THE sensation of fulfilment vanished utterly.
‘What’s wrong?’ Pip asked sharply. ‘Has something happened to Alice?’
Shona shook her head. To Pip’s horror, a tear escaped and rolled slowly down her mother’s cheek.
‘You’re not upset that I’ve been out with Toni, are you?’
Shona smiled through her tears. ‘Oh, no! How could I be? This is the best thing that could have happened. For all of us. Especially now.’
There was an undertone to Shona’s words that Pip didn’t like. She sat down on the chair closest to her mother.
‘I don’t understand, Mum. What’s upset you so much?’ The brightness in Shona’s voice was forced and made her words sound anything but casual. ‘I had an appointment today. At the hospital.’
‘What? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I did tell you that I was being sent to see the surgeon again.’
‘You didn’t say when. I would have come with you.’
‘I know. I didn’t want you to, love. And, anyway, that was a couple of weeks ago. I’ve had lots of other tests since then.’
A sense of foreboding took hold of Pip. ‘But why didn’t you say something?’
‘I didn’t have all the information. And you’re so happy at the moment. I didn’t want to spoil things.’
Foreboding became dread.
‘Tell me,’ Pip said slowly, ‘what the surgeon said.’
Shona wiped away the last traces of her tears as she took a noticeably deeper breath. ‘They found something on the ultrasound and I got referred to another doctor. In oncology. I had an MRI scan today.’
‘Oh, my God!’ This was unbelievable. Pip had floated through her day at work, in excited anticipation of what she had known would happen between herself and Toni tonight, totally oblivious to something major happening in her own family. How selfish was that? ‘And?’ she prompted her mother.
‘And I have cancer,’ Shona said calmly. ‘Of my pancreas.’
The bottom was falling out of Pip’s world. She could hear an odd buzzing in her head and she felt faintly nauseated. She could never have anticipated being blindsided like this. To find her mother had exactly what she had feared most when she’d taken Alice to that first appointment with Toni. The fear had been dismissed. It couldn’t be happening again—to Shona instead of Alice.
‘It’s at something they call Stage llA. I’m not sure exactly what it means, although they did tell me. It went over my head a bit. Apparently it’s past the stage where I could expect any kind of cure, though.’
‘No!’ The word was torn from Pip. Fear had replaced dread. Mixed with it was a very uncomfortable level of guilt. She closed her eyes. ‘You’ve known about it for most of the day and you didn’t tell me. You let me go out on a…a date!’
‘I needed a bit of time to get my own head around this,’ Shona responded. ‘And I had to wait until Alice was out. I don’t want her to know.’
‘She’ll have to know.’
‘Not yet,’ Shona said urgently. ‘Promise me, Pip—you won’t tell her until I’m ready.’
Pip’s silence was taken as acquiescence, which was hardly surprising if her expression reflected what she was thinking. She would have promised Shona anything right then, if it could have made a blind bit of difference to the outcome.
‘Things are changing,’ Shona continued thoughtfully. ‘And I really don’t want to spoil them.’
She had said that earlier. She had allowed Pip to be selfish enough to revel in the start of a promising romance and, by doing so, she had taken away Pip’s right to choose. As though she was still a child who needed important decisions made for her. Unexpectedly, resentment bloomed amongst a maelstrom of even darker emotions.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. That you’ve been dealing with this for weeks by yourself. That you let me go out tonight of all nights, when I should have been here. With you.’
‘That’s precisely why.’ Shona patted Pip’s hand. ‘You would have stayed if you’d known and I had the feeling tonight was going to be special with it being the first time you’ve been to Toni’s house.’
Pip might have been embarrassed if she’d focused on how accurately her mother had interpreted the significance of tonight’s date. Or if she had given a second’s thought to what had happened over the last few hours. Funny how something that had seemed so incredibly special had suddenly become insignificant. Something she could even feel ashamed of.
‘You wouldn’t have gone if you’d known, would you?’ Shona prompted.
‘Of course I wouldn’t.’
‘And that would have changed things. It might have been enough to stop them completely.’
Would it? Toni would have understood if she had cancelled the date due to a family emergency. He would have approved of where her loyalties lay. But what about the weeks or months ahead? Would the start of any physical relationship have been given any priority in what was likely to be a time of intense family commitment?
Probably not. But because they had become so close tonight, it would be far more difficult to shut Toni from her life than it would have been if she’d stayed home and had this conversation with her mother so much earlier. Not telling her—keeping even a hint of the news away from her—had been an unselfish act on Shona’s part. While Pip could feel resentful at having had her free choice removed, she could understand the motivation. The love it was based on.
‘You’re far more important than anything else I have going on in my life, Mum. This is far more important. I’m going to help you fight this.’
Shona smiled sadly. ‘Don’t think I don’t want to fight it, love, and I will…but we need to be realistic.’
‘I’ll go and talk to your doctors tomorrow. Find out exactly what we’re dealing with. I can’t believe you went to this appointment today by yourself.’
‘I wasn’t really expecting to find out what I did.’
‘Did they mention treatment options?’
‘They told me so much that most of it went over my head. I can’t remember a lot.’
‘Which is why I should have been with you.’
‘I asked for another appointment on Monday. So that you could come and hear everything and then help me decide on what’s going to best.’
‘Did they say anything about the possibility of surgery?’
‘Yes. They talked about surgery and radiotherapy and chemotherapy and even clinical trials I might like to consider. What I did understand was that anything done might buy me a little more time or make me more comfortable but it’s not going to change the outcome. I may only have a few months.’
Pip couldn’t hold back her tears now. Or the fear. Or the feeling that she was a child again—no older than Alice. The comfort of being held in her mother’s arms was indescribable. And so poignant. It was some time before either woman could control their grief.
‘If I need surgery,’ Shona said eventually, ‘I’m going to tell Alice it’s the same as the gallstone operation I had.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t want her to make a connection between what’s wrong with me and what’s wrong with her. It would be scary.’
‘Alice doesn’t have cancer.’
‘No, but she has an abnormality in her pancreas. It could be that there’s a genetic link, couldn’t there? That she might be more at risk herself?’
‘I don’t know,’ Pip admitted. ‘But I do know that Alice is going to be fine. It’s you we need to concentrate on at the moment.’
‘I do want more time.’
‘Of course you do. I want more time for you as well. As much as possible.’
‘I don’t need too much. Just enough to see if Toni is the one for you. Whether you can make a family together when…when I’m not here.’ Shona stroked Pip’s hair. ‘That’s all I need to know, Pip. That you and Alice are both going to be safe…and happy.’ She gripped her daughter’s hand. ‘He’s a wonderful man, darling. Alice thinks so, too, although I think the words she used were “hot” and “cool”—which don’t seem to be contradictory for teens these days.’
They both smiled.
‘He seems totally smitten with you,’ Shona added, ‘and I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been in the last month. Don’t let this change things, Pip. Please!’
How could it not change things?
The first, and possibly most unexpected, change occurred well before the appointment Pip was dreading on Monday when the official confirmation of her mother’s prognosis would come.
If she had given any thought to Toni during the sleepless hours of that first night, it had been poignant. Their relationship was so newborn and fragile and there could be no room in her life for romance now. Not when her emotional energy had to be focused on the needs of her mother and her daughter.
The time she had spent with Toni that evening had been too good to be true. Magic but selfish. A gift her mother had wanted her to have, but in some ways it might have been easier if Pip hadn’t experienced what Toni had to offer as a lover. She wasn’t going to be desirable as a romantic companion for the foreseeable future, and it was too much to hope that Toni cared about her enough already to take this in his stride.
He wouldn’t drop her immediately, of course, he was far too nice for that, but the baggage she brought with her had suddenly become much heavier, almost too heavy to lift, and it would have to start making a difference. It would become too much and their relationship could falter and die, inch by inch.
Maybe it would be better to let him escape now before things became miserable.
But Toni had other ideas.
The fact that he could tell something was wrong simply by the way she said hello when he rang the next day was a surprise. The depth of concern in his query about what was wrong that went unanswered was almost enough to reduce Pip to tears and the way he took control was irresistible.
‘Be at your gate in five minutes,’ he ordered. ‘I am coming to take you for a drive and you will tell me what is upsetting you, bella.’
Shona had waved her off. ‘Be as long as you like, love,’ she instructed. ‘Alice and I need time to argue about what take-aways we want to order and what we’re going to watch on television tonight.’
Normal Saturday night family stuff when normality was no longer a real option. Pip waited at her gate with confusion thrown into the maelstrom of her heightened emotions.
Sliding into Toni’s car and accepting his kiss could have been an exciting new normality after last night, but Pip had to pull away. At least, she tried to, but Toni held her—his fingers gripping her shoulders with determination.
‘Whatever is wrong? Is my kissing so bad?’
Pip tried to laugh. Instead, she burst into tears.
‘Drive…’ she managed to choke out. ‘Please…I don’t want Alice to see me crying.’
Toni drove the shortest distance. Just around the corner until they were out of sight of her house. He pulled the car to a jerky stop, snapped open both his own and Pip’s safety belts and then pulled her into his arms.
For the longest time, he said nothing.
Demanded no explanations.
He simply held her and let her cry, and if Pip hadn’t realised she was in love with this man before, she could have no doubt about it now. He had no idea what she was so upset about but he was still prepared to hold and comfort her. It was like the way he accepted Alice as part of her life. Whoever she was and whatever baggage she brought with her was made to feel acceptable.
And when she was finally ready to talk, he listened with the same kind of attentiveness with which he had heard the story of her past. He held her as she spoke and every subtle movement of his body and hands implied willingness to be there. To support her.
‘And she waited to tell you this because she knew it was our…first time together?’
‘Yes.’
‘She is a wise woman.’
‘You think so?’ Pip couldn’t help the seed of new hope being sown. A hope that this wouldn’t be enough to drive Toni from her life.
‘I know so. She knew that you would have shut yourself away from me if you’d known. You care too much for the people you love to allow something as selfish as a lover at such a time.’ Toni kissed Pip’s hair gently. ‘But you cannot do that now, can you, cara?’
‘No.’ There was no way in the world Pip could voluntarily give up what Toni was giving her.
‘I can help. I can give you strength.’
‘It’s not very romantic.’ Pip felt obliged to at least issue a warning. ‘I won’t be able to swan off for things like dinners and dancing and walks on the beach for a while.’
‘Romance can come in many forms,’ Toni said seriously. ‘Maybe this will be the most important one.’
‘It’s a lot to ask of you.’
‘It’s what friends are for.’ Toni kissed her hair again. ‘And we are more than friends, aren’t we?’
‘Yes.’ Pip turned her face and received another kiss, this time on her lips. It was a kiss that carried all the strength of passion and yet there was nothing overtly sexual about it. It was like nothing Pip had ever experienced. More than sex. More than friendship. It conveyed hope. The possibility that Toni had fallen in love with her to the same degree she had with him. It was enough to cause the sting of tears again. Was that what reminded Toni of why she was sitting in his car?
‘And you have an appointment to go to with your mother on Monday?’
‘Yes. She was, understandably, a bit hazy on the medical details and options for treatment. I want to make sure we have all the information we need so I can help her decide the best next step.’
‘Would you like me to be there as well?’
‘That’s sweet of you, but, no, I think it would be better if it was just me and Mum.’
‘You’ll come and talk to me afterwards?’
‘Of course.’
‘I will be at home on Monday evening. I will be waiting for you.’
‘Stage llA is where the tumour extends beyond the pancreas but there’s no involvement of the celiac axis or the superior mesenteric artery.’ The oncologist showed Pip the pictures from the MRI scan. ‘No regional lymph node metastasis and no distant metastasis.’
Which sounded as though things could have been a lot worse, but Pip had done some research of her own over the weekend and was all too aware of how difficult it was to control this type of cancer. And how fast it could progress if you were one of the unluckier victims.
‘I need you to go over the treatment options again,’ Shona said. ‘So that Pip can help me choose what to do.’
‘As we discussed, there’s surgery. It’s the only form of therapy with any potential for cure and even with a tumour like yours, situated in the head of the pancreas, we could expect good results. Palliation of symptoms at the least and a life expectancy greater than the average for inoperable pancreatic cancer.’
‘Which is?’ Pip asked tightly.
‘Approximately ten months.’
‘What about follow-up treatment?’
The surgeon nodded. ‘Of course. We’ll look at radiation and/or chemotherapy and we’ll treat anything else as it crops up.’
Like pain, Pip thought miserably. ‘What’s involved with the surgery?’
‘It’s a pancreaticduodenectomy.’
‘Goodness!’ Shona actually smiled. ‘It must take as long to say that as do the surgery.’
But it was no laughing matter. ‘We remove the head of the pancreas,’ the surgeon continued soberly. ‘And the adjacent duodenum plus the lower bile duct and a portion of the stomach. This will take out the tumour and the adjacent lymph nodes.’
‘That’s major,’ Pip murmured.
‘But with very good statistics as far as mortality and morbidity are concerned.’
‘How will I eat?’ Shona sounded stunned. ‘How much of my stomach gets taken out?’
‘About half. You’ll be able to eat normally though not in large quantities. Your diet may need some adjustment but the dieticians will help you with that. It can be more difficult to digest food so you may need replacement pancreatic enzymes or hormones after the surgery. You may also develop diabetes and need to take insulin.’
‘How soon could you schedule the surgery?’ Pip asked.
‘As early as next week if that’s the route you want to take.’
‘I’m not sure about that,’ Shona said. ‘I need to think about it. How long would I have to be in hospital for?’
‘At least a week.’
‘And it would mean weeks of recuperation on top of that, wouldn’t it? As long as it took after I had my gallbladder out?’
‘Maybe longer, if you’re starting other treatments in that period.’
‘So that might represent a significant percentage of the time I have left. I’m not sure I want to spend it in and out of hospital.’
The short silence underlined the fact that there would be no escape from hospital and medical intervention in the near future if Shona wanted to put up any kind of fight against what was happening.
She sighed deeply. A resigned sound. ‘Well, that’s going to need careful planning,’ she said heavily. ‘We’ve got the care of a house and a young child to take into account.’
‘We’ll manage,’ Pip said, yet again, that evening. ‘I’ll take care of everything, Mum. I’ll juggle my shifts so I can drop Alice off at school. She can come to the hospital after school and wait for me. Or she’s old enough to come home by herself and be alone for a while.’
‘Why am I going to be alone?’ Alice breezed into the kitchen, heading straight past the table towards the pantry. ‘Have we got any chocolate biscuits, Nona?’
‘You’ve just had your dinner.’
‘Yeah, but I’m still hungry.’ They could hear packages being rustled in the depths of the large cupboard. ‘So why am I going to be by myself?’
‘I might need to go into hospital for a few days,’ Shona said casually. ‘For an operation.’
‘Oh…’ Alice shut the cupboard, having extracted a new packet of biscuits. ‘Like last time?’
‘Yes.’ Shona gave Pip a warning glance. ‘Just like last time.’
‘Do I have to go and stay with that friend of yours? The one with the false teeth?’ Alice gave a visible shudder. ‘It was gross!’
‘No,’ Pip said. ‘I’m going to look after you.’
Alice looked surprised and then pleased. ‘Cool.’ She ripped open the packet of biscuits. ‘Can I go to the movies with Dayna tomorrow night?’
‘No.’ Pip couldn’t believe how callous Alice was sounding. She opened her mouth to say something to that effect, but caught another look from her mother.
‘Not on a school night,’ Shona said evenly. ‘Maybe at the weekend.’
Pip watched her daughter leave the kitchen, her mouth full of chocolate and wafer. Her eyebrows rose. ‘Aren’t you going to tell her to go easy on those biscuits?’
Shona shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. And don’t be angry because she doesn’t seem to care. She doesn’t know the truth and that’s the way I want it for the moment.’
‘The fact that you even need to go to hospital should be enough to wake her up into thinking about someone other than herself.’
‘She’s a teenager.’ Shona smiled. ‘The job description is to think of no one but yourself, isn’t it? Besides, we’ve been here before. She stayed with Mary of the false teeth for a few days and then everything was back to normal. No big deal.’
Except that nothing was going to be back to normal this time. Not ever.
‘Are you sure you can cope?’ Shona sounded worried now. ‘On top of working? There’s more than just supervising Alice and being a taxi. There’s all the housework and cooking and shopping and washing and—’
‘I’ll manage,’ Pip assured her. ‘You’ll see.’
Her mother nodded. ‘I’m sure I will. I’ve never given you the space to try managing everything yourself, have I? Not the best way of parenting, but I guess I got used to feeling needed.’
‘You’ll always be needed, Mum. Just not as a housekeeper or babysitter.’
‘It’ll help to know you can manage without me.’
Shona tried, but failed, to summon a smile. ‘One less thing to worry about, anyway. And, Pip?’
‘Yes?’
‘You’re to go and have at least one more date with that gorgeous boyfriend of yours before I go into hospital.’
The date was low key. A coffee and a talk in a kitchen that held no delicious aroma of a meal that would go uneaten because passion intervened.
‘Surgery is definitely the best option,’ Toni agreed, still holding Pip’s hands after listening to her account of the interview. ‘The only option.’
‘It’s going to be hard on Mum, having to go through the pain and recuperation period without knowing whether it’ll make much difference to the outcome.’
‘Far better than not going through it and thinking it could have made a difference.’
‘I’m not going to be able to get out much. It’s going to be difficult keeping the house going and looking after Alice and keeping up with work. I don’t want to take time off before I really have to because it could mean waiting another year or more to get into the GP training scheme.’
‘I can help,’ Toni said decisively. ‘We can take Alice out at weekends to let your mother rest. I can cook for you at your home.’ His thumbs were stroking her palms. ‘I can be here whenever you need to escape. To have someone to talk to. To hold you. Whatever you need, Pippa.’
The kind of things any good friend would offer at a time like this. Was it so wrong to want more?
‘I need you.’ Pip confessed. ‘I think I would like you to hold me, Toni. Is that all right?’
Toni said something in Italian as he pushed back his chair and helped Pip to her feet. Into his arms. Whatever it was, the tone made her feel as though it was her giving something to him instead of so completely the other way round. He still made it feel like that when he took her to his bed a short time later.
Their love-making had a quality that could never have been there the first time. Could never have been there at all, if not for the sadness Pip was having to deal with. It was about far more than physical attraction or release. It was a confirmation of intent. A willingness to be there no matter what. To provide comfort.
Love, even? The kind of love that could endure and last a lifetime?
Maybe. But it didn’t matter if it wasn’t because right now Pip was living from moment to moment.
And this moment was perfect.
‘You are supposed to come straight home after school. It’s nearly six o’clock! Where the hell have you been?’
‘At the mall. With Dayna.’
‘Why weren’t you answering your phone? I’ve been worried sick.’
‘My phone’s dead. I forgot to charge it last night.’
‘That’s not good enough, Alice. I’ve got more than enough to do right now, without having to worry about where you are.’
‘Who said you had to worry? If I’m old enough to be home by myself, I’m old enough to go to the mall if I want to. It’s only ten minutes’ walk away. You can’t stop me!’
‘Don’t bet on it!’
They were so alike, Toni thought as he watched Pip and Alice facing each other off across the kitchen table. Pip had probably been just as independent and determined when she had been Alice’s age. He couldn’t imagine Pip treating Shona with such disdain, however. Was it a generational thing or was it that the dynamic between this particular mother and daughter was flawed? Despite nearly two weeks of trying to establish new routines and roles, Pip was clearly still struggling to find her feet.
From Toni’s perspective, it was easy to see where the problem lay. Due to circumstances entrenched over many years, Pip was firmly cast in the role of a big sister. Much closer to being a friend than a parent. A dynamic that worked brilliantly on some occasions, such as the hilarious afternoon last weekend when Toni had offered to give Alice her first driving lesson and Pip had supervised from the back seat of the car. Or the night at home when Alice had tried to teach both Pip and Toni the dance moves she had picked up from the new music video she had borrowed from Dayna.
At other times, though, like now, Pip had no idea where to put boundary lines. It suggested a total lack of confidence in her ability as a parent. Of being prepared to risk popularity to provide the kind of control and guidance a child needed. And if she didn’t take the plunge now, it wasn’t going to get any easier as Alice headed into adolescence. The shadow of having to take on this role permanently had to be weighing heavily on Pip’s mind, but Toni was holding back from making any promises of being there to help.
It was a privilege, being allowed inclusion in this family at such a time. A chance to show Pippa how deeply he cared but also a chance to make sure his trust in her was not misplaced. He couldn’t afford to make a mistake. Not just for himself. Or for Pippa. Alice was important, too. It was a trial by fire for this romance but Toni wasn’t put off. Not at all. In a curious way, he was enjoying the argument. The dynamics of being on the inside of a normal family-style dispute that could be heated but the underlying love was never lost. Just the kind of interaction that had been missing from his own life.
‘Just don’t do it again,’ Pip was saying. ‘In future, you let me know where you are and what time you’ll be home.’
‘OK.’
Toni wasn’t surprised at how readily Alice agreed to such a minor restriction to her freedom. Text messages could easily be less than honest, couldn’t they? He had the horrible feeling Pip was buying into a whole lot more trouble but it wasn’t his place to intervene. As much as he would like to be more, he was still merely an observer. Moral support for Pip. Only included because it was what Pip wanted.
‘That’s cool.’ Alice sounded placating now. ‘What’s for dinner?’
‘Spaghetti Bolognese,’ Toni told her.
Alice groaned. ‘I think I’m turning into an Italian.’
‘Don’t knock it.’ Pip’s tone was short. ‘It’s only thanks to Toni that you’re getting fed at all tonight.’
‘Don’t stress,’ Alice commanded. ‘How’s Nona?’
‘A little better. Are you going to come and visit her tonight?’
‘Nah. I’ve got a heap of homework to do. She’s always asleep when I come in anyway.’
‘She still knows when you’re there.’
‘She’s been in hospital for ages.’
‘There were some complications after her operation. Now they need to work out the best diet for her when she gets home.’
‘Oh.’ The unspoken complaint that the visits and someone else being the centre of everybody’s attention were becoming tedious hung in the air, and Toni found himself gritting his teeth.
Alice had no idea how sick her grandmother was and Toni was convinced it would be better for her to know the truth despite Pip’s acquiescence to Shona’s wish of keeping it from the child. He wasn’t about to push the issue, however. Pip was dealing with more than enough, without him adding to her stress levels. She was looking even more pale and tired this evening and what Toni wanted to do was to take her in his arms and look after her—another argument was the last thing she needed. What if she really disagreed with him? Would she ask him to step aside and let her manage her own family in her own way? Toni wasn’t ready to test those boundaries. He didn’t want to step aside.
‘When’s she coming home?’ Alice was looking at her phone—the half-smile suggesting she had received a welcome message.
‘In a few days.’
‘That’s good.’ But Alice’s attention was now on the screen of her mobile phone as she responded to a text message. Did Pip not notice the blatant discrepancy of batteries that were no longer flat?
‘You should get on with that homework. Dinner won’t be for half an hour and if you get it done, you could come into the hospital with me later.’
Pip turned to Toni when Alice left the kitchen and he was only too willing to accept her kiss.
‘Sorry,’ she murmured.
‘What for?’
‘Having to listen to us scrapping. Just what you need after a long day at work.’
‘You don’t need it either.’ Toni kissed her again. ‘I wish I could make this easier for you.’
‘You are. I wouldn’t have coped so far without you. You’re a rock.’
‘I could do more.’ He could talk to Alice. Maybe tell her a few home truths and explain the necessity for making her changed relationship with her mother more positive. It was quite possible she would appreciate the opportunity to make her own, real contribution to this family in a time of crisis.
‘You don’t need to,’ Pip assured him. ‘It’ll be better when Mum’s back at home. Things will settle down then.’
‘Time of death.’ Pip looked wearily at her watch. ‘Three forty-five p.m.’
The frail body of their ninety-three-year-old patient was a silent testimony to failure. Pip had spent nearly two hours trying to hold back the inevitable after this elderly woman had come in with severe heart failure exacerbated by pneumonia. She gently closed the woman’s eyes and then stripped off her gloves. ‘Are any relatives here?’
‘No.’ Suzie was starting to pick up wrappers and discarded equipment. They had known they were probably fighting a losing battle when faced with heart failure bad enough to cause the bloodstained froth the woman had presented with around her mouth, but Pip had tried everything.
Oxygen, nitrates, morphine, diuretics. Continuous positive airway pressure via a face mask and a raft of other drugs to try and combat the ensuing cardiac rhythm abnormalities. They had gone through the protocol for the subsequent cardiac arrest but Pip had called it well before the time they might have spent on another patient. It had been clearly pointless but at least they all knew they had given it a shot.
‘It was a neighbour who called the ambulance,’ Suzie said. ‘And there’s no next of kin listed in her notes.’
No family to talk to, then. Nobody to mourn the loss of a mother or grandmother. There were still things Pip needed to do for this patient, however. Forms to fill in. Did she have enough information to complete a death certificate herself or would she need to refer the case to the coroner?
‘I need to have a word to Brian before I do the death certificate,’ she told Suzie. ‘You OK to finish up in here?’
‘Absolutely.’ Suzie touched Pip’s arm. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Sure. She was ninety-three after all and she’d been battling increasing heart failure for a while, by the look of her notes. I guess any death just comes a bit close to home at the moment.’
‘How is your mother?’
‘Picking up. She’s able to get out of bed for part of the day now and I don’t feel so bad leaving her when I’m at work.’ Which wasn’t quite true. Pip was carrying a sense of guilt with her on a permanent basis but she couldn’t afford to interrupt her training programme for too long and Shona wasn’t about to let her. How would she support Alice if she let herself slip too far back? ‘She’s got a good friend who comes every day to stay with her and she has been taking her to some of the radiotherapy appointments. I’ll have to take leave if she deteriorates, though.’
Or should that have been ‘when’ not ‘if’, Shona deteriorated. With a last look at the patient on the bed in Resus 2, Pip moved to find her senior colleague to check on death-certificate requirements. It was hard to try and shake off the weight of sadness that still caught her out at times but it was hardly unexpected just now, having tried and then failed to prevent someone dying.
‘The notes are pretty comprehensive,’ Brian told her a short time later. ‘And you got a chest X-ray done, which confirms the pneumonia. See if you can get hold of her GP, but I think the background we’ve got here and the length of time you were treating her in ED means there’s no reason for you not to complete certificating the cause of death.’ He gave Pip an intense glance. ‘You look done in.’
‘It hasn’t been a great day,’ Pip admitted. ‘And this wasn’t the best way to finish.’
The GP’s receptionist promised to return the phone call as soon as the doctor was between patients. Pip stayed sitting beside the telephone at the central desk, filling in what she could on the forms.
Thank goodness her working day would soon be over. It hadn’t been all that great even at its beginning, but whose fault had that been?
Staying up until the early hours, preparing a casserole for tonight’s dinner so that all Shona needed to do was turn the oven on. Making a school lunch for Alice and ironing the horrible pleats into the skirt of her school uniform. It could all have been done at a much more reasonable hour if Pip hadn’t spent the evening with Toni.
It had been the first time they had been alone together at his house in longer than she cared to count, and Pip wouldn’t have gone if Shona and her friend, Mary, hadn’t virtually pushed her out the door.
‘We’re going to play Scrabble,’ Shona had said. ‘And I intend to win.’
‘I’ll be here until you get home,’ Mary had added. ‘And I don’t expect to see you this side of midnight. Shona’s told me all about that gorgeous young man of yours.’
Alice had been on the computer, instant messaging her friends, and had seemed completely disinterested in the fact that Pip had been going out.
‘Have fun,’ had been all she’d said.
‘Fun’ wasn’t exactly in Pip’s vocabulary these days, but the time with Toni had been like a temporary release from prison. An escape into paradise.
And she hadn’t felt guilty. Well, not much, anyway. Surely she owed Toni that little bit of time and undivided attention? He’d been amazing ever since the news of Shona’s diagnosis. If she’d needed a test to see whether she’d found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she couldn’t have devised a better one. A trial by fire, no less, that he was passing with flying colours.
Being overtired to start her working day had been a small price to pay for the reprieve last night had given her.
In response to the beeping and message on her pager, Pip lifted the telephone receiver to take the incoming call, fully expecting to find herself talking to her patient’s GP.
But the name wasn’t right.
‘Bob Henley, did you say?’
‘That’s right. I’m the headmaster at Alice’s school.’
Pip drew in a quick breath. ‘Is she all right?’
‘She’s not unwell.’ The headmaster cleared his throat. ‘We do have a bit of a problem that we need to discuss, though, and I’d rather not do it on the phone. Would it be possible for you to come to the school?’
‘Of course.’ It was just another aspect of parenting she was going to have to get used to. What on earth had Alice done to get herself into trouble? ‘When? I’m almost finished work for today. I could come almost immediately.’
‘That might be best. I’ve got Alice here in my office at the moment. We’ll both be waiting for you.’