‘Out you get, Miss Helena.’
The warm towel enveloped me as Ena’s strong hands swung me over the rim of the bath. Behind the crisscross mesh the flames leapt and spurted, but I stood obediently still as Ena briskly rubbed me dry. There was the familiar moment of panic as the heavy flannel engulfed me, then my head broke safely through and I could see again, and Ena’s sure hands were tying tapes and fastening buttons.
‘Now, hold still while I brush your hair.’
The brush caught and tugged, but I stood bravely still, basking in the warmth of Ena’s ‘There’s a good girl now.’
At last the brush stopped.
‘Miss Helena’s ready for her bread and milk, Rose.’
I clutched the warm cup to my chest and dug my spoon into its white depths, savouring each sweet, satisfying mouthful as I watched Rose lift the brown- lidded can and pour more hot into the bath water. Ena’s elbow dipped in, and Rose tipped the can again before calling,
‘Ready, Mrs Whitmore.’
I turned my head to watch Nanny lead my brothers round the screen. They tumbled on to the rug, giggling and pushing at each other. Robbie rolled over and bumped into the leg of my chair. For a moment his soft dark hair tickled my bare toes, then I felt the tug at my nightdress as he hauled himself up and hugged my knees. Eddie pushed his way in, trying to climb on to my lap, and my bread and milk tilted dangerously as he grabbed at my spoon.
‘Now now, Master Eddie, where are your manners? There’ll be none for you if you can’t behave.’
Eddie slid reluctandy down, and I carefully inserted my spoon once into each waiting mouth, as four hands clung to my knees.
Nanny briskly wiped the milk from Robbie’s chin and swooped down; Ena was only seconds behind. I watched as each wriggling body was swiftly unwrapped and swung into the round bath, leaning forward for my nightly glimpse of the fascinating extra between their legs, that Ena said made them boys. It was still there; I leant back, satisfied. My brothers, mine.
As soon as they were being buttoned into their nightdresses I slid down and ran across to Nanny’s big chair, climbed up on to the seat and waited. First one warm body and then the other was tucked in beside me, and each round mouth fed with bread and milk. I watched anxiously as the bowls emptied, but Nanny and Ena always remembered. I held the last spoonful in my mouth, unwilling to let it go.
‘Come along, Miss Helena, you can’t sing with your mouth full.’
I swallowed quickly as strong arms bore my brothers away and left me bereft. But Ena soon came back for me, and took me into the shadowy night nursery to kneel beside Nanny’s bed.
‘God bless Eddie and Robbie, and Nanny and Ena and Rose - and Guy and Alice and Miss Walker’ - I thought again - ‘and Mama and Papa - and Jem!’ I finished triumphantly.
Ena laughed. ‘I’ll tell Jem you remembered him, when he comes up with the coals. Up you get now, Miss Helena, and we’ll sing the boys to sleep.’
Nanny bent over the cot and tucked the blankets tightly round the twins. Ena swung me up on to the low stool. I clasped the wooden bars and looked down into the two pairs of dark eyes, gazing straight up into mine. I swelled with love and importance.
‘Ready now?’
‘Now the day is over,
Night is drawing nigh,
Shadows of the evening Steal across the sky.
Now the darkness gathers,
Stars begin to peep,
Birds, and beasts, and flowers Soon will be asleep.’
As I sang with Ena I thought of the bright shining stars glinting in the dark velvet sky outside the nursery window, and of the horses in their warm stables, heads drooping sleepily over their mangers. I sang on, picturing the jolly sailors we had pasted on the nursery screen now tossing on the deep blue sea, and the angels in our prayerbook spreading their wide white wings over my brothers, keeping them safe.
When at last we came to the final, unimaginable:
‘And to Thee, Blest Spirit,
Whilst all ages run’
my brothers’ eyes were closed.
Ena held my hand as I tiptoed across to my bed in the soft glow from the night light. She tucked me in and I felt her warm kiss and Nanny’s quick hug, and then I lay still, listening to the murmur of their soft voices next door, and the even breathing of my sleeping brothers. I knew I was safe.