Janie leaned her head back against the chair next to the hospital bed Xavier lay in, overcome with exhaustion. It had been a long night, first in the operating room watching Doc Josie dig a bullet out of Xavier’s back, and then his thigh. He’d also been nicked in the arm, but thankfully it had already closed up.
Afterwards, they moved Xavier to one of the open hospital rooms, and Janie refused to leave his side. She’d sat in the chair next to him for hours, holding her sleeping daughter close as she gazed at the man she had come to care deeply for. The man who claimed not only her, but also her child, even though Alayna wasn’t his flesh and blood.
Alayna had woken up early that morning, all smiles as she sat on the bed beside Xavier and talked. Janie had no idea what the little girl was saying, but she was happy, and that was all that mattered. After eating her breakfast that one of the nursing staff brought in, she was now in Doc Josie’s office with Flame and Aiden playing with some toys the doctor kept for the children who visited.
Chase and several of his enforcers were out combing the White River Wolves’ lands, looking for Brent and the rest of his friends. They had found two small campsites a couple of miles out, but nothing else as of yet. Sighing deeply, Janie reached up and rubbed at her tired eyes. She needed sleep, but there was no way she was leaving Xavier.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
Xavier’s rough voice broke through her thoughts, and Janie looked over to see him staring at her, his eyes full of concern. When he held out his hand, she could not stop the sob that tore from her throat. Covering her mouth with her hands, she bowed her head and let the tears she had kept bottled up all night flow freely down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with her ragged breaths and she cried, “I was so scared, Xavier.”
“Baby, please, come here and let me hold you.”
It took some more coaxing, but finally Janie was out of the chair and sitting beside him on the bed. She did not resist when he lifted up the blanket and pulled her down so that she was lying next to him, her head resting on his chest. “It’s okay,” he whispered, covering them both with the blanket and gently rubbing a hand down her back. “I just need to shift a couple of times and I will be as good as new.”
Janie slid her arm around his waist and carefully slipped one of her legs over the top of his, snuggling as close to him as she could get. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered, raising her eyes to meet his.
“You aren’t,” he promised, kissing her softly on the forehead, then the tip of her nose, and finally gently on the lips. “It was my other leg that took the bullet, but I have more aches than actual pain right now anyway.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she groused. “Either it hurts or it doesn’t.”
Xavier laughed, cupping her cheek and wiping away the tears with his thumb. “Stop worrying so much, beautiful. I’m fine.”
Janie bit her bottom lip, jumping slightly at the low growl that came from Xavier. “What did I tell you about that?” he muttered, his eyes glued to her mouth. “You can’t do things like that, Janie. It makes me forget.”
The tip of her tongue snuck out as Janie licked her lips nervously. “Forget what?”
“That I’m not supposed to do this right now,” Xavier muttered, just before he closed the distance between them and captured her mouth with his. Janie moaned when the tip of his tongue traced her lips, and she opened up to allow access inside, which he quickly took advantage of. He groaned as he sank his fingers into her hair, cupping her head and holding her still as he tangled his tongue with hers.
Janie felt her vision blur and her gums began to ache. Mine. Her body trembled as she pressed closer to Xavier, the evidence of his arousal pushing against her hip. Ending the kiss, she leaned back and looked at him, licking her lips when her attention was drawn to where his shoulder met his neck. She wanted to mark him. Wanted to sink her teeth deep into his skin, and leave no doubt to anyone that he was hers. The thought made her fangs drop, and a low growl began to build in her chest.
“Fuck, Janie,” Xavier rasped, sliding his hands down to grasp her hips and pull her over so that she straddled him. His own eyes were glowing, his fangs visible as he arched up into her. “You feel so good.”
“Xavier.” She moaned his name loudly, sliding her hands up his bare chest, before bending over to lick at one of his nipples. Twirling her tongue around it, she sucked gently.
Janie felt a shudder run through him, as he growled, “We have to stop.” When she nipped at the other nipple, he groaned, “We can’t do this, baby.”
Janie stiffened, raising her head to look at him. “You don’t want me?” She knew that couldn’t be true. His hard cock was pressed against her, and his eyes had darkened with desire. He could not hide that from her.
“Of course I want you,” he rasped, gripping her hips tightly as he pushed into her again, his gaze locked on hers. “I want nothing more than to take you right now. To sink deep inside of you and claim you as my own. But you deserve so much more than a hospital bed for our first time, Janie. I want to worship you, kiss every inch of your soft, silky skin. I want to show you how much I care about you. I can’t do that here.”
“I don’t need that,” Janie protested, leaning in closer to trace her tongue down his neck, sucking the skin gently into her mouth.
Xavier groaned loudly when she ran her fangs lightly over his shoulder, “I just want to do this right,” he said, his body shaking as he tried to hold back. “I don’t want to scare you.”
Janie raised her head to look at him, her heart filling as she realized that once again, her mate was looking out for her. After everything the General’s men had put her through, he didn’t want to bring back those memories, or make her relive them. Gently running a finger down the side of his face, then over his lips, she smiled at the pure love that shone in his gaze. “I’m not scared, Xavier. I could never be afraid of you. You are my mate, my soul. You would never hurt me.”
“I know that,” he whispered, “and on some level, you know that too. But this isn’t some quick fuck, baby. This is forever. I want to spend time with you. To show you what you mean to me. You and Laynie both.”
Janie relaxed against him, crossing her arms on his chest, and resting her chin on her folded hands. His hard cock pressed against her belly, and the smell of desire was thick in the air, but she was beginning to understand that even though Xavier wanted to complete their bond, he had other things on his mind too. Their future. Smiling, she murmured, “You never call her Alayna. It’s always Laynie.”
Xavier shrugged, a pink tinge covering his cheeks. “It’s just how I think of her.”
“I like it,” Janie admitted, “and so will she. It will make her feel special.”
“She is special,” Xavier said, running a hand gently down her back. “You both are.”
Janie took a deep breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She had never felt more special than she did right now, in this man’s arms. She’d never had a boyfriend before. Brent was the one who stole her virginity, something she had been saving for her mate someday. It had been brutal and painful, as was every other time he’d forced himself on her. Janie shoved the memories down viciously. That was all a part of her past now. She refused to allow it to intrude on this moment with Xavier.
“I want to do this right,” Xavier went on. “I want you to get to know me, like I know you.”
“Like what?” she asked, staring into his dark eyes.
A small smile teased Xavier’s lips as he said, “Just the little things. Like the fact that your favorite pizza is pepperoni. Or that your favorite color is blue. And you love country music.”
Janie’s eyes never left his as she whispered, “Supreme, green, and rock.”
“What?” he asked, frowning in confusion.
“Your favorite pizza is supreme. You ate almost a whole box of it by yourself at the Christmas party.” When his eyes widened, she went on, “Your favorite color is green. You wear several different shades of it, when you aren’t in your enforcer uniform. And you love rock music. It’s what is always playing on your iPod when you leave your apartment to go to the gym.” She blushed a little at the last part. She had just admitted to him that she looked for him when he left his apartment, praying for just a small glimpse of him.
Xavier stared at her in shock, slowly sliding a hand up to gently trace her face. “You’ve watched me?”
Janie nuzzled his hand with her cheek, smiling through her tears. “Every day for the past nine months,” she admitted. “That’s when I ran into you for the first time. When I caught your scent and knew that you were mine.”
“Nine months?”
Janie nodded, lowering her head in shame. “I’m so sorry, Xavier. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be your mate. I just…”
Xavier gently tilted her face back up until she met his gaze once again. “You don’t ever have to apologize for taking the time you need to become whole again.”
“Whole again?” she whispered.
Xavier shrugged, nodding before he said, “A long time ago, just before mine and Aiden’s eighth birthday, my father did something bad, Janie. Really bad. He sold out our pack for the chance to become alpha. He was the reason that so many people died, including my mother.” Xavier pulled her closer, burying his face in her neck as he went on, “Afterwards, it felt as if I was torn into all of these separate, small pieces. I have worked hard to put all of those pieces back together again, and there are times where I still wonder if it will ever happen. I still don’t understand how Chase could trust me and Aiden after my father got his parents killed. How everyone else in the pack can stand to look at us. How my Aunt Sadie, my mother’s sister, could love us the way that she did when her husband was taken from her.”
“Xavier, you were just a child. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know,” Xavier whispered, “but I can’t help feeling the way that I do.”
Janie stroked a hand down his hair, turning to kiss him gently on the cheek.
“I thought maybe that was what it felt like for you after everything you went through,” Xavier continued, “and now you are working on putting the pieces back together.”
“I never thought of it that way,” Janie said softly, “but you are right. That’s exactly how it feels.”
“That’s why I think it’s important to take this slow,” Xavier admitted, looking down into her eyes. “Your wolf accepts me, and a part of you does too. But I’m greedy sweetheart. I want all of you.”
“I want that too,” Janie whispered, leaning her forehead against his. “I want it all, Xavier.” And she knew she had her work cut out for her if she was going to get it all, because Xavier was right. Until she opened up about what had happened to her when she was held by the General, until she was able to talk about the past, she would never be able to fully heal and give her mate the future that he deserved.