Scroll.
Nope.
Scroll.
Nope.
The short list of names on my contact list only drives the point home how alone I really am. Marek is probably the one person who knows me the best, but even then, he doesn’t know everything, and Giselle is starting to replace him in that spot. How did that happen? We’ve been skirting dangerous territory all summer long.
One weekend.
Marek promised me we would come to visit his parents at the beach for a single weekend and then we’d take off back to school. I don’t know if he had a plan for where we were going to stay, but I let myself relax for a change. Although that didn’t get me into the greatest positions now that I’m needing a place to go. After the huge blowout in the living room, I figured it would be best to head outside and plan my next move.
The back door opens and it could be one of two people. I’m almost surprised when I hear my best friend say, “What are you doing out here?”
I flip my phone closed and slide it back into my pocket. It’s not like someone will magically appear in my contacts list who will be able to bail me out. I’ll have to come up with a different idea. “I think I’m going to take off.”
“Yeah? And where are you going to go?”
What? Where did that even come from? He doesn’t know anything about me, at least not the personal details so that line of questioning came completely out of left field.
“I’ve got places to go, what are you talking about?”
Marek shakes his head and takes a seat on the slab of cement next to me. “Don’t bullshit me. You and I both know you don’t have a home to go back to. Not to mention you have no way of getting there.”
He’s got me there, but I didn’t realize anyone else knew what was going on in my life. Up until this point, I’ve been pretty good about keeping that information to myself.
“How—”
“Did I know your parents died?” He finishes my sentence for me as I choke on the rest of the words.
My throat locks up and I swallow trying to form words. When I can’t, and I don’t even know what I could say I just nod.
“You talk in your sleep. It’s not often because you never drink, but the few times you have…”
The nightmare.
I hate drinking. It has nothing to do with the normal reasons most people give. The taste, the feeling, alcoholism runs in their family, and so on. No, for me, every time I drink it brings that night back. The night my parents died, and I lost everything. I obviously wasn’t in the car with them when it happened, but I remember the look on the police officers face when he came to our house. Told my babysitter that my parents were dead, and they took me away in the middle of the night never to see my house again.
My little fingers clutched my favorite stuffed puppy to my chest without a clue in the world that everything had changed. That everything I ever knew was gone forever. Even as the words were spoken to me, I thought I was still dreaming. I had a bruise on my arm the next day the size of a quarter from where I repeatedly pinched myself. Only I was awake and the only thing I had to show for it was the mark I left on myself.
“It’s not something I ever talk about with people.”
“Trust me, I get it more so after everything that just happened. But you don’t have to keep things from me, Anders. I’m your best friend, you can tell me anything.”
And that’s where he’s wrong. Marek might think he wants to hear everything from me, but the truth is if he knew how I really felt about his sister then our friendship would be over. Which is why those feelings won’t ever leave me. Marek won’t know and Giselle definitely won’t ever know. Instead, I’d rather bury those thoughts and feelings deep inside and never let them out.
“I shouldn’t be here anyway. There’s obviously some intense shit going on in there.”
“So, we’ll both leave. Just because my family is crazy doesn’t mean I’m going to kick you to the curb.”
“Why not?”
“Seriously? Because we’re friends and I would never do something like that to a friend.”
If only he knew the thoughts I’ve had about his sister, he wouldn’t still consider me a friend. Instead of having a normal conversation he’d probably be pounding my face in. But that isn’t going to happen because I’ll never act on those feelings. No, they’ll stay locked up inside of me. “If you want me to stay, I can. I just don’t want to get in the way of any of the shit going down with your family and I don’t want you to cut your trip short because of me.”
“Trust me, I don’t want to be here. I’m pretty sure my family would freak if I took off too after that revelation though. So, we’re staying.”
Too? Did Giselle leave? Why the hell is he sitting out here talking to me if his sister took off? I’m seeing red and my hands form fists. I tone down my rage long enough to ask, “What do you mean too?”
“My sister took off. I figure I’ll give her an hour to cool down and then I’ll go off looking for her.”
“Do you think that’s safe? She seemed pretty pissed.”
“I think I know my sister better than you do. When she gets angry, she needs to cool off. She’ll come back and it’ll be fine.”
I hope he’s right about that. I can’t speak up and show how concerned I really am. That I just want to wrap my arms around her and let her know that everything is going to be okay. That she can get through this and I’ll help her do it. My hands shake at my sides, but I force myself to calm down as I say, “I think I’m just going to wander around. Maybe I’ll run across her and convince her to come back.”
Marek studies me and tilts his head to the side, “Why do you care so much?”
Lifting my shoulders in a shrug I say, “I don’t care. Just thought I would go for a walk. Maybe I’ll go check out the pier.”
It’s like a lightbulb goes off because his eyes light up and he nods his head furiously. “Such a good idea. Stacy told me she was going to be hanging out at the pier today. I bet she’s there with her friends.”
Not exactly the idea I had in mind, but there’s no getting out of it now. I follow him out to his car and pray that we can find her and she’s okay.