Janie sat in front of Doc Josie’s desk, tapping her fingers nervously on the arm of the chair as she waited for the doctor to arrive. It had been two weeks since Xavier was shot. Fourteen days spent with her mate, getting to know him, while trying to ignore the underlying sexual tension between them. She wanted him, needed him, but there was one thing holding them both back from sealing their bond. She was ready to tackle that issue now. She refused to allow her fear of the past to keep her from reaching for the future she dreamed about.
“Janie?” She heard the surprise in Josie’s voice as she entered the room. Crossing quickly over to her desk, the doctor sat down in the chair behind it, her eyes narrowing on Janie. “Did we have an appointment? I’m so sorry if I’m late.”
“No,” Janie interjected quietly, “we didn’t. But I was hoping you might have some free time for me today?”
A gentle smile curved Doc Josie’s lips, as she replied, “Of course. I always have time for you, Janie.”
Janie crossed her legs, clasping her hands tightly together. She wasn’t sure how to start. How did you tell someone your deepest, darkest secrets? How did you admit the disgust and shame that swamped you every time you thought about not only how your daughter was conceived, but who her father was? Her eyes narrowed when another thought hit her. Was the doctor the one she should be telling these things to? She had chosen Josie because she trusted her…but there was someone else who really needed to hear what she was about to say. Raising her eyes to meet Josie’s gaze, she whispered, “I wanted to talk to you, but…”
Josie waited for Janie to continue, but when she didn’t, the doctor suggested, “How about we start with something easy? Let’s talk about Alayna. How is she doing?”
Relief filled Janie at the small reprieve she was given, and she began to calm down slightly. “Laynie,” she said softly.
“Laynie?”
Janie felt her face flush with pleasure as she thought about how close Xavier and her daughter had become over the past few days. “It’s what Xavier calls her. He is wonderful with Alayna. He just claimed her as his own, right away.”
“That’s what shifters do,” Josie told her softly. “You are his mate, which means Alayna is his daughter now, too.”
“Not all shifters,” Janie said quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say, in my old pack things were run differently. They would not have accepted my daughter. They would have never allowed me to bring her back there to be raised.” Janie clenched her teeth, fighting back tears that had suddenly filled her eyes. “I guess I don’t have to worry about that, though.”
“No, Janie, you don’t,” Doc Josie agreed. They had spoken in the past about Janie’s family and old alpha, so Josie already knew the history behind her remark. Instead of dwelling on those painful memories, Josie leaned forward, resting her arms on the desk as she changed the subject. “Tell me, what else have you been up to these past few days?”
Janie picked at the hem of her shirt as she responded, “I’ve been taking lessons.”
“Lessons?”
“Shooting and sparring lessons,” Janie told her. “Flame’s been teaching me.”
Josie’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really?
“I’m not like Flame, though,” Janie said. “I’m not looking for revenge, Josie. I just want to live my life. But, to do that, I need to learn how to protect myself and my child. I know Xavier will when he’s around, but when he’s not,” Janie shrugged, “it’s up to me.”
“You and the pack,” Josie replied. “We will all protect both you and Alayna.”
“I know,” Janie whispered, her heart full of love for the people who had taken her in, giving her a home when she had none. “I know that now.” The White River Wolves had all come together, offering their protection with the threat of Brent still there. They took turns standing outside her apartment at night, two right outside her door, and several surrounding the building. Xavier was always right below her bedroom window. She had tried to tell him that he needed to go home and get some rest, but he refused to leave her. When she asked him if he would like to stay in the apartment with her, he told her not yet. He would be tempted to do things that he knew they were not ready for right now. Which brought her thoughts back to the reason she was really there. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard and then began, “The General’s men found me when I was living in a small town in California.”
She saw Doc Josie’s eyes widened in surprise at the direction the conversation had taken.
“I was working at a small diner as a waitress,” Janie continued, her voice low. “I was alone, kicked out of my pack. I had no one.”
Janie began to tremble, and she took several deep breaths to try and calm herself. Josie stood, coming around the desk to sit in the chair beside her. The doctor’s hands covered hers as she asked quietly, “Would you like me to get Jade?”
“No,” Janie whispered. “Please, I trust you.” It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Jade. But Doc Josie had been there from the day she first arrived at the compound. And right now, she was the only one Janie wanted to share her story with.
“Are you sure?”
Janie began to tremble harder, her whole body shaking as the memories slammed into her, one after another. No, she didn’t want Jade there, but there was someone that she needed. Raising her eyes to meet the doctor’s, Janie whispered, “Xavier. Please, call Xavier.”
Josie nodded, quickly taking out her cell phone and placing the call. Then she sat with Janie in silence until Xavier appeared in the doorway just a few minutes later. He was at her side instantly, kneeling to take her hand in his. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Janie looked into his deep brown eyes, eyes so full of love, even if he hadn’t said the words to her just yet. He was everything that she had always dreamed of in a mate, and so much more. Reaching out, she slowly brushed a lock of his hair back from his forehead as she whispered, “It was so dark that night when they came to the diner where I was working. I knew right away that something was wrong with them.” She felt Xavier stiffen, his hand tightening on hers, but she could not stop the words from falling out of her mouth now. “They followed me home. I couldn’t get away. I tried. I never stopped trying. The General paired me with Brent. He hurt me, Xavier. He took from me everything that should have been yours. Over and over and over again. It got to be that I would pray that the General would send him away on an assignment. I’m such a horrible person. I didn’t even care where he was going or who he might hurt. I just wanted him gone.”
“You are not a horrible person, my sweet mate,” Xavier rasped, his hand coming up to gently stroke her cheek.
“I thought it would finally stop when I got pregnant,” Janie went on, pushing the words out. “I thought it would be over because I was finally going to have a baby, which was what they wanted, but I was wrong. It only got worse. He moved me to that place in Mexico. There, it wasn’t just Brent that took me. I was pregnant, but none of them cared. They just hurt me over and over again.”
Xavier swore darkly, moving closer to pull her into his arms. Janie laid her head on his shoulder and cried as he gently stroked her back, placing soft kisses on the top of her head. “Nobody will ever hurt you again,” he promised. “I will fucking kill anybody who lays a hand on you. I promise you that, baby.”
A cry tore from Janie’s throat, deep heart-wrenching sobs coming from deep within her chest. “It seemed like the pain never went away, Xavier. Not until they brought me here.” She cried for several minutes, until she had no more tears left. Then she leaned back and looked at him. Cradling his face in the palms of her hands, she whispered, “I felt lost and alone for so long, Xavier. Terrified of my own shadow. And then I had Alayna, and I knew I had to become the person that I used to be. I had to take care of her, protect her. I couldn’t let myself be the weak, pitiful version of who I was after the General took me.” She stared deeply into his eyes as a tremulous smile crossed her lips. “Each day I fought to become stronger for Alayna, but I was still so alone. Even surrounded by everyone here at the compound. And then, one day, I ran into you.”
Xavier leaned forward and gently kissed the tears from her cheeks. “I remember that day clearly,” he said softly. “Your hair was down, with big curls I wanted to wrap around my fingers. Your eyes were so sad, and I wanted to chase away all of your demons. You were so beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to talk to you, but you turned and ran.”
Janie blushed, ducking her head shyly. “I knew who you were, but I had nothing to offer you then, Xavier. I watched you, though. I even asked Flame about you. And I knew that you were there for me, every night when you were home, underneath my window. I hated it when you were gone. I couldn’t sleep.”
“I’m so sorry,” Xavier said.
“It’s not your fault. It’s your job. I just…I missed you. Each day after that, the loneliness began to fade away, and my heart began to fill.” Janie was aware that Doc Josie rose and left the room then, shutting the door quietly behind her. But she never took her gaze from the man who still knelt in front of her. “You hold my heart in your hands, Xavier Andrews. You saved me when I didn’t think I could ever be saved. You are my light, my love, my salvation. My heart belongs to you.”
Xavier closed the distance between them, gently covering her lips with his. She felt a shudder run through his body as he held her close. Finally, he pulled back, their eyes meeting as he told her, “You have owned my heart since the first day I saw you, Janie. I love you so much, baby.”
Janie slid her arms around Xavier’s neck, tugging him close, sighing softly. “I love you, too.”