ups and downs of one another's lives within a nonthreatening everyday environment, each develops understanding, empathy, and respect for the opposite sex. Social competence is an inevitable, if gradual, result.
• Make your teen aware of his best features, be they academic or physical. At thirteen, even the most gifted or attractive child may doubt his worth. Compliments, if genuine, can provide a much- needed lift.
• If your teen has expressed doubts about his ability to handle social situations, encourage him to anticipate awkward or embarrassing turns of events. It often helps to practice responses through role-playing. A ready answer to an intimidating bully, thoughtless friend, or teasing adult can be a real lifesaver to a momentarily panicked adolescent!