Sia sang along to the music blasting through her car as she drove back. There was nothing like a few days with her parents to relax her completely. Luckily, they lived only a couple of hours drive away. She’d spent her entire vacation having lazy conversations with her parents, eating, sleeping and going on long walks. None of it had helped with the messy emotions she grappled with but it made it more bearable. She hadn’t been able to get a moment alone with her mother to talk about what was bothering her over the last few days. They’d tried but a steady stream of visitors had put paid to any meaningful discussion. Mentally shrugging, Sia tried to forget the anxiety and unease that jostled for space instead of her. It wasn’t like her mother would be able to solve the problem for her. No one could. Warbling loudly, she turned into her driveway only to come to an abrupt halt.
Ryan sat on her stoop with his hands casually folded across his knees. Unable to read his expression thanks to the dark glasses that covered his eyes, she took in the frayed jeans and open collared white t-shirt he wore. Realising the music still blared from her car stereo; she quickly turned it off and got out. Other than a murmured ‘he’ll be fine’ she hadn’t discussed her mother’s visit with Ryan. Not knowing what to expect, Sia locked her car and walked over.
‘Hi.’ The quiet greeting rattled her more than any argument or accusation could have.
‘Hi.’ She replied suspiciously, scanning his face to gauge what he was thinking.
‘Can I help you with that?’
‘With what?’ Sia asked in confusion.
Gesturing to the bags in her back seat piled till the roof of her car, Ryan said. ‘That.’
Flushing with mortification, Sia ignored the grin tugging at his lips. Everyone knew she shopped like a maniac when she needed distraction. Retail therapy was her cure for all ills. As someone who’d lugged her bags for years, she knew exactly what was going through Ryan’s mind.
Not wanting him to discover how many more bags were wedged on the floor of the car, she muttered. ‘I’ll get to it later.’
Unlocking her front door, she asked grudgingly, ‘Would you like to come in?’
‘Considering I’ve been sitting on your front steps for over three hours waiting for you to reach, yes please.’ Following her in, Ryan watched as she dumped her car keys on the side table where they promptly slid off and wedged themselves at the back between the table and the wall. Amused, he yanked them out and settled them safely on the table.
‘Would you like something to drink?’ Sia’s voice floated back from the kitchen. ‘I should have something worth drinking in the fridge.’
‘Beer?’
‘At six in the evening on a weekday?’ Flashing him a faintly disapproving look, Sia bent to rummage through the fridge.
Eyeing the curve of her bottom very fetchingly displayed in a skin tight pair of jeans, he tried to tell his body to behave. He’d come here for a very specific reason and as enticing as the signals his body were sending him were, they didn’t fall into line with his plans for this meeting.
‘No beer but I can make some coffee.’ Sia straightened and waited for his answer.
Sighing in relief, Ryan mumbled. ‘Coffee’s fine.’
Efficiently adding the ingredients to the coffee filter, Sia waited for it brew. Uneasy with the intent way he was eyeing her, Sia said, ‘You can wait in the drawing room if you want.’
‘No, thanks. I’d rather wait here with you.’ Noting her unease, he asked, ‘How are your parents?’
‘Fine.’ Settling a little, Sia slipped into the easy, undemanding conversation he initiated. They chatted about every random topic they could think of until the filtrate was ready. Quickly mixing the milk, sugar and decoction, Sia handed him his mug before grabbing her own.
Leading the way back into the drawing room, she sat down in one of the single chairs and faced him. Ryan took his sunglasses off and dropped them by his side on the table. Catching her breath at the fading black eye that was starting to yellow, Sia wondered whether she should ask about it now or later. Later, she decided, Ryan seemed to have an agenda on his mind.
Warming his palms with his coffee mug, he looked up and waited patiently for her to meet his eyes. When she finally locked eyes with him, he said, ‘Hi. My name is Ryan. I own an advertising agency based out of Mumbai. I love playing cricket, listening to old country music and reading books about cowboys and their battles in the western frontiers. I live alone in a penthouse in Mumbai and have a fairly active social life. I’d really like for us to spend some time getting to know each other.’
Perplexed, Sia stared at his outstretched hand. ‘Are you sick?’ Reaching over to lay a hand on his forehead, she checked for a fever. No fever but maybe he had a concussion or something from whatever had given him that black eye. Peering into his eyes and finding them amused but clear, she ran a hand through his hair feeling for bumps or scrapes or anything that would explain his behaviour.
Enjoying the eyeful he was getting of her cleavage while she ran her fingers through his scalp, Ryan drawled, ‘I truly appreciate the view but I’m not sick and I haven’t lost my mind.’
Jumping back like she’d been scalded, Sia crossed her hands over her chest and glared at him. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’
‘You’re the one who keeps harping on and on about the fact that we’ve grown into different people and all I want is for us to get to know each other as the people we are today.’
‘I’m not sleeping with you.’ She said baldly.
‘I didn’t ask you to.’ He shot back with the exact same inflection.
Staring at him suspiciously, Sia asked, ‘So what are you asking me for?’
‘I miss you.’ Watching the truth of that simple statement swarm into his eyes had her breath catching. ‘I miss talking to you, laughing with you, spending time with you. I want another chance.’
‘Ryan.’ Shifting restlessly, Sia stood up to pace.
When she didn’t say anything for several seconds, he asked, ‘Why did you ask your mother to visit me?’
‘I thought it would do you good to have someone who loves you talk to you.’
‘And that someone couldn’t be you?’
Trying to speak past the lump in her throat, she answered as honestly as she could. ‘I don’t know if it can be me anymore.’
He could almost hear his heart crack. Keeping his face impassive, he asked, ‘Why bother with what you think I need, then?’
When she didn’t answer immediately, he stood and came closer.
Backing away, she said, ‘Please don’t. I can’t.’
‘Can’t what?’
‘I don’t want another relationship. Not with you, not with anyone else.’
‘Why?’
She couldn’t tell him. She’d spent the last four days examining her feelings and trying to find the courage to tell him the one thing that still held her back from trying again. When she thought back to all the painful, awkward and sad nights of her marriage, it was too much to bear. The violence had left her permanently flinching away from even the most innocent of touches. The thought of sharing a bed with someone again made her sick. She’d never told anyone. Not even Minty. The sense of failure had been too strong. Quelling a flare of panic, she made her choice. Ryan wouldn’t understand and she couldn’t handle the pity. Cowardly or not, she kept her voice steady as she gave him the one reason she knew he would accept and believe, ‘I don’t have it in me to watch you walk away from me again.’
‘Sia.’ Taking a ragged breath, he stood and took a step towards her. He came to a halt when he saw her take a corresponding step back.
‘Trust me.’
‘I don’t. I can’t.’ Closing her eyes against the devastated expression on his face, Sia felt a tear leak through her rigid control. Wiping it away with the back of her hand, she turned away from him. ‘I’m sorry.’
Burying his pride, Ryan walked over and turned her to face him. ‘Give me one chance to prove you wrong.’
The hoarse plea had the tears break through and stream down her face even as she shook her head in desperation. ‘I can’t.’ If she did, he would only hate her later when he realized how frigid she was.
A muscle ticking in his jaw, Ryan tightened his grip on her arms as he took in the panic, distress and despair emanating from her. Hurt and confusion swarmed through him as he tried to make sense of her wildly fluctuating emotions.
Sia pulled away from him and walked over to her mug of coffee and downed it in one swallow. Breathing heavily, she willed the tears back.
‘Okay.’ Ryan’s quiet acceptance had her waiting warily for what followed. ‘What about being friends?’
Turning slowly, she waited for the catch. When nothing seemed forthcoming, she asked, ‘Just friends?’
‘It’s what we were before anything else happened. Simpler times.’ Shrugging, Ryan reached for his own mug and took a sip. Keeping his expression blank, he watched her struggle to understand the turn the conversation had taken. If she couldn’t bring herself to love or trust him again, the least he could have of her would be her friendship. Scraps from the table for the mongrel, he thought with an ironic smile as he sipped the wine and waited.
‘Friends.’ Sia tested the idea out for a minute more before nodding cautiously. ‘We can be friends.’ Ignoring the pain that wrapped its tentacles around her heart, she reminded herself that this was what she wanted.
‘Great.’ Ryan drained his glass and walked over to the couch to scoop up his sunglasses. ‘I’m going to leave now. We’ll catch up tomorrow or so.’
Ignoring the way she stiffened when he leant forward to press a kiss to her forehead, he murmured a goodbye before heading for the door.
‘Ryan, what happened to your eye?’ The innocent question brought him to a halt with his hand on the doorknob. His mind flashing back to the viciousness of what he’d heard on the night in question, he felt his anger surge again even as a trickle of awareness wove through it. Frigid, ice queen, touch me not frost. The words and phrases swarmed through his mind as he pieced it together with Sia instinctive outburst today when they’d started talking. I won’t sleep with you had been the first thing she’d said. Not I don’t want to be in a relationship with you or I don’t trust you. Those had come once she’d had a chance to think. His mind ploughed its way through his tangle of thoughts to an inescapable conclusion that had him swallowing the bile rising in his throat.
‘Ryan?’ His unnerving stare had her feeling unaccountably warm. ‘Your eye?’ Pointing at her own when he only continued to stare at her, Sia waited. When no answer was forthcoming, she waved her hand in exasperation. ‘Fine. Don’t tell me. You’d think I was asking you to tell me national level secrets or something.’
His hand tightening on the door knob, Ryan struggled against the urge to wrench it off its hinges before answering slowly. ‘It’s nothing important. I’ll tell you all about it when we meet next. I have to go now.’
Wondering at the ineffable emotions chasing across his face, Sia frowned. ‘Are you okay?’
Nodding once, he said. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Sia watched him stride down the driveway like the hounds from hell were at his heels. Whatever he was thinking couldn’t be good for either one of them. Feeling a chill touch the nape of her neck, she shrugged the fanciful thoughts off and moved forward to shut the door. They were friends. ‘Friends’ was good.