Making contact with anyone was a bad idea. Trying to forget his morning’s encounter with Sia, Ryan slowly got out of the car and walked towards the dilapidated house he’d grown up in. There was nothing to gain here but pain and validation of the fact that his parents had never wanted him. He was and always would be the wrinkle in their otherwise smooth life. There was no welcome waiting for him behind that door, yet he watched as his hand lifted to ring the bell. He stared impassively as the door opened a fraction of an inch and his mother’s wary face peeked out.
‘Ma.’
The shock in her eyes faded quickly into fear. ‘What do you want?’
Squashing the quick flare of hurt, he said ‘May I come in?’
Gripping the door harder, she shook her head quickly. ‘He’s not home now but if he found out, he would never forgive me.’
‘What difference does it make? He never did forgive you.’ Suddenly impatient with himself for even trying, he turned to leave.
‘Thank you.’ Her quiet words stopped him before he’d taken two steps. Turning to face her, he waited in silence.
‘Thank you for the money you’ve sent over the years. It was helpful.’
‘I don’t want or need your thanks.’ For a moment, emotion leaked through his rigid control. ‘I’m your son, ma, YOUR son!’
‘You’re his son too.’
‘No, I’m not!’ His vehemence, after all these years, surprised even himself. ‘He’s not my father.’
‘He put a roof over your head, fed you and clothed you. You’re ungrateful. That’s what you are.’
‘Ungrateful? You want me to be grateful? For what, ma? For the welts and bruises that took weeks to heal? For the daily diet of abuse he fed us? Actually, you’re right. I am grateful. I am so grateful that he is NOT my father. Finding out that his blood doesn’t course through my veins was the best moment of my life.’
Lips pursed, she waited for him to stop speaking. After a beat of silence, she whispered ‘You were a wilful child. He was just disciplining you.’
Lost for words, Ryan just stared before turning away with a muffled oath and striding to his car. Her voice reached him across the space between them as he unlocked his car and sat.
‘Don’t come back again, Ryan.’
With one final look at the woman who’d given birth to him and lived to regret it, he nodded before speeding away from the debris of his past.
* * *
Ryan spent the rest of the day in his hotel room brooding. What had he thought would happen? Nothing had changed. If he closed his eyes, he could still bring back the memory of his last night in town like it had been yesterday. He’d come home from a night out with Sia. He’d saved up as much as he could from his part time job to take her out for a late night movie and dinner. Of course, dinner consisted of chaat from the roadside stall outside the theatre before the movie but it hadn’t mattered. Nothing had mattered but the fact that they were together. Or so he’d thought. His mind more on the fact that she was sitting close to him in the dark theatre than on the painfully mushy Hindi movie playing on the screen, he waited for a chance to casually drape one arm around her shoulder and bring her closer. As much as he hated the Bollywood movies she loved, he had to admit they had one very big point in their favour. They were long enough for him to plan and execute the get Sia snuggled up to him strategy. It had worked. Brilliantly!
Flushed from his success at having stolen a kiss in the theatre, he walked into his house later without paying much attention to his parents raised voices. It was a common enough occurrence to have him try to ignore it and head straight to his room. It took less than a minute for the words being shouted in the next room to sink in. As he stood by the door and listened, everything fell into place. It explained a lot – the hatred he’d lived with all his life.
His father hated him because he wasn’t his child at all and his mother hated him because he was a constant reminder of the one mistake she had made in her life. The mistake that had condemned her to a lifetime of fruitlessly trying to redeem herself in the eyes of the man she had betrayed. She’d done a good job of it. Barring her one slip all those years ago which had resulted in his conception, she’d been a better wife than a mother. Her choice was always very clear. He’d walked out that day and hadn’t gone back until today.
The opening of the door had him jerking his thoughts back to the present.
‘Ryan? You ready to leave? We’re due at the venue in another half hour and traffic can be a bitch this time of the day.’ Adarsh Sehgal had been his right hand and best friend for a large part of the last six years. He’d had another best friend before that. Shoving the thought away ruthlessly, he strode towards the door.
‘Let’s go.’
Wisely maintaining his silence, Adarsh let Ryan wallow in his mood a little longer. He’d have to get his game face on once they reached the hotel anyway.
In the six years since he’d left home, Ryan Mathur had made it big. Being a freaking genius had helped. You would never know from the credentials he’d racked up that the man had started his education a good two years after his peers. Adarsh had never asked him about the delayed start to his education but he suspected it had something to do with the family and home he never spoke about. He’d worked nights at a local call centre and put himself through business school. He’d graduated with honours, worked for a couple of years and then set up his own advertising firm. ‘Hope’ had taken the advertising world by storm. At 28, he’d put Hope on the global map and made it the company to watch out for on the national scene. Ryan was today’s keynote speaker at one of their biggest client’s annual marketing summit. The conference was followed by interviews with a couple of leading dailies – something that was normally par of course for Ryan. Today, however, his legendary charm was missing. He was too busy glowering at the world through his car window.
Adarsh cleared his throat, ‘How did it go?’
‘How did what go?’
‘Dude, I know you went to see Sia today. I’m assuming from the way you’re pouting, it didn’t go well.’
‘I’m not pouting. I’m brooding.’ He retorted.
Ryan’s temper was as legendary as his charm was. Just depended on what kind of day it was. Stifling a grin, Adarsh replied ‘Okay, Mr Macho Brooding man. How did it go?’
‘I’ll tell you later over some Scotch. Let’s go get this circus over with.’
He exited the car they’d been riding in with his usual grin for the cameras and his usual smatter of small talk for the organisers. It was going to be a long night.
* * *
Two hours later, after all the requisite niceties, schmoozing and interviews were over, they headed over to the pub in the hotel. Ryan let his smile slip from his face and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He was emotionally drained. He just wanted to have a couple of drinks, unwind and get back to the hotel and crash. Let his brain shut down and try to block out the expression on Sia’s face from this morning. It had been playing in his head like a stuck reel. His conversation with his mother had been easier to shrug off than Sia’s lack of welcome. Maybe the difference was his parents had always hated him whereas there had been a time when Sia would have flung herself into his arms.
She’d always been so happy to see him. He could still see the way her eyes warmed when she saw him or the way she fiddled with her hair when she was lost in thought or the way she walked like she was always in an all-fired hurry to get somewhere. Just the way she was walking right now. Right now? He blinked a couple of times but he could still see Sia walking briskly towards him. She was looking down and typing a message out on her phone and was on a collision course with him.
‘Ryan, are you coming or planning to grow roots there? There’s a beer with my name on it waiting for me and hopefully a woman to keep it and me company.’
Sia’s head snapped up at this remarkably incisive comment from Adarsh and she came to an abrupt halt. Unfortunately, the rather portly gentleman walking in behind her didn’t anticipate that and crashed into her. His arms flailed and his briefcase clipped the side of Sia’s head on his way down. Ryan lunged forward and caught her just before she made contact with the floor.
‘Are you insane, lady?’ Red faced and huffing with the exertion of getting his bulk off the floor, the gentleman certainly wasn’t in the mood to forgive and forget. Sia on the other hand had the kind of dazed expression that cartoon characters with little birds flying around their heads sport.
‘I’m sorry, I-’
‘It was my fault. I startled the lady.’ Ryan interjected smoothly. ‘Can we help you up?’
Brushing off Adarsh’s proffered hand, the man got up, gathered the remnants of his dignity and stalked off muttering. This left Ryan standing there with Sia in his arms. Sia was dressed in an extremely short, extremely revealing black dress. High heels, subtle make up and a perfume that almost brought Ryan to his knees completed the ensemble. His grip tightened around her as his faintly dazzled eyes dropped to her cleavage that was presented to perfection. In his opinion, the dress, as it would forever be known in the future, deserved a place of honour in its own hall of fame. Her startled eyes lifted to his as she brought her hands up to his shoulders to steady herself and try to straighten out of the lopsided embrace he had her in. When his fingers strayed of their own volition and found the soft skin exposed by the deep back of her dress, she stiffened slightly and dug her own fingers into his shoulders in silent but pointed warning.
‘Are you okay?’ Mentally smacking his errant fingers, he released her quickly and stepped back, suddenly conscious of the audience they had. Barring a slight hitch in her breath which was probably due to being smacked in the head, she seemed absolutely fine, he thought resentfully even as the rapid pounding of his traitorous heart refused to slow down.
‘Yes. Thank you’ She stared to turn away but was brought up short by Adarsh’s hand extended practically into her face.
‘Hi. I’m Adarsh. Would you care to join us for a drink? My friend and I were just heading over to the pub there.’
‘No thank you. I have friends joining me.’ She said, giving him a polite smile.
Ignoring Ryan’s frantic head shakes and hand signals, Adarsh dropped his hand and continued to shove his humongous foot into his even larger mouth.
‘The more the merrier. Three can never be a crowd at a pub right? Birds of a feather and all that.’ Having run out of clichés, he finally spluttered to a stop.
‘It’s my friend’s bachelorette. The only men allowed to hang out with us tonight have to take off their clothes and dance naked on the bar counter.’ She managed a faint smile before she sidestepped him and walked away.
‘Honey you’re on. I’d dance naked for you anytime.’
‘Maybe I should have been more specific. The only men allowed to hang out with us tonight will be men we want to see dancing naked on a bar counter.’ She tossed over her shoulder as she walked away.
Ryan couldn’t help grinning at that. That last remark was vintage Sia.
‘Man, she was hotttttt … smoking hot … I didn’t know your hometown had women who looked like her. Did you get a load of that body of hers? Covering it up is a crime I tell you….’ He trailed off into silence at the look on Ryan’s face. ‘What just because you’re still pouting, I’m not allowed to try and score?’
‘That was Sia.’
‘Your Sia? The I’ll always love only her Sia? That Sia?!’
‘Shut up or I’ll make you finish eating that shoe you were so determined to shovel down your throat earlier.’
‘Why the hell didn’t you say so before I made an ass of myself?’
‘Well you have such a talent for it. I figured why break your perfect record in that department.’
Bickering amicably, they walked out and headed back to their hotel in unspoken accord. Having a drink at the pub wasn’t on the agenda anymore.