THE ANTICANCER LIVING GUIDE TO LOVE AND SOCIAL SUPPORT

So many people Alison and I encounter in our talks across the country skip the vital step of building a solid support network and jump right into the latest diet or fitness routine. But without the foundation of social support to hold up these other changes, what they are trying to build is likely to collapse at the first challenge. It’s time to shift our thinking about what makes and keeps us healthy to better consider the influence of our friends, families, coworkers, caring professionals, chosen communities, and teachers. They are at the heart of a sustainable anticancer lifestyle. It is also important to engage in activities that foster eudaimonic well-being, where your wellness is derived from a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Paradoxically this can grow out of our steepest challenges, as we have shared in this book.

Building Your Anticancer Team

Before you can start building a team, you need to recognize and evaluate the people you have around you. If you have been part of a community for a long time, you may be able to draw upon an extensive network. If not, then this is the moment to look at what you have and how to put together the help and support you need. The most important relationships in terms of our health are with people who are close enough to us emotionally to provide spacious and empathic caring. While it’s important to have someone to drive you to a doctor’s appointment, or watch your kids while you are there, the most crucial support might be from that person who is able to help you through the emotional part of whatever health crisis or life challenge you’re facing.

FIVE SUPPORT AREAS

1. Practical Support: Those who support you in practical, tangible ways. People you can count on during difficult times to drive you to appointments, organize care rotations, help with meal planning and prep, etc.

2. Informational Support: Those from whom you can get informed advice, and talk through options and decisions. People whose opinion you trust and who you know have your best interest at heart.

3. Motivational Support: Those who support your worth in this world, see the importance of the changes you are trying to make, and help keep you motivated to keep at it. For those with cancer, these are the people who remind you of your qualities as a whole person—not just a patient.

4. Community Support: Group connections and social integration provide both a sense of belonging and the ability to assist others, which reinforces your own value in the world.

5. Emotional Support: Those with whom you can share your deepest troubles and joys and who offer unconditional love and comfort.

Think about different types of support as pillars that help to keep you level as you move forward. In what areas are your pillars of support less stable? Where do you have enough and where might some more assistance be welcome?

BUILD UP YOUR WEAK SPOTS

• Look for people and groups that could help fill out your team and balance your support. One person, even an intimate partner, however caring, simply cannot provide support in all areas. Diversifying your support base is crucial. Caregivers risk burnout, too, and everyone’s needs must be balanced.

• In terms of social integration: Is there a group you could join related to something you enjoy doing, such as a hobby, activity, or sport? Could you join or become more involved with a church, spiritual group, yoga center, library, walking group, musical group, etc.?

• If you’re lacking a sense of nurturing and being nurtured, is there a place where you could volunteer and find strength by connecting with and helping others, and find such help in turn?

• If you don’t have someone who provides you with emotional support, could you find a therapist who might help you work through issues or a support group that is made up of people with whom you share a common background or issue?

When taking stock of your community, consider who you are in touch with and who you haven’t talked to in a while, or even a long time. Don’t be afraid to include someone from your past or whom you have lost touch with on your list. He could end up being the most important person in your anticancer network.

Enhancing Your Eudaimonic Well-Being: Step One—Discovering Your Core Values

Core values are the lens through which we evaluate what we see, feel, and hear around us. They are not descriptions of what we do for a living or how we accomplish our goals. They are the values that underlie what we do, how we interact with others, and the choices we make. It is important to identify and be aware of what they are, and where your daily actions are at odds with your beliefs. This is an important step to move toward a more purpose-driven life and to have your daily decisions align with the person you want to be in the world. This exercise, that I learned as part of the Stagen Leadership Academy, is a first step on the path of fostering eudaimonic well-being.1

When considering your own core values, think about words/terms that point to what is most important to you as a person and that reflect your highest priorities in life.

As an example, here are the phrases I use to explain my core values:

• Be Present

• Be Healthy

• Have Compassion/Empathy

• Be Honest/Have Integrity

• Make a Difference

• Maintain a Sense of Wonder

I start with how I want to be in the world, what’s important to me, then move to how I hope to impact others. My core values underlie the work I do and the attitude I try to maintain—an openness to new ideas and feelings—as I meet new people and experience new things.

WHAT ARE YOUR CORE VALUES?

Directions:

• Write down words that you think fit your core values.

• Limit yourself to no more than twenty key words.

• Edit it down to ten and then finally to a maximum of five to six key words or phrases.

• Make sure each word/phrase matches your way of living and viewing the world.

PUTTING YOUR CORE VALUES IN MOTION

When put into the context of our lives, core values become guiding principles that can help us be true to who we are in everything we say and do and get us closer to leading the life we choose rather than one that’s “driving” us. Now that you have identified the words/phrases that speak to your core values, construct sentences that explain how those ideas take shape in your life. Here are some examples based on my own core values:

VALUE	ACTION
Be Present	I try to stay connected to the moment and examine who or what is driving my thoughts and behaviors.
Be Healthy	I eat health-supporting foods and minimize health-depleting foods. I exercise my heart and muscles daily. I nourish my mind to foster calm within myself.
Have Compassion/Empathy	I listen and truly connect with people where they are in the moment. My actions and behaviors take others into consideration.
Be Honest/Have Integrity	I am true to my word. I am responsible and dependable.
Make a Difference	I will leave the world a better place than how I found it. I am actively engaged every day in helping others.
Maintain a Sense of Wonder	I am open-minded to all new experiences. I continue to learn new things and look at the world and the human experience in new ways.

HOW DO YOU EMBODY AND EXPRESS YOUR CORE VALUES?

Directions: Construct a sentence or two explaining each of your core values, what they mean to you, and how you plan to act on those values in your life moving forward. Consult your core values when making decisions and try to align your daily choices and behaviors with your core values.

Enhancing Your Eudaimonic Well-Being: Step Two—Providing Support to Others

Whether it is friends, family, colleagues, or a casual acquaintance, we all need and benefit from the support of those around us. We know that providing support to others is both a gift for the recipient and for the giver. As we are evolutionary wired to psychologically and biologically benefit when we help others, taking on the role of listener and supporter is a positive step in fostering eudaimonic well-being.

Volunteering has been connected to longer life, happier life, and increased satisfaction. A review of forty studies that looked at the health effects of helping others found that volunteering on a regular basis reduced early mortality rates by 22 percent.2 And volunteering doesn’t have to be your life’s purpose to impact your health. Researchers reported health impacts for participants who volunteered for as little as one hour per month. David Servan-Schreiber talked about cancer in terms of terrain and making your personal terrain as inhospitable to cancer as possible. Think about giving in the same way. You are creating a terrain of positivity that will improve your outlook on life and help sustain and grow a healthy social network. Giving to charity and helping others is fertilizer for your social support terrain.

Volunteering Online—The United Nations has a variety of online volunteering options that can connect you with people from other countries and other continents, doing anything from translating documents to creating videos or designing infographics. The job-listing site Idealist has an entire section of its Volunteer Resource Center devoted to Online Volunteering, and the group Volunteer Match lists more than six thousand “virtual volunteer opportunities.” The possibilities for volunteering in the digital era are truly limitless and cross every boundary, religion, interest, and ideology.