part0019

I T IS IMPORTANT to know that according to God’s Word, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4 NIV ). What exactly does this mean? The Word has made it plain. Marriage is the union of a male and female, and sex is honorable in God’s sight. The only way to have a successful marriage is to build one that is Christ centered. What goes on in your bedroom should remain between you, your spouse, and God. Your spouse should not be expected to do anything that makes him or her feel uncomfortable. When it comes to sex toys or other sexual aids, you must use godly wisdom. Sex between a husband and wife should always be honorable. Intimacy between a husband and wife is a sacred gift that should never evoke feelings of guilt, shame, or disrespect. When a husband and wife make love, they should always have the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of the other person in mind. If you are doing anything in your sexual relationship with your spouse that causes pain, disrespect, or shame to either one of you, you should not do it. We must honor marriage and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between us and our spouses.

God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex. To solicit sex from a prostitute or someone else indicates that you are in need of counseling, deliverance, or both. Until you seek help, your marriage will continue to be in jeopardy. In order to protect your spouse, God will reveal whatever you are doing in the dark.

And the firstborn said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night. And the firstborn went in and lay with her father. He did not know when she lay down or when she arose. The next day, the firstborn said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father. Let us make him drink wine tonight also. Then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also. And the younger arose and lay with him, and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose .

Now, we know that Lot was enticed to drink and became drunk the first night. This tells us that Lot did not willingly take part in their plan while he was sober. However, this scenario happened twice. This leads us to question Lot’s innocence and moral values. His bed was defiled and resulted in incest.

Let us examine what is happening here. During their cultural time, continuing the family line was very important. Lot’s daughter’s husbands and their mother had been destroyed with Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:12–26). In their minds, Lot was the only man left. Now, for Lot to be tricked the first night is one thing; however, he wasn’t that gullible. He was caught up in a lustful situation and did nothing to stop it. Thus, we have the spirit of incest being released into this world from this man’s sin.

When you have sex with your spouse, it is referred to as lovemaking . When you are intimate, you are gentle; there is caressing, as you are perfectly content with someone dear to your heart. There is a big difference between making love to your spouse and seeking sexual gratification. When married people come together, it is beautiful in God’s sight, and He blesses the relationship. It represents oneness, unity. Every time you come together as one, it drives the devil crazy. He has to flee from your bedroom and thus your home when there is unity in the marriage. When a husband and his wife are covered (sex not being withheld), peace presides in the home. Whenever a husband and wife are satisfied, everyone in the home benefits. Pray for God’s blessing upon your intimacy.

I am reminded of an incident that occurred in South Carolina. A friend of mine had a cousin who was having an affair with a married woman. This affair had gone on for quite some time. The woman’s husband suspected that she was having an affair, so he began to follow her. One day, she invited her lover to her home while her husband was at work. He returned home unexpectedly. Upon entering the home, he discovered his wife having sex with the other man. He opened the bedroom door and shot them both dead. I remember thinking, “What a horrible way to die.” The marriage bed was defiled. The bedroom is supposed to be the most intimate and private room in the home. To allow someone else to intrude is a divine travesty.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your self-control .

Anything contrary to the Word of God is sin. Do not withhold sex from each another. It should be “me for you and you for me, together we shall live in harmony.” Under no circumstances should married couples lay with anyone outside their marriage. You may ask, “What if I am legally separated?” Legally separated means you are married and living apart from your spouse. Remember this, on judgment day you will kneel before the Lord and give an account for everything you have done outside the Word of God.