Jessica woke in the morning with a lapse of memory. She had no recollection of hearing Sam leave. The thought frightened her. Had Amy tried to wake her in the night? Jessica’s bedroom door was opened slightly, just as she’d left it.
She rolled out of bed and staggered from the pain in the sciatic nerve. She rounded the corner to Amy’s room, relieved to find her child still sleeping peacefully with her precious teddy bear tucked under her head. If Jessica hurried, she’d have time to get herself ready before Amy woke. Thankfully, Jessica had bathed Amy before they’d gone to dinner with Sam. With any luck, she’d feel well enough to give Amy another before the surgery.
On her way to the galley kitchen to make coffee, Jessica found the throw pillows scrunched along the arm of the sofa with an indentation from Sam’s head. How recently had he left? Had Sam really believed she thought he was being a louse? Far from it. Sam Vance had the makings of a true gentleman. It puzzled her that he had shown any interest in her. After all, she didn’t have a squeaky-clean past.
She started her four-cup coffeepot and slipped two frozen quiches into the toaster oven for breakfast. A note on the table caught her attention. Tears formed as she read Sam’s note outlining his “dream date.” She closed her eyes, wondering how things had gone with Amy after Jessica had fallen asleep.
Jessica showered carefully and dressed, deciding she and Amy would walk to the shelter. It would be easier on her back than getting Amy in and out of her car seat. It was a nice day, and the exercise would be good for both of them.
Large oak and pine trees lined the streets, offering a shaded walk. She would miss the quaint downtown neighborhood when they moved, though the rough part of town was edging closer and closer to her apartment. There was a good reason it was so affordable. The town house she planned to bid on meant a twenty-mile commute, but would also mean giving Amy a real home, something convenience couldn’t replace.
She moussed her hair and left it to dry naturally, which wouldn’t take long with the temperature in the eighties already. Though she hadn’t minded going curly to avoid the pain from styling her hair, she looked forward to letting it grow longer and straight again. Jessica stretched, careful to avoid the hot spots of pain in her back.
“Hi, Mommy.”
Jessica turned. “Morning, Sunshine.” She knelt carefully to hug Amy, placing a hand on the door frame for support. “How are you this morning?” Jessica reached for Amy’s hairbrush.
Amy’s pigtails were unevenly frayed, the ribbons barely hanging onto the baby-fine hair. “Happy. Where’s Day-ee?”
Jessica cringed. So, she hadn’t been imagining that part of the previous evening. “You mean Sam?”
Amy nodded. “Where’s him?”
“Sam is probably on his way to his job. And we need to get going to the shelter. Do you want to play with your friends today?” Amy rubbed her eyes, nodding as Jessica led the way to Amy’s bedroom. This morning she wasn’t up to explaining to Amy that Sam wasn’t her daddy, nor would he ever be.
Jessica was puzzled to find Amy’s baby-doll pajamas had been put on backward, then remembered how proud Amy had been to do it herself. Thinking about Sam Vance taking care of her daughter, Jessica felt uncommonly at ease, something as foreign to her as life without pain. Sam seemed to enjoy children. Though she’d been annoyed at the time, she was impressed with how much he knew about raising kids. If and when she married again, a good father would have to be a top priority. Amy obviously knew what a daddy was, and that she wanted one of her own.
Three out of the four men she’d considered dating since her husband’s death wanted nothing to do with children. The other had joint custody of five kids, and claimed he wanted more. He was a junior executive of a law firm, but Jessica was less than tempted to date any man when it included mothering a “yours, mine, and ours” family of such magnitude, no matter his prestige. She had just started her life over, along with a rewarding career. She wasn’t ready to give it all up for full-time motherhood to a hockey team in the making.
But when it came to Sam Vance, she wasn’t so sure. He seemed too… She thought awhile, trying to find just the right word to describe him. Too…sure of himself. Not only did he have good looks and intelligence, but he was a cop and a member of the church choir. She couldn’t have much less in common with any man. While she owed him a debt of gratitude for saving Amy from the cold and snowy field that night, his investigation had also left her in fear that she’d lose Amy for something her husband did.
And, as if she needed any other reasons to avoid a relationship with Sam, all she had to imagine was him standing in front of the sanctuary, singing. The last time she’d been inside a church was nearly a decade ago, and the only reason she’d gone then was to make her parents quit bugging her. Even after she’d married Tim, the only times she’d turned to God, He hadn’t listened.
“Nope, I don’t need someone else nagging me to go to church,” she whispered. Too bad, she thought. Sam’s kisses were almost enough to get her to change her mind.
After brushing Amy’s teeth, they walked to the shelter and greeted the security officer as he opened the gates. Jessica walked past the colorful quilt in the common room, hoping one day to have time to admire the hours the artist had put into it. She checked Amy into the child-care room. The lead teacher, Deanne Jones, greeted each child, making sure everyone signed in.
“Good morning, Amy. How are you and Barney today?” Deanne teased, while Amy giggled. “His name’s not Barney either? What could your bear’s name be?” Deanne had asked Jessica to leave the secret between them, hoping the precious bear might be the catalyst to Amy opening up. Two months later, the game continued.
Jessica hung Amy’s backpack on her hook and completed the check-in sheet. “I have to hand it to you, Deanne, you have the patience of a saint.”
“One of these days she’s going to talk up a storm.” Deanne lifted Amy into her arms and snuggled her the way Jessica longed to do. “How was dinner last night?”
Jessica held on to the hope that a month from now, she’d be the one holding her daughter. “If I were feeling better, even I might get a laugh out of the disasters.”
“Plural?”
Jessica nodded carefully. “Oh, Amy was a pill. Sam asked her to say please and she had a tantrum. I picked her up and took her to the truck, and threw my back out completely this time. I think the disk has finally ruptured. I woke this morning with little recollection of last night, but it’s slowly coming back to me.”
“Only two more days and it’ll all be over with.”
They talked for a few more minutes before Jessica made her way next door to the administrative offices. For a change, Jessica was relieved not to meet up with anyone.
Jessica turned the computer on and sat down gingerly, gathering information for the auction. It didn’t take more than a few minutes to realize that sitting was not going to work. Though she had hoped to avoid it, Jessica picked up the phone and called the doctor. His nurse took a message and agreed to have him return her call right away.
In the meantime, she stacked books on her desk and placed the computer keyboard on top of it. Flipping through her notes, Jessica reviewed plans for the bachelor auction, gaining excitement for the first fundraising event for the shelter. Donations had been so generous that she already had a jump-start for future events.
Susan, the spunky director, stepped into the room, looking at Jessica as if she were standing on her head. “What are you doing, girl?”
“Oh, hi. I didn’t hear you come in.” Jessica wanted to get this done, just in case the doctor changed the schedule. “I’m finishing my notes on the auction for Colleen Montgomery. She agreed to run a feature. I’ve included a short bio on our bachelors, a picture, and a little blurb about their dream dates. We have a meeting this afternoon to set up the publicity, which she’ll run the week before the event. Any last-minute requests?”
“As usual, you’re on top of everything. But I was referring to the interesting desk arrangement, not your work status.” Susan placed a hand on her hip. “Your back must be getting worse.”
Jessica explained what had happened during dinner. “I’m in no hurry to see Sam Vance again.”
“What a shame. Lidia will be so disappointed. She had such delicious dreams for the two of you.” Susan waggled her eyebrows.
“I’m sure Lidia can find her son a more suitable date.” Jessica felt her face warm simply thinking of how one thing after another had gone wrong. She’d been so embarrassed by the time they got to her apartment, she couldn’t wait to take her medicine, hoping that when she woke this morning it would seem like a nightmare rather than reality.
Susan swiped her hand through the air, dismissing the subject. “Would you like me to find you a different chair?”
Jessica shook her head. “No, thanks. Unless this is a problem…”
Susan laughed, her springy hair bobbing. “It’s fine with me, but you look miserable.” She wrinkled her brow and gave Jessica an “I don’t believe you” glare.
“I am, but I’ve called the doctor. I’m sure he’ll tell me that he can’t do anything until Thursday, as scheduled.” Pain shot into her arm and through her right leg and Jessica reached for the desk to balance herself.
Susan’s face showed her concern. “Surely he doesn’t recommend you stand up all day!” With one hand on her hip and her head tipped, Susan may as well be scolding her six-year-old daughters.
Jessica laughed. “That look may scare the stuffing out of the twins, but it won’t work on me. I need to finish this and get it to Colleen.”
“I will call her myself and reschedule if necessary. You are to get home and into bed, you understand?” Susan pointed her finger at Jessica.
Jessica laughed despite the pain. She had enjoyed getting to know Susan. “Yes, ma’am.”
“That’s better, Miss Jessica,” Susan teased. “I’ll bring Amy over after work, along with something for supper. What sounds good—pizza, burgers, Chinese…”
“Why don’t I order something to be delivered? You’ll have your hands full with the girls, and I’m tired of feeling like a charity case. I’ll buy. No arguments.”
Susan smiled sympathetically. “One extra child is nothing to a mother of twins, Jessica, but if it will make you feel better to buy dinner, okay.” She and Susan settled on a menu for supper.
“Thanks, Susan.” Jessica appreciated Susan’s continued trust and support. She hadn’t had the energy to argue with Sam about the dinner bill the night before, but she would make sure to return the favor somehow. For the past sixteen months she’d been on the receiving end. She wanted not only to be self-sufficient again, but to give back what others had given her. Her job at Galilee Women’s Shelter was only the start.
Jessica found the missing folder of attractions that she’d needed to review with Sam. She looked at his note again.
Morning at the zoo, afternoon fishing and/or hiking, picnic in the mountains, drive home, drop Amy off at my parents, then a quiet dinner for two at The Ore Cart…as soon as your back feels better…no need to wait for the auction…I’ll call you later to see how you’re doing. Sam
Jessica set the note aside. After last night, she wasn’t sure she could even face him again, especially for an entire day with Amy. That was a long way off anyway, after recovery from surgery.
Jessica pulled her attention back to work. She guessed he must like the mountains, and chose an outdoor excursion package for him and an undisclosed date guaranteed not to be Jessica Mathers. Jessica finished the outline and stopped by the children’s room. She peeked inside so as not to get Amy’s attention. The last thing she needed today was an upset child.
Amy was watching the other children arguing over the kitchen and backed away. Deanne looked up long enough for Jessica to catch her attention, then said, “Chelsea and Zach, time-out! I’ll be right back to deal with you.” She stepped out of the room to visit with Jessica.
“Susan has ordered me to get to bed. She’ll bring Amy to my house when she picks Hannah and Sarah up after work.”
“Don’t worry about her, she’s in loving hands. If the doctor needs to move your surgery, just let me know. I’m available.”
“Thanks. Call if you need anything,” Jessica whispered. “Have a good day.”
Jessica walked home, frightened by the amount of pain she was feeling. She called the doctor again, disappointed to discover he would be in surgery all day. By the time she had explained the situation to the nurse, she could barely stand.
“The doctor is booked today, Jessica. Take a muscle relaxant and put ice on it. I’ll call you back in a couple hours to see how it’s doing.”
Jessica did as instructed, and didn’t wake until almost five. By then the nurse was frantic. “The doctor wants to see you tomorrow morning.” Jessica was instructed to eat a light dinner and nothing after midnight, just in case they went in for surgery right away.
Jessica called Deanne and changed their arrangements, then ordered Chinese food, which arrived right after Susan and the children. While they ate, Jessica voiced her fear of something going wrong. “If something happens—” Jessica handed Susan a sealed envelope “—my parents live in Italy, so my brother would be the first to get here—”
“Nothing is going to happen, Jessica.” Susan tried to hand the envelope back.
“Hang on to it, just in case. You can return it after I’m home.” She forced a smile.
Susan set her hands in her lap, keeping the envelope. “I’m only keeping this so you’ll relax. Let’s say a prayer.” Susan offered her hand. “Girls, come help me ask God to take care of Jessica tomorrow and allow this surgery to heal her back.”
Jessica didn’t know how to respond. She’d never had anyone pray specifically for her before. She hated to tell Susan that beckoning God’s protection on her behalf was a waste of time. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe He answered prayers. It was simply that He didn’t answer her prayers. God hadn’t kept Tim from drinking or getting out of control. He hadn’t saved Tim when that final moment came. And she didn’t expect to ever be fully cured of her pain.