“Ahh!” The water is much colder than I had anticipated, but I don’t take a step back. My bare toes caress the water. Where did my shoes go? With all the liquor flowing through my bloodstream right now, there’s a small part of me that knows this isn’t safe, but the other part—the one that doesn’t care—is the one that wins out. This small coastal town isn’t that big and eventually, I’ll make way back to the beach house as long as I continue walking in the direction I’m going…I think? At least I hope that’s the case. I guess I’ll find out in the morning whether or not that’s the truth.
The breeze picks up on the ocean water wrapping my entire body in its coldness. What a fool I have been. I barely even know Anders and yet I became a blubbering juvenile mess after drinking one cocktail. Serenading him with the song “Kiss Me.” Who even does that? Even though the mist from the ocean splashes against my cheek they still heat up and are no doubt reddening by the second. And those girls? They thought the whole spectacle was hilarious, but that wasn’t good enough for them. They really had to nail into my coffin by singing their own song.
Bitches.
Just a bunch of mean girls. If that’s the kind of girl who Anders goes for, then I guess I’m better off without him. I know what I did was silly and naïve, but if roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have done something so petty and malicious.
I hug my arms tight around my shaking body wishing I had a coat or wearing a pair of pants instead of this thin piece of fabric called a dress. Way to go, Giselle, you truly are a stupid girl. Wet sand flies up against the back of my legs and I don’t even have to turn around to know somebody finally caught up with me. I don’t know whether I want it to be my brother or Anders at this point. Both would be equally embarrassing.
“Dammit, Giselle! Will you stop running away from me and hold on for one damn second?”
The back of my neck is warmed from each exhale of his heavy breathing. I wasn’t walking that fast, so I don’t really know why it took him so long to catch up with me. The pit of my stomach tightens with knots as I pause and wait. The cold mist of water against my face and the brief bit of exercise has sobered up any alcohol that remained in my system and I’m not sure I’m prepared for whatever he has to say to me.
My breath catches as Anders forces his way around me and I see the crazed look in his eyes. “Do you know how dangerous it is for you to be out here by yourself right now?”
“Stop acting like you care. You and I both know that you don’t. Just go back to the bar with the other girls.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” His hand clamps down on my shoulder whipping me around to face him. His eyes look wild. I almost instinctively take a step back from Anders because this isn’t a side of him I’ve ever seen before and I have no idea what to expect. His voice is hard and rough when he says, “You don’t think I care about you? You don’t think I stay up at night thinking about what you’re doing down the hall from me? If you’re asleep or wide-awake thinking about me? Do you know how many times I have considered saying ‘fuck it’ and just taking what I want? Because I care, Giselle. I care way too fucking much, but I can’t do it. I can’t go there. I can’t.”
His last two words are almost carried away by the wind, but I still catch them. I’m frozen in place. I thought he might have a thing for me, but never could I imagine his feelings would be so strong. I’m so over my brother having this much control over this portion for my life, let alone any part of it. If he wasn’t in the picture, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Hell, Anders might have been reluctant over my age but that wouldn’t have lasted for long. I get my wits about me and muster up confidence that I don’t even know where it’s coming from and I close the distance between us. Without even thinking, I lean forward and place my lips on his.
It's not even a kiss. More like our lips are resting against one another. His body is as stiff as a surfboard and if I’m being honest with myself it’s awkward as hell. What was I even thinking? I wasn’t, that’s for damn sure. I shake slightly in the breeze and pull my head back. His eyes are wide open and searching my face. Hugging my arms to my body I croak out the only thing that I can think of. “I’m sorry that was stupid. I don’t even know what came over me. You just got done telling me you couldn’t do this and there I go acting on impulses again. I’m jailbait and not worth the risk. I promise it won’t happen again.”
I don’t get another word out as he interrupts me by slamming his lips down on my own. I’m lost in the feel of his slightly rough skin against my soft. The little bits of scruff on his face rub against my cheeks and I have a feeling they will be red with rawness, but I don’t even care. He tangles his fingers into my hair and tugs me slightly closer to him. I don’t even think twice as I open my lips and let his tongue slide between them. My body is on fire with the electricity as it travels throughout every piece of my being and I can’t handle this feeling. I’m about ready to combust with lust and happiness.
His exploration is slow and thorough as he discovers parts of me that no one has ever touched before. I, Giselle Outlaw, am a seventeen-year-old girl and until this moment, I have never been kissed before. I was waiting for this moment right here. The earth-shattering only happens in the movies kind of kiss and I am so glad that I didn’t waste my lips on stupid boys. We move together in unison and I dig my fingers into his sides.
He quickly breaks the kiss, but his forehead falls against my own. His breathing is coming out hard and labored, mirroring my own and I know he’s feeling everything that I am. “I can’t promise you anything, but I refuse to say never. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or ten years from now? I definitely don’t. The only certainty I can offer you is not today. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s all I’ve got.”
I hate my treacherous heart. Lighting itself up at the possibility no matter how minuscule it is. Hope is a dangerous game to play with my heart, but I’m addicted to the thrill. If we’re meant to be then my brother won’t be what stands in our way. He cannot have that much power over my life and my future. Anders wraps his arms around my body even tighter and I melt into his embrace taking everything he’s willing to offer me at the moment. If he refuses to give in to what we both want, then I’ll have to settle for this and hold the memories of our kiss for as long as I can.
It might not be today or tomorrow, but as long as there’s hope I’ll hold out for our happily ever after. I refuse to believe that our story ends here with one almost summer. The oranges and pinks in the sky brighten as the sun rises for the day. I snuggle closer into Anders’ arms and it’s not his body that warms me, but the hope that someday we’ll have our forever.