by Aleta St. James
Aleta St. James, author of Life Shift: Let Go and Live Your Dream, believes that impossible dreams are possible if you are willing to become the person your dream calls you to be. She also believes that beauty is power, so look as good on the outside as you feel on the inside, and know that menopause means “winding up, instead of winding down, baby.” St. James became a true example of these beliefs when she delivered healthy twins at the age of 57.
At age 54, my grandmother, Nicoletta Bianchino, gave birth to my mother, the last of 13 children in an Italian-American family. My mother was the only child born in America and the jewel in my grandmother’s eyes. I grew up thinking this was normal. Never once did I think it odd or far-fetched when, at the age of 49, I began to think seriously of starting my own family. My grandmother had children at a later age. Why was it strange to think that I could give birth to healthy twins at 57 and have the energy to take care of them?
Nicoletta, with her wise wisdom, inspired me with heartfelt stories of her courage and determination. She dramatically told me about her beloved father, who was one of the wealthiest men in Badi, Italy. She was brought up with servants and tutors, and she was courted by many eligible suitors. Nicoletta’s young heart was captured, though, when she heard my grandfather, Fidel Bianchino, serenading her with his soulful voice. One moonlit night, throwing caution to the wind, she eloped with the handsome Fidel. Her heartbroken father screamed for vengeance and called in the militia, condemning Fidel to almost certain death.
Nicoletta, who might have spent the rest of her days in a palace, hid in fear with my grandfather in a wine barrel — until she appeared three months later on her father’s doorstep, armed with a marriage certificate and visibly pregnant. My grandmother, in true Puccini fashion, pleaded for her husband’s life. My great-grandfather’s cold heart melted. “Figlia mia (my darling daughter),” he said, “so be it.” And he called off the troops.
My grandmother moved into one of the poorest houses in town, where she lived just above the chickens, with their only cow. She never looked back, and raised 12 of her 13 children there, giving birth to the last after she moved to America in 1922. I think that having this child in her 50s gave her an added zest for life that seemed to grow through her 60s, 70s, and on, along with the joy she got from each of her 20 grandchildren.
As I enter my 60s, I find myself smiling and thinking of my grandmother, while changing diapers and singing “Elmo” songs. It’s true that once you have children, life is never the same. These two little munchkins have totally detonated my fixed routine and forced me out of my comfort zone. I have now mastered the three-minute shower and the bimonthly manicure. My new mantra is: “Go with the Flow.”
My children have opened up my heart to experience a greater, more unselfish depth of love, and they have brought out fierce feelings of protectiveness — as they go through their colds, high temperatures, and bumps on their heads. What am I going to do when they are teenagers, and Francesca comes home with purple hair and Gian wants to ride a motorcycle? Sometimes I wonder how I am ever going to survive this. And then, when I think of the crazy things I did in the ’60s, I wonder how my mother ever survived me! It has brought a whole different meaning to Mother’s Day.
As an emotional healer and success coach over the past 25 years, I have helped thousands of people realize their deepest dreams and desires. I believe that it is never too late to live your dreams. What keeps us stuck as we get older is the fear that we don’t deserve to receive what we want. We think that we are too old, too tired, or not beautiful enough to have the supportive relationship, the financial freedom, and the meaningful, joyful life we desire.
I am convinced that — just as it was in my grandmother’s time — it’s the enthusiasm we have for life that keeps us going. That enthusiasm comes only from following our hearts. So many of us get so bogged down in negative feelings and thoughts about ourselves, which are steeped in the disappointments of the past, that we stop dreaming and doing the things that really make us happy.
Having children later in life may not be what you had in mind for your 60s, but the message is still the same. Like my grandmother Nicoletta, you must find something you love to do, and you must be passionate about it. It will fuel you with the joy and enthusiasm that will keep you winding up, not down. You are never too old to live your dreams — if you’re willing to get out of your comfort zone, go with the flow, and feel like you deserve to receive what you desire.
Your desires are important; they lead you to your destiny. I’d like to leave you with this thought from my book, Life Shift: “No dream is too big; you just need to become the person it challenges you to be.”